by M. Malone
Would Lucia look at him with those trusting eyes if she knew how many lives he’d taken? Could she hold him close at night knowing that she was nurturing a man who could torture another without losing a wink of sleep? As a young boy, Noah had learned that the parents he adored had died, and since then he hadn’t had the luxury of emotions or weakness. He’d never even wanted them because in his world, staying alive was the difference between caring too much or not at all.
All this self-reflection wasn’t changing a thing. He’d fucked up by getting involved with Lucia. She’d be angry with him for a while, rightfully so, but that didn’t change his conviction to protect her. All he could hope was that he hadn’t hurt her too much.
The look of trust in her eyes flashed through his mind again. Then Noah sat straight up as something occurred to him. Something he hadn’t thought of this entire time and should have.
Lucia was a sweet girl. Shy. Quiet. For years, she’d lived under her grandmother’s roof, and for years after that he’d scared off any guy who tried to get close to her. Noah prided himself on his attention to detail, so the fact that he could have missed something so monumental was unbelievable. But all the signs were there, plain as day.
“She is never going to forgive this.” He dropped his head into his hands.
How the hell had he missed the fact that she was a virgin?
chapter twelve
Yeah okay, Noah knew he had fucked up.
After Jonas had read him the riot act, he’d had hours for regret to come crashing down on him. How the hell had he not known? Because it felt too good. His brain ever-so-helpfully offered up images of Lucia, head thrown back in ecstasy. Her perfect tits on display for him. With amazing clarity of detail, he recalled everything from her scent, to her taste, to the softest patch of skin just behind her knee.
You took advantage. Had he? Fuck, had he hurt her? She’d been tight. So damn tight. She’d stiffened as he sank into her. In his defense though, she had begged him to keep going. She’d dug her fingernails into his flesh and raised her hips and—yeah—he’d kept going. He’d lost track of the number of times she’d come around his fingers, his tongue, his cock.
His dick twitched inside his jeans. Down soldier. No more of that. He had to figure out how the hell to apologize. That shit was never supposed to happen. One moment, she’d been so sad, hurting. The next, he’d been kissing her. And once he had his lips on hers, there was no going back. She’d given him everything, and like an asshole, he’d taken. And then left her. You are a douche waffle.
Shit, even Dylan gave him major side eye when he showed up to Lucia’s apartment. There was no doubt in Noah’s mind that he’d have a lot of groveling to do later. He cleared his throat. "Any movement?"
Dylan shook his head. “I relieved Oskar about an hour ago. Right now, she's got her best friend in there.” Dylan shifted on his feet and slid his gaze away. “Honestly, dude, if I were you, I'd maybe leave me in my post for a while. Send Jonas, send anyone. But don't go in there alone."
Yeah, okay, he deserved that. He’d been a prick. She had every right to be pissed at him. And his men had a right to give him dirty looks. They all loved her too. Wait, love? No, he loved her like a sister. Then apparently he was from Hicksville, because that shit last night was far from sisterly.
There went his brain again, with all that helpful imagery. Lucia arching her body into his. Lucia calling his name. Lucia with her hands in his hair as he licked her. He wanted her again. Hell, he’d wanted her before he woke up this morning, with her body pressed tightly to his.
He wanted her now. Only difference was now, she very likely wasn't going to want him. Which was fine, because he didn't deserve to touch her anyway.
He took her virginity, and then he walked out on her. Who the hell did that? Something cold and slithery curled up in his gut. The real question was how the hell had he not known? All the signs were there. She’d looked worried, asked if she was doing things right.
And fuck, if he was being honest, he had pretty much ruined any chance she’d ever had at a real relationship. Usually before the guys got anywhere close enough to her to get her naked. And instead of some nice guy who was all gentle and kind, she’d gotten him for her first time. The way he’d touched her? How demanding he’d been? Yeah, he should kick his own ass.
