by Loree Lough
Ellen sighed. “Oh, Billie and her paper doilies. Do you know that when she was your age, she made a thousand things out of paper doilies?”
Billie lit the candles on the mantel, and the ones on the buffet, too. The past six years or so, it seemed her mom designed Christmas dinner around a theme, and God help the poor soul at the center of it. Last year, it was the Troy Had Lots of Girlfriends theme, which didn’t sit well with Victoria. The year before that, Frank the Golf Addict took the heat. Todd and Dani bore the brunt of things the year they’d earned The Couple Who Won’t Have Children title. If it was her turn this year, Billie supposed it could be a whole lot worse than 101 Uses for Paper Doilies.
“Did you hear from Troy?” she asked.
“He and Todd and Dani should be here any minute now. And your tree is lovely, too,” Ellen said from the doorway. “Wherever did you get the idea to wrap clear mini lights in white toile?”
Clearly, a rhetorical question, because her mom had already joined Noah and her husband in the living room.
Billie was cracking ice into a plastic tub when Alyssa stepped up beside her.
“When I was little, we had a refrigerator that dropped weird-shaped little ice cubes right into people’s glasses.” She picked up a loose ice chip and popped it into her mouth. “Mommy liked it.”
That day in the hospital, when Noah had bared his soul, he’d said “love you” and “so much.” At the time, Billie hadn’t been sure if he meant her or Jillian or the nurse who swapped his green Jell-O for tapioca pudding. Lately—especially after that kiss the other night—she’d begun to think maybe he had been talking to her, and that he’d meant every word. But Noah had loved Jillian first, and Billie wasn’t at all sure he’d ever love anyone as much.
“Did you know chewing ice is against the dentist’s rules?” Alyssa asked.
Billie walked around the table, dropping ice into stemmed water glasses. “You know, I think I did hear about that one.”
“What kind of things did you make from the doilies, Billie?”
“Let’s see…there were butterflies and ballerinas, birds, clothes for my Barbies….”
“You played with Barbies? Like me?”
Nodding, Billie said, “I sure did. And nothing was too good for my dolls. They had a van, and a Corvette, and a town house with an elevator.”
Ellen came back into the kitchen, laughing. “And little suitcases filled with clothes and shoes and accessories…not counting the doily outfits she made for them.”
“I think I would have liked being your friend when you were a little girl. It sounds like you were nice and fun then, too.”
Nice and fun. If only Chuck could hear that!
The doorbell rang, and Alyssa said, “I bet that’s Troy. Can I answer it?”
On the way to the foyer, Billie remembered Noah’s fevered confession. “That’s okay, sweetie. You’ve worked hard enough for one day.” It wasn’t like O’Malley would come calling on Christmas Eve, she thought, opening the door, but she wasn’t taking any chances where Noah’s little girl was concerned.
“Bud,” she said, “you have a key.”
“I know, but then I wouldn’t get to play with this weird little doorbell of yours.” He gave it a crank, then stepped inside.
“Merry Christmas,” she teased, hugging him. “Dad and Noah are in the living room. Make yourself at home.”
Troy, Todd and Dani arrived right behind him. And after them, Max.
Troy joined her in the kitchen. “Anything I can do to help?”
“Thanks, but everything is ready.”
“Noah’s looking well, don’t you think? I mean, except for that limp, he’s almost good as new.”
It was good to see her brother looking healthy and happy, and she knew Noah’s recovery had a lot to do with it.
“And determined as he is, I doubt he’ll need that cane much longer, either.”
He took a step closer and whispered conspiratorially, “You two—or should I say three—have been spending a lot of time together lately. You planning to make an announcement today?”
“Announcement?” She transferred mashed potatoes from the saucepan to a serving bowl. “What kind of announcement?”
“You know…” He looked left, right, and eyes closed, he puckered up.
