“I know. It’s ridiculous.” She looked up and there were tears in her eyes again. “I just…Is it so wrong that I want you to think I’m a superhero? I mean, you’re perfect! You’re gorgeous and brilliant and funny and passionate and so confident. I just wanted to live up to you.”
“I’m not perfect. Not even close.”
“To me you are.”
Alison dropped her forehead against Jess’s. “You’re sweet, but absolutely nuts.” After a moment, she said, hesitantly, “How about…how about instead of trying to be a superhero, you just try to be Jess?”
“I think I can give that a shot. If you try to be a little less perfect.”
“I think I can do that, but listen, it’s going to take a lot of work. I’ve been caught up in my own world for a long time. I didn’t really see what that meant until Beth said some things. Are you sure you’re up for it? Up for dealing with me?”
“Yeah, I think I am. I love you, Ali.”
“I love you, Jess.”
Epilogue
“Okay, I know this isn’t easy. I need you to breathe. Just breathe through the pain, can you do that for me?”
“It hurts! Aaghh!”
Jess checked her watch. “You’re doing great. Just remember your breathing.”
The pain subsided and she fell back against the pillow, her breath coming in labored gasps and her eyes closed.
“Great job! You’re a champ. The contractions are coming closer now, so we’re almost through this.”
In what felt like no time at all, the pain was back and it was excruciating. She screamed to gain even the slightest relief. She could hear her teeth grinding together as the wave passed again, leaving her breathless and panting. “Jess, I’m scared.”
“I know, but there’s nothing to be scared about. You’re doing great. The baby is just fine. Your breathing is great. Your pulse is fast but that’s perfectly normal at this stage. You’re in good hands here. Just make sure you don’t push quite yet. We need to make sure of the baby’s positioning in relation to the birth canal and do a final measurement of…”
“Jess! I need you to be my wife right now, not my doctor.”
She looked over at Alison for the first time and saw the fear in her eyes. It was so palpable her heart shuddered. She yanked the steering wheel hard to the right and pulled up to the curb, ignoring the horns blaring behind her as she threw the car into park. She took Alison’s hands in both of hers and held them, one at a time, to her lips. She kissed each knuckle, watching the lines of worry around her wife’s eyes lessen with each touch of her lips. When she kissed the last knuckle, she held Alison’s hands close to her heart and looked up with a half smile.
There was a distinctly different tone to her voice when she said, “You’re in good hands, Ali. I’m going to take care of you from this day to the last.” Alison’s shoulders relaxed. “I’ll hold your hand when you’re strong and hold you up when you’re weak.” She was quoting the vows she’d read to Ali on their wedding day, and the light sparkled in her eyes the same way it had then. “I will hold you when you cry and when you laugh, and I’ll do my best to make sure there is more laughter than tears. You will always be the number one priority in my life. I’ll give you space and time, but I’ll never give you up. I’ll be your biggest fan and your second best friend. I’ll…”
Alison pushed herself awkwardly forward and pulled Jess into a heated kiss. If they hadn’t been in a cramped SUV with people on the sidewalks all around them, she would have thrown the old pillow out from behind her back and dragged Jess on top of her, even with her swollen belly in the way. Instead, she held her wife close in a deep, promising kiss. It ended in a scream as another contraction rocked her.
Jess jumped back in surprise. “Hospital! Right! Hold on, baby.” She looked down at the massive bump of her wife’s belly. “You hold on, too, baby.”
She gunned the engine and just caught the tail end of a green light, leaving twin S-shaped skid marks behind her. Alison’s knuckles were white on the door handle, both from pain and fear of Jess’s driving.
* * *
Jess paced back and forth endlessly. She counted her steps. Seven steps to the right brought her to the end of the hallway. She spun on her heel and took seven steps back until she reached the edge of the neighboring patient’s door. Four more to the closed door to Alison’s room. Check her watch. Spin on her heel and eleven steps back to the end of the hall. Spin, step, check watch, spin, step, spin, watch, spin, step, spin, angry muttering.
Every time she neared the stranger’s door, the woman inside would shoot her a curious look. Jess ignored her and paced. Ignore, spin, step, spin, step, watch, ignore, spin, step. The woman’s look became less curious and more annoyed. Spin, step, spin, step, watch, ignore, spin, step.