"Thanks for the advice, but I got this." Noah nodded at Dylan then drew in a deep breath and pushed open the door to find JJ and Lucia on the couch, empty tubs of ice cream in front of them, and liquor. Empty bottles of liquor.
Oh shit. Things were going to get ugly, fast. He needed to diffuse as quickly as he could. "Hey JJ, can I talk to Lucia for a minute?"
From the couch, JJ raised a brow. Then she said something to Lucia, who wouldn't even look at him. When JJ pushed herself up to full height and strode over to the door, Noah had no choice but to consider his weapon options. She was small, but he knew the look of murder in someone’s eyes.
When she reached him, she placed her hands on her hips, legs akimbo. "You are a grade-A asshole. You know that? For years, I have encouraged her. Because like a fool, I believed you cared about her. But now? You've proven you're just like the other douchebags in the world. You hurt my best friend. You only live right now because I allow it. And I only allow it because she won't let me kill you. And that’s only because she's afraid I'll go to jail." She chuckled. “Little does she know I’d be running the joint within a week.”
His lips twitched. He wanted to smile. But he knew that was not the right response. JJ was taller than Lucia. All blond hair and big blue eyes. She was cute. He also completely believed that she could run any prison in this country. She radiated Valley girl cheerleader but was tough as nails. She didn't fuck around. Especially not when it came to her best friend and her feelings.
"JJ, if you just let me speak to Lucia —"
"No, asswipe. You do not get to speak to Lucia. Because not only did you abandon her after you two fucked like rabbits— my term, not hers—you put a goddamned armed guard at her door who won't let her leave. Asshole is calling it detaining. I call it kidnapping. Not sure, but it doesn't matter because all of this is against her will. Which means I'm about to call every lawyer in the city, and you are going to have your license for security, or whatever the hell it is that you do, revoked. Do I make myself clear?"
Noah was losing patience quickly. He needed to get Lucia on the same page right the fuck now. He didn't have time to explain to JJ how this was none of her goddamn business. See, right there? That's what makes an asshole. Remember what Jonas said?
Noah forced himself to take a deep breath and to use a gentle tone of voice. This wasn't JJ's fault. This was his fault. "What I'm trying to tell you is that I’d like to apologize to Lucia. An apology works better if I can be sincere and private."
JJ’s brows popped up. And her lips formed a small oh. “Okay, fine. You can apologize or whatever. But I'll be waiting right here when you're done. If she finds it lacking in any way, your ass is mine.”
She punctuated that last statement with a pointy-fingered jab to his chest. And while Noah knew he was bigger than her, he had a sudden fear for his balls.
"Lucia, can I see you in the bedroom please?" He didn't even wait for her, instead marching ahead straight to her room. He hoped she’d follow, because if not, he'd go out there and make her follow. No. Remember, finesse. The way he’d been doing things had gotten him where he was now.
The problem with meeting in the bedroom was that it still smelled faintly of sex. And of Lucia. Her perfume, her body oil, her shampoo. And there was still evidence of all the things he’d done to her last night, including the twisted, tangled sheets and comforter on the floor. She’d left the bedroom untouched from the morning, which was unusual. She usually liked things neat and tidy. She would've made the bed and changed the sheets. This wasn’t her.
When she walked into the bedroom, her face was a placid mask showing zero emotion. "What do you want, Noah?"<
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He started to speak but then couldn’t find the words, and his shoulders sagged. "Lucia, I would never have left you if I could've helped it. You have to know that."
She crossed her arms. "What I know is that I woke up and you were gone. That's not your fault. It's my fault. I don't know why, but somehow I trusted that you would be there when I woke up. I trusted that I wasn’t just anyone in the legion of women you’ve slept with. You see, I’d convinced myself that last night was something. And that is my fault. Instead of waking up with me to pick up where we left off, or hell, just to do the grown-up, mature thing, you sent me Dylan. Which caused all kinds of feelings I can't even explain, but demoralizing comes to the top of my mind."
