the STRUGGLE

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the STRUGGLE Page 12

by Wanda E. Brunstetter


  The woman shook her head. “I just work here part-time, and I live over there in the guesthouse.” She pointed across the yard, but due to the swirling snow, Trisha could barely make out the small building. She could, however, see the large house in front of her, which was well lit and looked very inviting right now. It was obviously the B&B.

  “Is the owner of the bed-and-breakfast here right now?” Trisha asked, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck to block out the cold wet flakes that were now blowing sideways from the storm.

  “I’m sure she is, but—”

  “Thanks.” Being careful with each step she took, Trisha made her way across the slippery, snowy yard and up the stairs leading to a massive front porch. As she lifted her hand to knock on the door, a sense of peace settled over her. She had a feeling God had directed her to this place tonight, and for that she was grateful. She just hoped she wouldn’t be turned away.

  Bonnie had just put away the last of the dishes she’d washed when she heard a knock on the front door. Hoping Allen might have come back or that maybe it was Esther returning from Samuel’s, she hurried to the foyer. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see a middle-aged English woman with snow-covered, faded blond hair on the porch.

  “May I help you?” Bonnie asked.

  “My name is Mrs. Chandler, and I was wondering if you might have a room available for the night.” The woman pushed a lock of damp hair away from her face. The poor thing looked exhausted.

  “The B&B isn’t open during Christmas,” Bonnie said.

  “Oh, I see.” The woman’s pale blue eyes revealed her obvious disappointment, and she turned to go.

  Bonnie’s conscience pricked her. Like the innkeeper on the first Christmas Eve, could she really fail to offer this person a room? Thankfully, she could provide something much better than a lowly stable.

  “Don’t go; I’ve changed my mind,” Bonnie called as the woman walked toward the stairs. “I have a room you can rent. This weather isn’t fit for anyone to be out there—especially if you aren’t familiar with the area. Come on in and warm up.”

  The woman turned back, and a look of relief spread across her face as she shook the snow out of her hair and entered the house. “Oh, thank you. I appreciate it so much. You’re right. The roads are horrible, and I didn’t want to get stuck. I could hardly see where I was going with all the snow coming down. I hate to keep rambling on about this, but this storm is a bit scary, and I had no idea where I was.”

  “It’s not a problem.” After all, Bonnie thought, it’s Christmas Eve, and I can’t send a stranger out into the cold.

  CHAPTER 21

  Bonnie awoke early on Christmas morning and, seeing that Mrs. Chandler was still in her room, made her way quietly into the kitchen. Once she had a pot of coffee going, she slipped into her coat and went out the back door. She was glad it wasn’t snowing at the moment, even though there was more than a foot of the powdery stuff on the ground. From the way the sky looked, Bonnie figured more snow was probably on the way.

  She paused on the porch to breathe in the wintry fresh air. The sight before her looked like a beautiful Christmas card, and she couldn’t take her eyes off the wintry scene. Except for a few bird tracks under the feeders, the snow was untouched. Nothing had escaped the blanket of snow. In every direction was a sea of white. The mums that had long lost their autumn color were covered with snow, forming a pretty design. The pine branches were decorated with fluffs of powder, and the pinecones were like nature’s ornaments.

  Bonnie stepped off the porch, turned, and looked up. The rooftop on the house was covered with heavy snow, giving it an almost whimsical look. Bonnie was glad for a white Christmas. It was what all kids, young and old, dreamed of having.

  Glancing at the place where Allen’s truck had been parked the night before, she noticed that the snow was so deep that it had erased all signs his vehicle had ever been there. Her heart was heavy after what had happened last night, but the beautiful white snow helped to lighten her spirits a bit. Besides, it was Christmas—a time for joy, hope, love, and a miracle. Bonnie felt it would take a miracle for Allen to understand why she hadn’t told him about her past and to forgive her for holding out on that important part of her life.

