“You didn’t say that last time we talked,” Alexi corrected. “Apparently, I was the problem. Or don’t you remember that?”
“Yes, I did. But that was back in July. Before I saw Seth get all quiet and depressed because he couldn’t see you and then he falls off the roof and you stick your neck out for him. In other words, I changed my mind and Marlene knew that because we talked not three days ago at some stupid interview she had me do about Seth.” She fixed on Marlene, fists on her hips, a slimmer mirror image of Marlene. “Am I right or am I right?”
Now Alexi and Connie were glaring at Marlene, who ignored the question entirely. “You got Matt’s note on you?” she said to Alexi.
Alexi pulled the note from her front pocket. It was already soft from the sweat in her hands and repeated foldings.
Marlene took it from her. “All right, then. Let’s get inside and I’ll read through his files. Again. See if this boy left us some clues. And when we find him, it’s time he got set straight on how love works.”
* * *
ALEXI LEFT MARLENE to do her thing, though every fiber of her being ached to study the files herself. She didn’t trust Marlene to care enough. But it did give her an idea.
She parked at a curb and called her old caseworker, Brenda. Since the cat was out of the bag regarding Matt’s disappearance, Alexi left an explicit voice mail requesting her to work with Marlene to come up with any background info that could help them.
She hadn’t driven five blocks, her attention switching back and forth from one sidewalk to the other for any trace of Matt, when Brenda called back.
“Matt left you?”
Alexi expected censure but all she heard was concern and almost disbelief. “Yes. He left a note. He said that he was running away to give me and the kids a better life.”
“What made him think running away would do that?”
How could she explain how something simple became complicated so fast. “He met a man...” She fumbled. “I...met the same man. I couldn’t adopt Matt and also have this man in our lives.”
“Who said so?”
“I suspected it, and our new caseworker as much as confirmed it.”
“You mentioned Marlene is your new caseworker. Is this Marlene—” She strung out a long unpronounceable name that mirrored what Alexi had seen on the paperwork.
Alexi’s confirmation elicited a loud sigh from Brenda. “Thank God. I was hoping you’d be assigned to her. She’s in your corner, believe me.”
Definitely in Matt’s corner, but hers? “Uh, it doesn’t feel that way. Feels the opposite, actually.”
“Oh, she’s a softie once you get to know her. Listen, I better go here. Please keep me posted.”
Marlene a softie? To kittens and kids, yes, but with Seth and Alexi, she was an attack dog.
There was nothing to do but drive around, which she did. She texted Seth a couple of times. Nothing to report, other than someone thought they’d seen Matt eating at a picnic table by the lake. By the time Paul arrived, whoever it was had moved on.
As the end of the school day approached, Alexi felt her body grow leaden at the thought of telling Bryn and Amy about Matt. She couldn’t bear their questions and their worry, not with parents and children flowing around her, carrying on as if nothing was wrong. Maybe she could let them ride the bus and she’d meet them at home.
But if Bryn and Amy didn’t see their brother on the school bus, they’d panic, and she was not about to have a school bus driver inform her kids that Matt was not riding the bus because no one knew where he was.
The principal must have had the same thought because Alexi got a text when she arrived to say that Bryn and Amy were waiting in her office. The kids were on an oversize couch cozied up with the school’s boss, a petite woman with gray hair and a gray suit, who was twisting purple pipe cleaners into an octopus. On another day, Alexi would’ve been thrilled at the picture the three of them made.
But today, it was enough to muster a faint smile.
Ms. Lever didn’t press it, either. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you or your family.”
The kids started in as soon as Alexi ushered them out of the principal’s office.
“Ms. Lever said Matt was away from school, and that you know more than her,” Amy said. “Where is he?”
Alexi trotted out the only answer she’d been able to come up with. “He’s on a field trip and will be home later.”
That, of course, triggered its own flood of questions which she brought to a grinding halt with, “Kids, I have had one hell of a day. Enough.”
She never cursed. Even now, it felt more like a truth than a curse, and they must’ve sensed that because they immediately fell silent. Even their greeting of Seth was subdued.
It was Callie who destroyed the peace. Telling her first ever story, she wailed, “Matt ran away and Mommy can’t find him anywhere!”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
BRYN AND AMY stared at Alexi, their eyes flooding, exactly like when she’d broken the news about Richard. She dropped to her knees in front of them.
“No, it’s not like that,” she said. “He’ll come back.”
Sobs broke from Amy. “No, he won’t. When he runs away, he doesn’t come back. He told me that.”
Bryn began pacing. Alexi’s breath caught, afraid of what was coming next. “Why did he leave?” Bryn demanded. “We weren’t mean. I shared with him. He didn’t even say goodbye.” With a furious shrugging, he slid his backpack off and began tearing at his jacket. Alexi reached for him, but Bryn wrenched away from her and bolted for the front door.
Seth blocked the entrance, a solid, immovable obstacle. That didn’t stop Bryn from flinging his jacket on the floor and starting to peel off his shirt. “Bryn,” Seth said, “you know the rules. Hang up your jacket. Take your clothes off in your room.”
