She removed the size-five pants from the rack and disappeared into the dressing room, where she slid them over her narrow hips, then admired herself in the mirror. Jacob would be pleased. Slipping her jeans back on, she walked out to the sales desk where she found Kendra paying for the coat.
“Oh, Nat! I was able to snatch the last one,” she said, eyes dancing with delight. Kendra fingered the materialone more time before the sales rep placed the coat in a hanging bag. Then she moved out of line so Nataliacould pay for her slacks, and they exited the store together.
Natalia looked down at all the bags Kendra was carryingand took several from her hands. “I’ve never seen you shop like this.”
Kendra turned to her and grinned. “And it feels so damn good. I’ve got a lot on my mind these days.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” Natalia asked with genuine concern.
Kendra’s smile faded as she pressed her lips togethertightly. “Yes, but let’s do it over lunch.”
They decided to indulge at California Pizza, a popularspot that usually had a line out of the door. Today, however, they were lucky to be seated right away. They ordered a chicken pizza and two Diet Cokes, and engagedin casual conversation before Kendra blurted out, “Oh, Nat, I’ve fucked up big time.”
“How so?” A wave of guilt washed over Natalia as the nickname reminded her of how close the two really were. There was no reason for either of them to play games when they’d always been so honest about everythingelse. Natalia leaned forward and listened while Kendra told her about her breakup with Lawrence.
“That’s terrible!” Natalia said. “I can’t believe he was messing around with his nurse.” Natalia was, in fact, flabbergasted. They had double-dated on several occasions, and she had believed Lawrence to be a kind, gentle man and a large contributor to the community.
“The ho!” Kendra fumed. Even though Natalia was her best friend, it was difficult sharing her humiliation. “I should have suspected somethin’ by the way she was lookin’ at him with those big bubble eye of hers, pantin’like a dog in heat.”
Natalia covered her mouth and laughed. “You’re mean.”
“It’s true! She even had the audacity to call me last week on behalf of Lawrence and ask me to return the gown he purchased for our wedding. If I wasn’t pregnant,I would have beat that bitch’s ass.”
Natalia’s brow rose as she remembered the beautifulsatin gown Kendra had insisted on having. It had cost Dr. Hill close to five thousand dollars. “So, what happened?”
“I sat up that night and cut it into shreds, and then had it FedExed to his office the next mornin’.”
“You didn’t?” Natalia asked, even though by the look Kendra gave her she knew she had. “Girl, you’re crazy.”
“Hmmph! That was just a start.” Her nostrils flared. “I plan on gettin’ even.” She reached for her glass and took a long drink before adding, “You just wait until he asks me for this ring back.”
Natalia dropped her eyes to the three-carat solitaire Kendra was still wearing. “What are you planning on doin’?”
Kendra’s eyes danced as she leaned across the table. “Cubic zirconia, baby.” She screeched with laughter.
Natalia brow rose. “You wouldn’t?”
“Girl, you know I will. Lawrence doesn’t know who he’s playing with. I already found one that looks just like this one at the pawnshop.” She stirred the ice in her glass with her straw. “I was going to be everythingfor that man. Why else was I willin’ to have a fuckin’ baby?” She dropped her eyes to the table. “Then he decides he wants to dump me when it’s too late to get rid of it.”
Natalia’s face clouded with uneasiness as she pushed back several unruly curls. She knew Kendra was a strong believer in an eye for an eye, but in all the years they’d known each other, she never would have guessed Kendra could be so vindictive. The rage blazingin her eyes made her shudder.
Their waitress returned with their food. After she departed,Natalia decided it was time to mention the baby. She cleared her throat and said, “What are the two of you gonna do about the baby?”
Kendra bit into a slice of pizza and finished chewingbefore she spoke. “Please don’t think any less of me when I tell you this.”
Natalia heard the plea in her friend’s voice, and reached across to squeeze Kendra’s hand. “Of course not. We’re friends no matter what. What is it?”
