I checked the time. I had a full eighteen minutes until first bell, and it was only a ten minute drive to school. With time to spare, I got excited at the idea that I’d be able to steal a kiss from Blayze before class. I drove a little faster than I should have, but I couldn’t help it. Damn it, but I wanted to see him so badly.
As I pulled into the school parking lot, seeing Blayze was all I could think about. So much so that it took me a minute to notice just how intensely everyone was staring at me. I hadn’t had this many eyes on me and my car since the very first time I drove rolled into Burnaby High. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I thought about the source of their unwavering interest. Undoubtedly, rumors of Blayze and I at the party was the reason. I wasn’t embarrassed or anything. Of course not. In fact, as soon as I found Blayze, it was likely they’d have something else to talk about because God knows, there was nothing I wanted more than to throw my arms around him and kiss him into oblivion. I tossed my hair—maybe a little too cockily as I pulled it back. There was a beat-up Kia on one side of me and a two-toned rusted out Ford on the other, each of them older than me. It still made me a little self-conscious to park here, but it was best to ignore it.
When I got out of the car, it was hard to miss the fact that people were still watching me. I smiled at them and waved a little.
“Good morning!”
Nothing. Okay, cool, not a good morning, apparently. I grabbed my stuff and twisted the rose through my hair tie. As I locked my car, I kept my eyes peeled for Blayze. There was a weird vibe in the air that I couldn’t really put my finger on, but I tried not to pay much attention to it. Everybody had off-days. Maybe the whole school was synchronizing theirs. Plus, it was the first day back, half of them were probably hung over and the other half missing their beds. I shrugged it off and kept moving.
A love song was playing in my head and I let it trickle out of my mouth in snippets and hums. I was probably falling for him. Okay, no, I had definitely fallen for him, but I had to at least try to keep my head on straight. I couldn’t imagine telling my future grandkids about how I met their grandpa smoking a cigarette under the bleachers and fell in love with him in the back seat of his car after getting violently wasted at an illegal party. As much as ours probably wasn’t a love story to tell the kids, it definitely gave me all the right kinds of goosebumps. The memory kept a smile on my face as I made my way into the school and through the building. I flashed an even bigger smile as I came across some of the faces I’d become friendly with before break. But just like all the grumps outside, it seemed as though no one in here was in a good mood either.
The deeper I got into the school, the more odd everything felt. My smile faded and faded some more as I tried to convince myself that all the whispering going on had absolutely nothing to do with me. I mean, people whisper every day, right? There was no reason to get paranoid.
“That’s her, right? That bitch!”
My heart picked up its pace. Trying to calm it down, I reminded myself that there was no way they were talking about me. Blayze had made sure that I was protected here. Safe here. Comfortable here. To put it in his words, “you fuck with Arlena, you fuck with me.” Nobody wanted to mess with him.
I tried to hold onto that thought, but the more I walked, the more it evaded me. You know that still feeling you get sometimes when something bad is about to happen? Like a wide open space inside, clear and calm and waiting. That feeling was filling me up right now because the whispers were spreading and there was no doubt anymore that they were whispering about me. And even if I were to pretend that that wasn’t the case, there was no way I could trick myself into believing that they weren’t pointing their fingers at me. That they weren’t smirking at me with shark-like grins. Piercing me with the venom in their eyes. I shook, feeling the chill of something bad cover my skin.
Blayze, where the hell are you?
I was at my locker. I didn’t know why it felt like I just ran naked through a safari full of hungry lions, but I was sweating and the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up tall. They were right behind me growing into, not just a spattering of students, but an entire crowd. I fumbled with my lock, screwing up my combination twice before I could finally yank the bitch open. Or I tried to, anyway, stopping as something stuck to my fingers. The very same thing that was clogging the latch.
“Gross!” I snapped my hand back, eyeing the freshly chewed gum coating my fingers. Trying not to gag, I ripped a bit of paper out of my binder and scraped the gum off into it.
