As the St. Louis Arch came into view, she rememberedthe first time James had taken her there. It had been on their first date. It was also the place he had proposed several years later.
Had she really been that fuckin’ naïve? She had thought their marriage was ideal. James was a dentist while she was a pediatrician. Her friends all envied her relationship, and she thought she was the luckiest woman in the world. The only thing missing was children,but James had insisted that they wait until their practices were under way, and she had agreed.
Then a car crash brought her blissful world to a screeching halt. Or so she thought.
For several months, she lay awake at night, wishing they’d had a child so she would still have a part of him.
Jocelyn had tried to hold it together, and buried the man and a big chunk of her life. It had taken a year beforeshe was able to pull her shit together. Her laughter had just recently returned and the tears lessened until finally she had felt ready to date again.
Then she attended a seminar in Kansas City, and it all came crashing back when she saw that sorry mothafuckacrossing the street.
At first she’d thought she was losing her damn mind, but she knew her husband’s strut, the way he tilted his head slightly to the left, his long neck, the way he alwaysembedded his right hand in the pocket of his pants when he walked, the style of his tailor-made suits. Everybody had thought she was crazy, but in her heart, she knew she was right.
I wish I had been wrong.
But a deep emotional attachment for the man she believed had been her soul mate forbade her letting go. All she could think about was that maybe she had buried somebody else, and her husband was still alive ... Maybe he had amnesia.
So she had hired a private investigator.
“Are you okay?”
She flinched at the sound of Chad’s voice, then, without glancing at the man sitting in the seat beside her, she nodded and looked out the window again.
Jocelyn had lied. She would never be all right, ever again. She had given her all to one man, giving him her heart and soul. In turn, the man had made her look like a damn fool. He had crushed her heart and killed her spirit. He had taken something from her that would take years, if ever, for her to get back. Trust.
Chad watched Jocelyn out of the corner of his eye as she tried to come to terms with the last twenty-four hours. He couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going through as she tried to accept the fact that the man she thought she knew, she’d never really known at all—and the man she thought she had buried last year had only died yesterday.
Chad had flown down with Jocelyn so that she could identify the body, and had watched the beautiful woman crumble right before his eyes. He wouldn’t wish that kind of bullshit on anyone.
When the plane taxied in and pulled up to the terminal,Chad unfastened his seat belt and glanced over at Jocelyn again. “We’re here.”
She looked over at him with a dazed look, then blinked until her eyes cleared. She forced a smile and said, “Yes ... yes, I guess we are.” Unfastening her seat belt, she reached for the small overnight bag underneaththe seat in front of her.
As he waited for the passengers in front of them to begin exiting the plane, Chad folded his hands in his lap. “Would you like to go somewhere and talk? I know a great restaurant in North County.”
Jocelyn rolled her eyes. “No. I have a million things to do.”
“Maybe another time?”
“Maybe not,” she retorted, then paused, realizing that she was being rude. “I’m sorry. I really appreciate everything you and Jay have done for me, but right now, the best thing for me is to be alone.”
He nodded in understanding. When their turn came to rise and depart the plane, they entered the terminal and went their separate ways.
Chad moved out to the parking garage, his ego bruised, but not beaten. He would give Jocelyn the time she needed to heal, then he’d come knocking at her door.
No one had ever turned him down before. That in itselfmade Dr. Price a challenge he couldn’t pass up.
That afternoon Honey hung out with Marcus, giving his parents a chance to spend some time alone. She and her nephew had a wonderful time. They went downtownand visited the City Museum, an old warehouse that had been converted to house a collection of unusualartifacts. It also had a train and a man-made cave for the kids to explore. Honey found herself climbing through the tunnels alongside him. Afterward they went to McDonald’s and pigged out on cheeseburgers, fries, and hot fudge sundaes. They returned to her house around dinnertime after stopping to rent some of Marcus’s favorite movies. She checked her answering machine and saw that Jay had called several times. Her heart throbbed at the realization he was back. While boiling water for hot chocolate, she returned the call. He answered on the first ring.
