Jay’s feelings for her hadn’t changed. Honey still made his cheeks flush and his most intimate part hot and aroused. Gradually, as he observed her, he realized why he hadn’t been successful in removing her from his heart. That’s what love does. Jay’s eyes widened with the realization. He loved Honey.
Terraine snapped two fingers before his brother’s eyes, trying to release him from his trance. “Jay, man, when you gonna admit Honey’s got your nose wide open?” Terraine teased.
Startled, Jay blinked several times, then frowned beforereaching into the bucket for another fish.
The brother Terraine grew up with had always kept a string of women on hand, and flinched at the word commitment. But in the last several months, detailed accounts of one phat ass after another seemed to have ceased. Terraine was certain Honey had had something to do with Jay’s unusual behavior. After observing Jay’s far-off expression only seconds ago, Terraine was more certain than ever. He couldn’t have picked a better woman for his brother.
After a while, Jay stopped skinning catfish and slowly raised his head. With a sigh of defeat he answered,“What good would it do? Honey ain’t hearing it.”
Terraine noticed that the look in his brother’s eyes at the mention of Honey’s name hinted otherwise, and was pleased by his observation. Maybe there was hope for his little brother after all. “There’s more to that woman than meets the eye,” he said.
“True, that.” Jay shrugged. “But knowing Honey the way I do, she’s got a string of brothas riding her coattail.”
Terraine wagged his head. “Nobody special. I asked my wife this morning.”
Jay’s brow rose as he glanced over at his brother. Marriage had obviously turned Terraine’s ass into a matchmaker.
“I think you need to take your time with her,” Terrainesaid in a brotherly way.
“And have her bruise my pride again? Man, you got life fucked up!” Jay laughed dryly, then summarized the night Honey had kicked his ass out of her house.
Terraine frowned at his brother’s sudden lack of confidence. “Since when do Andrews men back down from a challenge?”
“When their opponent is Honey Love.” Jay shook his head, frowning at the memories. “That girl ain’t no joke.”
Terraine smirked. “And neither are you. Nothing good ever comes easy. You forget I went through hell trying to convince Sasha I wanted her in my life. I think if you’re persistent, it’ll pay off in the end.” He pivoted his head toward the window. “I’ve noticed the way she be checking you out when you’re not looking.”
The corner of Jay’s mouth curled into a quizzical grin. “Really?”
“Really.” Terraine tossed another fish into the bucket of water. “So, was Honey what you wanted to holla at me about?”
Dread slid down Jay’s back and settled like acid at the bottom of his stomach. He’d been putting off this discussion all day and debated putting it off a little further,but decided not to. He’d kept it to himself for more than a month. If he didn’t share his dilemma soon, he was going to burst. “Naw, man,” he said, then paused before adding, “I need to holla at you about Kendra.”
Terraine’s brow creased. “Natalia’s friend? ‘Fuckin’ Fatal Attraction’ Kendra?” He chuckled. “Is she still trying to get you to marry her crazy ass?”
Jay scowled at the memory of the two of them watching a football game at his condo while Kendra staked out his front door, demanding that he open the damn door. “Yep.” He took a deep breath, then allowed the words to flow from his tongue: “Only now her ass is pregnant.”
Terraine almost dropped the knife from his hand. “Pregnant? By whom?” A light of understanding finallydawned in his eyes. “You?”
When Jay didn’t answer, Terraine let out a long whistle, flabbergasted. “Damn, Jay. How the hell you let that happen?” He noted the uncomfortable expressionon Jay’s face and frowned with concern. Damn, his little brother was slipping. In the past, Jay had been so careful. He wouldn’t dream of sticking his dick anywherewithout being strapped first. What had brought on this careless behavior? He dropped his arms to the table and leaned forward. “You want to tell me about it?”
Honey looked out onto the large wooden deck and watched the brothers sharing what seemed to be an intenseconversation. She could tell by the deep lines across Jay’s forehead that whatever they were discussingwas important. Suddenly, she missed the long conversations they’d once shared.
She watched Jay for several more moments, taking in all angles of his body. He looked magnificent in a pair of faded blue jeans that made his backside look ever so fine, paired with a heavy navy blue hooded sweatshirt that covered his ears. Even though Terraine had carried a kerosene heater out onto the deck, she saw Jay rubbing his palms together in an attempt to keep warm.
On two occasions, she’d seen Jay taking furtive glances in her direction, and this had left her unglued. The kiss they had shared that night had forever changed things between them. Honey knew she would never be able to look at him again without remembering the caress of his hands and lips against her bare skin.
“He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?” a nearby voice inquired.
Roxaner’s voice pulled her back to earth with a start. Roxaner had observed her steady gaze out onto the deck, and was now smiling brightly.
“I ...” Honey looked at Roxaner’s knowing smile while her heartbeat roared in her ears, and started to deny the attraction. But after one look at Roxaner’s face, she didn’t bother. Roxaner could always figure her out. Honey felt like a member of their family, and Roxaner was her surrogate mother. Honey had been around Sasha and her family since puberty. Because the Loves had had to struggle to make ends meet, Honey had loved the traditional middle-class lifestyle at the Moores’ house. Roxaner, a college graduate in social work, had served as a positive role model in Honey’s life and had steered her future in the right direction.Roxaner always kept a watchful eye on her, and the two communicated frequently.
