by Heather Boyd
Ellicott drew close, forcing her to look up. “Mother mentioned there was another captain staying in a guest room. The infamous Captain Jennings. My dear, your family really does consort with the most interesting characters.”
“Captain Jennings is not a guest now. He visited my grandfather briefly, but then returned to his rented rooms at the village.”
“The village inn, you say? How provincial.” The sounds of keys being struck drifted in from the music room. “Ah, wonderful. Another musicale,” Ellicott murmured. “Let us hope it is your sister and not your middle cousin. She is much too fond of the dramatic for my taste.”
“Audrey chooses music to suit her mood rather than the popular choice of the crowd.”
Ellicott scowled. “Then I swear she must have been in a black mood every single day I have been here. Shall we join the family amusements yet again?”
Sally rose, bristling at the sarcasm in his tone, and followed everyone else into the music room, stopping at the doorway when Ellicott did. It was foolish of her to have expected him to appreciate every member of her family. Audrey was so young and could be easily hurt by a cutting remark. She hoped her cousin never realized Ellicott disliked her choice of music so much.
Everyone else was seated and facing the pianoforte. There were three chairs remaining at the rear of the room, but she waited for Ellicott to lead her there.
Ellicott leaned close, drawing her against his body. His hand slipped lower to her hip and caressed her. “On second thought, let’s slip away while we have a chance.”
“My absence will be noticed.”
Ellicott scowled. “I wonder if you will notice mine.”
He strode off in another huff that was entirely her fault. She considered chasing after him, but what good would that do? She did not want to be alone with him. She was not even sure about the marriage.
“Are you going in?” Felix asked in a voice that carried into the music room.
Aunt Pen turned in their direction and gestured to the remaining chairs impatiently.
Sally nodded. “Yes, of course I am.”
She led the way, aware of Felix at her back. She took the middle seat, and Felix took the end, leaving the isle row for Ellicott to claim if he ever came back.
She did not want to be rude, so she smiled at Felix. “Have you heard much music?”
“Some. Your brother is quite proficient on an upturned ale barrel.” His eyes danced with mirth.
“He always did like banging things.” She laughed at the memory of their childish theatricals in this very room. “After an hour of play, my ears used to ring.”
“That still happens on board.” He smiled broadly and then bent over. When he sat up, he had Arturo in his hand. “Not my boots, little beast.”
He passed the squirming cat to Sally. “I think this is yours too.”
“Yes. I am sorry.”
“Don’t be. It is in his nature to protect his own.” He smiled softly. “Do you still play the harp?”
Sally settled the grumpy cat beside her feet and untangled a length of yarn she kept inside her glove for such moments. She dangled it beside her chair, and Arturo was distracted enough to leave the captain’s glossy black boots alone and swat at the toy instead. “You can be easy. I have ceased torturing family and friends in recent years.”
“I would not have called it torture exactly.” He tugged on his ear lobe a few times. “It was more a long and drawn out savaging of the eardrums.”
Sally shrank into her chair. He had teased her many times in the past that her playing could be used to defeat the French. She frowned at the memory as her middle cousin caressed a few keys of the instrument. In truth, she had stopped playing because of his remarks. She had begun to doubt herself, and not just in music. “Everyone is safe now.”
“I am only teasing you,” he whispered.
“Of course you are.”
He fidgeted. “You are the only musician I could ever sit still for on the harp.”
She faced him. “The truth is better, Felix. You hated my playing.”
A few of the candles were extinguished to add atmosphere to the room, and then Felix leaned closer. “I adored teasing you, just as you tease poor Arturo there. That is not the same thing as disliking your playing, and you know it.”
“I do not know anything.” She shook her head and shifted her attention to the pianoforte. “We never really knew each other, did we?”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Yes we did,” Felix insisted. “And I will prove that I am exactly the man you said yes to once.”
She met his gaze, yearning for what they’d had but afraid to commit herself. Things were different now. Sally had never been comfortable harboring doubts, but she had plenty. Did she love him or simply love what he made her feel? There was no easy answer, so she kept quiet and kept her feelings to herself.
They were silent as Audrey commenced to play. As Ellicott had predicted, the tune was mournful and full of dramatic melancholy that sent a chill sweeping through her body. Audrey really did use music to cast her emotions on those around her, whether they wanted to feel them or not.
Sally nibbled on her finger, seeing her cousin’s state of mind with new clarity and concern. Audrey had always been an odd girl, too serious and yet timid despite her importance to everyone. How would she fare in London society in her first season? Would she be celebrated or ridiculed the way Ellicott had hinted she might?
As the piece ended, she glanced at Felix in fear of his reaction. He stood immediately, a wide smile on his face, and clapped, leading everyone else to join in with him.
He grinned down at her, and for a moment she was overwhelmed by his excitement. “My word. William had mentioned she played well, but I had no idea she was so good. At last, a pianist with substance and not the usual fluff and air pieces so often played in London.”
