the STRUGGLE

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Well, whenever it happens, once you’re married, your first obligation will be to him and his children.”

  Esther smiled. “What about you and Allen?”

  “What about us?”

  “Has he hinted at marriage yet?”

  “No, but if he had, I would have avoided the subject.”

  “How come?”

  “You know why, Esther.”

  “So you haven’t told him yet about the baby you had when you were sixteen?”

  Bonnie shook her head. “No, and I’m not sure I ever will. I’m afraid it might ruin our relationship.”

  “You can’t have an honest relationship if you’re not truthful with him about your past.” Esther’s sincere expression was enough to make Bonnie tear up.

  “I know I should tell him, but I need to be sure our bond is strong enough before I do.”

  “How long do you think that will be?”

  Bonnie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll have to play it by ear.” She started walking toward the house. “Now changing the subject, after I give Hannah a tour of my house, would you all like to stay for lunch?”

  “That’d be nice, but we wouldn’t want to impose.”

  “It wouldn’t be any trouble, and I’d enjoy not having to eat alone.”

  “If it’s okay with Hannah, then it’s fine with me,” Esther said.

  When they stepped back into the house, they found Hannah watching as the children colored pictures while seated at the table.

  “I was wondering if you’d like to stay for lunch,” Bonnie said.

  Hannah looked at Esther, as though seeking her approval. When Esther nodded, Hannah smiled and said, “That’d be nice.”

  “Before we eat, though, would you like a tour of my bed-and-breakfast?”

  “Yes, I would,” Hannah replied. “I’ve been admiring some of the things you have here in the kitchen, and I’d enjoy seeing what the rest of the house looks like.”

  Bonnie found a game for the kids to play and situated them on the living-room floor; then she motioned for Esther and Hannah to follow her upstairs.

  “I’ve seen all the rooms many times, so I think I’ll stay down here with the children,” Esther said.

  “That’s fine. Since you’re up there cleaning every morning, you probably get tired of looking at the rooms.”

  Esther shook her head. “Not really. I enjoy my work, but I think it’s best if I stay with the children.”

  “I agree,” Hannah spoke up. “They might end up coloring everything in Bonnie’s kitchen.” A hint of a smile crossed her face, and Bonnie was pleased. It was the first time Hannah had seemed this relaxed. Maybe as Bonnie got to know Hannah better, they might even become friends.

  CHAPTER 9

  When Hannah and Esther returned from Bonnie’s that afternoon, the first thing they did was put the kids down for their naps. All three of them were tired and cranky. Jared and Mindy had screamed and fussed so much on the way home that Hannah thought she would go insane. She’d figured the ride home would lull them to sleep, but it apparently had the opposite effect. They were probably full of sugar from the cookies they’d eaten. Hannah would have to watch Mindy a little closer from now on and make sure she ate properly. She didn’t like it when her daughter became hyper.

  “I’m going out to the phone shanty to make a call,” Hannah told Esther after she’d put Mindy down and made sure she was asleep.

  “That’s fine.” Esther smiled. “While you’re doing that, I’ll start cutting up the vegetables for the stew I’m going to make for supper this evening.”

  Hannah frowned. “Actually, I was planning to fix a meat loaf for supper. I saw some ground beef in the refrigerator and thought I’d use it for that.”

  “Oh, well, Samuel really likes stew, and that’s what I told him I’d make for supper tonight.”

  Hannah’s jaw clenched. Esther and Samuel weren’t even married, but she acted like she was in charge of his kitchen. For that matter, she acted like she was in charge of everything in this house, including Samuel’s children.

  “Will you be staying here to eat supper with us?” Hannah asked.

  Esther nodded. “I usually eat supper and then do the dishes before I head back to Bonnie’s.”

  “Now that I’m living here, you won’t need to stay.”

  “Oh, but I want to. I enjoy eating supper with Samuel and the kinner.” Esther’s cheeks colored. “Unless you’d rather that I didn’t join you for supper. If that’s the case, I can just fix the meal and be on my way.”

