Antonio looked down at his watch and his eyes wandered to the living room window of my house at the precise moment that the light came on. He chuckled to himself and mumbled, “Like clockwork.” My father was very predictable. There were three things that he didn’t tolerate. They were tardiness – especially when it came to my curfew, bad grades, and deviating too far from what was socially acceptable. The last of which included a wide range of behaviors, actions, and life decisions.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to face Antonio. I stretched up toward him to kiss him one last time. I was openly defying my father in front of his house and I didn’t care. It was my safe, non-destructive way of rebelling. Antonio was shocked by my gesture, but didn’t risk hesitating long enough for me change my mind. He pressed his lips to mine one final time. We hugged, said goodnight to one another and I turned to walk into the house, looking back again to wave as he backed out of the driveway.
I didn’t bother to reach for my key because I could always count on Daddy to be Daddy. Whenever I went out he waited up for me, and minutes before I was due to arrive back at home he’d unlock the front door, return to his chair and continued to read his paper. Tonight was no exception. As I turned the knob and proceeded to walk into the house I hoped that he wouldn’t pressure me to talk about my evening until tomorrow. He must’ve read my mind because he didn’t pry, but before letting me retreat to my room he called me over to kiss him goodnight. With each step that I climbed, I felt myself getting sleepier. As soon as I reached my room, my phone began vibrating in my purse. It was a short alert letting me know that it was only a text message and my guess was that it was Leslie wanting to talk about the evening. I looked at my phone to discover that I’d guessed completely wrong……….AJ?
All traces of fatigue left my body and I quickened my pace, nearly running to my room and then locking the door behind me. I pulled my shoes off hastily wanting to get to the message. What could he possibly have to say to me? Still clothed in my expensive dress, I threw myself across the bed. The suspense was killing me. What does he want?
“u still up?” AJ’s text read.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself to respond. “Of course.”
Figuring that I had a little time before receiving another message from him, I jumped up off the bed and released myself from the dress that had become my personal prison all night. I hung it carelessly on the hook at the back of my bathroom door and walked to my dresser to get out a pair of pajamas. I snatched the shirt over my head, not being careful of my hair–do, then pulled the pants on and slid between the covers just as my phone began to vibrate again. Enjoying this way more than I should’ve been, I picked the phone up off the comforter and opened his message.
“Did u have fun 2nite?”He asked.
“As much as can b expected…considering.”
I took advantage of the brief intermission between messages to grab my scarf from the bathroom and tied it around my hair before climbing back into bed to wait.
“Considering what?”He asked.
I didn’t really want to tell him about my dress issue. “I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction.”
“?”
“Don’t really wanna say,”I replied.
“Promise I won’t laugh.”
I hesitated, but decided to let him in on the joke. For some reason I couldn’t seem to bring myself to tell him no. “My dress was 2 tight 2 dance! Happy?”
“LOL”
“That counts as a laugh,” I replied, laughing myself.
“Sorry”
I was desperate to change the subject.“Congrats on ur win.”
“Thanks. But it doesn’t mean n-e-thing.”He replied.
“Sure it does. Means people thought u deserved it”
“I guess. What r u doing?”He asked, quickly changing the subject again.
“Sitting in bed txt’n u. what r u doing?”
“Same…and thinking.”
Curiosity forced me to pry. “What about?” I asked.
He replied without hesitation, “U.”
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond, so I simply said,“What about me?”
“Lots of stuff.” He replied.
“Like?”
“Why u wanna know?”
I smiled to myself. “Told u about the dress. U owe me,” I responded.
“Trying to figure out y u were staring @ me 2nite,” he stated plainly. I didn’t see that coming. He’d flipped the script and put me in the hot seat.
I knew he’d caught me, but I didn’t expect for him to bring it back up. I had to think quickly. “Bcuz the red-head was…entertaining.”
“LOL…mildly.”
“U seemed entertained to me.”
“Just killing time,”he replied.
“suuuurrrreeee…..”
“Well, maybe if ur dress wasn’t so tight, u coulda come out there with me and showed her how it’s done,”he joked.
“Not nice.”
“Joking……but it was tight tho. I think I could see ur belly button,”he teased, bringing a smile to my face. I exhaled and stared at our conversation on my phone. I’m not exactly sure what I expected him to be like, but I know I didn’t expect for him to be like this. Most guys who look the way he does, generally don’t have much personality because they tend to get what they want based on looks alone. But AJ? He was surprisingly easy to talk to and he seemed to have a good sense of humor.
“It wasn’t that bad!!!!!” I insisted.
“Never said it was bad,“ he replied, which sent my mind adrift as I wondered what he meant by that.
“Does that mean you likedit?” Why am I flirting with him?
“Liked? Understatement,”he replied bringing a smile to my face yet again. But as badly as I wanted to see where this conversation would take us it wasn’t smart to let it go on. I’d already crossed the line and it wasn’t going to get any better as we continued on.
