‘You leave England a princess to enter Scotland a queen,’ said my little sister, Mary, squeezing my hands as I bid farewell at Richmond.
I blinked back tears as I took the little girl in my arms, wondering when I would see her again. I drew back, stroking her golden hair from her face. What was her fate, then? What kingdom would she be sent to? Would any of us who shared the nursery together see each other again?
I left her with a kiss, that I might promenade in the gardens alone with Henry arm in arm in an effort to extend my farewell as long as I could.
‘Are you afraid, Henry?’ I asked him in soft tones.
Henry laughed. ‘Afraid of what, Sister?’
‘Of being king,’ I finished with a sigh.
He stopped walking. ‘I suppose I am.’ ‘I want people to respect me and fear me,’ he said, then in softer tones added, ‘but I want them to like me, too. Are you afraid, Margaret?’
I nodded. ‘I know it isn’t the same as it is for you; I am the consort and not the ruler of the people. But I will be so far away from you and from everyone I love. I will feel so left out. Mayhap I will not get to attend your wedding or Mary’s … Sometimes letters do not seem as though they will be enough.’
‘They will have to be,’ Henry told me. He turned toward me, taking my hands in his. He was truly a promising lad, I realised then, putting aside previous rivalry and prejudices. Perhaps he hadn’t been as cold as I’d thought. His blue eyes shone with nothing but sincerity now.
‘Just remember I am your brother,’ he told me. ‘I will always protect you. And when you are afraid, remember this moment. Come to this very spot in your mind and I will be here to hold your hands. Kings never rest, nor do their queens, yet even God had a seventh day.’ He laughed, squeezing my hands in his. ‘So let this be our seventh day,’ he said. ‘Whenever you are afraid or it is all too much to bear, take your seventh day in your mind, and we will all be together again. It will give you strength.’
I reached out, stroking his cheek. It was a lovely thought to hold on to. ‘I am sorry if I was ever mean to you, Henry,’ I was compelled to say.
Henry laughed. ‘I can take it,’ he said. ‘What kind of prince would I be were I not able to handle the women in my life!’
I laughed in turn as he took me in his arms before we made our way back to the rest of the party.
‘Farewell, Sister,’ Henry said when we reached the assemblage. ‘Hold your own against those barbarians!’
Princess Catherine of Aragon laughed at this. ‘Now, Your Highness, you must not scare her,’ she admonished in her gentle tone as we embraced. ‘May God bless and keep Your Grace.’
I was still unused to the title almost two years later and it caused me to start. I offered a swift smile, turning quickly so the ensemble did not see my tears as I was assisted into my splendid litter, trying to focus on the pageantry of the affair rather than the poignancy.
Farewell, dear siblings …
My ladies surrounded me once in the litter, a gaggle of laughing, gossiping girls, and I was rejuvenated at the prospect of making such a grand progress throughout the country.
‘We are all with you, Your Grace,’ said my aunty Anne Howard. Her whimsical nature was so reminiscent of her sister – my mother – that my heart surged with tenderness for the soft-spoken gentlewoman. ‘We will carry you all the way to Scotland; our love will carry you further still.’
I pressed her hand. ‘Thank you, my lady,’ I told her. I pursed my lips, swallowing the painful lump in my throat. ‘Oh, Aunty,’ I added, breaking protocol. ‘Do you think that love is as the poets say?’
‘In what regard?’ asked Aunty Anne.
‘In that it can overcome anything, distance, anger … death,’ I added in soft tones.
Aunty Anne wrapped her arm about my shoulders, drawing me near. ‘I believe it can, Your Grace. All my life I have lost – from my dear little brothers in the tower to my own child, my baby Henry …’ She blinked several times.
‘Oh, Aunty, are we all fated to lose?’ I asked, desperation seizing me as I gripped my empty womb, terrified that its crop would yield as tragic as that of those around me. ‘Sometimes I fear we are all stalked by death, as if it were some ravenous hawk, swooping down on us from above, and we never see it coming …’ Like with Arthur, I thought to myself, sweet, scholarly Arthur who should have been … should have been … I shook the should-have-beens away, trying to draw myself from what might have been to the present dilemma.