  Hannah folded her arms. “It’s not that I don’t want you to stay. I just don’t see the need for you to fix supper when I’m perfectly capable of doing it.”

  “I’m sure you are, but …” Esther’s voice trailed off. “If you’d prefer to fix meat loaf, that’s fine with me.”

  Hannah nodded in reply then scooted out the back door. She was anxious to call Mom and tell her about Bonnie’s B&B. Seeing the antiques there had given her an idea about how she might earn some money. She was eager to tell Timothy about it as well.

  When Hannah stepped into the phone shanty, she was pleased to discover a message from her mother. But as Hannah listened to Mom talk about going shopping at Naomi and Caleb’s store in Paradise and then eating at Bird-in-Hand Family Restaurant, a wave of homesickness rolled over her. She sat for several minutes, fighting the urge to cry, then finally laid her head on the table and gave in to her tears.

  When the tears finally subsided, Hannah dried her face on her apron and headed back to the house, not bothering to return Mom’s call. When she stepped inside, she was surprised to see Esther standing in front of the kitchen sink. “Oh, you’re still here?”

  Esther nodded. “I’ll leave as soon as Marla and Leon get home from school.”

  “Since I’m here to greet them, there’s really no need for you to wait.”

  Esther, looking more than a bit hurt, nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

  Not if Samuel agrees to let me watch the kinner, Hannah thought.

  Bonnie had just taken a pan of cinnamon rolls from the oven, when she heard the distinctive clip-clop of horse’s hooves. She set the pan on the cooling rack and looked out the kitchen window, surprised to see Esther’s horse and buggy coming up the driveway.

  “I wonder what she’s doing here at this time of the day. I hope nothing’s wrong.”

  Bonnie slipped into a sweater and hurried outside, just as Esther was tying her horse to the hitching rail. “I didn’t expect to see you until later this evening. Is something wrong?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

  Bonnie felt immediate concern. “What is it?”

  Esther’s chin trembled as tears welled in her brown eyes. “Hannah doesn’t like me, Bonnie. I’m sure of it.”

  “Did you two have a disagreement?”

  “Not exactly. She pretty much told me how it’s going to be.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Hannah let it be known that she’d rather I not stay for supper, and she didn’t want me to fix the stew I’d promised Samuel I would make.” Esther stroked Ginger’s velvety nose, as though needing the horse’s comfort. “She thinks my services aren’t needed now that she and Timothy are living in Samuel’s house.”

  “That’s ridiculous! Samuel hired you to watch the kids, cook meals, clean the house, and do the laundry.”

  “I know, but now that Hannah’s there, I feel like I’m in the way. I’m sure she’s quite capable of doing everything I’ve been doing, and it would save Samuel some money if he didn’t have to pay me.”

  “Have you talked to him about this?” Bonnie questioned.

  “Not yet. I was hoping to speak with him this evening, but that was before Hannah practically pushed me out the door.”

  Bonnie put her arm around Esther and gave her a hug. “Now, don’t you give in so easily. You need to talk to him soon, because Hannah has no right to just come in and take o
ver like that.”

  Esther sniffed and slowly nodded. “I’ll go over there a little early tomorrow morning. Hopefully, I can discuss things with him before he leaves for work.”

  “That’s a good idea. In the meantime, you can come up to the house and have supper with me.”

  Esther smiled. “Thank you, Bonnie. I don’t know what I’d do without your friendship.”

  “You’ve been a good friend to me, as well.” Bonnie shivered, feeling a sudden chill. She hoped Hannah wouldn’t do anything to mess things up between Esther and Samuel. They’d already had their share of struggles, and if anyone deserved some peace and happiness, it was them.

  CHAPTER 10

  Where’s Esther?” Marla asked when she and Leon arrived home from school.

  “She went home.” Hannah motioned to the stairs. “You’d better go up to your rooms and change out of your school clothes so you can get your chores done before it’s time to eat supper. Oh, and go quietly, please, because the little ones are napping.”

