“You ok now?” I asked, trying not to sound like I was teasing him.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Wanna watch a movie or something?” I asked.
“Sounds like a good idea,” he smiled.
I got up and selected one of my favorite love stories from my movie collection. I made my way back to the bed and lay back down. I rested my head on his stomach and relaxed as the rhythm of his steady breathing calmed me. My mind drifted back to thoughts of the red-head girl, Leila. I don’t know why I hadn’t made the connection before. I should’ve known. I’d be lying if I said that the thought of her being ‘the one’ didn’t intimidate me a little. She’s beautiful! And she’d shared something with AJ that gave her the upper hand in my opinion. There were a million things running through my head. Did he love her once upon a time? How long were they together?
I dwelled on similar thoughts throughout most of the movie. Near the end, I lifted my head and sat up next to him, still mulling over the situation. Glancing at me curiously, AJ asked, “Why’d you move?”
I wasn’t sure if I should tell him the truth. What would he think of me dwelling on such trivial details? But I hadn’t lied to AJ once and I wanted to keep it that way, so I went for it.
“I’m just thinking about you….and Leila.” I admitted.
“Why would you be thinking about her? I don’t,” he replied. I tried to hide that I was pleased by his response.
“But you two must spend a lot of time together. I mean, she’s dating one of your friends. Isn’t that ever uncomfortable? You have to know that she’s still into you. Even I know that and I only saw how she was with you at the dance.”
“Well, yeah I do see more of her than I’d like to under the circumstances, but it isn’t uncomfortable to me. I can’t answer that question for her. But like I said, it’s over, so it doesn’t matter what she thinks. As far as the dance, it was just that…..a dance. Don’t waste your time thinking about it.”
“Now that I know you two…you know, I’m seeing it as more than that. She was trying to show you what you’re missing out on – jog your memory a little.”
He laughed aloud. “Just learned something new about you. You’re mildly neurotic. That’ll take some getting used to.”
“AJ you can laugh if you want to, but watch and see. This girl isn’t going to give up easily.”
He pulled me back down to him and hugged me tightly. “Leila can do what she wants to, but she isn’t gonna change anything. Stop worrying about it.”
“How long were you two together anyway?”
“Mmmmm……like four or five months. Why?” He asked.
“Just wondering.” I had to dislodge my next question from my throat to even ask it. “Did you…..love her?”
There was a long silence that made me nervous. What was there to think about? Either he loved her or he didn’t. “Love’s the wrong word. There was an attachment, but definitely not love,” he explained. “I was there for her when she lost her mom and it turned into something more over time. She became fixated on what we did physically and didn’t have it in her at the time to invest anything emotionally. I couldn’t operate like that. I tried to back away a bit and maintain a friendship, but it wasn’t enough for her. So, despite how bad I felt about leaving her alone during such a hard time in her life, she left me no choice. For a while she hated me, but eventually we talked it out and she understood my side of it. So, we never really got back to being friends, but we at least got to a point where we could speak and be civilized toward one another…...most of the time anyway.”
I couldn’t help but to feel a little sorry for her after hearing him explain it. She had to face losing her mother and then had to deal with losing the one person that kept her attached to her sanity. I also saw a new side to AJ. There aren’t many guys that could walk away from a beautiful girl who was practically throwing herself at him. He was different. He somehow saw past his own physical desire, acknowledged that something was missing, and found the strength to walk away.
I couldn’t help but to stare at him. His restraint and self-control had me in awe. As I continued to marvel, the alarm sounded. I was getting ready to reach out and turn it off, but AJ moved more quickly that I did. As much as I wanted him to stay longer, that wasn’t going to happen. It was already 12:00 and my dad could show up at any minute. I lifted myself off the bed and waited for him to get to his feet before I turned to walk downstairs. We lingered there by the door, neither of us ready to part so soon.
“I’m glad you came,” I said quietly.
“I’d never pass on a chance to see you.” He laughed and then added, “Not even if there’s a strong possibility that your dad could come home and kill us both.”
I smiled and kissed him softly before he turned and walked out the door. Long after he’d pulled off, I stood there leaning against the door thinking about him. Eventually, the sound of the garage door opening jolted me back to reality. That was a close call, maybe even a bit sloppy. I sighed and ran up the stairs before my father could get in the house and wonder why I was out of bed.
Daddy didn’t stick around long. It was obvious that he was still upset with me, but I really didn’t care. After a quick check to make sure that the swelling was going down, he made me take a couple more Aspirin, and then he left out again without saying goodbye. When he and Mom returned from work that evening, they were none the wiser about my secret meeting with AJ. I felt a thrill at the thought of getting away with the whole scheme, especially since I was still so upset with Daddy. It pleased me that I’d done something that I was sure he’d disapprove of. If he thought of me as careless, then I’d be careless.
Dinner was…..interesting. Mom carried the conversation by herself. Daddy stared at his plate silently and so did I. When I finished, I got up from my chair and picked up my plate to take it to the sink.
“Samantha, wait a minute. I wanna talk to you,” my father said sternly.