Billie dabbed a fingerful of potatoes onto his lips. And handing him the biscuit basket, she said, “Carry that to the table for me, you big nut, and tell everyone dinner’s ready.”
Fifteen minutes later, Billie sat back and looked around the dining room. She’d often wondered why her mom made such a big deal about family get-togethers, but now she understood. Days of cleaning, shopping, cooking and baking were forgotten as steaming sides made the rounds amid laughter and amiable chatter.
She’d never understood the need for a seating chart, either, so it surprised her, once everyone settled where Ellen put them, how right it felt, looking across at Noah. He’d just taken a big bite of ham, and caught her staring. Eyebrows raised, he stopped chewing as a slow smile slanted his mouth.
“Now that everyone has a full plate,” Ellen said, “it’s time to initiate my favorite part of a Landon Christmas Eve dinner. And since some of you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about…Frank? Will you do the honors?”
Billie’s dad put down his fork and cleared his throat. “My Christmas wish,” he began, “is to have the time and good weather for at least one round of golf every week.” He looked at Dani, who sat on his other side. In her typically shy and quiet way, Billie’s sister-in-law wished for good health for everyone, all through the year. Todd looked forward to another profitable year for his accounting firm, and all Troy wanted was to make Jeff glad he’d taken a chance on him.
Max wanted a promotion, and when the family asked what she did for a living, she said, “Next!”
As it happened, that was Bud, who wished Inky would stop darting out of the house every chance he got. “And I wish people would stop parking on the sidewalk in front of my house. Folks have to walk in the street to get around them, and one of these days…” He punched his right fist into his left palm, startling Alyssa, who almost jumped in her chair.
“Why don’t you tell us how you really feel, Bud,” Billie teased. “But I guess it’s my turn, isn’t it?”
Todd chuckled. “You don’t think just because you organized this shindig you get a pass, do you?”
No, she didn’t. Soon after it was decided she’d host this dinner, Billie had started thinking about what she’d say. Not the truth—that she wished peace of mind and safety for Noah and Alyssa—because that would expose them to the exact opposite. She couldn’t wish that what he’d said that day in the hospital really was intended for her, because then she’d have to decide whether to tell him what she knew.
“I wish…” If she looked at Noah, even for a second, she might lose her nerve. “I wish everyone’s wishes come true this year…the ones you’ve shared and the ones you’re holding close to your heart.”
“Oh, honey,” Ellen said, “that’s so sweet!”
While her brothers groaned, Billie chanced a peek at Noah, whose expression told her that he got the message hidden in her wish.
“Alyssa, dear,” Ellen said, “you’re next!”
Giggling, she hid behind her hand and said, “I wish I could open all my presents right after dessert instead of waiting until tomorrow morning!”
When the “Awws” and “Isn’t she cutes” ended, she said, “I’m just kidding. That isn’t my real wish.” She looked at Billie. “My real wish is…that Billie could be my mom.”
Following a drawn-out, uncomfortable pause, Ellen said, “And my wish is…” she leaned forward to look around her husband “…that someone around here will decide to make me a grandmother!”
Relieved laughter lightened the mood…for everyone but Alyssa, who sat quietly staring into her lap.
Billie thought she understood how the poor kid felt. She’d bared her soul, an
d probably expected everyone to agree. If not everyone, at least Billie. Noah had recognized her disappointment, too, as evidenced by his pained expression. It touched her deeply that his father’s heart ached for his little girl.
He cleared his throat, pressed his forearms to the tabletop and said, “Alyssa, I think Billie will be a great mom…when she’s ready. And speaking of ready, are you ready to go?” He softened the blow by adding, “The sooner you get to sleep, the sooner Santa will come with your presents.”
Alyssa’s shoulders sagged and she sank lower in the chair. “Can I have dessert first? I promise to eat fast….”
“Speaking of fast,” Bud injected, “you might think you got away with pulling a fast one, Noah, using your innocent little girl to get out of sharing your wish, but you’re wrong.”
