the STRUGGLE

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the STRUGGLE Page 8

by Wanda E. Brunstetter


  Pembroke, Kentucky

  “If everything tastes as good as it smells, I think we’re in for a real treat,” Timothy said as he and the rest of the family gathered around the two tables that had been set up in Suzanne and Titus’s living room. Even though their double-wide manufactured home was short on space, Suzanne had wanted to host the meal, and it was kind of cozy being together in such a crowded room. Fortunately, it was a crisp but sunny fall day, and the kids could go outside to play after the meal. That would leave enough room for the adults to sit around visiting or playing board games.

  “You’re right about everything smelling good,” Titus said. “I think the women who prepared all this food should be thanked in advance.”

  All the men bobbed their heads in agreement.

  “And now, let us thank the Lord for this food so we can eat,” Suzanne’s grandfather said.

  The room became quiet as everyone bowed their heads for silent prayer. Timothy recited the Lord’s Prayer; then he thanked God for the meal they were about to eat and for all his family in Kentucky, as well as in Pennsylvania.

  When the prayers were finished and all of the food had been passed, everyone dug in.

  “Yum. This turkey is so moist and flavorful,” Suzanne’s mother, Verna, said. She smiled at Esther. “You did a good job teaching my daughter to cook, and we all thank you for it.”

  Suzanne’s cheeks colored, and Titus chuckled as he nudged her arm. “That’s right, and my fraa feeds me so well I have to work twice as hard in the woodshop to keep from getting fat.”

  Everyone laughed—everyone but Hannah. She sat staring at the food on her plate with a placid look on her face. Timothy was tempted to say something to her but decided it would be best not to draw attention to his wife’s sullen mood. No doubt she was upset that her folks didn’t come for Thanksgiving, but she should have put on a happy face today, if only for the sake of appearances. It embarrassed Timothy to have Hannah pouting so much of the time. Just when he thought she might begin to adjust, something would happen, and she’d be fretful again. He worried that some people might think he wasn’t a good husband because he couldn’t make his wife happy. Well, it wasn’t because he hadn’t tried, but nothing he did ever seemed to be good enough for Hannah. He worried that it never would. What if he’d made a mistake forcing her to move? What if she never adjusted to living in Kentucky and remained angry and out of sorts? Was moving back to Pennsylvania the only way to make his wife happy?

  But if we did that, we’d be right back where we were before we left. Hannah would be over at her mamm’s all the time, and I’d be fending for myself. If we could just find a place of our own, maybe that would make a difference. Hannah might be happier if we weren’t living at Samuel’s, and if we weren’t taking up space in Samuel’s house, he and Esther could get married and start a life of their own.

  “Hey, brother, did ya hear what I said?”

  Timothy jumped at the sound of Titus’s voice. “Huh? What was that?”

  “I asked you to pass me the gravy.”

  “Oh, sure.” Timothy took a little gravy for himself and then handed it over to Titus.

  “I thought about inviting Bonnie to join us for dinner,” Suzanne spoke up, “but Esther said Bonnie had invited Allen to eat at her place today.”

  “Allen could have joined us here, too,” Titus said. “He knows he’s always welcome in our home.”

  Samuel cleared his throat. “Well, I probably shouldn’t be broadcasting this, but I happen to know that Allen had plans to propose to Bonnie today.”

  “Oh, that’s wunderbaar,” Esther said. “I can hardly wait until I see Bonnie tomorrow morning and find out what she said.”

  “She’ll say yes, of course.” Titus grinned. “I mean, why wouldn’t she want to marry a nice guy like Allen?”

  “Speaking of Allen,” Samuel said, looking at Timothy, “did he say anything to you about the house that’s for sale over in Trigg County, near Cadiz?”

  Timothy shook his head. “What house is that?”

  “It’s a small one, but I think it could be added on to. Allen went over to look at it the other day because the owners were thinking of remodeling the kitchen before they put it up for sale, and they wanted him to give them a bid.”