The sound of scurrying feet from down the hall broke her rhythm. She looked up just in time to see Stephen hurry around the corner, the tread of his tennis shoes squeaking on the waxed floor. A little girl with bushy pigtails was balanced on his hip. He was pulling Beth behind him, their linked hands stretched as far as they could go, Beth trying gamely to keep up in a power suit with a pencil skirt and four-inch heels.
Stephen looked like he might throw up at any moment: sweat stood out plainly on his brow and he was pale as a ghost. The panic in Beth’s eyes made her look like a wounded deer. The only one of the trio who appeared to be having a good time was their daughter. She had a construction paper replica of a graduation cap perched between her pigtails and a certificate waving in her hand that read Kindergarten Graduate!
“Hey! Sorry!” Beth shouted down the hall the minute she saw Jess. “Sorry! We got held up.”
“I graduated!”
The joy on the toddler’s face was enough to smooth over Jess’s irritation. “Congratulations, Little Bit!”
Beth grabbed Jess’s hand with clammy palms. “Is she okay? What’s wrong? Is everything okay? What happened?”
“Everything’s fine.”
“What’s wrong with Auntie Ali?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Little Bit. Remember what your mom and dad told you about Aunt Ali and the special doctor?”
She nodded importantly, her little paper cap bobbing. “Mommy and Daddy made a baby and put it in Auntie Ali’s belly to get big and strong so I can have a little brother or a little sister. I really want a little brother though, so that’s what Auntie Ali made.” She grinned wide, showing several gaps between tiny Chiclet teeth. “She’s a sherbet!”
Jess raised an eyebrow at Stephen, who adjusted the little girl higher on his hip. He shrugged and said, “Surrogate is a really hard word. Plus, she likes rainbow sherbet.”
“Aunt Jess, can I have some rainbow sherbet?”
Beth patted her back. She wasn’t really paying attention and patted a little too hard. “Not right now, sweetheart.”
Rachel turned to stick out her bottom lip at her mother.
“That’s right! She’s been carrying your brother around for your parents while he grows up big enough to come out and meet you. Now he’s all done.” She turned her attention back to Beth and Stephen. “Are you ready to meet your son?”
Beth barely managed to capture a little sob before it escaped her throat. She nodded and grabbed her husband’s arm. He didn’t even try to hold back his tears, they slid down his cheeks and rolled off his chin onto Rachel’s lavender dress.
Jess turned, but Beth grabbed her arm. “Wait!”
“What?”
Stephen looked at her. “What’s wrong, babe?”
“Nothing.” Beth swallowed. Her fingers bit into Jess’s bicep. “What…what color is the wallpaper?”
“What?”
Beth shook her head and a single, fat tear fell from her eyes as she closed them. “In Ali’s room. What color is the wallpaper?”
Stephen adjusted Rachel on his hip. “Beth, honey, we can just go inside and…”
“No! Just…” She looked back at Jess, whose heart broke at
the yearning in her eyes. “Please tell me what color it is.”
“Green.” She put her hand over Beth’s and the grip relaxed to something less painful. “It’s not wallpaper. Just paint. Kind of a mint green I guess.”
“Green.”
Rachel started picking at one of the fabric flowers on the front of her dress.
Beth gave a watery smile. “Green. The rooms in Labor and Delivery are green.”
She let go of Jess’s arm, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles on her blazer. Jess waited another moment before asking, “Ready?”
Beth and Stephen both nodded.
Jess opened the door. She stood back and let the family go in ahead of her. Alison lay on the bed, a bundle in her arms with a tiny fist protruding from it. The others rushed in, but Jess stayed in the doorway, her eyes fixed on the glowing face of her wife. They had met in this very hospital, just one floor below where she lay now. Her face was puffy and she looked tired, but, as she handed her best friend the baby boy she hadn’t been able to carry herself, Jess remembered the way she looked that day. The light in her eye was the same as it was now, but everything they had been through together, from a chance meeting at a bar to the day they said “I do,” made the light shine all the brighter.
All the emotions that had been building in Jess since they arrived in the Labor and Delivery unit just a few short hours ago swelled impossibly high. They swept her up and carried her away. Alison turned and smiled at her, and the whole world stood still.
Bella Books, Inc.
Women. Books. Even Better Together.
P.O. Box 10543
Tallahassee, FL 32302
Phone: 800-729-4992
www.bellabooks.com
Visiting Hours Page 21