Todd, Troy and Frank voiced their agreement, and put the pressure on to coax Noah’s cooperation.
He nodded, then shook his head, and smiling, said, “My Christmas wish is that no matter where we go or what we do, we’ll never forget each other.”
Billie didn’t hear any of the comments that followed, because as Noah’s gaze fused to hers, she read the unspoken message in his heartfelt little speech: he was thinking about leaving Ellicott City. Something dreadful must have happened to make him consider uprooting Alyssa again. Billie didn’t need to hear details or reasons. Only one thing could raise that kind of desperation.
O’Malley.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
THE DAY AFTER Christmas could be depressing…if she allowed it.
With her parents, brother and sister-in-law on their way back to Philly, the house seemed ghostly quiet and empty, despite the wrapping paper, ribbons, foam electronics protectors and cardboard boxes scattered throughout the first floor. Billie decided to tackle the kitchen first, hoping the rest of the mess would seem less daunting once the hard jobs were behind her.
With the dishwasher humming and pots and pans stacked in the drying rack, she headed for the dining room. She put the furniture back in place and had just finished vacuuming the area rug when the doorbell rang.
“Figured you’d be up to your elbows in cleaning solution,” Troy said when she opened the door, “so I brought lunch.” He held up a brown paper bag and led the way to the kitchen. “How does sushi sound?”
“Like you’re a mind reader.” Billie slapped paper plates and napkins onto the table. “I’ve been thinking about sushi, trying to remember the last time I had it.”
“I made sandwiches that day.”
“Oh. Yeah.” He shook his head. “Will this head of mine ever get back to normal?”
“Of course it will. Just be patient with yourself.”
She grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge. Tough times for Troy. Not as tough as the accident, but traumatic all the same. “But all that’s behind you now.”
He shrugged and unsheathed his chopsticks.
“What does that mean?”
Another shrug.
“Troy! No way. Victoria is back in the picture?”
Using a chopstick, he pointed at his forehead. “This old bean got beat up pretty bad, but I’m not completely brain dead. I remember telling you that she deserves better that I can give her, and nothing has changed.”
Billie sat across from him and helped herself to a California roll.
“Go easy on that wasabi,” he warned. “These guys make it themselves.”
“Quit beating around the bush. Out with it. What has Victoria done?”
“Well, it all started day before Christmas Eve. She called to tell me her grandmother died. I felt like a heel. We’d spent tons of time with the woman, and because of how things ended, Victoria said she didn’t feel like she could call and tell me.”
“Give me a break. It isn’t as if you’re an ogre or anything.”
“In all fairness, I did behave like a lout, there at the end.” He winced. “I yelled. Slammed doors. Even broke a lamp. On purpose.”
“Hey. I didn’t know her nearly as well as you did, and she made me want to throw lamps on a couple of occasions.” Billie snickered. “At her butt.” Billie paused. “But…I sense there’s more….”
“I asked for information, you know, so I could at least send flowers to the funeral home and a card to her mom. She hemmed. And hawed. So I typed her grandmother’s name into the computer. Didn’t find a death notice anywhere. To make a long story short, turns out there was a good reason for that.”
Billie huffed. “No way,” she said again. “Her grandmother didn’t die?”
“She’s happy and healthy, still living on her own in a retirement village.”
“Why would anyone make up a story like that?”
“Who knows why crazy people do anything. But she did me a favor in the long run.”
She failed to see how, and waited to see how her brother would explain that.
“Victoria loves to be the center of attention…unless she looks like a fool. I called her back, thinking once she knew I’d caught her in the lie, it would balance out the way I ended things. That didn’t end the way I thought it would, either.”
“I don’t get it.”
“She read me the riot act. Told me I had a lot of nerve, rubbing her nose in—and I quote—‘the one little mistake’ she made.”
“There had to be more than that. I know you.” Billie dabbed wasabi onto a California roll. “You wouldn’t have ended it if she’d met you halfway.”