This situation had arisen from out of nowhere, but there was something about him that intrigued me. He made my body feel like it was disconnected from my mind. My brain would tell me to go in one direction and I’d do the total opposite. I was treading on dangerous territory. Antonio was extremely important to me and I didn’t want to jeopardize our relationship for anything. This was what my mind was telling me, but as I said before, my body seems to be doing its own thing. So, I continued to reject my mind’s warnings and walked blindly into what was sure to be chaos.
“Will u call me tomorrow?” I asked.
“What time do u get up?” he texted back. I liked that he was so eager to continue our conversation.
“About 9.”
“K, call u at 9:01,”he replied.
“I’ll b waiting”
What the heck just happened?
Of course sleep wouldn’t come easy in spite of my exhaustion – definitely not after talking to him. I lay awake for a while staring up at the ceiling through the darkness. A lot transpired that night and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of any of it. Nothing was making much sense to me anymore. On one hand, considering that I’m in an exclusive relationship with Antonio, my dealings with AJ were becoming completely inappropriate. But then on the other hand, I felt strangely drawn to him. I considered for a moment that I might even be developing a crush on him after only noticing him a little more than 24 hours ago. It wasn’t only his physical appearance that had my mind wandering anymore, now I’d seen a little into his personality too. He’s polite, funny, and he has an insanely high level of confidence that I can’t even begin to explain. I sighed aloud and pulled the covers over my head. What am I doing? I’m gonna mess everything up.
*****
I awoke feeling refreshed. After stretching a little, I sat up and swung my feet out of bed and sat there a moment while I gathered the strength to go downstairs to find something to eat. The clock read 8:43. In that instant, all the events from the previous day unfolded in my mind like a scroll. Before I could stop it, I w
as again consumed by the same excitement, guilt and uncertainty that swam through my head before sleep temporarily relieved me of my troubles. I took a deep breath and made my way down the stairs.
The house was silent, so I assumed that my parents had already left out. They sometimes went out to breakfast alone together on weekends and since it was Sunday, I was sure that they’d be attending church afterward. It was their chance to get away and enjoy each other. I marveled at their relationship. After nearly 20 years of marriage they still managed to keep the love alive. I saw it in the way Mom would sometimes watch Daddy when he wasn’t even aware of it. She’d smile to herself, I assumed she was letting her mind wander back, visiting some distant memory. I saw it in the way Daddy never forgot to kiss her before heading out the door. I’d made note a long time ago of his expression when he would have to be apart from her for any length of time. It was almost like a mixture of anguish and worry, as if it was physically painful for him to be out of her presence. Their relationship was definitely one that I envied. Does everyone have a chance to be as happy as they are? Or are they the anomaly?
I plopped down at the table with my bowl of cereal in one hand and the jug of milk in the other. My mixed feelings were like an emotional cocktail, and I was starting to feel hung-over. At this point nothing made sense anymore. I tried to push the thoughts back, poured the milk into my bowl and sat there absentmindedly swirling the spoon around in it as I daydreamed.
After a few spoons full I decided that I wasn’t so hungry after all. I pushed my chair away from the table and walked toward the sink to dump the remaining cereal down the drain. There had to be something that could take my mind off of things, so I walked to the living room and settled in on the couch to channel surf. Remembering that I’d left my cell phone in my room on the nightstand, I was instantly on my feet and up the stairs hoping that I hadn’t missed AJ’s call. He wasn’t mine to get all worked up and excited about, but I couldn’t help it. I grabbed the phone and jogged back down to the first floor where I sat back down on the couch and checked the time – 9:00 on the dot. What if he doesn’t even call? My breathing sped up ever so slightly, as I sat waiting and watching the minutes pass....9:01…..9:02. My phone began to buzz in my hand and I stared at it for a second before finding the courage to pick up.
“You’re late,” I answered, trying to disguise the nervousness in my voice.
“Only by a minute, but it’s good to know you were anxious to hear from me,” AJ laughed. It was different talking to him on the phone than it was by text message. The sound of his voice on the other end was enticing and I didn’t like that I was thinking of him in this way.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It was just an observation,” I replied. “You are late, aren’t you?” I asked condescendingly. “Anyway, what are you doing?”
“Just got back in from running. I cut it a little short so I wouldn’t be late calling you, but I guess my timing was off.” He joked.
I smiled. “It was close enough”. There was a question on my mind that I wanted to ask him. Not quite knowing how to word it, I bit my nails self-consciously while I worked up the nerve. “So…..what made you decide to contact me last night?” My words were muffled because I still had my hand to my mouth.
“Actually, I knew I was gonna call when you first gave me your number; I just didn’t follow through until last night.”
Shock crossed my face when he didn’t think twice about answering my question. “What do you mean?” I asked naively, wanting him to clarify exactly what he was trying to say so that I didn’t jump to any conclusions.
I held my breath while he sighed and tried to organize his thoughts. “I’d noticed you before, but never like I did the other day. “ He paused for a moment, and then started again. “Something about you…….just kinda caught me off guard,” he laughed to himself. “That probably sounded really corny…….but I can’t get you out of my head.”