Kendra didn’t say anything for the longest time, and when she did, she spoke in a soft voice. “I’m carryin’Jay’s baby.” She stared intently at Natalia, analyzingher reaction. Instead of surprise, she noticed a look of relief. “You already knew, didn’t you?”
Natalia looked at her pained expression and nodded.“Yes, but I wanted to hear it from you. But ... are you sure it’s Jay’s baby?”
Kendra looked hurt for a moment, then realized the question was warranted. She’d fooled Natalia into telling everyone she was carrying Lawrence’s child. “I’m sure,” she said, then sighed and rested her head in her palm. “The worst part about it is Jay’s tryin’ to play games.”
Natalia squeezed her hand again. “Jay intends to do right by you and the baby.”
Kendra pulled her arm away and laughed bitterly. “The right thing to do would be to marry me.”
Giving her a sympathetic smile, Natalia said, “I don’t think that’s going to happen. But I can reassure you, Jay will take care of his responsibilities.”
Kendra thought about the restless nights she’d been having. The baby’s rapid movement in her womb was constantly interrupting her sleep. “He’ll have to marry me, or I’m givin’ this baby up for adoption.”
Natalia shook her head. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“But why would you do that? Jay would provide financialsupport for both you and his child.”
“This has nothin’ to do with money. If that were the case, I’d have this child and take Jay Andrews’s mothafuckin’ass to the cleaners.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to be a single parent. I want the husband and the child, not the child.”
Natalia found herself unable to argue her point. She would probably react the same way if she suddenly found herself pregnant and alone. While she could run to her parents for help, Kendra couldn’t. Once she’d left, she never looked back. Now she was pregnant and alone. Natalia never wanted to be in the same predicament.She would be terrified. That alone made Kendra braver than she. In fact, the only flaw she’d noticed in her friend was that, starved for love, she usually looked for it in all the wrong fuckin’ places—which was why Natalia had introduced her to Jay in the first place. She’d hoped to see the two people she loved most find happiness with one another. How wrong she had been.
She looked up to see Kendra staring at her and said, “You would just give your child away to some stranger?”
“If I had to, yes, I would.” Kendra shifted uneasily in the chair.
Natalia shook her head with disapproval. “I can’t believe you’d even consider adoption, especially after the way you grew up.”
Kendra’s expression stilled. “I’m doin’ it because of the way I grew up. I know nothin’ about being a mother, because I never really had a mother. And when she was around, she spent most of her day trying to beat me upside my head for my existence and for ruinin’her life. I don’t want to look at this child someday and think about what could have been if he or she were never born.”
“Everything could work out in the end.” Natalia gave her a comforting smile.
Kendra dropped her shoulders and blew out a long breath. “I’m not cut out to be a single parent, Nat. Even you know that. I don’t need baggage. It would be too hard for me to find a husband who’d want a ready-made family. I was stupid enough to believe Lawrence did, and I’ll be damned before I take that chance again.” Her eyes became misty, and she lowered her head and dabbed them with her napkin. “Jay will have to marry me. That’s the only option.”
N
atalia stared at her, watching the rise and fall of her chest. There had to be some other way. “It sounds as if your mind is made up.”
“Yes, with Jay and this baby, it has to be all or nothin’.” She blinked back fresh tears and took a deep breath. “Are you mad at me?”
“No, because I know you’re too damn selfish to be anyone’s mother.”
Hurt darkened Kendra’s eyes, and she blew air betweenher teeth. “Damn, girl! Why you have to be so hard?”
“It’s true, but I love you just the same. I just hate that I’m now in the middle of this shit.” Natalia bit into her pizza. “However, my godchild is not being put up for adoption. I’m gonna convince Jay he’s ready to be a father.”
Kendra’s face shone. “Oh, hell yeah! I knew you would help me hook his chocolate ass.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did. You know as well as I do that Jay isn’t cut out to raise a child on his own. He needs me. This baby needs him.”