“But I’m mad,” Bryn said, “and when I’m mad, I take my clothes off wherever I’m mad. That’s the rule.”
“You’re also sad. Where do you take your clothes off when you’re sad?”
“I don’t take my clothes off when I’m sad,” Bryn snapped, and then when he realized what had happened, he scowled at Seth.
Alexi held her breath.
Seth leaned against the door frame, as though the conversation was about Matt on a sleepover.
Still on her knees, Alexi felt her own coiled tension loosen. “This is the truth. Matt is not here. People are looking for him. He will be found. Until then, you both have homework and chores. No different from any other day.”
Bryn studied his jacket and no one moved, except for Amy whose quiet sobs shuddered through her. Then, in a huff, Bryn scooped up his jacket, hung it on the peg and went, as he usually did, into his room to change. Amy, swiping at her tears, followed.
Feeling like an old woman, Alexi slowly stood. “Thank you, Seth.”
He shifted on his crutch and reached for his jackshirt. “It’s what I’m here for.”
His words dug into her, rooted there, unalienable and true. He was here with her because he did not want to be anywhere else. She’d released him from any commitment to her, and yet still he remained. Matt wasn’t even here. Seth could leave with his phone and still help Matt from his own apartment, but he stayed under the roof that caused his father’s death because of her.
He was here for her.
Last night, she’d doubted him, challenged and rejected him.
He was struggling to get the better of his two arms through the sleeve. She moved to his side. “Here,” she said, “let me help you.”
He did. When she could’ve stepped back, her hand lingered against the soft front of his shirt. “I couldn’t get through this without you,” she whispered.
Seth shifted, a slight move away from her touch. “Yeah, you could. You already did once.”
<
br /> Yes, with Richard, and it had nearly broken her. Seth pushed open the door. “Tell the kids I’m outside.”
* * *
MARLENE CALLED DURING SUPPER, her timing as impeccable as always. “I called some of my people, Alexi. Matt hasn’t given us a lot to go on. You know what he took, by chance?”
Deciding what Matt had actually taken and what was just misplaced had been a guessing game, but Alexi had come to a few conclusions. “He probably left with clothes, I don’t know how many or what of. I do know he left with a green baseball cap with the name of Seth’s business—Greene-on-Top. His hoodie. Gray. No lettering. And—” Alexi drew a deep, steadying breath “—pictures. One of him with Richard. Another of him with me and the kids.”
“Huh. None of him and Seth?”
“Those are still on my phone.” Another example of her involvement with Seth but at this point, so what?
“Huh,” she said again. “He said he never wrote a note before, and nothing in his file says he did, either. He ever write one to you before? Like the odd time he bolted?”
“No.”
“That’s what I thought. I’ve got a theory. Tell me what you think.”
Marlene asking for an opinion? Was this her being a softie? “Twice before when he ran away, he just ran,” Marlene said. “No note. He didn’t take anything, either. Except for money, and a good coat and pair of shoes. This time, it’s different.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t think he’s running, so much as he’s wandering.”
“Which means what?”
“I don’t think he’s gone too far. I think he’s waiting to be found.”
“But where? So many people in town have their eyes peeled. Where? Where?” Alexi stopped, knowing she was getting high-pitched, knowing Marlene would not appreciate histrionics.
Marlene’s reply was unusually mild, like a manager with a frustrated customer. “It’s only a matter of time, you’ll see.”
But time was taking its own sweet time. As the evening dragged on, Alexi thought she would shatter from the worry and desperation. Mel came over, apparently just to be with them because he didn’t eat, didn’t talk business. He sat there like in a waiting room.
Bedtime was the worst for Bryn and Amy. Normally she and the four kids roosted on Matt’s bed for story time, before they all drifted to their various beds. Tonight, neither Bryn nor Amy wanted a story on any bed. Callie refused to come upstairs at all, huddling next to Seth on the couch as he scrolled through Facebook.
“Why doesn’t he just call us?” Bryn demanded. “He doesn’t have to tell us where he is. The least he could do is call us so we don’t have to worry.”
“Yeah, this is really rude of him,” Amy said.
“At least with Dad,” Bryn continued, “we knew he was dead.”
“Bryn! Don’t even say that!” Amy reprimanded him.
“All I’m saying is that I don’t know. I don’t know if he’s okay so I don’t have to care, or if he’s dead and then I get to cry. Because I feel like crying and I should only do that if he’s dead. If I do it now that means I think he’s dead, and I don’t want to think that.” Bryn took a long, shaky breath.
Alexi took one herself, and told him what she’d been telling herself every minute since the morning. “He’s alive. And he’s well. We all know Matt. Have faith.”
She ended up snuggling with each of them, and as she started down the stairs, she could hear them whispering together across the hall. Their bedtime conversations were a ritual that Matt had introduced right after Richard had passed. One more way he’d bound the family together.
What would happen to them all if—
No. Don’t go there.
Callie was slumped in sleep against Seth, and she didn’t stir as Alexi transferred her to Seth’s bed.
Seth glanced up from his phone when Alexi returned. “Leave her there tonight. I’m sleeping out here.”