She stood slowly, aware that every inch of Felix was so near and yet so far away. “Truly?”
“Oh yes. She is simply wonderful.” He grinned, his blue eyes alight with passionate feeling. He had looked at her that way once. On the day she had accepted his proposal. “Warn her chaperones they will need to beat Audrey’s suitors back with a very heavy club when the girl makes her come-out.”
His confidence in Audrey’s prospects relieved her mind greatly, but it did not prevent her from being besieged by regret. He had claimed to love her once. Could he love her that way again? Could she ever forget and forgive?
Sally wanted, more than anything in her life, to find out what was real between them or just a memory. Around him she was herself, and he never made her feel that was wrong. They talked, they argued, they laughed together easily and made love as if it was the most natural thing to do. What would it feel like to join him in his room again? Was it love she felt from him or just attraction? He had threatened to have her if she sought him out, and she was so tempted. Very tempted, because the thought of him touching her intimately made her ache even in a crowded room.
He caught her staring and raised one brow. “Is the cat savaging your ankle?”
“No, I was just considering what you said today and…”
She had waited for Felix, and now that he was here she was not sure she could bear to let him go. She knew what she needed to do. She wanted everything Felix had promised her younger self they could be together.
He frowned, searching her face. “Sally?”
Now was not the time. “We should congratulate my cousin on her performance.”
Felix let her lead the way, praised Audrey till she blushed, then began a lively conversation with Lord Cameron and Louisa. “Tomorrow at eight o’clock would suit,” he said finally.
Sally turned, catching Louisa staring at Felix with wide eyes. “You cannot fight each other.”
“Why not?” Lord Cameron asked. “A man can get rusty if he does not practice.”
“I am not much in need of practice, so fair warning. I will test your limits.”
Felix sauntered off with a smug smile on his face.
Louisa grabbed her arm and shook her. “Sally, Hastings has just challenged Lord Cameron to fight him with swords. You must put a stop to it.”
Sally understood why Louisa was worried, but she did not share her fear. Cameron was proficient enough with a sword not to be a danger to himself or Felix. The young man who had stayed with them after his father’s tragic death and had cuddled on her lap as she read him stories as a child was more than capable of taking care of himself now. But it was natural to feel concern for him. “What is wrong with a little harmless practice between men? Our brothers always fought against each other and included us too. If they were here they might do the same.”
“But Cameron is no match for a seasoned captain.”
Sally was looking forward to the match. She would make sure to return from the fields just to have the pleasure of watching Felix stripped down to battle against an opponent who was not trying to kill him. “Felix is hardly going to do more than draw a little of his blood. At the very worst.”
Louisa moaned, clutching her head. “Grandfather will put a stop to this.”
“Grandfather will likely watch too,” she called out to her sister’s retreating back. “Once you tell him about the match.”
“Do you think he will,” Lord Cameron asked, his tone excited for tomorrow. “Will the duke watch?”
“I do believe he might.” She shared a grin with him. “You have grown so dashing that we love watching everything you do. Let’s hope the captain spares your pretty face from ruin though.”
The young earl blushed a deep shade of red. “I wish you would not say things like that to embarrass me.”
“Why not? It is the honest truth, dearest Cameron. You should get used to adoration. Many ladies will agree with me when you meet them in London. I have heard a great many sighs from the local lasses too, even if you doubt me. Just ask anyone.”
“I did.” He pulled a face. “Your sister laughed as if the idea was ridiculous.”
“Well, she is a few days older than you. A wise and elder influence,” Sally said, rolling her eyes. “But she still thinks of you as a little brother.”
“And will never let me forget it either.” He glanced around. “I heard from Louisa that you will move away soon to marry Ellicott. Newberry Park will not be the same without you.”
Sadness filled her at this first good-bye. She could not tell anyone she was having doubts until she had decided what to do about them. “Thank you, Cameron. I will miss you too, but we will see each other often in London, I am sure, especially during the season.”
He pecked her cheek as if he really were a member of her family, a sweet, shy little brother, and stepped back quickly. “But where is your betrothed? I should congratulate him on winning one of the most beautiful women in the district.”
“You are too kind.” She glanced behind her to point him out. Ellicott had not returned. “I do not know where he has gone unfortunately.”
“Well, perhaps I will see him tomorrow morning.” He grinned. “Good night, Sally. I will expect to see you tomorrow too and to hear you cheer me on.”
He swung his arm in a mock sword strike and started saying his good-byes to the family before collecting his mother and hurrying out.
Around her, her family chatted and mingled with an ease she for once did not feel part of. Troubled by the feeling of displacement, she slipped from the room and approached the butler. “Do you know where Lord Ellicott went, Morgan?”
She should really talk to the man about her conflicted feelings. She was not being fair to him.
Morgan winced. “I could not say my lady, but he did ask for a carriage.”
He had left the estate? But to do what at this hour?