  Timothy looked at Hannah. “What do you think? Should we talk to Allen about this and see if he can arrange for us to look at the place?”

  Hannah shrugged, although he did notice a glimmer of interest in her eyes. Maybe this was God’s answer to his prayers. While he wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of living thirty-seven miles from his brothers, he was anxious for them to find a place they could call home.

  “All right, then,” Timothy said. “Tomorrow morning I’ll talk to Allen about showing us the house.”

  Hannah said nothing, but she did pick up her fork and eat a piece of meat, and that made Timothy feel much better about the day.

  CHAPTER 14

  Esther woke up early on Friday morning and hurried to get dressed so she could get up to the main house and speak to Bonnie. She found her friend sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea.

  “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you this morning,” Bonnie said, looking up at Esther. “Since I don’t have any guests checking into the B&B until tomorrow, I figured I wouldn’t see you until this evening.”

  “I wanted to find out how your Thanksgiving dinner with Allen went.”

  Bonnie smiled. “It was nice. At least I didn’t burn anything.”

  “I didn’t think you would. You’ve gotten pretty efficient in the kitchen.”

  “Yes, but I’ll probably never be as good a cook as you.” Bonnie’s face sobered. “The pumpkin pie I made got ruined.”

  “Oh no! What happened?”

  “Cody was outside barking, and when Allen opened the door to see what the dog was yapping about, Cody came running in.” Bonnie chuckled. “After that, it was like watching a comedy act. I tripped, the pie went flying, and the can of whipped cream rolled across the room and landed at Allen’s feet. Afterward, we just stood there, laughing like fools. Fortunately, I’d also made an apple pie, or we wouldn’t have had any dessert at all.”

  “Oh my. I can almost picture it.” Esther laughed. “That sounds terrible and funny at the same time.”

  Bonnie nodded. “But the day ended on a good note, because Allen asked me to marry him.”

  Esther clapped her hands. “Oh, that’s such good news. I hope you said yes.”

  Bonnie shook her head. “I told him I needed to think about it for a few weeks.”

  “What’s there to think about? You love Allen, and he loves you. I think you’ll be very happy together.”

  “I still haven’t told him about my past, and I’m not sure I can do it.”

  “Of course you can. Allen’s a good man; he’ll understand.”

  “Maybe, but I’m afraid to take the chance.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure. I told Allen I’d have an answer for him by Christmas Eve, so if I’m going to tell him about the baby I adopted out when I was a teenager, I’ll need to do it before I agree to marry him.” She groaned. “It wouldn’t be right to wait until after we’re married and then spring the truth on him.”

  “No, and it wouldn’t be right to keep the truth from him indefinitely either.”

  “Guess I need to pray a little more about this and ask the Lord to give me the courage to tell Allen the truth,” Bonnie said, while warming her hands on the teacup.

  Esther smiled. “I’ll be praying for you, too.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.” Bonnie motioned to the teapot. “I don’t know where my manners are. Would you like to have a cup of tea?”

  “That sounds nice. Since we don’t have to do any baking this morning, there’s plenty of time for me to sit and visit awhile.”

  “How was your Thanksgiving?” Bonnie asked after Esther had poured herself a cup of tea and taken a seat.r />
  “The food was delicious.” Esther frowned. “But Hannah was in a sullen mood most of the day, and that made us all a bit uncomfortable.”

  “I’m not surprised,” Bonnie said. “With this being the first holiday she’s spent away from her family, she probably felt sad.”

  “I suppose so, but I dread going over to Samuel’s today, because Hannah might still be in a bad mood. I realize that she misses her family in Pennsylvania, but I wonder if the family she has right here will ever be good enough for her.”

  “I’m sure she’ll adjust eventually,” Bonnie said. “Time heals all wounds, and it will help if we all try to make her feel welcome. Right now I think what Hannah needs most is friends.”

  Esther nodded. “That’s what I think, too, and I’ve been trying, but I don’t think Hannah likes me. Even though she seems to have accepted the idea of me coming over every day to watch Samuel’s children and cook supper every other evening, I think she still resents me. It’s like she’s turned this into some sort of competition or something.”

