Breathe You
Copyright © 2018 by Celeste Grande
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Except the original material written by the author, all songs, song titles and lyrics contained in the book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
Cover Designed by:
Sommer Stein of Perfect Pear Creative Covers
Cover Photographer:
Lauren Perry of Perrywinkle Photography
Interior Designed and Formatted by:
Christine Borgford, Type A Formatting
Contents
BREATHE YOU
Dedication
Albert Einstein Quote
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Text Message
Chapter 26
Journal Entry
Text Message
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Journal Entry
Chapter 70
Journal Entry
Chapter 71
Journal Entry
Chapter 72
Journal Entry
Chapter 73
Quote
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Epilogue
Important Information
Excerpt of Promise You Forever
Acknowledgments
Breathe You Playlist
About the Author
To the women who are scared to use their voices, the teenagers who fear the repercussions of speaking up, and the children who question whether or not this evil is normal.
It’s not.
Point your shaking finger.
Find your voice.
Speak your truth.
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”
~ Albert Einstein
Four and a half years earlier
“I THINK YOUR sister is narcoleptic.”
My sister’s boyfriend’s voice broke my train of thought, but any distraction from these incoming freshman assignments for high school was welcomed. I pulled the pen cap from where it was clenched between my teeth.
“Abby fell asleep again?” I sat up straighter on the bed and moved the books off my lap. Cupping my fingers into my neckline, I tugged up, adjusting my shirt that—thanks to late puberty—didn’t quite sit the same anymore.
Damon’s eyes flicked to the swell of my newly blossomed breasts. I squirmed a little, blushing, unsure of how to handle that kind of attention. Deciding to pretend like I didn’t notice, I pressed my palms behind me and leaned back, my legs still crisscrossed in front of me.
Damon walked farther into my room, stretching his arms above his head. “She falls asleep every damn afternoon.”
I rolled my eyes. “So go wake her up.” I laughed through my words.
Damon stood at the foot of my bed, eyeing me—his brown hair tousled and lying lazily over his forehead, his thumb hooked into the belt loop of his khakis. Lately, I had been noticing a change in the way he looked at me—like he was finally seeing me for the first time. I knew he was off limits, but being noticed by someone older—and not in that kid-sister type of way—made my blood pump a little faster.
Damon placed his knee on the edge of the bed before his full weight dipped it down. He picked at the corner of my marble notebook. “It’s okay. I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway.”
My eyebrows knitted together. “Talk to me?” Not that Damon ever ignored me, but he didn’t go out of his way to speak to me, especially not privately.
“Yes, talk to you. Why is that so surprising?” He nudged his shoulder with mine, rocking me to the side. His familiar chocolate-brown eyes smiled along with his lips, reminding me that Damon was almost family, around for as long as I could remember.
“Well, because . . . I don’t know. I’m always forcing you guys to pay attention to me.” My chest swelled a little, feeling as though maybe the hands of time were changing and I would finally be included with him and my sister more.
“Trust me, beautiful, I’ve been paying attention.” He licked his lips, and his smile faltered, bringing a strange sense of insecurity with it which swiped away some of that short-lived pride that I was feeling.
Something in his eyes, or his glance below my neck for the second time, sent warmth to my cheeks. I covered them, not wanting him to see the change in color, and he laughed again.
“You’re cute.” He paused, studying my face some more before sitting up straighter, becoming serious. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I stared at him, totally confused.
He scooted closer to me on the bed, his eyes looking as though he were genuinely worried about something. “You’re starting high school, Eva. A small fish. Sure, Abby and I are there, but we’re upperclassmen. We have important things going on, planning for college and all. We won’t always be there to protect you.” The corner of his lip puckered in sympathy as his eyes softened.
I didn’t need a reminder of what next week would bring. I was dreading walking through those doors, getting knocked off the pedestal I had stood on all last year, being the ‘big fish’ as he called it. Just one more thing to worry about.
I expelled a nervous half-laugh, trying to conceal my budding anxiety. “Protect me? From what?”
Damon merely studie
d me once again, then ignored my question. “You ever been kissed, beautiful?”
He’d been calling me that a lot recently. Last week after Abby had gone inside, he had called me that when he’d kissed me goodbye. He’d misdirected his lips, and they’d landed at the corner of my mouth rather than my cheek. When my breath caught, he’d left them there for a second before he pulled back with a wolfish grin, floating an apology my way.
“Sure,” I scoffed with a wave. “Jace kisses me all the time.”