Laughter rang through the hallway, a bunch of hyenas cackling like they’ve spotted the joke of the century. They’d been waiting for that, but for how long? Since the beginning of break? The middle of it? This morning? And what the hell had changed? I was beginning to feel like I was not welcome here anymore, the same way I felt when I first arrived at this damned school.
“And the messy girl just gets messier.” Remie’s voice was cold and hard—nothing like the tentatively friendly way she had talked to me the last time I saw her.
“Someone gummed my locker.” I was done with the gum on my fingers, but I still couldn’t open my locker. I used the paper again, making a face the whole time, and by the grace of God, managed to pop my locker open. But even that came with immediate regret. Thick goo slid out, down the front and onto my shoes.
“Well at least they soaped your locker too,” Remie sneered. “Clean yo messy ass up.”
Okay, that hurt. I looked up at her and found her face a mask of disdain. The words were out of my mouth before I could think better of them. “What the hell crawled up your ass, Remie?”
She slammed her own locker shut and glared down at me as I grabbed my book, shook the liquid soap off the bottom edge, and kicked the door closed. Looking back at Remie, I could see the tension in her neck and the flash of something evil in her eyes. It didn’t take her hand balling into a fist for me to know that she was about to hit me. Quick as I could, I put my book between us and took a step back. Remie’s murderous glare twisted into a sneer.
“Yeah, you better run, bitch,” she hissed, flinging her hair over her shoulder as she turned away from me. When she walked away, it wasn’t without pride filled steps and a wiggle of her ass, like she just won something. I wasn’t exactly sure what the hell it was she thought she won. Even more importantly, I didn’t know what I was losing, except maybe my mind.
When the bell rang, I still hadn’t found Blayze. I convinced myself that that was fine. That I’d keep my head down, make myself as small as possible and find him during passing period. Smart as Blayze was, he wasn’t exactly in the running to win student of the year. And with friends like Eddie, it was very likely that he’d found himself deep in a bottle of rum the night before. So deep that when morning found him, so did a massive hangover. The likelihood of him having overslept was very much there. So was the possibility of him skipping school altogether. That would suck. That would really, really suck. Proof of just how much wasn’t just evident in my earlier encounters, but also in the way my books went flying and the grody carpet found my face. Ancient dust filled my lungs as I collided with the floor. My ears only rang for a second, but I wished they would ring longer because as soon as I could hear again, there was nothing but jeering laughter all around.
I didn’t want to look at them, but I couldn’t help it. Standing only a foot away was Charlie, who had warmed up to me as soon as Blayze had claimed me. He wasn’t warm anymore. His laugh was as mean as his eyes. As mean as all the eyes surrounding me. I tried not to think, tried not to blink as I scavenged around, pulling my books into my hands and dusting off my outfit. Patting my head, I checked for the rose, as though it mattered more than the shitshow that was becoming my life. A small sigh found my chest as I found the rose still in its place. It was missing a petal or two, sure, but it was still there. Focus on the good things, right. Positive. Positive. Fucking positivity.
And then came the late bell. Fantastic. With my things clutched haphaza
rdly to my chest and tears pricking my eyes, I hurried down the hall, still looking for Blayze. He had to know why the whole school suddenly turned against me, and if he didn’t, he’d definitely rain hell down on all of them for screwing with me.
But where the hell was he?
Maybe I was spoiled from being raised in an upper-class school district, but it blew my mind that I couldn’t even be safe from these people in class. I pulled the third spit ball out of my hair and glared at the spitter. Corey? Colby. No, I wasn’t sure. But what the hell did it matter? I didn’t have to know him, because he clearly knew me. Like everybody else today, he seemed to know more about me than I did.
“I assume you all did the reading. If you didn’t, well, good luck with your grades.” Mr. Johnson looked tired, just as he always did. He leaned against the desk and scanned the room half-heartedly, as if he had already given up on all of us.
“So, here’s a simple question for all of you. Was Oedipus cursed?”