I stopped, but didn’t look his way. He continued on. “Look. You’re not gonna walk around my house with this attitude. So, I suggest that you get over it. Am I clear?” He asked.
I continued to stare at the wall when answering. “You can’t make me stop seeing AJ.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’re not grown. You will do as I say,” he retorted.
“I’ll be 18 in six weeks and you’re treating me like I’m still 12! I can’t wait until it’s time for me to leave and go away to school,” I mumbled under my breath as I stormed off. I ran up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door so hard that one of my pictures fell from the wall. I was so mad that I could hardly see straight. I had to leave. My phone was in my hand instantly and I sent AJ a message.
“Can u come get me again?”
He responded more quickly than I’d anticipated. “Same time?”
“Yeah.”
I lay in bed waiting for my parents to continue with their usual evening ritual that ended predictably at 11:00pm. As expected, the living room television went off and they retreated into their bedroom. I hopped in the shower and got dressed as I’d done before. At 11:56 I was on my way. After checking my pocket for my keys, I left the house and didn’t bother looking back to see if I’d awakened anyone. I didn’t even run this time because I didn’t feel any fear. My father no longer had a hold on me.
I felt a sudden rush when I reached the end of the driveway and made my way to the corner. AJ’s car was now in view and it wouldn’t be long until we’d speed away leaving my problems behind. As soon as I climbed in, I forgot that I was ever even mad. AJ was like a breath of fresh air even though I’d seen him only hours before. He reached for my hand before taking off at high speed down my street. We went back to our same spot as before, but didn’t get out of the car this time. Instead we sat there listening to music and both of us reclined our seats so that we could get more comfortable.
Scenes from my argument with my father crept into my thoughts again and I sighed, tryi
ng to forget it so that I could enjoy my time with AJ. My frustration didn’t go unnoticed.
“Everything ok?” he asked.
“Not really.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“It’s just more drama with my father. He is so hard to reason with sometimes. I’m sick of it!” I didn’t want to say much more than that. I’d felt bad enough for telling AJ about how Daddy demanded that I end things with him.
“What was it this time?”
“Same stuff as before. Nothing’s changed.”
“Well, you’ll be leaving in less than a year and you won’t have to deal with it anymore,” he replied. Those words were like music to my ears. This summer I’d hopefully be leaving for Charleston and Daddy wouldn’t be able to hold me under his thumb anymore. It almost sounded too good to be true.
“I know, but he’s driving me crazy in the meantime.” I felt myself becoming tense again. “But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I was hoping you would help keep my mind off of it. Talk about something else. Anything else.”
Before he could respond my phone began to ring. The sound startled me and I fumbled to get it out of my pocket. Who would be calling me at 12:45 in the morning? I looked at AJ with a shocked look on my face
“It’s Antonio.”
“Aren’t you gonna answer it?” He asked as he smiled that devilish smile again.
I looked back at the phone and hesitated before opening it. “Hello?”
“Hey. Sorry to call you so late. Were you asleep?”
“No, I’m up. What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to apologize again for the other day,” he said remorsefully.
“Oh, no. I’m fine now. Are you ok?”
“Yeah. That fool sucker-punched me,” he insisted, not wanting to acknowledge that AJ had won the fight.
I tried to press the phone closer to my ear to prevent AJ from hearing Antonio’s comments. “Well, I’m good. So you can stop worrying about me.”
He hesitated for a moment. “That wasn’t the only reason I was calling actually.”
I paused, waiting for him to go on. “I couldn’t let you go without telling you that I still love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only did he not hate me, he still loved me? “I know that must sound pretty stupid considering everything that’s happened, but it’s the truth. I almost lost my mind yesterday when I saw him touching you.”
“Antonio. I don’t know what to say…..” I trailed off as AJ started to kiss my neck, making me lose my train of thought.
“I was hoping you’d say that a part of you still loves me too,” Antonio said hopefully.
Unfortunately for me, AJ was now close enough to my phone that he heard Antonio’s last words. In a voice loud enough for Antonio to hear, AJ interjected. “She’s busy right now. You’ll have to call back.”
Antonio didn’t make a sound on the other end. A second later we were disconnected. I wasn’t sure whether I should be angry with AJ or what. I wished that he’d let me handle it on my own. Now, I found myself in a familiar position. I was sure that Antonio’s feelings were hurt once again…..because of me. Just then, Daddy’s words came to mind. Careless. He was right about me. No matter how much I tried to avoid causing Antonio pain, it seemed to be inescapable.
AJ was still kissing my neck as I thought. My body wasn’t responding as it usually did under his spell. I tried to fight against the anger that was building up inside of me, but I wasn’t winning. I was capable of dealing with Antonio on my own without AJ’s help, but now he’d made things worse. I was fuming and he could feel the tension emanating from me.
“What’s wrong?” He asked in an unemotional tone as he sat back in his seat and stared up at the ceiling.
“Why’d you do that? What was the point?” I asked shrilly.
“Are you seriously mad? What? You think he doesn’t know we spend time together?”
