the STRUGGLE

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Yes, I have,” she answered truthfully. “But if you’d married me, you wouldn’t have Bonnie for a daughter.”

  “You’re right. We would have had some other child, or maybe we’d have several.”

  Trisha slowly shook her head. “No, Ken. We wouldn’t have any children.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I’m not able to have children of my own.” Tears welled in Trisha’s eyes, blurring her vision. “I wanted to adopt, but Dave wouldn’t hear of it. Since I’m an only child, and so was Dave, I don’t even have any nieces or nephews to nurture and enjoy. So to help fill the void in my life and because I love kids, I taught the preschool Sunday school class at our church for several years, and I volunteered once a month for nursery duty during worship services.”

  “Trisha, I’m so sorry,” he said sincerely. “I know not having children or being able to adopt must have been hard for you.”

  She nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat.

  Ken left his chair, and taking the seat beside Trisha, he pulled her into his arms.

  His kindness was her undoing, and she dissolved into a puddle of tears.

  When Bonnie drove into her yard, she was surprised to see Dad’s SUV parked alongside the garage. She really hadn’t expected him this soon.

  After she turned off the engine and gathered up her packages, she quickly headed for the house, anxious to greet him. When she stepped into the kitchen, she halted, surprised to see Dad sitting at the table hugging Trisha. She stood in disbelief, and when she cleared her throat, they both quickly pulled away.

  “Sorry,” Bonnie apologized. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” Seeing the tears in Trisha’s eyes, she said, “Is everything all right? You look upset, Trisha.”

  Trisha reached for a napkin and dried her eyes. “It’s nothing to worry about. I was just telling your dad about my inability to have children, and I got kind of emotional.”

  “I…I was comforting her.” Dad’s cheeks were bright red, and Bonnie was sure he was more than a little embarrassed. Could something be happening between Dad and Trisha? Maybe some sparks from their teenage years had been reignited. She hoped it was true, because they both deserved a second chance at happiness.

  “Come here and give your old man a hug.” Dad stood and held his arms out to Bonnie.

  “It’s so good to see you,” she said after she’d set down her packages and given him a hug. “I didn’t expect you so soon, though. How was your trip?”

  “I made good time, so I can’t complain, and the trip was fine.” He gave her stomach a gentle pat. “How’s that little grandson of mine doing?”

  Bonnie shook her head. “Dad, that’s wishful thinking on your part. We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

  “Well you ought to find out. I thought most pregnant women were doing that these days.”

  “Not me. Allen and I want to be surprised when the baby comes.”

  Dad grunted. “But if I knew for sure it was a boy, I could start buying things for the little fellow.”

  “You can decide what to buy after the baby gets here, and it might end up being girl toys and pretty pink dresses.”

  He nodded. “Guess you’re right about that. I’ll try to be patient, and I want you to know, I’ll be just as happy if the baby’s a girl.”

  Bonnie smiled. Like Dad had ever been patient about anything.

  “Why don’t you sit down and visit with your dad while I bake some cookies?” Trisha suggested. “I was getting ready to do that when he arrived.”

  “Thanks. I’m kind of tired, so I think I will take a seat.”

  Bonnie talked with Dad about his trip until he changed the subject. “So where’s that son-in-law of mine?” he asked. “Is Allen working today?”

  “Not his usual job, but he is helping Timothy re-roof his barn. Samuel and Titus are supposed to be there helping, too.”

  Dad smiled. “I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: that man of yours is a keeper.”

  Bonnie nodded vigorously. “You’re right about that, and I love him very much.”

  Just as Trisha took the first batch of cookies from the oven, Allen showed up.

  “Look who’s here,” Bonnie said, motioning to Dad. “He arrived earlier than expected.”

  Allen smiled and shook Dad’s hand. “I’m glad you made it safely.” Then he turned to Bonnie and said, “I have some bad news.”

  “Oh dear. What is it?”

  “Timothy fell off the roof of his barn, and he’s in the hospital.”

  Bonnie gasped. “Oh no. Was he hurt badly? Is he going to be okay?”

  “I don’t know yet. After the ambulance came, I drove Hannah, Titus, and Samuel to the hospital, and then—”

  “Hannah was there?”

  Allen nodded. “She showed up unexpectedly, and you know what else?”

  “What?”

  “She’s pregnant.”