Aunty Anne’s nod was grave. ‘Yes. We are human beings and our lot is to lose. The sooner we accept what cannot be changed or controlled the happier we will be. And as compensation for our losses God gives us in turn the ability to love and be loved. It is that which sustains us. It is that which sustains me.’ She offered a gentle smile filled with triumph. ‘And it will sustain you, too.’
‘You speak as my mother would,’ I observed in tremulous tones. For her words she was forever endeared to me. I favoured her with a bright smile, determined to lighten the mood. I turned to seek out her husband, Lord Thomas Howard, who sat his charger looking altogether dark and terrifying. ‘Why, he’s so fierce!’ I cried to my aunt.
She laughed. ‘My fierce knight,’ she said. ‘And yet when we are alone you should see him … there is none gentler.’ She lowered her eyes. ‘I loved him from the first time I saw him. I was but a girl just your age.’ She yielded to another of her whimsical smiles. ‘I pray it is so with you and His Grace, King James.’
I lay back among the plush velvet cushions and tried to envision the King of Scots, thirty years old to my thirteen. He was said to be a lover of women … oh, I was terrified! What if he thought my form too childish? Surely he had loved many a beautiful, buxom maid … but I was no mere maid. I was a queen and his rightful wife. He would love me as he loved no other.
And so with those thoughts to keep my restless mind active, I departed for my new home, filled with eagerness, excitement, and something like hope.
The first four days of the progress were not unlike any other progress we had made in years past. The distinct difference was that this was a constant celebration and all in my honour. The country and its people were vibrant, rosy, and infused with summer as they rushed out of their homes to greet my entourage. Children sang my praises, pageants were performed, and I was showered with gifts of fruit, sweet wine and beer, little cakes, and trinkets from children, which I cherished most of all.
It all changed at my grandmother’s home of Collyweston, however. Father’s journey would end there; he was as far from his royal residence as he could go and the rest of the progress would be spent in the keeping of Aunty Anne’s father-in-law, the Earl of Surrey.
‘Can’t he go a little further?’ I asked my grandmother as we prayed in her apartments the evening before I was to leave Collyweston.
Grandmother shook her head. ‘He has his obligations, Your Grace, just as you have yours.’ Despite the sombre words, I found myself revelling in the fact that she must defer to me as ‘Your Grace’ and no longer as ‘that impetuous girl.’
I was certain to make the most of it whenever in her company. But looking at her at that moment I was struck with the same fancy as when beholding my sister and brother at Richmond: When would I see her again? For all her sternness and strict religious observance she was the grandmother who oversaw my upbringing with tireless devotion. I was overcome with a wave of tenderness for her and reached out to take her thin hand in mine.
For the first time in memory, Grandmother softened, stroking my thumb a moment with her cool finger before extracting the hand. ‘Come now, I shall see Your Grace to bed,’ she said, her low voice gentle as she brushed through my coppery hair, then helped me dress. I slid into the large canopied bed, drawing the blankets to my neck despite the warm summer breeze that came in through the window.
Grandmother smiled down upon me. ‘Make us proud, Queen Margaret,’ she ordered as she leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. �
��Good night.’
When she exited, I fixed my eyes on the window, on the full moon that reigned over its court of glimmering stars. Did King James even then behold the same moon as I? Did he wonder after his bride; did he long for her? Or did his gut lurch with dread at the thought of having to marry me for the sake of the alliance? My own stomach churned. The moon became a blur.
At once I heard the creak of my door and sat bolt upright. ‘Who dares enter Our chambers unannounced?’
Soft male chuckling. My heart pounded. A taper was lit to reveal my father standing there in all his majesty, his stern face softened with a smile. ‘Haughty as a Tudor queen, no less,’ he commented as he approached to sit on my bed.