Damon leaned a little closer. “I know he’s gay, Eva.” His whisper whisked over my flesh, and I sat up straighter, pinpricks erupting along my suddenly sensitized skin. His gaze flicked to my lips before returning to my eyes. “I’m not talking about a best friend’s kiss.”
I didn’t know what his deal was, but I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I swallowed, trying to figure out how to go about this. I knew what he meant, and no, I hadn’t kissed anyone yet, but I wouldn’t admit it. I mean, who went to high school never having been kissed? Losers, that was who. “I know what you’re talking about. I’m not a prude.”
His voice was soft but deliberate. “That’s just it. I think you are.” His eyes dragged up to mine slowly, showcasing humor rather than empathy for his rude statement.
“Real nice, Damon.” I scrunched up my face and reached for my pen.
His hand landed on my knee, and I halted, my eyes following it. He’s acting so strange.
Another nervous laugh escaped my lips as I watched his index finger stroke in a tight circle. He kept touching me in these ways lately—ways that felt so different from before. When we were younger, he would put me in headlocks and rub noogies into my scalp with his knuckles. Lately, his touches were softer, lingered a little longer.
He tilted his head, his face pulled into the center. “I just keep thinking how you’re gonna be around all these older guys now. I don’t want you to be taken advantage of.” He straightened, focusing on my face. “It would kill me to know they were saying things behind your back because you didn’t know what you were doing. Making fun of you.” He preached his truth, speaking to my fears. “Kids can be cruel, Eva.”
My eyes widened. I opened my mouth, then closed it, heat slicing my face with blooming embarrassment. Not wanting to admit to my insecurities, I frowned instead, crossing my arms over my chest. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
The corner of his mouth quirked, a twitch so slight I almost missed it. Softening, he took my wrists and lowered them to my lap, his hands resting on my upper thighs. My gaze fell to the gesture. “I’m just being honest.” He shrugged. “Jeez, Eva—I’ve known you since I can remember. It’s only right I look out for you.”
“I’m sure I’ll be all right.” I shrugged him off, my cheeks glowing with humiliation. I just wanted him to drop this whole topic and get out of my room.
“Really?” He settled closer to me once again and moved his lips to my ear, lowering his voice. “So if I kissed you right now, you would know what to do? How to reciprocate?”
Hot waves flooded my belly, churning and rolling as my heart rate sped to a rapid little tapping beneath my ribs. What the hell is his deal?
“Damon, back off of me.” I laughed, playing off my jitters and nudging him on the shoulder. That didn’t work, though, because it only rocked him back into me, his chuckle landing on my cheek.
“See how immature you are? Playing baby games when I’m trying to be serious?”
I straightened my spine, determined to prove to him that I wasn’t, but he was so close—too close—and I could barely think. “I’m not playing games.”
He sobered. “Then show me.” His face was stoic, as though he was talking about the weather when he spoke the next two words that would change my life. “Kiss me.”
I blinked once, twice, three times. He can’t be serious. When I didn’t respond, he reached over and cleaned a dab of lint from my thigh. He studied my face and moved closer so our knees were touching, then placed his palm on the left side of my leg, leaning into my ear.
“Sometimes friends do favors for other friends, but they don’t ever say anything.” He pulled his head back and stared at my lips. “Get what I’m saying?”
I wanted to say yes. I searched my mind for what he could mean, but I had no clue what he was talking about. He couldn’t possibly be implying . . .
Embarrassed, I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down at my lap, fiddling with my fingers.
“I didn’t think so.” He lifted my chin. “Everyone experiments—uses their closest friend as somewhat of a trial before the real thing. Abby had me, but who do you have? Jace? We all know which way he swings.” He trailed a finger along my jaw. “You need me, beautiful.”
I jerked my chin away, suddenly back in the moment. “Damon, I can’t do that. You’re like my brother.”
His face sharpened, and I thought I might’ve hurt his feelings. I opened my mouth to apologize when his chin lifted, and a nonchalance settled over his features. “I’m not really your brother, Eva.” He rolled his eyes, making me feel small again. When they came back to find me once more, his gaze lacked its usual friendly banter. An irritation bloomed there instead, and a hot film coated my insides.
“And don’t act like I’m ugly or something. You could do far worse.”
I lowered my voice, feeling young and insecure all over again, confusion swarming my brain, clouding my reasoning. “I didn’t say you were ugly, but it’s still kind of gross.” I scrunched up my nose, not understanding why he didn’t get how weird that would be.