Natalia shook her head. “I don’t think it’s gonna work.”
“Yes, it will. I just need your help to pull it off.” Her eyes glimmered with hope.
Natalia groaned inwardly. How did she get herself involved in this shit?
Honey was curled up on the couch with a large bowl of buttered popcorn. It was her favorite night of the week. She never scheduled a date on Monday, not wantingto take the chance of missing her favorite lineup on UPN. She either laughed or cried at the characters, knowingthere were other people out there beside herself with drama in their lives. The characters dealt with somethingdifferent each week. They were survivors, like her.
Today’s appointment with her psychologist went quite well. She felt that she was really beginning to heal. Soon, she would be able to put her past where it belonged forever ... in the past.
Glancing at the clock on top of her television, she noticed that she had still another five minutes before the first show began. She placed the bowl on the couch and returned to the kitchen for a big glass of chocolate milk. Nothing was better than chocolate milk and popcorn.
As she was pouring the syrup into a tall glass, the phone on the kitchen wall rang. Who could be calling her now? With a scowl, she reached for the phone as she retrieved a spoon from the drawer.
“Hello?” she asked while she stirred.
“May I please speak with Honey?” asked a raspy male voice.
Honey stopped stirring and tried to identify the voice, but failed. “Who is this?”
“Who’s this?” the man countered.
Honey huffed and dropped a hand to her waist. “This is Honey, and I’m ’bout to hang up on your ass.” The brotha called at the wrong damn time to be playing games.
He chuckled. “My bad. Would you like for me to call at another time?”
“That depends on who’s calling.”
“Dis Darrius.”
“Oh yeah,” she mumbled. Rashad hadn’t wasted any time.
“Oh yeah,” he mocked. “You sho don’t sound too happy to hear from an old friend.”
Honey snorted. “You were never my friend. All you ever did was pick on me, making my life hell.”
“Then why did you tell Rashad to give me yo’ number?”he challenged.
“Because I ...” She paused. He did have a point.
Darrius laughed at her silence. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” He lowered his voice to a mellow tone. “Why don’t you give me a chance to make it up to you?”
Hmmm, baby’s got style. Not used to such a bold introduction,she twirled the phone cord around her index finger without thinking. “Whatcha have in mind?”
“How ’bout I drop by your salon this week and we discuss dinner?”
Why the hell not? If she sat in the house alone anotherday thinking about Jay’s mothafuckin’ ass, she was going to go crazy. Besides, Darrius did sound good over the phone. “I guess so.”
“Either you do or you don’t.”
She laughed outright at the blunt statement. Talk about nerve. “You’re bossy, aren’t you?”
“No. Just direct. It comes with havin’ big balls.” She could hear the smile in his voice.
“And I like it in you. That’s cool.” Looking toward the living room, she added, “But I got to go. My show just started, and I hate to miss the beginnin’.”
Chuckling, Darrius said, “I’ll see you soon.”
Honey raced back to the living room and flopped down on the couch, wearing a wide grin. Time must have done a brotha some good. Darrius sounded quite interesting. He just might be what she needed to keep Jay off her mind. Maybe things really were beginning to look up for her again.
Six
Natalia sat behind her desk feeling a tremendous amount of frustration. She peered miserably around her lavish office as she pondered the problem at hand.
Last night she had planned to spend a quiet evening alone with Jacob. She’d prepared a fabulous lasagna dinner for two, including garlic bread and a tossed salad. She’d expected Jacob to come over straight after work, but when he hadn’t arrived by eight o’clock she became worried and decided to page him. Jacob returnedthe call within minutes, but instead of apologizingfor being late, he accused her of trying to keep track of his black ass. Natalia had laughed it off, explainingshe was only concerned as to why the fuck he hadn’t showed up yet for dinner. Jacob told her in a far-offvoice that tonight wasn’t a good night, and not to expect him for dinner. He finished by informing her that he’d be in touch, and then hung up.