I hugged my knees to my chest. ‘Forgive me—’
He waved a hand in dismissal. ‘Nonsense, it was quite the right response.’ He set the taper on my bedside table. ‘Your Grace,’ he began, then lowered his eyes. ‘Margot …’ Tears caught in my throat at the use of the pet name he alone had used. ‘Tomorrow we must say farewell in the formal capacity before the court.’ He reached out, cupping my cheek in his large hand. ‘And so for this night we shall put aside our sceptres and face each other as father and daughter.’
My lip quivered. Tears began their course down my cheeks; it was a slow progress. Father stroked them away with his thumb.
‘I would like to tell you a story,’ he told me, gathering me in his arms. I yielded to the rare display of physical contact; indeed I had always been a loving girl and eager for affection to such an extent that Grandmother had to warn me against the impropriety of sitting on priests’ laps when confessing as a wee girl. Now I flung myself into my father’s arms without restraint, nuzzling my head against his black velvet doublet, taking solace in the embrace for a long moment before he pulled away. He smoothed my hair against my face and offered a sad smile.
‘Come now, enough,’ he cooed in soft tones. ‘Lie back and let me cover you,’ he said as I settled back among my pillows. He drew the covers over my shoulders again, then reached out to stroke my hair. ‘Will you remember everything I, your father the king, tell you this night?’
I offered a grave nod.
He smiled. ‘From the very first day you were born I knew you would be Queen of the Scots. You were born on St Andrew’s Eve. Saint Andrew, as well you know, is the patron saint of Scotland,’ he added for good measure. I closed my eyes, trying to emblazon his low musical tone in my heart as he continued. How I hoped never to forget the timbre of his voice! ‘I had you christened the very next day at the church honouring Scotland’s Saint Margaret. It was fortuitous, I thought even then. Though it was yet to be addressed, I knew someday, somehow there would be a great alliance between the thistle and the rose through you. And thus it has come to be, and not without its critics,’ he added with a soft chuckle. ‘When I was making the treaty there were those who feared that should the fates be cruel and my heirs stolen from me, leaving you to succeed to the throne of England, it would leave Scotland in control. But I was not in the least bit afraid of such a thing. I told them England will never yield to Scotland but Scotland to England and so it shall someday, and through you. Our crowns are destined to become one. I am convinced of it.’
‘How do you know?’ I asked him in a small voice.
His eyes were filled with wonder as he looked beyond me. ‘I have seen it in a dream. I have seen it and I believe it.’ He reached down again to stroke my head. ‘You must be strong, Margot. What we Tudors are given to endure God gives us the strength to endure. Be a queen before you are a woman always. Always remember that you stand alone; monarchs have no true friends and must act with constant caution. No one will ever truly love you, my child, and I say it not to be cruel. It is a lonely business …’ He cleared his throat. ‘Do not be ruled by your passions; let your head govern you in all that you do. I fear for your brother in that regard.’ His eyes clouded a moment as he sighed. ‘Oh, but you are so young …’ He shook his head, closing his eyes and biting his lip. ‘You will never know what it costs me to let you go. I can offer you all the jewels and gowns in my realm as parting gifts; I can give you palfreys and coaches and splendid litters, every material thing that could satisfy your desire. But it would not be enough; nothing in this world would ever be enough to show you how much …’ His voice caught. ‘How much I love you.’
I sat up, flinging my arms about his neck once more, feeling his tears wet my cheek. ‘Oh, Father!’ I cried, and at once terror gripped me, terror of leaving all that was familiar, terror of governing a foreign land without any guidance, terror of being alone and unloved …
Father pulled away, seizing my chin between thumb and forefinger. Tears streamed down his high-boned cheeks, unchecked. ‘I will never see you again, Margot,’ he whispered, and for a long moment we sat, memorising each other’s features. ‘Promise me something,’ he said then.
‘Anything,’ I sobbed.
‘Be the queen you were born to be,’ he told me.
‘I shall,’ I promised as he urged me to lie back among the pillows once more. He leaned in and kissed my forehead and thus he left me as a father would his little girl.
Tomorrow we would part as monarchs.
There were no tears for this formal farewell. The court gathered about us, their expressions tender as he bestowed upon me his blessing along with a Book of Hours. Though I was never one to be considered devout, I would treasure it always. I opened the cover, where was inscribed: ‘Remember your kind and loving father in your good prayers.’ On the page opposite the prayers for December he wrote: ‘Pray for your loving father, that gave you this book, and I give you at all times God’s blessing and mine. Henry R.’