“Hey, boo. I was beginning to think you were avoidingme,” he teased.
She smiled at hearing the laughter in his voice. “No, I spent the day hangin’ out with Marcus. He’s spendin’ the night.”
“Mind if I come over and join you two?”
“I’d love the company.” Just the thought of being in the same room with his fine ass made her nipples stand straight up. “I’m sure Marcus would be happy to see you.”
“And what about you?”
She giggled, feeling like a breathless girl of eighteen.“Me too.”
“I have a stop to make, but I’ll be over right after.”
Not seeing him for several days had elicited an emotionalattachment she’d never thought she would experience.She knew the intimacy they’d had several times over the phone had a lot to do with it. “I can’t wait.”
Her words were magic to his ears. “Neither can I.”
Kendra smiled weakly at the couple sitting across the table. The woman squeezed her husband’s hand while gazing at Kendra with growing appreciation. “You are a dream come true,” she said.
Kendra nodded, eyes wide with false innocence. “I’m just glad that I can help you both. My baby’s daddy abandoned me as soon as he found out I was pregnant.” She paused. Under lowered lashes, she found the husbandsizing her up with dark, observant eyes. She sagged back against the bench, her hand resting on her abdomen. “There’s no way I can raise a child alone.”
The lady’s eyes immediately filled with sympathy. “How terrible,” she said, then closed her hand over Kendra’s and squeezed it gently. “We’ve been trying for years to have a baby, and had given up hope.” She turned to her husband, who leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.
Kendra wanted to throw up. They were the homeliestcouple she had ever met. No wonder their ugly asses couldn’t have children. The woman’s infertility was a blessing in disguise!
Pulling her hand free, Kendra laced her fingertips on top of the table. “Let’s get down to business.”
“Yes, of course.” The woman reached into a Coach purse and removed an envelope. “We’re prepared to pay you the agreed-upon balance on delivery.”
Kendra took the envelope from her and opened it, finding both a sizeable deposit and a contract inside. She quickly glanced over the fine print.
The woman’s lips twitched nervously. “Our lawyer prepared all of the forms, but if there’s a problem with the contract, we—”
“No,” Kendra said with an impatient wave of the hand, sick of hearing the woman’s whiny voice. “Everything looks just fine.”
The woman beamed at her husband. To finally be parents, fifty thousand dollars was chump change.
Honey retrieved a bag of popcorn from the microwaveand entered the living room, where Marcus was lying on the floor engrossed in a new Rugrats movie. She took a seat on the floor beside him and placed the bag of popcorn between them.
The movie had just ended and they were preparing to watch another when a knock came at the door.
Honey anxiously looked through the peephole, then threw open the door. Marcus ran up to Jay and embracedhim around the waist. “I’m glad to see you again, Un
cle Jay.”
Jay’s and Honey’s eyes met and they both raised a brow, surprised by Marcus’s choice of words, but neitherbothered to correct him.
Honey looked down at the box in his hand. “What you got there?”
“A tent and three sleeping bags.” His eyes twinkled with mischief. “I thought maybe we could camp in your living room.”
“Oh boy!” Marcus shouted, and began jumping up and down.
As Jay reached down for the bundles, Honey watched the muscles flex in his powerful legs. She felt a warm shiver travel straight through her as she remembered making love on the phone last night. As she took in his appearance—his cap turned backward on his head and sweatshirt spread tauntingly across his massive chest—she ached from both need and longing. Even in a pair of worn jeans, he was sexy. She licked her lips as she envisioned him lowering his pants, followed by his boxers, and standing in front of her giving her a bird’s-eyeview of his colossal dick. She had never seen it but she had felt it through his pants and knew for certain her boo was blessed.
While Marcus and Jay set up the tent, Honey went in search of hot dogs and marshmallows, shaking with anticipation of the evening.