  Forcing her thoughts aside, she carefully made her way out to the guesthouse, knowing Esther was usually up by now. She rapped on the door, and a few seconds later, Esther, bundled in her shawl and black outer bonnet, opened the door.

  “I was just on my way up to the house to see you,” Esther said. “I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas and let you know that I’m heading over to Samuel’s to watch the children open their gifts.”

  “So you won’t be joining us for breakfast?” Bonnie asked, feeling a bit disappointed. “I was hoping you could meet my dad.”

  “How about if I stop by this evening after I get back from Samuel’s?”

  “That’s fine. Your place is with Samuel and his children this morning.” She nodded toward the road, which hadn’t been plowed. “I’m a little concerned about the weather and the road conditions, though. Do you think you can make it to Samuel’s okay?”

  Esther nodded. “Ginger’s always been good in the snow, and it’s much easier for our buggies to get around in this kind of weather than it is for a car. Since I’m leaving early, there shouldn’t be many vehicles on the road yet.”

  “You’re probably right.” Bonnie hesitated a moment, wondering if she should tell Esther what had happened last night between her dad and Allen.

  “You look as if you might be troubled about something,” Esther said, as though reading Bonnie’s mind. “Is everything all right?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Esther opened the door wider. “Come inside where it’s warm, and tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Are you sure you have the time? I don’t want you to be late getting to Samuel’s.”

  “It’s okay. I’m sure they won’t start opening presents until I get there.”

  “All right, thanks. I really do need to talk.”

  Esther removed her shawl and outer bonnet as she led the way to her small kitchen. “Let’s take a seat at the table and have a cup of tea,” she said, placing her garments over the back of a chair.

  “I really don’t need any tea, but if we could just spend a few minutes talking, it might help me sort out my feelings.”

  Bonnie told Esther all that had transpired between her dad and Allen, and how Allen had told Dad he had a headache and gone home without even saying good-bye.

  “But I thought you were planning to tell Allen about your past,” Esther said.

  “I was, and I would have done it before I gave him an answer to his proposal, but I had no idea Dad would blurt it out like that before I had a chance to explain things to Allen.” Tears welled in Bonnie’s eyes. “I’m afraid the reason Allen left is because he’s upset with me for not telling him the truth before this. He probably thinks I’m a terrible person for what I did when I was sixteen. I doubt that he’d want to marry me now.”

  “Even if Allen was upset about it, I’m sure that after you talk to him, he’ll understand why it was hard for you to share this part of your past with him. You can explain things when he comes over for dinner this afternoon,” Esther said, placing her hand gently on Bonnie’s arm.

  “If he comes for dinner.” Bonnie fought back tears of frustration. “I’m afraid the special relationship Allen and I had might be spoiled now.”

  “I’m sure it’s not, Bonnie, and I’m almost positive he’ll come for dinner. Allen’s too polite not to show up when he’s been invited to someone’s house for a meal. I’m equally sure he’ll want to talk with you about all of this.”

  “I hope you’re right, because we really do need to talk, although if he does come for dinner, we won’t be able to say much in front of my dad or Mrs. Chandler.”

  “Mrs. Chandler?”

  “My B&B guest.”

  “Oh, that must be th
e woman I met last night when I got back from Samuel’s.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes, and she asked if I was the owner of the bed-and-breakfast. When I told her I work for you part-time and that you were probably at home, she took off for the house before I could explain that you weren’t open for business on Christmas. The poor woman looked pretty desperate.”

  “It’s okay,” Bonnie said. “After Mrs. Chandler explained her need for a room, I didn’t have the heart to say no. There was no way I could have made her go back out in that blizzard last night.”

  Esther smiled. “I figured that might be the case.” She got up and gave Bonnie a hug. “You’re always so kind to others. No wonder you’ve become such a good friend.”

  Bonnie smiled. “You’ve been a good friend to me, as well.”

  “I do hope everything will work out for you and Allen.”

  “Me, too,” Bonnie murmured. “I’ve waited a long time for love to come my way, and if things don’t work out, I’ll never allow myself to fall in love again.”

