“So, what – are they going to kick her out or something?”
“Haven’t you been listening?” Ian said, his voice rising with the level of frustration in his voice. “It is not something you walk away from. You can’t just leave. There’s no such thing as a ‘former Chameleon’.”
The temperature in the room seemed to drop at least ten degrees in a matter of seconds.
“What’s happened to her, Ian?” Sean’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but was easily audible in the absolute silence.
“Honestly? I don’t know. No one does. The only thing my contact heard was that she was suspended indefinitely and remanded to a secure location.”
* * *
Nicki’s toe touched the porch flooring, just enough to maintain the lazy, rhythmic arc of the porch swing. It was another gloriously beautiful day. The sun was shining. There was hardly a cloud in the sky. The air was balmy, with the slightest breeze carrying the scent of wild magnolia across the meadow. If she listened carefully she could hear the steady stream of icy creek water over the flat rocks behind the cabin.
Quite simply, it was paradise. There were no people, no missions. Other than a few modern conveniences for which she was profoundly grateful, there was only simplicity. She passed her time reading – the little place had an amazing selection of books; working out – the property included a shed with a weight bag and various fighting implements; and tinkering with the old Jeep in yet another outbuilding.
Nicki eventually forced herself off the swing and down toward the creek. It was here that she spent an hour each day, stripping down to what the Lord blessed her with and stretching out on the rocks like a lizard in the sun. She’d inevitably fall asleep, lulled by the sound of the water, letting her mind wander in the dreams that bled into her waking thoughts.
Sean Callaghan. The warmth and solidity of the rock reminded her of him. If she tried really hard, she could imagine that it was his hard body beneath her.
Wants and wishes. A sad smile teased the corners of her mouth as she recalled their little dialogue that day. She now had everything she wanted, everything she could attain through her own efforts. She’d thought Sean was among the things she wanted, and for a time, he had been. She’d given in to her desire, had taken him even as she had given him a part of herself. But somewhere along the line, Sean had moved from the “want” category into the “wish” category. He was something she was incapable of having. And Nicki didn’t do wishes.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew she’d fucked up royally. They didn’t have a lot of rules, but the ones they did have were law. No family. No friends outside of the organization. And absolute secrecy.
They knew about Nick. That was enough to earn her a severe slap on the wrist, but nothing more. She was one of their best, and had never actually revealed where she was or what she was doing.
They knew about her mom, too, but Charlene wasn’t going to tell anyone now, was she?
They knew about Benny. Allowing her to be the one to take him down was an added bonus; they would have gone after him eventually anyway.
What was unforgivable, what had sealed her fate, was her brief affair with Sean Callaghan.
Of all the men in the world, why had she chosen to break her vow of celibacy with him? She hadn’t willingly engaged – and so hadn’t engaged at all – in any sexual relationships since they scraped her out of the alley Benny’s thugs had dumped her into nearly a decade ago. So why now? Why him?
Because he, and he alone, had done what no one else had ever done. For a little while he had filled the Grand Canyon-sized hole in the middle of her chest. For a little while she had felt truly loved, wanted and desired.
Even now she couldn’t regret it. That brief span of time with him was more than some people ever got in an entire lifetime, and it was certainly more than she’d ever expected. No, she realized as she lay in the sun, letting the cool water trickle over her fingertips and toes, she wouldn’t change anything. She had experienced true happiness, and now had enough memories to sustain her for whatever small amount of time she had left.
It couldn’t be too much more. Six weeks had already passed; it was more than she’d anticipated. It was a beautiful place for someone to spend their last days. It was a rare treat, she knew, one most in her position would not get to experience.
She wasn’t a fool. The only reason she was allowed into Taser’s private refuge was because she’d never be able to tell anyone about it. This was her final gift – the chance to make peace with herself and whatever she believed in. When the end came, it would be swift. Hopefully painless. And, if there was a God, she would never see it coming. But if she did, she’d already made up her mind that she wouldn’t fight it. She’d accomplished what she’d set out to do. She’d broken the rules, knowing the consequences. She was ready to face her fate.
