the STRUGGLE

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Hannah knew it had probably been hard for Timothy to break the news about her folks not coming, and she was grateful he’d waited until they were alone to do it. But couldn’t he have at least given her a hug instead of turning his back on her and falling asleep? Staring at the ceiling and feeling worse by the minute, Hannah realized there was nothing she could do but accept the fact that her folks weren’t coming, but that didn’t make it any easier.

  Poor Dad, she thought as tears slipped from her eyes. He must be in terrible pain, and both he and Mom are probably just as disappointed as I am that they can’t come here for Christmas.

  Hannah rolled over and punched her pillow. I’ll accept it, but I don’t have to like it! If I wasn’t so far from home, I’d be able to help Mom and Dad right now. If…If…If… She buried her face in the pillow, trying to muffle her sobs. Why do things like this always happen to me?

  CHAPTER 18

  Just look at all that snow coming down. I think it’s safe to say that we’re gonna have a white Christmas,” Timothy said as he and Samuel headed out to the barn to do their morning chores on Christmas Eve. “Sure hope Mom and Dad make it before this weather gets any worse.”

  “I hope so, too.” Samuel’s boots crunched through the snow. “This could mean we’re in for a bad winter.”

  “If the snow and wind keep up like this, it could also mean Mom and Dad might have to stay longer than they planned.” Timothy glanced toward the road. “I wonder if the snowplows will come out our way today.”

  “It’s hard to say. Guess it all depends on how busy they are in other places.”

  When Samuel opened the barn door, the pungent aroma of horse manure hit Timothy full in the face. “Phew! There’s no denying that the horses’ stalls need a good cleaning.”

  “You’re right about that. Guess we should have done them last night, but since we got home so late from that paint job in Hopkinsville, I was too tired to tackle it.”

  “Same here.”

  As they stepped into the first stall, Samuel asked, “Do you think Hannah and Esther are getting along any better these days?”

  Timothy shrugged. “I don’t know. Why do you ask?”

  “I was thinking if they were, maybe Esther and I could get married sometime after the first of the year, even if you and Hannah haven’t found a house by then.”

  “I have no objections to that, but I think it’s something you and Esther will need to decide.” Timothy reached for a shovel. “I know I’ve said this before, but I really do appreciate you letting us stay with you and giving me a job. You’ve helped to make things a lot easier for us, which has given me a few less things to worry about.”

  Samuel thumped Timothy’s back. “That’s what families are for. I’m sure if the tables were turned, you’d do the same for me.”

  Timothy gave a nod, although he wasn’t sure his wife would be so agreeable about Samuel and his kids staying with them. Hannah was more desperate to find a place of their own than he was, and he figured it was because she wanted to have the run of the house and didn’t want to answer to Esther. Of course, if they’d been living with Hannah’s folks all this time, Hannah wouldn’t have a problem with her mother telling her what to do. And if Sally and Johnny needed a place to live, Hannah would welcome them with open arms.

  Ever since he’d given her the news that her folks wouldn’t be coming for Christmas, she’d gone around looking depressed and had even refused to do any baking with Esther, saying she wasn’t in the mood. Timothy was fairly certain that Hannah didn’t know that he’d lain awake for at least an hour after she’d cried herself to sleep that night, not knowing what to say that would make her feel better. He felt even worse because, before he’d given her the news about her folks, she’d seemed upbeat about her day with Suzanne. Had it not been for the bad news, Hannah’s day of Christmas shopping might have been a turning point in helping her to be more comfortable with living in Kentucky. Instead, her Christmas spirit had disappeared.

  Sure hope Hannah’s able to put on a happy face while my folks are here, Timothy thought, gripping the shovel a little tighter. I don’t need to hear any disapproving comments about my wife from Mom. And Hannah’s negative attitude won’t help Mom any, since she is already none too thrilled about any of her sons living here.

  The whole idea of moving had been to improve their marriage, and if Timothy’s mother didn’t see any sign of that, he’d probably have more explaining to do. Instead of getting easier, things seemed to be getting harder.

  Timothy directed his thoughts back to the job at hand, and after he and Samuel finished cleaning the stalls, they left the barn.