Noah strode right up to her. But she held her ground and tilted her chin up at him. "Lucia, I'm sorry. That is not how I wanted everything to go down. Especially not for your first time." Noah frowned. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Lucia winced as if she'd been slapped. "You could tell?"
Fuck. And now she felt like shit because she thought he’d known all along she was a novice. He ran his hands through his hair. "No. I couldn't tell. Which is why I wasn't more —" He searched for the right words and finally settled on, "Gentle. If I’d known—” He stopped short and started again. “That's something you should tell a guy. I would've taken more time. Or something. Shit, I wasn’t supposed to be your first, Lucia."
She glared at him. "Well, it's too late for that now, isn’t it?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She rocked back on her heels, allowing her anger to give way to hurt for the first time. "Because you would have stopped. And I, like an idiot, thought you were what I wanted. But you're not."
Noah stared at her. She was lying. She may be pissed at him, but her pupils were dilated. And her nipples were tight. He could see them clearly through her thin T-shirt. He forced his eyes to hers. "No, sweetheart. You do want me. At least your body does. But I'm inclined to agree with you. Last night never should have happened."
"Oh that would be convenient for you wouldn't it, Noah? You were as much a part of last night as I was. You need to deal with me now. I'm not just Rafe’s little sister anymore. You slept with me. You don't get to pretend it never happened."
"You think that's what I want? You're wrong.” He leaned close, careful not to touch her. He kept his voice low and guttural. “What I want is to drag you back into that bed and rip that T-shirt off of your body because you should never be covered. I also want to bury myself so deep inside you that you don't walk again for a month.” He forced himself to pull back. “But that's not what I'm going to do. Because right now there are bigger things at play. Your life is in danger. And not just some unknown, ephemeral danger either. I got a call from an old associate last night. Someone is trying to kill you. So until I can figure out who that is or what they want, you're keeping your armed guard. Sometimes two or three. I will put the whole damn firm on you if I have to, but I will keep you safe."
"You know, I'm so sick of you saying things like that to me. Rafe used to do that, too. Keep me safe from whom? Who is this old associate that you know? How do you know him? How is it that a guy who owns a security firm knows when someone's trying to kill me?"
"I can't answer those questions for you. You have to trust me."
"Trust you? After you walked out on me? Yeah, good luck with that."
Her scent filled his nostrils and made him dizzy. "You don't like me very much right now. And I understand why. Shit, I don’t like myself right now. Considering I didn't have the pertinent information that I needed, I didn't know how badly this morning would affect you. All you need to know is that I didn't do it to reject you. I didn't do it because I didn't want you. I did it because I needed to get working on keeping you safe. If you don't like it, I get it. But the truth still stands. Someone's trying to hurt you, and I'm the only thing standing in their way. No way am I letting anything happen to you. Not on my watch. So for the time being, my guys stay on you like glue."
She was having none of it. "Oh yeah? Does that mean you too?"
"Of course. I'll be sticking closer than any of the others. I shouldn't have touched you. But it's too late for that now, because now that I have, I'm not stopping. So I'm going to stay close until you realize you want me to keep touching you. And while we’re at it, you're not going to that fashion show thing."
Lucia gave him a wide smile and his balls shrank up inside of him. "That's super cute, Noah. But I'm going. And if you try to stop me, I will become the biggest pain in the ass you've ever met in your life. My job, my life, is important to me. You want to be the one who protects me. I might not be able to do anything about that, but I can make your life hell. So work fast to figure out who wants to hurt me, and follow me if you have to, but if you think I'm letting you come anywhere near me —"
He shouldn't have done it. He really shouldn't. But there was something about fighting with Lucia that made his blood burn. He dragged her to him and kissed her soundly on the mouth, letting all the frustration of this morning and the revelation that last night had been her first time pour into that kiss.
When he released her, she staggered backwards. "You make my life difficult—I can do the same. If your fashion show is so important, fine, you'll go. But with all of us in tow. I'll be back tonight. I'm on watch duty."