  “Just give her a bit more time, Esther. Once Hannah gets to know you better, she’ll come to love you and treasure your friendship as much as I do.”

  Esther forced a smile. “I hope you’re right, because if we’re going to be sisters-in-law, I wouldn’t want any hard feelings between us.”

  Hannah glanced at the battery-operated clock on the far kitchen wall and frowned. The men had left early this morning for a job in Elkton, which meant she’d had to get up early in order to fix breakfast and pack their lunches. In a few minutes, the children would be getting up, and then she’d have to fix their breakfast as well. Why was it that Esther always seemed to be late on the days she was needed the most?

  Not that I really want her to be here, Hannah thought as she reached for her cup of coffee and took a sip. It’s just not fair that I should have to be responsible for two men and five children—four who aren’t even my own.

  She tapped her fingers along the edge of the table. If I wasn’t here right now, and Esther was late, I wonder what Samuel would think about that. Was she ever late before we came to live here? Should he really be thinking of making her his wife?

  “For goodness’ sake,” she said aloud. “I don’t even know what I think anymore. It wasn’t long ago that I didn’t want Esther here at all. Now I’m complaining that she’s not here to help me.”

  Hannah got up from the table and moved over to the window, letting her thoughts focus on yesterday and the close friendship she’d noticed between Suzanne and Esther. It seemed like they had their heads together, laughing and talking, most of the day. Again, she found herself wishing for a friend—someone with whom she could share her deepest feelings and who wouldn’t criticize her for the things she said or did—someone she could be close to the way she had been with Mom.

  Oh, how she wished her folks could have joined them for Thanksgiving, but maybe they could come for Christmas. She hoped she, Timothy, and Mindy would be living in their own place by then. The house Allen had mentioned to Timothy might be the one. Hannah hoped they could look at it soon, because she really wanted to be moved out of Samuel’s house before Christmas.

  CHAPTER 15

  What time will Allen be here?” Hannah asked as she, Timothy, and Samuel sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee on Saturday morning.

  “Said he’d be here by nine o’clock.” Timothy glanced at the clock. “So we have about ten more minutes to wait.”

  Hannah rose from her chair. “I’d better get Mindy’s coat on so we can be ready to go as soon as he arrives.”

  Timothy shook his head. “I don’t think taking Mindy with us to look at the house is a good idea.”

  Hannah quirked an eyebrow. “Why not?”

  “We need to concentrate on checking out the house that Allen’s found, and having Mindy along would be a distraction. You know how active she can be sometimes.”

  Hannah pursed her lips. “We can’t expect Samuel to watch her. He’ll have enough on his hands watching his own kinner today.”

  “I don’t mind,” Samuel spoke up. “Penny and Marla will keep Mindy entertained, and she shouldn’t be a problem at all. The kids are all playing upstairs right now, so they’ll probably keep right on playing till they’re called down for lunch.”

  Hannah tapped her foot as she contemplated what Samuel had said. He was pretty good with his children, so maybe Mindy would be okay left in his care. “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind …”

  Samuel shook his head. “Don’t mind a bit.”

  “Okay, we’ll leave Mindy here.” Hannah glanced at the clock again. It was almost nine, and still no Allen. She really wished he’d show up so they could be on their way. And oh how she hoped the house he’d be taking them to see was the right one for them.

  “Take a seat and have some more coffee,” Timothy said, motioning to her empty chair. “Allen’s probably running a little late this morning. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

  With a sigh, Hannah reluctantly sat down. She’d only taken a few sips of coffee when she heard Allen’s truck pull in. “Oh good, he’s here,” she said, jumping up and peeking out the kitchen window. “I’ll get my shawl.”

  “Guess I’d better wear a jacket,” Timothy said, rising from his seat. “When I went out before breakfast to help Samuel and Leon with the chores, I realized just how cold it is out there.”

  “Jah,” Samuel said with a nod. “Wouldn’t surprise me if we got some snow pretty soon.”