While she was piercing the hot dogs, Jay came behindher and wrapped his hands around her waist.
“You’re an expert,” he said. “Where did you find the sticks?”
“They’re for makin’ kabobs.”
“Good idea.” He dropped his head forward and inhaleddeeply of her scent, then swung her in the circle of his arms until she faced him. “I’ve missed you.”
“So have I.” Staring up at him, she saw desire that mirrored her own.
He quickly devoured her lips with a kiss, quick but not lacking in intensity. Then he raised his leg and rubbed his knee against her coochie until she was drippingwet. When Honey moaned, he reluctantly pulled away. “We’ll finish this later,” he promised before exitingthe room.
After ghost stories in front of the fireplace, Marcus finally dozed off, and Honey escaped into the kitchen to make two cups of hot chocolate. Reaching into the cabinet, she removed two mugs and grabbed the last of the marshmallows, then turned on the teakettle. True to his word, Jay followed her into the room, and she felt his presence behind her as his hands clasped around her waist. She felt the sensation of his lips against the back of her neck and swallowed, trying to stand perfectly still, but his touch left her unbalanced and trembling. His tongue traveled across to her earlobe, then moved around to the side of her mouth.
He swung her around and she allowed her body to fall limply against his chest. When he lowered his head, she felt the warmth of his mouth against her. She wrapped her arms instinctively around his waist and arched against him, her nipples pushing against the cloth that separated them, feeling the heat of his flesh through his shirt. Her mouth opened beneath his, and Jay swept his tongue inside. Their tongues met and Honey moaned softly. The intensity rushed up from her toes, bringing heat and overwhelming sensation. Jay slipped his hand under her blouse and found her heart hammering violently against her chest.
He pulled back. “You’re shaking,” he whispered against her right earlobe, sending Honey’s heart into a tailspin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just can’t seem to help myself when I’m around you.”
She shook her head and said, teeth chattering, “You didn’t frighten me. It’s the way my body responds to you that frightens me.” No ... she wasn’t afraid of him; her body was begging him to make love to her.
A delightful shiver of want ran through her. Her skin was tingling. She wanted him, and was amazed at how much. Jay had her like putty in his hands, and she loved it.
Jay had given her the one thing she’d wanted all week. A kiss. One that left her gasping, panting, and shuddering. Oh, she wasn’t afraid, not anymore. Jay had brought untried senses to life.
“We’ve got plenty of time,” he said, his voice teasing.“The last thing I need when we finally make love is a four-year-old watching us. Come, let’s sit in front of the fire.”
She sat cross-legged in front of the fireplace and patted the spot next to her. Jay lowered himself and sat close enough for their legs to touch. They were quiet for several moments, enjoying the intimate feeling circulatingaround the room.
“I love you, boo,” he said, breaking the silence. When he saw her surprised look, he asked, “Didn’t you know?”
“How was I supposed to know if you never told me? I’m not a mind-fuckin’-reader.” She faked a frown, but was in fact bubbling over with joy. Jay loved her. Honey gazed at him, saw the love pouring from his cocoa eyes, and knew he meant it.
“I fell in love with you the first time I saw you,” he said. “I’ve missed you like crazy these past several months, but I was too stubborn and stupid to admit it.” Jay pulled her close, and she relaxed against his shoulderas he kissed the top of her head and nuzzled against her. “I want to share my life with you. When you’re ready, I want to marry you and start a family.”
Why the hell did he have to say that? When she turned her head to face him, her smile disappeared as she realized she hadn’t told him the rest of her secret. The part that mattered the most.
Seeing the change in her expression, Jay realized that he’d said too much. Shit, Andrews, you’re scaring the woman. Pulling her close, he resolved not to bring it up again.