Danny raised his hand. “Um, duh? The chick said he would bone his mom and kill his dad, and he did. That’s like—textbook cursed right there.”
I rolled my eyes. It was all I could do as to not rock the boat while sailing in murky waters.
A girl to my left—Lavender— chuckled. Knowing her, she wasn’t going to allow Danny’s analyzation to sit. “No, moron. The seer just told them what would happen because she saw it happen. She didn’t make it happen.”
“Yes she did,” the guy behind me piped in. “If she hadn’t told them all that, they wouldn’t have panicked and done all the stuff that led to the rest of the stuff happening in the first place.”
“My dude, would you like to buy a noun?” Corey rolled his eyes at the other guy.
It didn’t matter that he was right, it didn’t matter that I knew what he was trying to say, and it didn’t matter that I felt like I could actually contribute something to this conversation. Head down, mouth closed. Just like the first week of school in this place. They were ready and waiting to eat me alive if I gave them an opening. So I wasn’t going to give them an opening. Not even when the debate started heating up and everyone with me on their radar decided it was the perfect opportunity to get shit rolling. The teacher’s focus zeroed in on the speaker, missing the pebbles of hardened gum that stung my cheeks. Missing the kicks that jerked my chair forward. Missing the note slid onto my table, titled “snitch bitch”. I flipped the paper over to see that the back was just a mirror of the front. I was many things, but a snitch, I was not.
Sure, there was that one time in fifth grade, but Sadie Walker had it coming. She spilled paint all over the back of my favorite dress and told everybody I shit myself, because obviously poop is blue. I snitched on her back then. But that was ages ago. Before I’d even known that Burnaby High existed. And more importantly, that was all stupid petty kid shit. This, however, was stupid petty grown up shit. I mean, we were all technically adults and being shoved to the ground was a heck of a lot more provoking than sitting in a puddle of paint.
I decided that if Blayze didn’t show up by lunch, I was out of here. I had a great attendance record and I hated to torpedo it, but who the hell knew what they’d get up to by the end of the day. I wasn’t going to sit here and wait for this crap to escalate.
I suffered through three more classes and three passing periods, still waiting for Blayze to materialize out of thin air. When he didn’t, I was left with two choices. Head into grimy orange lunchroom full of disgusting weapons for these people to use against me or head out to the parking lot. I decided on the latter. And because I just couldn’t catch a fucking break, stumbled into a mob of scowling girls, waiting for me just a few feet away from my car. I stopped in my tracks, not really knowing what to do or where to turn. To say that I was terrified, absolutely frickin petrified, would be putting it lightly.
“Hey, Arlena! Running away? I hear that’s what you’re good at,” one of them said. She had surprised brows penciled on her face and hoops in her ears that were bigger around than my wrist. Her dark purple mouth sneered at me before parting slowly. “Snitch.”
I shook my head and again, my mouth decided to act quicker than my brain. “You got a problem with me, how ‘bout you just come out and say it?”
The girl shrugged and as though in a coordinated effort, the entire group took one threatening step forward. “Get lost, little princess. Nobody wants you here.”
The way she twisted Blayze’s pet name for me stung. Of course, now I didn’t want to go because she told me to. I wasn’t in a real obedient mood, but come to think of it, I wasn’t in a suicidal mood either. I reminded myself that it was my idea to leave in the first place. She was just jumping on the bandwagon. Managing to squeeze past the crowd without getting thrown to the ground, I unlocked my car and practically jumped inside before starting the engine and speeding off like I had fire under my fender. I was halfway home before the woes of the immediate future threw themselves that me. Mom was working from home today, which meant that if I walked through the door this early, she was going to know something was wrong. My mother wasn’t the kind to turn a blind eye to matters that involved me. An only child, I was the apple of her eye, the center of her concern. If I skipped school, she’d need to know why. If she spotted tears in my eyes, she wouldn’t stop until she pinpointed the source. And if those tears turned into full on bawling, she wasn’t going to leave dad out of the equation. She was going to do whatever the hell it took to fix the parts of me that were broken. I couldn’t deal with that right now, not until I figured out just what the hell was going on.