“Thank you.” Sally slowly ascended to the family wing, pondering how men kept running away from her. Felix, though, kept returning. She found herself at his door. Light flared beneath, proving he was still awake. Was he waiting, hoping she would come to him again? Hoping to start over with her?
She wavered a moment, then tapped once. Sally let herself inside, only to have Felix catch her up in his arms and sweep her off her feet. He kissed her, and thoughts of her engagement to Lord Ellicott fled.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Felix pinned Sally to the door and turned the key in the lock. “I thought you would never come.”
He brought his mouth down on hers before she could respond and kissed her hard and long, the way he had been aching to do for days.
Sally wriggled and he gave her room. “I wanted to talk to Ellicott,” she whispered.
“Ellicott?”
She nodded and moved away from him. “We never promised fidelity.”
“You and Ellicott?” Anger built in him. “So you said.”
“How can I marry one man when I am attracted to another?”
“It is possible to be attracted to more than one person at a time,” he suggested, still hoping she had not come to put an end to their affair.
“And if he discovers I am only attracted to one man particularly. How would that feel?”
“I do not understand.”
She wrung her hands and moved away. “I have not been as bold with him as I was with you. As I am with you still.”
Felix’s legs wobbled. “You have not shared his bed?”
“No. But he wants me to.”
A stupid smile swept over his face. He had the advantage if Sally kept coming back to him and turning aside her intended husband. “Is he pressuring you?”
“Not the way he might have done. I have managed to put him off. I told him I did not want to set a bad example for my sister, and he believed me.”
Felix perched on the edge of the bed. “He thinks you are innocent?”
“He suspects I am not, but I have managed not to tell him the truth.”
There was a wealth of pain underlying her word. Things that were his fault and could not be changed. “You should have told him about me.”
“I should have told him, and I do not know how to do it now or if it is better not to if I am having second thoughts.”
That was all he needed to hear. Felix tossed her over his shoulder and carried her to the bed like a barbarian. He was desperate to keep her in his life no matter what happened to his own prospects.
He deposited her gently on the mattress and threw himself down beside her. “I am glad. I cannot stand the fellow.”
And he meant that. Watching her on Ellicott’s arm had been painful. It was driving him mad the way he had spoken to her too.
She curled up on her side, facing him. “Well, I never imagined you could have reason to like him.”
“He is not right for you,” he told her, sliding his fingers along the edge of her face. “You are different around him.”
“I know.”
“Always be yourself with me.” He leaned in to kiss her softly. “I love the woman you are deep inside, but I can accept you might not want that anymore.”
She toyed with his shirt, rubbing the material between her fingers. “I do not know what I want anymore.”
“That is enough for me.”
“I missed you, Felix,” she whispered. “Why did I never see you again?”
He pulled her near. “I heard never seeing me was exactly what you wanted.”
She nodded. “I drove you away.”
They must never have told her the truth. As much as he hated to whine and complain, she deserved to know he had not been given much of a choice in leaving her. “No, Rothwell did that.”
She peered at his face. “What does my cousin have to do with us?”
“He took pains to send me back to my ship that night in quite a state. I was warned to stay away from you, by him and others since. Since Rothwell used his fists to do the explaining, I did not wait onshore long enough for your brothers to find me and deliver their own similar warnings.”
“Oh God.”
“Water under
the bridge,” he promised her, meaning every word. “We cannot remake the past, only our futures. Make love to me tonight?”
“I thought you would not ask my permission. That you would take me no matter what I said to oppose you if we were ever alone again.”
“I was a fool. I could never force you to do anything,” he whispered, stroking the fine hair around her temple. Allowing his love for Sally to expand and thrive. “Not even to forgive me.”
He wished she would, but for now having her in his arms, in his bed, was enough.
“Make me remember what we were like before, Felix.”
He drew her more tightly into his arms and held her close. “Gladly.”
She leaned her head against his chest and allowed him to loosen her gown. He eased it over her shoulder and kissed her skin. “I always loved this moment. Undressing you.”
“I preferred the ones after.”
“I remember that very well.” He smiled down upon her, loving her with every part of his soul. “I do not want you to be disappointed in me. Give me tonight, and we will see if reenactment matches our memories.”
He slid his hand down her back, squeezed her bottom, and jerked her hips forward. He was already hard and aching. He had always been like that around her. He rotated his hips a little, grinding her sex against his erection.
“Yes,” she whispered, fingers curling around his head.
Felix rushed to undress her fully, carefully laying aside her gown and underthings at the foot of the bed. When he turned back, she helped him to undress completely too, and they quietly lay down side by side again before they began to kiss.
The taste of her was the same as they moved into a rhythm of kissing and brushing against each other. They had done a lot in bed together in the past, arousing each other to the point of madness. Tonight was no different as he cupped her breasts and took one nipple into his mouth. He sucked and teased until she moaned, pulling him closer with one arm.