  “We must have gotten at least another two inches of snow since we started shoveling the manure,” Samuel mentioned as they tromped back to the house.

  “I’ll say!” Timothy jumped back when a snowball hit him square on the forehead. “Hey! Who did that?” he asked, looking around as he wiped the snow off his head.

  “There’s your culprit!” Samuel pointed to Leon, sprinting for the back porch. “Come on. Let’s get him!”

  Leon squealed as Timothy and Samuel pelted him with snowballs.

  “That ain’t fair! It’s two against one!” Leon jumped off the porch, scooped some snow into a ball, and slung it hard. This one landed on Samuel’s back.

  In response, Samuel turned and pitched a snowball at Timothy. Pretty soon snowballs were flying every which way, and no one seemed to care who they were throwing them at.

  “This has been a lot of fun,” Samuel finally said, “but we’d better go into the house and get warmed up.”

  Timothy, gasping for breath, nodded, but he was grinning as he headed for the house. He felt like a kid again and was sure from the look on his brother’s face that Samuel did, too. It had been good to set his worries aside for a few minutes and do something fun. He’d forgotten that playing in the snow could be such a good stress reliever. He’d also forgotten the enjoyment he and Hannah had in the earlier years of their marriage when the first big snowstorm hit Lancaster County. It had only been a few years, yet it seemed so long ago.

  Peeking into the oven at the pumpkin cookies, Esther was pleased to see that they were almost done. She planned to serve them this evening, along with hot apple cider. Since Hannah hadn’t made the Kentucky chocolate chip pie like she’d planned, Esther had also baked an apple and a pumpkin pie to serve for dessert on Christmas Day.

  Esther looked forward to spending Christmas Eve with Samuel and his family, and was glad she could be here at Samuel’s all day to help with the cooking and cleaning. She felt sorry for Hannah, though, knowing how disappointed she was over her folks not being able to come. Yet despite Hannah’s sullen mood, she was upstairs right now, putting clean sheets on the bed in the guest room. Fannie and Abraham would stay here for a few nights, and since they didn’t plan to return home until New Year’s Day, they would spend a few nights with Titus and Suzanne. Esther knew Titus, Timothy, and Samuel were looking forward to seeing their folks. She’d hoped her own folks might be able to come for Christmas, but they’d decided it was best to stay in Pennsylvania to be with Sarah and Dan. Esther hoped they’d be able to come for her wedding—whenever that would take place. At the rate things were going, she was beginning to wonder if she’d ever become Samuel’s wife.

  Esther had been relieved that Hannah hadn’t said anything to Samuel about Jared causing Mindy’s nose to bleed the other day. If Hannah had mentioned it, then Samuel hadn’t brought it up to Esther, which probably meant he either didn’t know or didn’t blame her. She hoped that was the case, because she didn’t want anything to come between her and Samuel.

  Esther had just taken the last batch of pumpkin cookies from the oven when Samuel, Timothy, and Leon entered the kitchen laughing and kidding each other.

  “Brr…It’s mighty cold out there,” Samuel said, rubbing his hands briskly together.

  “And it’s snowing even harder now.” Timothy rubbed a wet spot on
the bridge of his nose. “Sure hope our folks make it here soon, ‘cause I can’t help but be concerned about them.”

  “Worrying won’t change a thing,” Samuel said.

  “Your brother’s right,” Esther agreed. “Whenever I find myself worrying, I just get busy doing something, and that seems to help. It makes the time go by faster, too.”

  “Guess you’re right. While we were out in the snow chasing each other with snowballs, I didn’t even think about my worries. But now that I’m back inside, I have a nagging feeling that the weather is going to cause some problems on the roads.”

  “Well, I don’t think it’ll bother Mom and Dad,” Samuel said with an air of confidence. “They’ve hired an experienced driver with a reliable van, and I’m trusting God to keep them all safe.”

  “I need to trust Him, too.” Timothy moved across the room toward Esther. “Any chance I might have one of those Kichlin?”

  “The cookies are really for this evening, but since I baked plenty, it’s fine if you have a few. I’m sure you guys must have worked up an appetite playing out there in the snow. You can let me know if they’re any good.”