I called Blayze. Once. And then twice. And then a third time which was definitely not the charm. My panic meter was on high. Blayze slept like a log, I knew that. But his phone was the axe that could break that log in a millisecond. Plus, it was well after midday. Hungover or not, he wouldn’t still be asleep. My mind went to all kinds of dark places. Blayze in a hospital bed. Blayze in a ditch. Blayze in jail. Jesus Christ, all this thinking wasn’t helping. I pulled the car over and sat with my head in my hands, trying hard to bite back the wails and fight back the tears. After more than just the customary deep breaths, I pulled my phone into my palm and texted Blayze.
Can we talk? I think I pissed somebody off but nobody’s telling me anything.
The neighborhood I was sitting in was quiet now, but it wouldn’t be later. As soon as school got out and people started coming home from work, the fights and street games would fill this place with sounds. It took me so long to get used to the chaos, but as I sat here, I found myself willing them to come. Maybe the loudness would drown out the thoughts pounding in my head and bring me some kind of chaotic peace. Back home—well, the place that used to be home—everything was quiet, almost serene. Sure, you had people mowing their lawns and there was the occasional birthday party, but nine times out of ten I could step outside and hear nothing but birds.
The truth of the matter was, as hard as it was to get used to, I liked the vibrancy of this place most of the time. I liked how alive and in the moment everybody was. I even liked the dirt, and there was a lot of that. Corner stores with peeling paint and high rises which could have used a good power wash ages ago were all full of people, and those people were all full of stories.
I looked at my phone again. And then again. And then again. There still wasn’t a message from Blayze.
Blayze who charged into my life like a warrior, dead set on protecting me from everything the school wanted to throw at me. He was so different from the prep school boys I used to date. His eyes were full of experience and his body full of hard-earned strength. Strength that I could definitely use right now.
God, I’d been sitting around for ages thinking about nothing and still, no message. I called him again. And again, god nothing but the monotone speech from his voicemail that he’s not available and I’m free to leave a message and…I cut the line and texted him instead.
Blayze? Is everything okay?
That soun
ded too needy, but I sent it anyway. Neediness wasn’t the worst thing in the world and I was not just going to sit here and wait for a response. I had a full tank of gas and a couple hours to myself, and I felt like a drive was exactly what I need to clear my head. And so…that’s what I did. I drove and I drove, and I prayed for Blayze to call or text or fucking just appear out of thin air. It didn’t help much. Not the driving and not the praying.
4
“Come on, man, you’re bringing the whole vibe down. How are you going to deal with her?” Eddie flopped down onto the couch next to me, sloshing his drink onto his open robe. He blinked down at the wet spot, brushed at it uselessly, then shrugged. “Besides, man, I can’t keep skipping school to play nursemaid. If I don’t graduate this year, I don’t graduate.”
I shrugged listlessly. “You weren’t gonna graduate anyway.”
“Bullshit,” Eddie said, grinning. “Teachers are all sick of me, and I’ve done all the work already. I got a 4.0 and a practically perfect attendance record. It was perfect at the beginning of break. Thanks for that, asshole.”
“Man, shut the hell up. How would you feel if you found out your girlfriend sent your brother up the river?”
Eddie shrugged. “Don’t know. Don’t care. Never had a brother and I never keep a girl longer than a weekend. Too much trouble.” He raised his voice in mocking falsetto. “What are we, Eddie? Where is this going, Eddie? Do you love me, Eddie?” He shuddered convincingly. “Nope, nope, y’all can deal with that shit. I’m a freewheeler, homie.”
I groaned and threw my arm over my aching eyes. “Lot of help you are.”
“I am,” Eddie said cockily. “I’ve kept you full of booze and out of jail all weekend. Now it’s time to push you out of the nest like a mama bird. Fly, little birdie, fly.”
Manic: A Dark High School Bully Romance Page 4