  “Guder mariye. En hallicher Grischtdaag,” Timothy said, joining Hannah at the bedroom window, where she stared out at the snow.

  “Good morning, and Merry Christmas to you, too,” she said, in a less than enthusiastic tone.

  Timothy’s heart went out to her. This was the first Christmas she’d spent away from her parents, and he knew she was hurting. I hope the gift I made for Hannah will make her feel a little happier.

  “I have something for you,” he said, reaching under the bed and pulling out a cardboard box.

  She tipped her head and stared at it curiously. “What’s in there?”

  “Open it and see.”

  Hannah set the box on the bed and opened the flaps. As she withdrew the bird feeder he’d made, tears welled in her eyes. “Oh Timothy, you made it to look like the covered bridge not far from our home in Pennsylvania.”

  “That’s right. Do you like it, Hannah?” he asked.

  “Jah, very much.”

  “I know how much you enjoy feeding the birds, so I decided to make you a different kind of feeder. See here,” he said, lifting the roof on the bridge. “The food goes in there, and then it falls out the ends and underneath the bridge, where the birds sit and eat.”

  Hannah smiled. “Danki, Timothy. As soon as we find a house of our own, I’ll put the feeder to good use.”

  “You don’t have to wait till then,” he said. “I can put the feeder up for you in Samuel’s backyard. With all this snow, I’m sure the birds, and even the squirrels, will appreciate the unexpected treat.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t want to put it here at Samuel’s place.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just don’t, that’s all.” Hannah hurried across the room and opened the bottom dresser drawer. “I have a Christmas present for you, too,” she said, handing him a box wrapped in white tissue paper.

  Timothy took a seat on the bed and opened the gift. He was a little hurt that Hannah didn’t want to use the bird feeder right away, but he hid his feelings, not wanting anything to ruin the day. Inside the package he found a pale blue shirt and a pair of black suspenders.

  “Danki,” he said. “These are both items I can surely use.”

  Excited voices coming from outside drew Timothy back over to the window. “Looks like Esther just arrived, so Samuel will soon present his kinner with the new pony he bought them for Christmas,” he said. “Let’s get Mindy up and go outside and join them.”

  “You go ahead,” Hannah said. “Mindy needs her sleep. Besides, I don’t want her getting all excited over the pony. She might think she should have one, too.”

  “In a few years, maybe we ought to get her one,” Timothy said.

  Hannah shook her head vigorously. “Ponies are a lot of work, and I don’t want our daughter thinking she can take a pony cart out on the road. That would be too dangerous.” She frowned. “If you want my opinion, Samuel shouldn’t be giving his kinner a pony, either. They’re all too young and irresponsible.”

  “What Samuel does for his kinner is none of our business, and since Mindy’s too young for a pony right now, there’s no point in talking about this anymore.” Timothy turned toward the bedroom door. “You can stay here if you want to, but I’m going outside to see the look of joy on my nieces’ and nephews’ faces when they see that new pony for the first time.” Timothy hurried out the door.

  Arguing with Hannah was not a good way to begin the day—especially when it was Christmas. But he wasn’t going to let her ruin his good mood. Why couldn’t things stay positive between them, the way they had been when he’d given her the bird feeder? Would they ever see eye to eye on anything that concerned raising Mindy? Was he foolish to hope that at least Christmas would be a tension-free day?

  Allen sat at his kitchen table drinking coffee and stewing over what Bonnie’s dad had told him last night. Now he wasn’t sure what to do. Should he go over to Bonnie’s for dinner this afternoon or call her and say he’d decided to stay home? He could probably use the weather as an excuse. The roads had been terrible last night, and from the looks of the weather outside, they most likely weren’t any better today. Besides, with it being Christmas, the state and county road workers were probably stretched pretty thin, with only a skeleton crew filling in on the holiday. But blaming the weather for his absence would be the coward’s way out, and running from a problem wasn’t how he handled things. Of course, he’d never asked a woman to marry him, only to find out from her father that she’d given birth to a baby and given it up for adoption. It might not have been such a shock if Bonnie had told him herself. But the fact that she’d kept it from him made Allen feel as if she didn’t love or trust him enough to share her past. Was she afraid he would judge her? Did she think he would condemn her for something that had taken place when she was young and impressionable?