Now, as always, Honey could not pull the wool over her eyes. On the one hand, she wanted to quickly deny her attraction, but on the other, she was tempted to pour out her heart to Roxaner. Seeing Jay again had brought desire spiraling from the depths of her soul. Was her attraction that obvious? Honey only shrugged, but the pink color in her cheeks positively revealed her feelings.
To Honey’s shrug, Roxaner laid a gentle hand on her arm. “I might be old, but I know the signs of love when I see them.” She moved in closer to whisper, “Good choice.” She then winked and rose to carry a tray of chips and dip into the kitchen.
Honey felt a rush of heat to her face. She thought she could control her emotions, but found herself being magnetically drawn to Jay again. Tense now, Honey also rose and carried a bowl of peanuts into the kitchen. The shower was ending, and she had promised Sasha she’d stay behind to help clean up. With Jay only a few feet away, and with the possibility of him coming in from the cold at any moment, she wanted to get it done as quickly as possible.
While Sasha said good-bye to her guests, Honey loaded the dishwasher, then stood admiring the room. She loved Andrews Manor, with its high-ceilinged, massiverooms, especially the enormous kitchen with its state-of-the-art appliances. Grabbing a dish towel from the sink, she began mopping the countertop. Totally engrossed, she was unaware of Jay standing in the room until she heard his familiar voice behind her.
“You look good doing domestic duties.”
Spinning around, Honey found herself again face-to-facewith him, and her nervousness soared. Jay wore a crooked smile as he leaned against the island that sat in the middle of the room. She found it almost impossiblenot to stare back at the man who’d haunted her dreams for months, and realized how much she’d missed him. Damn him for being so fuckin’ fine.
“Boo, I’ve missed you,” he said, almost as if he’d read her thoughts.
“I’ve missed you, too.” She couldn’t have stopped the words falling from her lips even if she’d wanted to. Deep down, it w
as how she felt. But the surprise on Jay’s face made her wish she could take them back.
Jay felt an inkling of hope at this candid revelation. He pushed away from the island and stepped forward. “Then why haven’t you called me?”
Honey saw the curious expression on his boyishly handsome face, then looked at her hands, not wanting him to even suspect that she’d so much as given him a second thought. She quickly turned her back to him, crossed the kitchen, and began to wipe down the stove top before answering, “I thought it was best.”
Jay came behind her, and his breath teased the hairs along the back of her neck. He lightly grasped her shoulders,causing her to gasp. Briefly closing her eyes, Honey tried to steady her heartbeat. Jay turned her toward him, taking her chin and forcing her to look at him. His eyes gleamed with curiosity, and she trembled at his touch.
“Best for whom? You or me?” he said, needing to fully understand why she had ended their friendship.
Honey’s dark lashes fluttered and lowered, breaking eye contact. She didn’t want him to see the fear in her eyes. How could she tell him she cared too much for him? That because she was aware of the extent of his feelings, she felt it unfair to mislead him into believing there was a chance of anything permanent developing between them?
Trying to regain self-control, Honey straightened her shoulders, met his gaze, and mumbled, “For both of us.” Her heart was thundering beneath her breast.
Jay concluded she was lying and snorted, “I’m not buying that shit this time. I shouldn’t have taken this long. I should have confronted you months ago, but I let my pride stand in the way.” He moved closer and raised a hand to her cheek. In doing so, he felt her shudder. “Why do you insist on running away from your feelings?” When she didn’t answer he continued, “I’m not going anywhere this time.” No longer thinkingabout his pride, he gazed down at her lovely face and said, “I want you, Honey. And I know you want me, too.”
Her shuddering intensified as she stared numbly at the figure standing before her. Jay now surrounded her with his warmth and the scent of his skin, so close she felt suffocated. She continued to gape up at him, her mouth open and dry. Finally, she managed to swallow. But she couldn’t stop her coochie from contracting or the juices from saturating her thong as she rememberedthe night they’d come close to making love on her living room couch. Why couldn’t she just tell him how he affected her?
Because I’m scared, she answered silently. What would happen when he found out about her past? And the secret that weighed heavily on her heart?
Quickly getting her feelings under control, she frowned and pretended not to be affected by his response.Jay was the only man capable of making her feel things she didn’t want to feel. How did he always manage to rattle the knob to the locked door that hid her heart?
“Whatever, Jay.” She forced a frown and tilted her head back to look at him. “You’re wrong, and you’re wasting your time. It would never work between us. We’re too much alike.”
Jay was silent, but her eyes gave him reason to doubt her response. She was still running, but why? He smiled, then said, “All the more reason for us to be together.We can do this, boo.”
Honey’s eyes were now as gray as an overcast sky. Inside, her heart ached at the possibility of giving in to her feelings. She wanted to with all her heart. If only things were different! Damn Walter’s mothafuckin’ ass! With a great deal of effort she narrowed her eyes and said in a disapproving tone, “How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t need a man in my life. Didn’t we agree in the beginning we were only gonna be friends, nothing more?”