“No, AJ, but I don’t want to shove it in his face either. Have you forgotten that he was the only one in this whole situation that was completely innocent? The least I can do is respect his feelings.”
AJ continued to stare at the ceiling. “Fine. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re capable of handling him yourself, but do you intend to hide our relationship for the rest of the school year? Do you expect me to act like we’re not together? Break it down for me,” he demanded.
I could hear in his tone that he was becoming irritated. He had a point. It was unfair for me to expect for him to fall back because I didn’t want Antonio to be hurt. So, my choices were to either hurt Antonio or to hurt AJ. The problem was that I wasn’t willing to do either of those things. I sighed in frustration. “I guess I don’t know how this is supposed to go AJ.”
“I hate that you feel guilty for being with me. It’s supposed to be easier than this.”
“I don’t feel guilty for being with you. I feel guilty for hurting Antonio in the process,” I corrected.
“Sam, be honest with yourself. I know that you love me almost as much as I love you, but yet you’re still reluctant to make anything official. Why is that?” He asked in an intense voice that reminded me of my father.
“Well…..I just …..I think.”
“My point exactly. You feel like you shouldn’t be happy because you hurt him. Even though you love me you think that it can’t be right because of the way it happened.” He paused briefly. “However love happens it’s no mistake. You don’t just fall in love. You jump in. Head first. No looking back.”
Now I was irritated. “What happened to you not pressuring me, AJ?”
“What are you talking about? I’m not pressuring you. I’m just trying to understand you.” He raised his voice a little. I was even more frustrated now than I was when I left my house. Mostly because AJ had a point and I hated to be wrong. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be as happy as I was, seeing as how I’d caused Antonio to be so miserable.
“So, what do you want me to do AJ? Just forget about everything and give in to you?”
“I don’t want you to do anything. This is your show, so run it,” he sighed. That hurt a little. I didn’t want him to feel like I was stringing him along like some kind of puppet. He deserved better than that.
“So let’s do it. Let’s make it official. Right here. Right now. Let’s not play anymore games. From this point forward, we’re together…like really together,” I blurted.
AJ didn’t answer me or even look in my direction. I sat there waiting for him to say something: yes, no, maybe, but he said nothing. Thinking that I’d thoroughly pissed him off, I felt defeated. Now he didn’t even want to talk to me.
“Did you hear me?” I asked in frustration. He nodded nonchalantly, but that was all he gave me.
And?” I added.
“And?” He repeated mockingly. When I saw him crack a smile, I got out of my seat and in the next instant I was all over him. This day marked the beginning of an actual relationship between him and me. The way it happened was far from conventional, but then again, we were far from conventional. When I first approached him, I could sense that he was still upset, but that melted away quickly. He let me have my way and stopped fighting back. The passion was so severe that there was no escaping it, but I somehow managed to stop myself before things got too out of control.
We were there way longer than I’d expected. I looked over at the clock and was shocked when I saw the time……3:06. “Wow I didn’t realize that it was so late. We’d better go now.”
“Yeah I guess I lost track of time too when you attacked me,” he smiled.
“An attack would imply that you weren’t a willing participant, and if I recall you were very willing.”
“You’re delusional, but I love you anyway,” he said jokingly. I resisted smiling at him as long as I could, but that didn’t last very long.
The drive home went by too quickly. When I was back in my room I snatched my shoes off and crawle
d into bed to get what little sleep I could, smiling to myself all the while as I lay there with my eyes closed. It was so surreal, but AJ and I were really together now.
*****
The next morning I felt a bit more rested than the first time I’d snuck out. Then again, it could’ve just been because I was still on my high from the night before. I was on time to school and sat in the back of Mr. Talbert’s class waiting for the bell to ring. When it did, reality set in. I’d have to face my friends and they’d know what happened on Monday morning between Antonio, AJ, and I. There was no way that I was ready for that. I could already imagine what Kyla would have to say. I walked into Mr. Kendall’s class, took my seat, and put my head down. Seconds later, I heard Kyla’s voice. “Are you Ok?” She asked snobbishly, referring to incident the other morning.
Once I got over the initial shock of her speaking to me, I replied, “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for asking.” She didn’t say another word, but that was enough. I knew that she was still mad, but at least she didn’t hate me. If she hated me she wouldn’t have cared how I was.
That was my first and only encounter with any of my friends until lunch. Preparing to eat alone since AJ wasn’t even present to keep me company this time, I walked into the cafeteria and went straight for my table. I was smart this time; I remembered to bring a book with me so I wouldn’t get bored. Before I could even set my tray down on the table I heard Leslie calling my name.
“Sam. Come sit over here,” she beckoned.
I hesitated briefly and then complied. Cautiously, I took a seat and then looked around the table. No one was really saying anything now that I was present. Someone cleared their throat, breaking through the uncomfortable silence.
“You don’t have to sit over there alone. We don’t hate you,” Kyla explained, acting as spokesperson for the entire table. “We were just torn because Antonio’s our friend too and he was really hurt about….the situation.”
Gravity (Free Falling) Page 16