Which meant that she would be sleeping in his bed, too. No, her bed. His and her bed. Alexi took up her current project and glued on an eyeball only to discover that she put on one that was too big. She applied the second one the same size only to discover that it was a different color. She tossed the stuffie aside and stood. She wouldn’t make her deadline and she didn’t care.
Seth jutted his chin at the discarded stuffie. “Here. I’ll do it.” He levered himself up and hobbled over to the table, sitting in her seat. He reached for the glue gun.
“No. I’ll do it. I just—”
He hooked the toy, a gecko mostly, on the end of his crutch and flipped it into his lap. “It needs eyes, I take it?” He picked up a pair from her eye collection. “How about these?”
“They’re red and too small. I’m looking for ones with some green, and the pupil has to be a vertical slit.” Seth began sorting, his large, tanned hands nimble among the small pieces, while Alexi reapplied herself to removing the eyes. He was distracting her, and she let him.
Later, Alexi laid her head on the pillow, expecting Callie to jerk awake at the nighttime disturbance. Instead, she burrowed into her squid stuffie, fitted to her small front, the tentacles hooked over her torso and legs, and slept on. Arms empty and folded neatly on her chest, Alexi stared at the ceiling. Immediately questions buzzed to life. Was Matt someplace safe? Was he warm? Had he eaten something? Why had no one found him if he was close?
Moonlight, pale and bright, cut between the slats on the bedroom window, casting the room in an eerie glow. There was just enough light to make Alexi feel that she should be neither asleep nor awake. She certainly felt as though she were in some kind of altered state.
Was Seth asleep? Part of her yearned to check, just to talk as she’d done with Richard but she’d closed that door when she refused his marriage proposal, albeit his clumsy, flat-footed proposal.
Now Matt was missing, and Seth was still here even though he’d no reason to be. Which meant one thing: she, not Seth, would’ve destroyed their marriage because she couldn’t cope with loss.
She had driven Matt away. She’d made him feel that everything was a choice, and that every choice involved a loss. That was the message he’d heard last night. He’d heard her doubts and fears, her what-ifs and what-abouts.
Well, no more.
She forced herself to stand, walk to the door, open it and cross to the couch. The light on the end table was on but Seth was asleep, his good hand holding his phone to his chest.
She should wake him. No point saying a word, otherwise. She shook him, and his eyes drifted open.
Courage failing her, she glanced away and saw the gecko toy they’d worked on. To it, she whispered, “Seth, no matter what happens with Matt, whether we find him, whether—whatever happens, I want you to know I love you. I love you. And...and if your proposal is still open, I’d...I’d like to accept it.”
Silence.
She stole a look at Seth. His eyes were closed. He must’ve fallen right back to sleep. She didn’t know whether she felt exasperated or relieved.
No need to choose. Both.
And determined. Because, she decided as she walked softly back to her room, if she said it once, she could say it again.
* * *
BY MIDAFTERNOON OF the next day, Matt was still missing, and Seth was borderline crazy. Even though it was Friday, Alexi had let Bryn and Amy stay home, giving her a desperately needed distraction but driving him to distraction.
It frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t help her or the kids other than stay out of their way while they did chores, which was why he’d parked himself out on the porch, putting himself on an endless loop of checking messages, watching social media shares pile up, noting Retweets. The hunt for Matt had gone viral.
His phone sang out. Mel. Probably wanting another update but there was always a chance he had news.
> Nope, just another update.
Mel replied with the same thing he’d said when he’d first heard the news. “The boy’ll show up.”
“You know,” Seth said, “I figure that with the shares, and how many people would’ve told other people, the reach has to be in the thousands by now.”
Mel made a disgusted noise. “Well, of course. You’ve spent the last two years solid helping out people in this town. You don’t think that they’d tap a button for you when you ask? Especially when you aren’t even asking for yourself. You have a whole town behind you. You’re the only one doesn’t know that.”
A whole town behind him and no Matt to show for it. His gut was sore with worry and frustration. It didn’t help to be so close to Alexi and not able to do anything for her. She looked as if she hadn’t slept a wink last night. He’d fallen into a dead sleep until three in the morning, then had checked messages again and again until the kids woke, even though he knew the police would be in touch if there was any real news. Good or bad.
An unknown number came up on his phone. At any other time, he’d let it go to voice mail. Not today. It was Melanie Lever, the school principal. “I have a friend. He’s the station manager at Centre. Do you know it?”
It was the local station in the region for weather and news. Greene-on-Top had run a modest advertising campaign with it four years ago, and their jobs shot, well, through the roof.
“I spoke with Paul,” Melanie continued, “and they’re setting up a time for a news conference. Do you think Alexi could make a statement?”
Seth frowned. “Why are you asking me?”
There was the slightest pause on the other end. “Usually, in these situations, there is someone close to the family who vets the calls. From your involvement on Facebook and from what Paul told me, I understood you were that person. Am I correct?”
Someone close to the family. That was who everyone assumed him to be. He straightened. “Yes, you’re correct.”
A Roof Over Their Heads Page 21