  Leon looked up at Hannah with a wide-eyed expression. “Esther went home?”

  “That’s what I said.” Didn’t the child believe her, or was he hard of hearing?

  “But Esther never goes home till after supper.” Leon’s brows furrowed; he looked downright perplexed.

  “That’s right,” Marla put in. “And after supper, Esther and I always do the dishes together before she goes back to Bonnie’s.”

  Hannah looked directly at Marla. “From now on, I’ll be fixing supper, and you can help me do the dishes.”

  Marla opened her mouth as if to say something more, but Leon spoke first. “But what about Esther?”

  Hannah sighed. “I just told you. Esther won’t be here for supper.”

  Leon’s forehead wrinkled. “But she’ll still be comin’ in the morning to fix our breakfast and take care of Penny and Jared while we’re in school, right?”

  “That hasn’t been decided yet. I’ll be talking to your daed about it when he gets home from work,” Hannah said, her irritation mounting. “Since your uncle Timothy and I will be living here until we get our own home, there’s no reason I can’t watch your brother and sister during the day while you’re at school and your daed’s at work.”

  “But Jared and Penny like Esther, and so do we.” Marla looked over at Leon, who agreeably bobbed his head.

  “I’m sure you do, and you’ll have plenty of time to spend with her once she and your daed get married.”

  Leon’s mouth opened wide. “Daadi and Esther are gettin’ married? How come nobody told us about it?”

  Hannah flinched. Oh great. Now I’ve said something I shouldn’t have said. “What I meant to say was that if your daed keeps courting Esther, then I’m sure in time he’ll ask her to marry him.”

  A smile stretched across Leon’s face as he hopped up and down and clapped his hands. “That’s really good news! I’m gonna ask Daadi to marry Esther right away!”

  “That’s not a good idea,” Hannah was quick to say. “I’m sure your daed will let everyone know once he and Esther have set a date.”

  “But he might do it quicker if we ask him to.” Marla grabbed Leon’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Won’t it be wunderbaar when Esther’s our mamm?”

  He nodded vigorously.

  “Well, it hasn’t happened yet, so you need to keep quiet about it.” Hannah wished she’d never brought the subject up. And she certainly hoped that by the time Samuel married Esther, she and Timothy would be living in their own place, because two women in the same house, each trying to do things her own way, would never work.

  Hannah had just finished making a tossed green salad when she heard the rumble of a truck coming up the driveway. Looking out the window and seeing Timothy and Samuel climb out of Allen’s truck, she hurried to set the table.

  A few minutes later, Samuel and Timothy entered the kitchen.

  “Mmm…it smells good in here, but it doesn’t smell like stew,” Samuel said, sniffing in the air. “Esther said she’d fix my favorite stew for supper this evening.” He glanced around. “Where is Esther anyway? Is she in the living room?”

  “No, uh…Esther went home, and we’re having meat loaf.”

  Samuel’s eyebrows furrowed, and even Timothy shot Hannah a questioning look. “Why’d she go home? Was she feeling grank?” Samuel asked.

  “No, she’s not sick. I just told her that since I was here she wouldn’t need to help with supper and could go home.”

  “You sent Esther home?” Samuel’s eyebrows lifted high, and his voice raised nearly an octave.

  Hannah looked at Timothy, hoping he would come to her rescue, but he just stared at her as though in disbelief.

  “Well…uh, I didn’t send her home exactly. I just told her that I could fix supper and that her help wasn’t needed.”

  “What gives you the right to be tellin’ Esther that?” A vein on the side of Samuel’s neck bulged just a bit.

  “That ain’t all, Daadi,” Leon said, rushing into the room. “Aunt Hannah said she didn’t think Esther would be comin’ here in the mornings no more. Least not till the two of you get married.”

  “Is that so?” Samuel’s sharp intake of breath and his pinched expression let Hannah know he was quite upset.

  “I…I didn’t actually say Esther wouldn’t be coming over. I just said I’d need to talk to you about it, because I really don’t see a need for her to be here when I’m perfectly capable of taking care of your kinner, cleaning the house, and cooking the meals.” Hannah’s cheeks warmed. “And I mistakenly mentioned that you might marry Esther.”