  How do I really feel about the fact that the woman I love had a baby out of wedlock? Allen set his cup down and made little circles across his forehead with his fingers, hoping to stave off another headache. Is that what really bothers me, or is it the fact that she didn’t tell me about the baby? If we’d gotten married, would she ever have told me the truth? Do I really want to marry her now? There were so many questions, yet no answers would come.

  Allen sat for several minutes thinking, praying, and meditating on things. The words of Matthew 6:14 popped into his head: “If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

  He groaned. I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve done things I shouldn’t have in the past. It’s not my place to judge Bonnie or anyone else. The least I can do is give her a call and talk about this—let her explain why she didn’t tell me about the baby.

  Allen was about to reach for the phone, when the lights flickered and then went out. “Oh great, now the power’s down. Someone must have hit a pole, or it’s due to the weather. Guess I’ll have to use my cell phone.”

  Allen went to the counter where he usually placed the cell phone to be charged and discovered that it wasn’t there. “Now what’d I do with the stupid thing?” he mumbled.

  He checked each room, looking in all the usual places. He also searched the jacket he’d worn last night, but there was no sign of his cell phone.

  Maybe I left it at Bonnie’s, he thought. If I could use the phone and call her, I could find out. Guess I’d better drive over there now and hope she has power at her place, because if I stay here with no heat and no way to cook anything, I’ll not only be cold, but hungry besides.

  Allen grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. When he stepped into his truck and tried to start it, he got no response. Either he’d left the lights on last night, or the cold weather had zapped the battery, because it was dead.

  “This day just keeps getting better and better. That settles that,” he muttered as he tromped through the snow and back to the house. “Looks like I’ll be spending my Christmas alone in a cold,
dark house and nothing will be resolved with Bonnie today.”

  CHAPTER 22

  That’s a mighty cute pony Samuel bought for the kinner, isn’t it?” Fannie said as she, Hannah, and Esther worked in the kitchen to get dinner ready.

  “Jah, it certainly is.” Esther smiled. “And I think the name Shadow is perfect for the pony, because it sure likes to follow the kinner around.”

  “Looks like they all took to the pony rather quickly, too,” Fannie added.

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “If you ask me, Samuel’s kinner are too young for a pony. They can barely take care of their dog.”

  “They’re not too young,” Fannie said with a shake of her head. “Marla and Leon are plenty old enough to take care of the pony.”

  “I agree with Fannie,” Esther said, reaching for a bowl to put the potatoes in. “Having a pony to care for will teach the children responsibility.”

  Hannah made no comment. Obviously her opinion didn’t matter to either of these women. She picked up a stack of plates and was about to take them to the dining room when Esther said to Fannie, “When Suzanne and Titus were here last night, she mentioned that she’s been feeling sick to her stomach for the last several weeks. I was wondering if she said anything to you about that.”

  “No, but it sounds like she might be expecting my next kinskind.” Fannie grinned. “And if that’s the case, I think it would be wunderbaar, because Abraham and I would surely welcome a new grandchild.”

  Hannah swallowed hard. She couldn’t help but feel a bit envious—not only because she wanted to have another baby and hadn’t been able to get pregnant again, but because she saw a closeness developing between Esther and Fannie.

  It’s not right that Fannie’s nicer to Esther than she is to me. I’m her daughter-in-law, after all. Esther isn’t even part of this family yet. Hannah wished, yet again, that her parents could have been here for Christmas. It would help so much if she and Mom could sit down and have a good long talk. Hannah’s mother had always been there for her and would surely understand how she felt about things.

 

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