"Send Matthias." She called out after him.
As he turned the doorknob, Noah turned to look at her and gave her an evil grin. "Matthias isn’t getting anywhere near you in your T-shirt and panties. I'm the only one who's going to be that close to you."
With that, Noah stormed out, leaving JJ on the couch with a confused look on her face. He barely grumbled a goodbye to Dylan as he left.
Noah hadn't been kidding about the extra detail. This morning, it was Jonas and Dylan. At noon, that had switched over to Ryan and Oskar. She had a feeling that tonight when she left the office, Matthias would be joining her in a private car. With this small team, there was no way he could keep this up forever.
So far they'd been discreet. They only stopped her from taking the subway like she usually did and insisted on driving her to work instead. To her chagrin, somehow each of them had managed to get a shift as a security guard at her building. So there was one guy upstairs on her floor by the main entrance. How Noah had gotten that approved by Adriana, she’d never know. And there was one guy guarding the front. She didn’t know how they managed to pull that off either, and she wasn’t going ask.
One day, if she ever decided she was talking to Noah again, she'd ask him. But for right now she was too irritated. Too pissed off.
Luckily, Adriana strolled by her desk and dropped off FedEx parcels to be taken downstairs. At least it gave her something mindless to do. With fashion week so close, much of Lucia’s work was frantic and repetitive, and she felt like she was running in circles. She hated always feeling like she was behind, or would forget something. But this, taking packages down to messenger out, this she could do. Simple, mindless. And she didn't have to think about people trying to hurt her, or Noah, or the fact that she freaking missed him. Which was just wrong and unfair.
She nodded at Ryan when she passed the security barrier and made a left toward the FedEx window in the building. She wondered if she could even make it out the door without Ryan seeing her and notifying his partner. But there was no way. The front doors could easily be seen, and no one was getting upstairs without a pass. They’d probably tapped into the building’s cameras, as well. Which was just damn perfect.
Lucia dropped off the packages and turned back toward the stairs when she gasped. Someone was waiting just to the left, in the doorway. "Brent?" She shifted her glance over to the guard desk. While she had a clear view of Ryan, he couldn’t necessarily see her that well. Or who she was talking to. "What are you doing here?"
Brent ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I’ve— I've been wanting to call."
She sagged. "I meant to call too. I'm so sor
ry about what happened with Noah. Just look at him like an over protective adopted brother or something. He's pretty much always an asshole. Even to me."
He nervously shifted on his feet. "Lucia look, I know when you came by the office and asked for information, you said you were looking for something to help someone in your family. And I wanted to help you. I did."
She frowned. "But you did help me." Not that she was going to use that information any more.
"That's just the thing. I gave you enough information that was true, but there's some falsified material in there, as well." He pulled an envelope from his coat. "This is the real information.”
She glanced at the manila envelope. “I don’t understand.”
“I shouldn’t be here giving this to you. But look, when I moved to the city, I was desperate. When I got that job at the records office, some guy offered to pay me a shit ton of money just to make sure that no one ever got their hands on these particular records, and I didn't think anything of it. Well, I did, but it seemed harmless at the time. And then you came looking. And I did what I was supposed to do; give you the wrong information and send you on your way. But I made the mistake of asking you out. You were just so pretty."
“What are you saying?"
He sighed. "I'm saying that I was paid to notify them if anyone ever came looking. The day you first came and asked, I notified them. But once I got to know you a little and we went out, I liked you. I can’t lie to you anymore. You seemed really sincere about why you wanted the information. I’m not sure what you're looking for, but a couple of days ago I noticed some guys following me. So, this information must be important. I’m going to head out of town, but I didn't feel good about you not having what you needed."
"You’re being followed?" She wondered if that was Noah's guys. But with such a small team, how could they possibly do their jobs, watch her, and follow Brent? Besides, it made no sense. "Brent look, if you’ll just come with me…Noah— he's an asshole, but he'll help. This is important."