  “If they taste as good as they smell, you don’t need to worry.” Timothy grabbed two cookies. “So, where’s my Fraa and dochder?”

  “Hannah’s upstairs making the bed in the guest room,” Esther replied. “And Mindy’s playing with Samuel’s kinner up in Penny’s room. I think I heard Leon running up the stairs to join them. No doubt he wants to tell them about that snowball fight you all had.”

  “Think I’ll go up and see how Hannah’s doing,” Timothy said, holding up one of the cookies. “I know she’s feeling pretty down today, so maybe I can cheer her up with one of these.” He ate the other cookie he’d taken. “Mmm…This is really good, Esther. Think I may need to have a couple more when I come back downstairs.”

  Esther chuckled. “Just don’t eat too many or you’ll spoil your appetite for supper.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “After that snowball battle, not a chance.”

  When Timothy left the room, Esther turned to Samuel and said, “I doubt that one of my cookies will help Hannah. I think she’ll be down in the dumps tonight and tomorrow as well.”

  “You’re probably right.” Samuel, his hair still wet from the snow, moved to stand beside Esther. “I’ve been thinking about something,” he said, slipping his arm around her waist.

  “What’s that?” Esther asked as Samuel wiped a drip of water that had splashed from his hair onto her cheek.

  “I was wondering how you’d feel about us getting married right after the first of the year.”

  Esther drew in a sharp breath. The thought of marrying Samuel so soon made her feel giddy. “Oh Samuel, I’d love to marry you as soon as possible, but Timothy and Hannah haven’t found a home of their own yet.”

  “I realize that, but I was hoping we could get married anyway.”

  “You mean two families living under the same roof?”

  He nodded.

  “I don’t think it would work, Samuel. Hannah and I do things so differently—especially concerning the kinner. It’s been hard enough for us to get along with me here just a few hours each day. If I was here all the time, I’m afraid Hannah would resent me even more than she does already. Sometimes things are fine, and other times I can feel the tension between us. It’s uncomfortable being constantly on edge.”

  Samuel nuzzled her cheek with his nose, where the drip of snow had just been. “So would you prefer to wait to get married till after Timothy and Hannah find a place of their own?”

  Esther’s heart fluttered at his touch. “Jah. As difficult as it will be to wait even longer, I think that would be best.”

  Hannah had just finished putting the quilt back on the guest bed when Timothy entered the room. “What’s that you have behind your back?” she asked, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

  Timothy held up the cookie. “Thought you’d like to try one of Esther’s pumpkin kichlin. They’re sure good.” He smacked his lips and handed her the treat.

  As much as Hannah disliked hearing her husband rave about Esther’s cookies, her stomach growled at the prospect of eating one. The whole house smelled like pumpkin, and she had to admit when she bit into the cookie that it was really good.

  “You should have seen the snowball battle Samuel and I just had with Leon. Foolin’ around in the snow like that made me feel like a kid again.” Timothy grinned and kicked off his boots. “Remember when we first got married, how we enjoyed doing things like that?”

  “I did see you three down there in the yard,” she said, ignoring his comment. “I was watching out the window and thinking how nice it would be if you spent more time with Mindy and played games with her like you did with Leon.” Hannah tromped across the room and picked up Timothy’s boots. “You should have taken these off downstairs. I hope you didn’t track water all the way up the stairs,” she grumbled. “Now please take them over to our room and put them on the throw rug. I just got this room all nice and clean for your parents, and now you’re dripping water all over the floor.”

  Hannah watched as Timothy picked up his boots and did as she asked, not saying a word as he walked across the hall to their room. She knew his good mood had evaporated once she’d started lecturing him. But it irritated her to see Timothy have fun with Samuel’s son instead of their own daughter. And couldn’t he see that the room for his parents was all nice and clean?

  “I guess not,” Hannah muttered. “Timothy and I just don’t see things the same way anymore. Maybe we never did, but it seems like it’s gotten worse since we moved to Kentucky.”