“There you go again, giving people the benefit of the doubt.”
It’s what he’d said after Chuck left and refused to acknowledge the pregnancy. She took it to mean Troy had made more than just one mistake in the relationship, too.
“So is it finally over, then?”
Waving a chopstick like a conductor’s baton, he sang the exit song from The Sound of Music.
“Leave it to you,” Billie said, laughing, “to turn a sour note sweet.” She handed him the last shrimp roll. “What did she say when you told her you nearly died?”
“Didn’t tell her. Didn’t see the point. She already thinks I’m a jerk. Why add fuel to the fire by proving it?”
“I don’t get it,” Billie said again.
“If I told her, she’d think I was trying to bury my bad behavior under that sad story. Last thing I want is her pity.”
Billie only nodded.
“Have you seen Noah since Christmas Eve?”
“No. But I’m sure he’s been busy, being Santa and all.”
“Uh-oh. Something tells me your two tickets to paradise got canceled.”
“Paradise. Right.”
“Hey, you know me. What goes in here,” he said, pointing to his left ear, “stays in here.”
She grinned at his self-depreciating joke. “It isn’t that I don’t trust you. It’s just…I had a feeling this would happen if I let myself get too involved.”
“Had a feeling what would happen?”
She thought of the almost kiss, and the one that had been anything but almost. Remembered what Noah had said when the fever weakened his typically steely self-control. Pictured the way he’d looked at her while sharing his Christmas wish…
Troy sat back, crossed both arms over his chest. “If I tell you something, you have to swear you’ll keep it to yourself. You can’t tell anyone. Not Mom or Dad. Not Bud. Especially not Noah…”
In high school, when she’d caught their brother, Todd, sneaking into the house after curfew—drunk—he’d promised never to do it again…if she didn’t snitch on him. She hadn’t told her dad about the speeding ticket and resulting court hearing that her mom hid for years. She’d honored Troy’s request to keep quiet the details of the deal he’d made to sidestep Victoria’s lawsuit threats. If only he knew how well she could keep a secret!
“Couple of times while I was visiting him, Noah let things slip. Little things at first. Like…how would he let you know he wanted more than a business relationship. And then he worried you might reject him
if he ever screwed up the courage to ask you out. Couple days before the accident, he said you deserve better than a guy like him. Said some crazy stuff about baggage. And this morning, he came as close to telling me he loves you as a guy can get.”
Billie didn’t know what to say, or how to feel, especially after learning the reasons for Noah’s sometimes peculiar behavior.
“I didn’t realize you guys spent so much time together. But why are you just now telling me all this?”
“Didn’t think of it until just now, to tell you the truth. But what difference does it make? He sent every signal a guy can send. You’re smart. And intuitive. I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out on your own.” He smirked. “Evidently, you don’t know everything.”
“If that’s the impression I leave you with, I’m embarrassed. And sorry, too.”
“I’m telling you all this because I think if you gave him a sign that you’re interested, he’d eliminate the middleman. Namely, moi.”
She ought to tell him how, on two separate and very different occasions, she’d all but thrown herself at Noah. That would give her brother a good laugh.
“Remember Dave, that guy you dated in high school?”
“How could I forget the guy you ran up the flagpole—literally—because he dumped me two days before prom? You nearly got suspended.”
“And it would have been worth it. Guy’s gotta look out for his kid sister, y’know?”
“I appreciate it. And I love you, too.”
“So anyway, my point is I wouldn’t tell you to…I don’t know, flirt or whatever…if I thought Noah was a bum.” Troy shrugged, then broke into song again. “Nobody better hurt you, or make you cry-y-y….”
“That’s three songs in a row. But at least you have good taste in music.”
They shared a moment of quiet laughter. Then Troy shoved the sushi containers aside and leaned both elbows on the table.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I get the feeling you fell for the guy, weeks ago. So what do you have to lose, letting Noah know?”