It was Wednesday, which meant a new shipment of supplies would be waiting for her at the far edge of the property come twilight. She never saw who delivered them; she’d obeyed Taser’s instructions to the letter, and they clearly stated that from four to six p.m. on Wednesdays, she was supposed to remain completely out of sight.
Nicki emerged from the woods, peering carefully this way and that. As always, she was alone. But this time, there was no shipment awaiting her. She sighed, bracing herself for the inevitable. Her time had finally come.
She took the long way back. Slipping off her shoes so she could feel the cool, damp earth and leaves beneath her feet, she wound her way through the forest. Her fingers stroked every tree along the way, memorizing the feel of the bark. She stopped briefly to admire every flower and inhale its scent. She listened to the sound of the awakening nocturnal creatures, the soft brush of the wind through the leaves. And when she emerged just short of the cabin, she looked up into the most brilliantly designed sky she’d ever seen.
There was a light on in the cabin; the soft glow spilled out welcomingly. So much for her not seeing it coming.
The aroma of steak and onions floated out to her and she smiled.
“There’s nothing like a great steak. Wouldn’t you agree?” the man asked without turning around. Nicki recognized him immediately. Taking a deep breath – she didn’t think it would be this hard – she smiled.
“Taser, you devil. I’m honored. I thought they’d send Fish. He’s been wanting to off me for years.”
The Chameleon leader laughed, a hearty, genuine rumble that filled the whole cabin. He had long straight hair the color of milk chocolate hanging out from beneath the do-rag that capped his skull. A neatly trimmed patch of facial hair appeared above and below his mouth, giving him a very sophisticated, bad boy look. Intense amber eyes – almost golden – turned to smile at her.
He took in her bronzed, sculpted flesh meticulously, scanning her from head to toe. Nicki didn’t bother feeling self-conscious. That was Taser. It was said that he got the nickname from the effect he had on people simply by looking at them.
Nicki joined him at the stove, plucking a mushroom from the pan. “Make yourself useful,” he said, his voice as compelling and hypnotic as his eyes. “Start on the salad.” He waved a skewering fork in the direction of a grocery bag spilling over with various green and fresh vegetables. She thought it was a little tacky for him to ask her to help prepare her own last meal, but what the hell.
“How are Fisher and Brookes?” she asked, pulling out a colander and breaking lettuce leaves into it.
“Like lost puppies,” Taser chuckled. Nicki smiled too. It wasn’t true, she knew, but it was kind of him to say so. Taser was nothing if not a psychological genius. He knew what people needed to hear and had no qualms about saying whatever was necessary to suit his purposes. And Taser would make this as pleasant as possible.
That was okay. Nicki had a similar gift, only hers allowed her to see through the bullshit and hear what he was really saying.
“I had to send them off to Seattle just for a little peace. They’re driving me nuts.”
Nicki’s translation: Taser didn’t want them to know when or where it would go down.
“Yeah,” she agreed, “they do that. They’re good agents, though. The best.” It was her way of letting Taser know that neither of them had a hand in what she’d been up to. Surely he already knew that, but she was just confirming it for good measure. Taser nodded, amused.
“This place is awesome,” she said after a while. The silence wasn’t terribly awkward as they prepared the meal together, but it had been quite a while since she’d had the chance to speak to another human being. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it.
“Thought you’d like it,” he said. “It’s my own personal therapy. I come here when things get to be too much.”
Too much for Taser? The thought was almost unimaginable. Taser was the embodiment of knowledge, power, and control. She said as much to him, evoking another round of laughter. “You make me feel like a god, Nix.”
“Aren’t you?” she quipped. “You’ve been insinuating as much for years.”
“Demi-god,” he corrected with a smile. “There’s still a touch of humanity floating around somewhere. I’ve been trying to quell it but it’s elusive as hell.”