  Nashville, Tennessee

  “It sure is good to see you,” Bonnie said as she and her dad left the airport terminal and headed for her car.

  He grinned and squeezed her hand. “It’s good to see you, too, and I appreciate you coming all this way to pick me up.”

  “It’s not that far, Dad. Besides, this is the closest airport to where I live. I just wish you could stay longer than a few days,” she said, opening her trunk so he could put his suitcase inside.

  “I do, too, but I need to be back at work by next Monday.”

  “I’d hoped you might have put in for a few more days’ vacation than that.”

  “Maybe I can come and stay longer sometime this spring or summer.” He climbed into the passenger’s side and buckled his seat belt.

  As they drove toward Kentucky, they got caught up with one another’s lives. “I’m really anxious to show you all the changes that have been made to your folks’ old house,” Bonnie said. “I think Grandma and Grandpa’s place makes the perfect bed-and-breakfast. “

  He smiled. “I’m looking forward to seeing it, too.”

  As they neared Clarksville, it began to snow, so Bonnie turned on the windshield wipers and slowed down a bit. “It started snowing in Pembroke last night,” she said. “And when I left to come to the airport, it was still snowing, but as I got closer to Nashville, it quit.”

  “I sure didn’t expect to see snow on this trip,” Dad said. “We haven’t had any in Oregon yet.”

  Bonnie frowned as she stared out the front window. If the snow kept coming down like it was right now, by this evening it could be a lot worse. She hoped Samuel’s folks would make it safely and said a mental prayer for everyone who might be driving in the snow throughout the day.

  CHAPTER 19

  Out of politeness, Hannah stood on the front porch, watching as Timothy and Samuel greeted their parents. From the joyous expressions on the brothers’ faces, she knew they were happy to see their folks. Fannie and Abraham were equally delighted to be here.

  Hannah couldn’t deny them that pleasure, but it was hard to be joyful when she missed her own parents so much. Her chin quivered just thinking that at this very moment she could have been greeting her parents as well. She looked away, trying to regain her composure and knowing she’d have to put on a happy fa
ce. She’d make every attempt to do it, if for no other reason than for Mindy’s sake, because she wanted her daughter to have a nice Christmas with at least one set of grandparents. But she’d only be going through the motions, because inside she was absolutely miserable.

  When Fannie finished greeting her sons, she turned to Hannah and gave her a hug. “Wie geht’s?” she asked.

  “I’m doing okay. How about you?”

  Fannie smiled. “I’m real good now that we’re here safe and sound.”

  “That’s right,” Abraham said, nodding. “The roads on this side of Kentucky are terrible, and we saw several accidents. Fortunately, none of ’em appeared to be serious.”

  “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer.” Samuel opened the door for his parents. Everyone followed, including Fannie and Abraham’s driver, who said he could really use a cup of coffee before heading to his friend’s house on the other side of Hopkinsville.

  Esther greeted Fannie and Abraham as soon as they entered the kitchen; then she and Hannah served everyone steaming cups of coffee.

  “I made plenty of cookies for our dessert tonight, so we may as well have some of them now.” Esther smiled as she placed a plate of pumpkin cookies on the table.

  “Those look appenditlich,” Fannie said, reaching for one.

  “You’re gonna enjoy ’em.” Timothy grinned at his mother. “I already sampled a few, and they are delicious.”

  “I can vouch for that,” Samuel agreed.” ‘Course, everything Esther bakes is really good.” He smiled at Esther, and the look of adoration on his face put a lump in Hannah’s throat. It had been such a long time since Timothy had looked at her that way or complimented her on her baking.

  Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore, she thought. If he did, then why’d he force me to move here? Hannah’s mood couldn’t get much lower. Just listen to them. Everybody loves Esther’s cookies. It made her want to escape upstairs to her room. They’d probably be enjoying that Kentucky chocolate chip pie she’d volunteered to make if she hadn’t changed her mind about it. But her heart just wasn’t in it. Without her parents coming to celebrate Christmas with them, Hannah wasn’t in the mood for much of anything. She might try making the pie some other time. Maybe after she and Timothy had a place of their own. If she baked something Timothy really liked, he might compliment her for a change.