Long after Jay was sound asleep in his sleeping bag, Honey lay wide-awake, staring at the paper moon and stars Jay and Marcus had taped to the ceiling. She tried to smile, but tears spilled from her eyes. Her confidenceof only a short time before had evaporated. This shit is fuckin’ unbelievable. She’d finally fallen in love with a man that loved her back, yet she couldn’t give him what someone else had taken away.
Fifteen
Driving home from her mother’s house, Honey looked over at Jay and smiled. Dinner had been everything she thought it would be.
Jay had met the rest of her family and, as she’d expected,won them all over. For the first time ever she was at a loss for words. By the end of the meal, the two were curled up on the couch together with her head resting on his shoulder, and she’d ignored her family’s grins and her brother’s smart-ass wisecracks. Perhaps she should have been embarrassed, but she wasn’t.
They pulled into her driveway, then Jay walked her to the door. He looked down into her eyes glistening in the moonlight and felt desire spiral through his body. When he leaned over and kissed her he savored the taste; even though he pulled away, he wanted more.
Honey reached into her pocket for her key and fumbledwith the lock. Jay was standing so close. “Would you like to come in?”
As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. As hard as my dick is, I might not be able to control my actions.”
She nodded, understanding. A sexual need like she had never experienced before had been brewing inside her all evening, and she didn’t doubt the same was true for Jay.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he promised, then curled an arm around her waist and lowered his head to kiss her again.
Honey entered the house and pulled off her coat. Tossing both it and her purse on the couch, she climbed the stairs to her room. She sat on her bed and removed her shoes, then sighed. Shit, she didn’t want to be alone tonight. But was she ready for Jay to make love to her?
Shaking off the question, she went into the bathroomto remove her clothes and slipped into red flannel pajamas and matching robe. After sliding into her house shoes, she moved past the window to turn on the lamp on her nightstand. What she saw outside made her stop in her tracks.
It was just like it had been the last time. Jay was standing in her driveway, puffing on a cigarette, gazing up at the second floor as though hoping she didn’t noticewhile also hoping she would invite him in.
As Honey peeked from behind the curtain, a warm sensation ran through her body. He is so fine and all mine, she thought. His skin glistened under the streetl
ightand looked as creamy and smooth as if she’d melted chocolate in a saucer on the stove.
She watched him turn his head toward the window, and knew he’d suddenly realized she was watching. In the dim streetlight, his loving brown eyes seemed to be saying, “You have to make the next move.” His dimpled grin radiated a sensual light that could brighten an entireroom, and sent her heart beating rapidly against her chest. He confused her, made her believe love was indeedpossible for her. He would understand. He wouldn’t care that she would never be able to bear his child. She said a silent prayer, and after several seconds knew that it was time.
What was she going to do?
Never in her life had she imagined meeting one man who would make her want to throw all her fears away. But she had, and he was standing right outside her window,waiting and hoping she finally would. Of course, being the gentleman he was, Jay wasn’t going to push her. He had promised. Instead, he would allow her to see the truth by gaining her trust and showing her he truly cared.
Finally, she’d met a man who made her want to learn what true love really meant. After the rape, and scared of being hurt, she’d closed off her heart. But with Jay, it was different. If she put her cards on the table, would he really love her? If she gave him the key to her heart, would he truly want her? For the first time, she had hope that the answer to those questions was “Yes.” She’d been so afraid of taking a chance she had preventedherself from seeing what had always been right in front of her face.
Suddenly she wanted to know. To hell with fear! She no longer wanted to deny herself. Yes, it was easier not to know than to find out, but she no longer wanted to be a coward. Tonight, she decided to put her fears behindher and live for the present. Tonight. Right now.
She was ready to find out what true love really was.
When Honey had peeked through the window, Jay was sure she would invite him in. But he’d been wrong. Damn. He was going to have another sleepless night with a hard dick. Jay dropped his cigarette butt on the ground and walked around his car to get in. Just as he opened the car door, her porch light came on. Next thing he knew, Honey was standing in the doorway.
When It Rains... Page 24