Mere inches from his face, the familiar fragrance of Honey’s skin tantalized Jay. He wanted to take her into his arms and cover her lush mouth with his, reliving the kiss they once had shared. His dick was hard and he wanted to do something about it. Instead, he tightened his grasp and exhaled as waves of desire washed over him. He moved in closer, dropping his hands to capture both of hers, and spoke in a low, husky voice. “Things change. People change. What happened between us surpassed friendship. Boo, we’ve got somethin’ special.”He spoke the words slowly, as though still consideringtheir meaning as he uttered them. The longing look he gave Honey told her he was thinking about the night she’d melted with desire beneath him.
Jay was so close his hot breath fanned her lips, sendingheat down to her toes. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment.Were her emotions that easy to read?
Honey panicked. Jay was more determined than ever to find out the truth. Her excuse about wanting to remain friends was bullshit. Did he know this?
Stunned by his words, mesmerized by his smile, Honey couldn’t move as she watched him step forward.Her nipples hardened and her lips parted as she yearned to relive their kiss. How she wished things could be different! But fate had dealt her a bad hand.
“Jay, it’s over.”
Jay wanted to shake her senseless, then pull her into his arms and kiss her breathless, but he had seen the pain behind those gray eyes. Although he wanted her to feel what he felt, he decided he would have to give her time. If he didn’t want her to clam up again, he’d have to be more careful and not rush her.
Jay leaned toward her and tenderly kissed the slenderbridge of her nose. “That’s where you’re wrong. It’ll never be over.” As he moved away, he shot her a lopsided grin that caused her knees to wobble. Jay then bade her good-bye with the parting words, “We’ll talk soon.”
Honey stood for the longest time, completely immobilizedas a warm feeling flowed through her.
With moonlight pouring into her room, Honey stared out at the dark sky and sighed for the hundredth time since she’d arrived home. Feeling a sudden draft, she pulled the pink velour blanket over her shoulders and curled into a ball.
After what had happened, she was more confused than ever before. Her mind had managed to travel back into the past, and the unwanted feelings returned. Despitethe intervening months, it had taken only one glimpse of Jay to realize she still desperately wanted him.
Honey shifted her head on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. She’d hoped that the next time she saw Jay her feelings would be different. Instead, they had been the same, maybe even stronger. Seeing Jay today had forced her to admit that her attraction hadn’t diminished,and neither had his. She’d seen his heart through his eyes and knew he still cared for her. It had all been too much.
She closed her eyes and pictured his handsome face. She hadn’t fully realized how much she’d truly missed him until today. Ending their relationship had created a sense of loss she never would have expected. How lonely my life has become. She took a deep breath as emotion choked her. The desire that had lain dormant in her heart for several months had resurfaced. Now it was alive and burning between them. How was it Jay was able to make her feel that way? Her head told her to stay away, but her heart was saying something else. Desire mingled with fear, and Honey realized her feelingswere in turmoil. She swallowed hard, trying to stay calm as she savored their latest encounter.
Standing so close to Jay, she had ached to reach up and stroke his face. She wanted to relive the feel of his body against hers, the taste of his succulent lips, and the soft caress of his fingertips across her nipples. She shook her head and tried to escape the memories, but a shiver raced through her and made it unbearable to lie still. She moved to a sitting position and leaned against her headboard. Her bed felt so cold, alone. How wonderfulit would be to have Jay’s warm body lying next to her, holding her tight. Honey drew her knees up to her chest and dropped her head on them. Tears welled up in her eyes. It bothered her that she was so distractedby him. She hated that Jay had the power to destroythe tranquility of her life. She tried to be angry with him, but couldn’t. She tried to dismiss the memoryof how he had made her feel that afternoon, but she failed at that shit, too.
Jay’s voice came again, echoing through the silence of her room: “Why do you keep running?”
Although Jay had suspected her fe
ar, she couldn’t answer.What would happen when he found out the truth? She was so afraid he would. Then what would he think of her?
The look in Jay’s eyes meant he was more determinedthan ever to find out why she ended their relationship.Panic squeezed at her chest. She couldn’t let that happen! But Jay had a strange power over her that was difficult to control. Fighting to calm her mounting fear, Honey took a deep cleansing breath. No. She was doing the right thing. As much as it hurt, there was no fuckin’ way things were going to change. As much as her body wanted otherwise, she had to continue to keep him at bay.
She and Jay could never be together.
Honey removed the pillow from behind her head and held it to her throbbing nipples, then groaned and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure how much more of this shit she could take.
Jay stepped out of the bathroom and quickly realizedthe cold shower had been unsuccessful at getting rid of a hard-on.
“This is getting fuckin’ ridiculous,” he groaned with frustration.
He hadn’t had sex since that night with Kendra. Becauseof Honey, he’d lost the desire to be with anyone else. It had taken all his strength tonight not to pull Honey into his arms and devour her lips, sampling their sweetness once again. Torn between wanting her but afraid of frightening her off, he intended to spend a lot of time plotting ways to win her heart.
When It Rains... Page 4