I offered a deep curtsy of gratitude. My tears were kept to myself. Today I was composed, dignified.
A queen.
I was surrounded by splendour. The trumpets sounded; the minstrels sang; the banners snapped and fluttered in the breeze; my white palfrey was brushed till she shone like a star. I mounted her and Father passed the reins to the Earl of Surrey. With effort I stilled my quivering lip as I waved to the onlookers and well-wishers. My grandmother stood stoic and thin-lipped, but I was certain the sun caught tears reflecting in those hard eyes.
We began our progress to York and I refrained from turning about on my horse to look back at my father. I could not bear the thought that this was the last time …
I will never see you again, he had said.
I did not want to believe it.
But with heart-sinking certainty I knew it to be true.
I refused to think of my family as we made our progress north. I decided to think of this as an extended holiday. I would see everyone again in time; this was just a little journey. It was the only way I could bear it. But every night in my bed I thought back to my last night with Father, of his low, rumbling voice as he made his tearful farewell. I thought of my gentle mother resting in her crypt. I thought of Arthur, dear sweet Arthur. I thought of little Mary, such a sweet child with a bright life ahead. I even missed fiery Henry.
But I blinked my tears away and the face I presented to the court was filled with joy, for how could it not be? The progress was wonderful and filled with merriment. I was beset with gifts from all those I encountered en route. I was serenaded by my minstrels and by choirs of children who praised my beauty and charm. I was given so many gifts that my chests overflowed. The bells of the towns tolled for me, Queen Margaret Tudor Stewart, and I hummed and resonated with the bell-song.
The only things I hated about entering new towns were the strange relics of saints I was made to kiss as if my kissing them would make some kind of difference. My Scottish emissary and chief escort, the Bishop of Murray, handed them to me with a kind smile and I refrained from grimacing as I kissed some thighbone or finger or vial of blood … it was disgusting!
This was something I did not have to indulge in with frequency, thank God, and as soon as I was able to be discreet Aunty Anne brought me some cool wa
ter to wash my lips with.
There were now so many people in my train I was overwhelmed. All of the fine ladies and gentlemen of York rode out to meet me along with Lord Northumberland, a stunning man in red, sporting black velvet boots with gilt spurs. He was quite the sight and I found myself sighing more over his finery than his person.
In my litter my ladies helped me dress for my grand entrance into York. It was cramped and we were all near to tripping over one another as I was dressed in my gown of cloth of gold, made even more resplendent with its cloth of gold sash. My throat was encircled with a collar of gems, and rings were slid up almost every slim finger. I held out my hand in admiration.
‘They look too big to be real!’ I exclaimed over the rubies, sapphires, and emeralds that graced my fingers. ‘It is almost all too big to be real …’ I added, my eyes misting.
The tears were swallowed as I was arranged on my plush cushions, all embroidered with my badges of Tudor roses and coats of arms. The pretty white palfrey from Father was dressed in her best and was led behind me as I was shown into York with great fanfare, my ears ringing with the cheers of the masses.
The first horrid thing I had to do was hear a Mass, and I tried to refrain from wiggling about in restlessness as I listened to the bishop ramble on in Latin. I was not the scholar both Henry and Arthur were and had very little patience or affinity for languages, so the Mass to me was just one endless stream of gibberish. But I remained composed and serene as I imagined a queen should look and complimented the bishop afterwards. His cheeks glowed when I stretched out my hand for him to take and he almost toppled over as he bowed. I stifled a giggle, but my merriment shone through as I lifted him up by the elbow.
Lord and Lady Northumberland were generous in their admiration of me, giving me such feasting and entertainments that I was overwhelmed with exhaustion. Always there was dancing and eating and then more dancing! As much as I loved it, I found myself longing for a nice sleep in a peaceful place. I longed, too, for my mother and the Princesses Mary and Catherine of Aragon.
Tudor Princess, The Page 4