Nicki, for one, was grateful for that touch of humanity. Without it, she wouldn’t have had the last six weeks. She wouldn’t be sitting here now, laughing and enjoying a delectable meal. She told him that, too.
They talked, keeping the subjects light. Nicki thought Taser might have slipped something into the food or drink at some point, but hours afterward, she still felt no unusual symptoms, just a pleasantly full belly and a sense of the inevitable.
Taser insisted she stay in the bedroom; he would take the couch. That surprised her a little. She’d half expected him to offer her a chance of one last night of passion, but he didn’t, brushing only a chaste kiss across her forehead when he bid her a good night. It was just as well. She wouldn’t have accepted. Then again, he probably already knew that, just like the prescient bastard knew everything else.
As Nicki lay in bed, she stared up at the ceiling and did something she hadn’t done in a long time: she prayed. She asked for forgiveness, and for God to watch over her brother and Sean. She thanked Him for these last few weeks of peace. And she asked for special consideration for Taser, who was only doing his job. When she was finished, she closed her eyes, and drifted off, never expecting to wake again.
Chapter Nineteen
It was quite a shock when she felt the warm, humid breeze across her bared shoulders the next morning. The birds were singing, their gentle music clearly audible in the early morning hours. Nicki opened one eye and looked around. The room looked exactly like it had yesterday, and she was alone, wearing the same clothes she’d gone to sleep in. She’d deliberately chosen a silky white nightie rather than her usual cotton T and panties. Perhaps she had some kind of latent princess fantasy, but she wanted to look pretty in her final moments.
She could hear Taser in the other room, moving quietly as if afraid to wake her. For some reason, that thought struck her as funny.
“Are you ever not beautiful?” Taser murmured when she emerged shortly thereafter to find him lounging on the couch, coffee in hand, laptop balanced on his long legs.
Nicki paused, stunned by his words. Deciding she must have heard wrong, she shook her head and proceeded to pour herself a cup of coffee.
Taser looked completely at ease as he directed his attention back to his laptop, not at all like someone who was going to kill her and dispose of her body. She guessed that kind of mental control was what made him so good at it. He did stretch out his hand, however, silently commanding her to refill his mug as well. She did.
“I never really pictured you as the cruel type,” she said conversationally as she took a seat across from him. “Is this part of my punishment?”
His golden eyes lifted from the screen. “Do you find my company so punishing, Nix?”
“Not at all. On the contrary, I think I might genuinely enjoy it were the circumstances different.”
“What circumstances would those be?”
“Oh, come off it, Tay. We both know why you’re here, so why not just get it over with? I know you’re into the whole psychological mind-fuck thing – and don’t get me wrong – you excel at it – but enough’s enough.”
Taser did something he rarely did. He blinked. “Let me see if I understand this. I send you to my private retreat for a little R and R. Provide you with everything you need – clothes, food, distractions. Cook you a fine meal. Give you my bed. Make coffee and let you sleep in. And that constitutes fucking in your mind?”
“Mind-fucking, not regular fucking,” she clarified. The corner of Taser’s mouth quirked. “My mistake. Please, continue.”
Nicki got up off the couch and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She began to pace the width of the room. Golden eyes followed her closely. She completed several passes before she spoke.
“Why don’t you just kill me already?” she blurted out finally, stopping and glaring at him.
Taser’s expression did not change. He remained the picture of ease, traces of amusement clearly visible. “Do you want me to kill you?”
“Well, of course not,” she snapped as if she was talking to an idiot. “But I fucked up, and rules are rules, and you know you have to make an example of me, so go ahead and just do it already.”
He considered her for a moment. “You seem really preoccupied with the concept of fucking this morning. Do you need to get laid, Nix?”
“Agh!” she cried out in frustration. “Don’t be such a dick!”
The quirk became a full-fledged grin. “Methinks the lady doth protest too loudly.”
“Taser!”