In touch! His words had struck a nerve. Who the fuck did he think he was talking to? Gritting her teeth, Natalia searched for a meaning behind his words. She wasn’t furious; instead, she was anxious to know what the hell was going on. Her eyes wandered restlessly to the phone, hoping Jacob would call with an explanationfor his rude behavior.
Trying again to shake off the gloom, Natalia picked up a pencil and began making changes to a sketch in front of her. Diva Designs was hosting an AIDS benefit fashion show in April, and alterations were still being made to the season’s new designs.
Diva Designs created exquisite evening wear made of the finest fabric in brilliant colors that complementedwomen of color. The two-piece sketch in front of her consisted of a flattering metallic gold duster and black slacks; however, Natalia wasn’t quite pleased with the design. Diva Designs contracted with designersfrom all over the world, but this was one of her own creations. With a degree as a fashion designer, she had a flair for style. The olive wool pantsuit she was wearingwas just a sample of her talent.
After several attempts, Natalia gave up. She couldn’t concentrate. There was still a lot to do if she was going to be ready on time, but her thoughts were in turmoil. She dropped her pencil, sagged back against the leather chair, and asked herself again what could possibly be going on. The question stabbed at her heart. Since last night, she’d found herself feeling insecure about her relationship.It gnawed away at her confidence. Insecurity was one emotion she didn’t particularly enjoy; she’d experienced it enough as a child.
Pushing back a wayward strand of hair, she reflected on the last nine months. She loved Jacob, and knew he also loved her. Not because he had told her so many times, but because he showed her in so many ways: romanticdinners, breakfast in bed, showering her with gifts, but most of all being there when she needed him the most.
She had given as good as she got. When his father, Sly Stone, passed away a month before, she’d been there to help him through it, giving him all the love and support she could provide. Which was why it was so fuckin’ hard for her to understand why he was shutting her out. Something was obviously bothering him. Maybe her fears were premature; however, she wouldn’t know for sure until he called.
Glancing down at her watch, Natalia discovered it was well past two o’clock. She’d missed lunch. Shhiiit. It didn’t matter. Since last night, she had been unable to put anything down.
Before she could strike up the nerve to try reaching Jacob
on his cell phone again, the door to her office swung open. It was Jay. Smiling, she relaxed in her seat, glad to see him. It gave her something else to think about, at least for the duration of his visit.
“What are you doing on this side of town?” she asked.
Jay strolled across the plush mauve carpet and sank into a Queen Anne chair opposite her desk. “You forgot who shares controlling interest in this corporation,” he said with a smirk. Jay had inherited half of Diva Designs and thousands of dollars when his grandfather died. But because he knew little to nothing about fashion designing,and really didn’t give a fuck one way or another, he chose to be a silent partner and allowed Terraine, who had once worked side by side with their grandfather, to run the corporation the way he saw fit. Three months ago, Terraine took the corporation public. Together, the two shared the controlling 52 percent.
Jay laced his fingertips behind his head, then stretched out his long legs, crossing them at his ankles. “I got your message late last night. So I thought I’d show my face around here and visit with you at the same time. Did you get a chance to speak with Kendra?”
“Yes, that’s why I called.” Natalia placed her red fingernailson the edge of the desk and peered into Jay’s warm brown eyes. “It’s your child.”
Feeling as if someone had punched him in the chest, Jay considered the revelation for a brief moment beforeasking, “How can you be so sure?”
Natalia blinked, surprised, then said, “I’m sure. I’ve been around Kendra enough years to know when her ass is lying.” She gave him a knowing look.
Jay nodded and leaned forward, then ran over her words in his head as he contemplated what he was going to do now that he knew for certain the baby was his. His eyes shifted away from Natalia briefly, then back again. “Did she say anything about givin’ the baby up for adoption?”
Natalia rose from her chair, lips pinched. “Yes, and just as I told her, I think the two of you are making a big mistake.”
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