It took me a minute to fully grasp what he was saying. He’s into me too? My body reacted to his words and I felt my pulse speed up while my hands became hot and shaky. I had to concentrate to keep from breathing heavily into the phone – that’s never attractive.
“What do you have planned today?” He asked, bringing me back from the place my mind had drifted off to.
I hesitated again before answering, anticipating what his next statement would be. “Nothing……Why?”
“Can I come see you later? “ He asked with that confidence in his tone that I found so alluring; it sounded as if he was smiling when he spoke the words. I took a minute to think about his question. This was getting dangerous, but my need to be near him overshadowed everything else. His feelings were now out on the table, and for all I knew he’d seen through my flimsy façade and mine were laying right beside his.
I deliberated on his question for another second before finally blurting out, “Sure.”
“Alright, is noon good?”
My parents would be getting out of church at around 2:00; Mom usually socialized for about 30 minutes and it would take them about 20 minutes to get home if they made no stops along the way. For AJ to stay past 2:30 would be pushing it. “Why don’t we make it eleven?” I suggested, wanting as much time with him as I could get, even if it was just an extra hour.
Through the phone, I could hear him laugh quietly to himself and then he replied, “Okay, I’ll text you to get the directions after I get out the shower.”
That was an image that I could’ve done without. I smacked my forehead and squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could. Speaking through clenched teeth, I replied, “Talk to you in a few.” I hung up and took a few deep breaths before heading upstairs to get ready.
About an hour and a half later AJ sent me a text asking for the directions to my house, prompting me to respond immediately. Then, seconds later another text came in.….and it was from Antonio this time. Themessage read, “Want some company?”
This was nothappening! I had to think quickly. “Not feeling 2 well.”
“Need me2 bring u something?” He asked.
“No, my mom is taking good care of me. Thanks tho.”
“Ok. I still may come by l8r 2 check on u.”
Crap! What am I gonna do? This was bad…..very bad, but that’s what I get for making such reckless decisions. I should’ve never agreed to let AJ come over. Now what? Somehow I had to keep one of them away from my house. I concluded that it made the most sense for me to deter Antonio since we were already texting one another. It was a poor excuse, and I couldn’t lie to myself; that wasn’t the real reason I was rejecting him. I wanted to see AJ more than I wanted to see him.
“No really, I’ll b embarrassed if u come by with me looking like this. Promise u won’t try 2 surprise me,” I insisted. It took him a while to respond, but he finally agreed to respect my wishes. The guilt that I felt was so strong as thought about the lie I’d just told.
*****
About 40 minutes later, the doorbell sounded. My fingers fumbled through my hair and over my clothes checking to make sure that everything was just right as I placed my hand on the door knob, took a deep breath, and opened it.
It was all so surreal. Only days ago everything was the way it was supposed to be; I was absolutely sure of my feelings for Antonio; there were no shaded areas of grey, only black and white. Somewhere along the way the lines became fuzzy and I ended up here, standing before one of the most beautiful and exotic men I’d ever seen in my entire life. My eyes lingered on AJ’s face for a few seconds, taking it all in; from the perfection of his tan colored skin; piercingly dark eyes; slightly squared jaw line, and finally focusing on his lips for a minute before I’d noticed that I was subconsciously biting my own. There was a brief pause before I was able to speak.
“Hey,” I blurted in an unfamiliar monotone.
He smiled, displaying his perfect teeth again. “You gonna invite me in?”
I stood there another moment, fascinated by him, an
d then regained consciousness long enough to move aside so that he could enter. My hands were unsteady as I fought against the shiver that being near him sent racing down my back. When I closed the front door, we walked into the living room and I motioned for him to have a seat on the couch.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked.
“No, I’m good. Thanks.”
There was an awkward tension between the two of us that left me feeling slightly uncomfortable. Sitting next to him on the couch would’ve made me even more uneasy, so I decided to sit in Daddy’s armchair. AJ stared at me for a moment and then lowered his head and laughed to himself.
“What’s funny?”
“You are,” he responded with a smile still fixed on his lips.
“What’d I do?” I inquired.
“Why are you sitting wayyyyy over there when there’s all this room here on the couch?” Pointing out the empty space beside him, AJ leaned back, stretched his arms and rested them both across the back of the couch. He didn’t say another word, just waited for me to come to him. Confidence radiated from his body; the way he spoke, even when he was asking questions, was as though he was sure that you were going to comply with whatever his request would be. I thought it over for a moment and took notice of his position on the couch. He’d chosen to sit directly in the middle, which meant that no matter which of the other two seats I decided to take we’d still be close. This was obviously a calculated move on his part, signaling me that he was no amateur.
One deep cleansing breath swept down my throat and then rushed back out into the atmosphere before I began to walk toward him. Making eye contact was out of the question; way too nervous for that. I approached the couch and sat down at his right side with my body rigid and my hands clasped tightly together in my lap like I was on punishment or something.
Gravity (Free Falling) Page 4