  “I do plan to marry her,” Samuel said. “But it’s not official yet, and I haven’t talked to her about a wedding date.” He leveled Hannah with a look that could have stopped a runaway horse. “I’d appreciate it if from now on you don’t tell my kinner anything they should be hearin’ directly from me.” Samuel turned and started for the door.

  “Where are you going?” Timothy called to him.

  “Over to the B&B to speak with Esther!” Samuel let the door slam behind him.

  “We need to talk about this,” Timothy said, taking hold of Hannah’s arm and leading her toward the door.

  “What about supper?” She motioned to the stove. “The meat loaf’s ready, and I really think we should eat.”

  “The meal can wait awhile. Let’s go out on the porch where we can speak in private.”

  Before Hannah could offer a word of protest, he grabbed her jacket from the wall peg, slung it across her shoulders, and ushered her out the door.

  “Now what gives you the right to send Esther away when you know she’s been watching Samuel’s kinner?” Timothy asked, guiding her to one end of the porch. “Do I need to remind you that this is Samuel’s home, and he’s been kind enough to let us live here?”

  “You don’t need to talk to me so harshly.” Hannah’s voice whined with the threat of tears.

  “I’m sorry, but surely you could see how upset Samuel was. He loves Esther very much and wants her to care for his kinner when he’s not at home.” Timothy’s voice softened some but remained unyielding. “Things shouldn’t have to change just because we’re living here right now.”

  Hannah stiffened and started to snivel. “Well, they’ve changed for me! But I guess you don’t care about that.”

  “I do care, and I hope we can either build or find a place of our own really soon so we can feel settled here in Kentucky,” Timothy said. “And Hannah, please turn off the waterworks. There’s no reason for you to be whimpering about this. There’s no question that what you said to Esther was wrong—especially when those arrangements had been worked out between Samuel and Esther long before we moved here.”

  “I didn’t suggest that Esther leave because I was trying to change anything. I just thought it wasn’t necessary for both of us to take care of the house and kinner, and I figured Samuel would appreciate me helping out.” Hannah folded her arms and glared at him
, wiping tears of frustration away. “And I doubt that I’ll ever feel settled living here, because my home is in Pennsylvania, not Kentucky!”

  “You’ve said that before, Hannah, and it’s gettin’ kind of old.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Life is what we make it, and unless you’re willing to at least try to accept this change and make the best of it, you’ll never be happy. I’m tired of our constant bickering, and I’m worn-out from trying to keep the peace between us. You need to focus on something positive for a change.”

  Hannah stared at the wooden floorboards on the porch; then she lifted her gaze to meet his. “I think I know something that might make me happy—or at least, it would give me something meaningful to do.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Esther and I took the little ones over to see Bonnie Taylor this morning, and while we were there, I was impressed with all the antiques Bonnie has.”

  His forehead wrinkled. “I’m confused. What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “I was thinking maybe I could start my own business, buying and selling antiques. It would help our finances, and—”

  He held up his hand. “You can stop right there, Hannah, because your idea won’t work.”

  “Why not?”

  “For one thing, Samuel’s barn is full of our furniture, so you wouldn’t even have a place to store any antiques. Second, most antiques can be quite expensive, and we don’t have any extra money to spend on something that might not sell. Third, I seriously doubt that antiques would sell very well around here.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “There are no tourists here—at least not like we had in Lancaster County, and there aren’t nearly as many people living in this area.” Timothy slowly shook his head. “You need to find something else to keep yourself busy, because selling antiques is definitely out—at least for right now. It would be too big of a risk. Now let’s get inside and eat supper.”

  Resentment welled in Hannah’s soul. She was getting tired of Timothy telling her what to do all the time, and it didn’t surprise her that he’d been against her idea right from the start. He didn’t even want to consider it. Was there anything they could agree on, or was this a warning of how things were going to be from now on?