Regaining his calm composure, he brushed my lower lip with the pad of his thumb, making the warm heat return, and lowered his voice as his eyes trained on his finger. “I promise, I won’t make it gross. Just enjoy it. Relax. Let me do this for you.” His brown eyes flicked back to mine, and he seemed anxious for my response as he took my chin between his fingers and tipped my head back.
My eyes widened. I was nervous enough about high school. The thought of being laughed at made me feel all hot inside, and not in a good way. “But you’re Abby’s boyfriend.”
He paused. “Then don’t tell her.”
My line of sight snapped up to meet his matter-of-fact tone. His head was cocked to the side, his face unfazed. My forehead puckered, anger crawling up my neck. Abby was my sister. We didn’t have secrets. No way was I going behind her back like this. I scooted away from him.
“It’s just a kiss, Eva.” He rolled his eyes. “Do you really think she’d care about a kiss?” His scoff was enough to label me a baby once again.
Wouldn’t she? I picked at the edges of my hair, my mind reeling with different scenarios. Do I go through with this and see what it was like with someone I trusted? Do I tell Abby? Keep it from her? Damon inched closer again, and anxiety pumped heavy in my veins. He was too close to me, pushing too hard. I needed time to think. Space.
I fidgeted, suddenly able to feel my sister’s absence.
But Damon relaxed once again, peeling back some of the pressure I felt constricting my bed that suddenly felt smaller than a double. A reassuring smile slid across his face. “I was just saying, if it makes you feel better, I’ll agree not to tell her as long as you do.” His eyes sparkled with an excitement I couldn’t quite place before he rushed to add, “I mean, you wouldn’t want to go to school without any experience, would you? And you trust me, right? You know I would never hurt you. It would be our little secret.” He bopped me on the nose as though this were any other run-of-the-mill question.
Suddenly it didn’t feel like such a ludicrous idea. What could be the harm in a kiss? She would never know, and I wouldn’t have to feel like an inexperienced child anymore. Something continued to tug at me, telling me this was wrong, but the bands of constraint that I originally felt at his proposition were loosening. Besides, I believed him. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
“Wha—what do I have to do?” I swallowed, feeling nervous.
The corner of his
mouth hitched into a smirk. “Good girl. First, I need you to say you want it. You want this, right? I’m not forcing you or anything?” He dipped his head and looked up at me, trying to will the correct answer from my lips.
No. Not really. But if everyone does this . . .
I wrapped my finger around one of my curls, toying with it to ease my nerves. Then . . .
I nodded.
His smile widened, distracting me as his hand snaked around my hip, tugging me to him, forcing our noses to nearly collide. “Just don’t forget.” His eyes sparkled, alight with excitement the way a cat regards a mouse. “This is our little secret. I won’t tell anyone you wanted it if you don’t tell anyone it happened.” It was the first time someone’s face had been so close to mine that I could actually smell their breath. His smelled of the grilled cheese sandwich Abby had made him. And cream soda.
My heart rate took off as his gaze dropped to my lips as though he was coveting them. The muscles in my belly sucked in, bringing with it a gulp of air.
What am I doing?
He brought his hand around the back of my neck, securing me so I couldn’t change my mind. Everything became real in an instant, and I was paralyzed, staring into salivating brown eyes.
A protest rose in my throat—my mind changing as a prickly sheath slithered over my skin at having him so close. His eyelids closed just as the first brush of his lips met my own, stealing my objection, and I shivered, noticing each pant that left my dry mouth.
Fairy tales.
Bedtime stories.
From the very beginning, we’re read stories of princes and of love’s first kiss. The meaningful connection and the heartfelt pitter-patter of being swept off your feet and finding your happily ever after. When you picture it, the skip of your heart is coated with anticipation and curiosity. With butterflies and a giddy-anxiousness that rises in a wave and floods in a gentle heat, warming your belly.
This didn’t feel like that.
I had always imagined my first kiss would be special. Beautiful. There was that word again—the irony of it not lost on me.
A dirty sensation crawled over me as he licked my bottom lip—probing, urging mine to part and something inside me triggered, warning bells cautioning me that this was wrong. I tried to relax, will it away, but I just couldn’t concentrate. Not when his squishy, slimy tongue was invading me. It was a weird softness that I wasn’t sure I could get used to, and it was complicated, trying to figure out how to breathe through my nose with someone sharing my air.
Breathe You (Pieces of Broken Book 2) Page 1