  Hannah wrinkled her nose. “I hope not. I’m not ready for snow.”

  “Well, the kinner might not agree with you on that.” Samuel chuckled. “I think they’d be happy if we had snow on the ground all year long.”

  Hannah wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, set her black outer bonnet on her head, and hurried outside without saying another word. She had thought about going upstairs to tell Mindy good-bye but decided it would be best if she snuck out the back door. If she’d gone upstairs and Mindy started crying, she would have felt compelled to take her with them, which, of course, might have caused dissension between her and Timothy.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind driving us all the way to Cadiz?” Timothy asked Allen after they’d gotten into his truck.

  Allen shook his head. “I don’t mind a bit, and it’s really not that far. Maybe when we’re done looking at the house we can stop in Hopkinsville for some lunch.”

  “That sounds nice,” Hannah was quick to say, “but Samuel might need some help fixing lunch for the kinner, and since today is Esther’s day off, he’d probably appreciate me being there to help.” Truth was, Hannah doubted Samuel’s ability to fix a nutritious lunch for the children. He’d probably give them whatever they asked for instead of what they needed.

  “Eating lunch at a restaurant sounds good to me,” Timothy spoke up, looking straight at Hannah. “And I’m sure Samuel can manage to fix something for the kinner just fine.”

  Hannah was tempted to argue the point but didn’t want to make a scene in front of Allen. “Okay, whatever,” she said with a nod. She supposed it wouldn’t hurt Mindy to have an unhealthy lunch once in a while. Forcing herself to relax, Hannah focused on the passing scenery as they headed for Trigg County.

  Sometime later, Allen turned off the main road and onto a dirt road—more of a path, really. “The house is just up ahead,” he said, pointing in that direction.

  A few minutes later, a small house came into view. It’s too small for our needs, Hannah thought at first glance, but I suppose it could be added on to. Well, I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt—at least until we’ve seen the inside of the place.

  As Tom Donnelson, the real estate agent, showed them through each room of the house, all Timothy could think was, This place is way too small. The kitchen, while it had been recently remodeled, didn’t have a lot of cupboard space. He didn’t see any sign of a pantry, either, which would have helped, since the cabinet area was so sparse. The
living room and dining room were both small, too, and there were only three bedrooms. If he and Hannah had more children, which he hoped they would someday, a three-bedroom house wouldn’t be large enough—especially if any overnight guests came to visit. They would definitely have to add more bedrooms to the house, as well as enlarge the living room and kitchen. And of course, since this was an Englisher’s home, they would have to take out all the electrical connections.

  The other thing that bothered Timothy was the distance between Trigg and Christian Counties. If they moved here, they’d have to hire a driver every time they wanted to see Samuel, Titus, and their families. And how would that work with him working with Samuel? It would be inconvenient and costly to hire a driver every day for such a distance, not to mention the miles his brothers would have to travel if they helped him with renovations on the small house. It would be expensive for Titus and Samuel to get someone to bring them here whenever they came to visit, too, and he wouldn’t feel right about putting that burden on his brothers.

  Timothy glanced at Hannah, hoping to gauge her reaction to the place. She’d commented on how nice it was to see new cupboards in the kitchen and bathroom and even said how convenient it would be to have everything on one floor. If she liked it here, it would be hard to say no to buying it, because keeping Hannah happy in Kentucky would mean she’d be less likely to hound him about moving back to Pennsylvania. Is this a sacrifice I’d be willing to make? he asked himself.

  “The owners are motivated to sell,” Tom said. “So I’m sure they’d be willing to consider any reasonable offer.”

  Timothy looked at Hannah, but she said nothing. It wasn’t like her not to give her opinion—especially on something as important as buying a house.

  Timothy cleared his throat, searching for the right words. “I…uh…think my wife and I need to talk about this, but we appreciate you taking the time to show us the place.”

  Tom rubbed the top of his bald head. “Sure, no problem. Just don’t take too much time making a decision, because as nice as this place is, I don’t think it’ll be on the market very long.”

 

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