“Okay, okay,” he said, chuckling. “Come over here.” He patted the seat beside him. Warily she made her way over to the sofa and sat down. Taser tapped a few keys and then closed up his laptop.
“Nix, I am not going to kill you today, nor am I going to fuck you.” He grinned. “I do, however, reserve the right to do either – or both - at some future point in time.” Nicki rolled her eyes and snorted. “Now that we’ve cleared that up, know this: Your vacation ends now. Get in the kitchen and make me some breakfast, woman.”
“Fuck you,” Nicki said with affection.
Taser laughed. “That’s my girl. I already ate anyway. Go grab something for yourself and bring it back here. We can talk while you eat.”
Nicki rose and began to walk away, then turned suddenly and regarded him. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re not going to do it?”
He made an “X” over his chest. “Cross my heart.”
She believed him, even though he routinely insisted he’d had his heart surgically removed years ago, and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She stared at him for a few long moments, wondering if anyone really knew the man before her. “You know, you look an awful lot like Tommy Gunn with the whole ‘stache/beard thing going on.”
Taser chuckled at the adult film star reference. He really was quite attractive when he smiled like that. And when he wasn’t trying to kill her.
“Where do you think I got the idea? He’s one of my idols. My rod’s bigger though,” he winked. Nicki sighed, her expression martyred, and wondered why she even bothered sometimes.
“You know, I still can’t believe you’re just reinstating me, giving me another assignment.” Nicki tossed the apple core toward the woods for some creature’s later delight and licked the last of the peanut butter off the spoon. They sat on the swing together, rocking lightly. Nicki’s foot was tucked at an angle beneath her; Taser was lounging back, regarding her with those golden eyes, reminding her of a huge cat sizing up his prey.
She still housed some doubt as to whether or not Taser was being honest with her. Maybe this was all part of the plan, a ruse to get her feeling comfortable and unthreatened, to relax her guard. Even though she had already decided she wouldn’t fight her “
elimination”, her instincts would probably kick in anyway. She was more than capable of inflicting some serious damage, and maybe Taser just didn’t want to take the chance of losing anyone else. There weren’t that many of them to begin with.
“Oh, it’s not that easy, sweetheart. This is not just any assignment. There are consequences for what you did, you know.”
Nicki narrowed her eyes. Maybe Taser’s plan all along had been to put her in an unwinnable situation. She’d go down in the line of duty. It made sense. Even if she couldn’t make it back alive she’d take a few of the bad guys with her, and Taser wouldn’t have her blood on his hands. Sure, everyone knew the rules, but there might be a few agents genuinely upset if Taser did her in. If someone else did it, it was a win-win. For everyone except her, that was.
“Just what are we talking about here?”
“I’ll let your partner fill you in on the details.”
Nicki frowned. Partner? Ah, shit. Taser wasn’t going to make Fisher or Brookes take her out, was he? A form of penance for not checking her before things got out of hand? They all looked out for one another, took care of one another. Their teams were so close it really didn’t matter who actually messed up. They all shouldered the responsibility. Sharing the blame was the only way they all managed to remain upright.
But surely this didn’t count. Fisher and Brookes couldn’t possibly be held accountable for anything that occurred in Pine Ridge; they weren’t even there until they showed up at Sean’s place. Technically, she’d been on leave.
“Fisher didn’t know. Neither did Brookes,” she blurted out. “They had nothing to do with what went down up north.”
Those golden eyes burned right through her. Taser was the only one she knew of – besides a certain hard-assed Irishman – that could truly out-stare her. “They should have been watching you more closely. If they had, we might have minimized the collateral damage.”
Collateral damage. A.k.a., Sean Callaghan and the Ghost Team. Icy blue eyes and the expression Sean wore that last time she’d seen him – surprise, desire, determination – rose unbidden in her mind’s eye. Had he been searching for her? Had he enlisted the aid of his brothers? Fisher already told her they’d been attempting to do a background check on her.
Seeking Vengeance: Callaghan Brothers, Book 4 Page 18