  “Wow! Now that is a surprise!” Bonnie hardly knew what to say. She’d never expected Hannah to return to Kentucky, although she had been praying for that. And the fact that Hannah was expecting a baby was an even bigger surprise.

  “I can’t stay long,” Allen said. “Timothy’s folks are over at Titus and Suzanne’s place, and I need to let them know what’s happened. They’ll no doubt want a ride to the hospital.” He touched Bonnie’s arm. “Do you want to go along?”

  “Deinitely,” she said with a nod.

  Hannah felt as if everyone in the waiting room was staring at her as she paced back and forth in front of the windows. She was just too nervous and worried to sit still. Before Allen, Bonnie, Fannie, and Abraham got there, she’d explained to Titus and Samuel what made her decide to return to Kentucky. Then when the others arrived, she’d told Bonnie and Allen.

  After that, Hannah hadn’t said much because all she could think about was Timothy. What could be causing them to take so long in finding out the extent of his injuries? What would she do if Timothy didn’t make it? How would she find the strength to go on? She’d exhausted her storehouse of endurance.

  “Lord, we need Your help,” Hannah whispered tearfully. “Please be with Timothy, and let us hear something soon.”

  “Why don’t you come and sit with us?” Bonnie said, gently touching Hannah’s shoulder. “You look worn-out, and you’re not doing yourself any good by pacing.”

  Hannah couldn’t deny her fatigue, but just sitting and doing nothing made her feel so helpless. “I wish we’d hear something,” she said, fighting tears of frustration. “It’s so hard to wait and not know how Timothy is doing. I…I’m so afraid he won’t make it.”

  “I understand, but I’m sure you’ll hear something soon.” Bonnie took hold of Hannah’s arm. “You must never give up hope. Just put your trust in the Lord, Hannah.”

  Trust. It was hard to trust when her future was so uncertain, but Hannah knew that she must. Reluctantly, she allowed Bonnie to lead her to a chair.

  “Is it all right if I say a prayer out loud for you and Timothy right now?” Allen asked.

  Hannah nodded and bowed her head. She knew they needed all the prayers they could get.

  “Heavenly Father,” Allen prayed, “we come to You now, asking that You’ll be with the doctors and nurses as they examine and care for Timothy. Give them wisdom in knowing what to do for him, and if it be Your will, we ask that Timothy’s injuries are not serious. Be with Hannah, and give her a sense of peace as she waits to hear how her husband is doing. We thank You in advance for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name we ask it, amen.”

  Hannah had just opened her eyes when a middle-aged man entered the room and walked over to her. “Mrs. Fisher?”

  Hannah nodded and swallowed hard. She didn’t know if she could stand hearing bad news. Help me, Lord. Please help me to trust You.

  “I’m Dr. Higgins,” he said, offering Hannah a reassuring smile. “I wanted you to know that your husband has suffered a mild concussion.
He also has several nasty bruises, a few broken ribs, and a broken arm. But as bad as that might sound, he’s not in serious condition and should be able to go home in a day or so.”

  Hannah breathed a sigh, almost fainting with relief. “Oh, I’m so thankful. Can I please see him now?”

  The doctor nodded. “Certainly. Follow me.”

  Hannah looked at Timothy’s family members. “Would you mind if I go in alone and speak to him first?”

  “Of course not,” Fannie spoke up. “You’re his wife, after all.”

  Hannah smiled and gave Fannie a hug. Then, sending up a prayer of thanks, she followed the doctor down the hall.

  When she entered Timothy’s room, she found him lying in the hospital bed with his eyes closed. Quietly, she took a seat in the chair beside his bed. It scared Hannah to see her husband all bandaged up and his arm in a cast, but she knew it could have been so much worse. She’d only been sitting there a few seconds when Timothy opened his eyes and turned his head toward her.

  “Am I seeing things, or am I dreaming? Is that really you, Hannah?” he asked, blinking as he gazed at her with disbelief.

  Hannah’s eyes burned as she thought of how close she’d come to losing him. Jumping up and reaching for his hand, she blinked against the tears that sprang to her eyes. “Yes, Timothy, it’s really me—you’re not dreaming. The doctor said you’re going to be all right, and it’s the answer to my prayers.”

  “But how’d you get here? When did you arrive? Wh–what made you come?”

  Hannah explained everything to Timothy, including the dream of Mindy that she’d had.

  “That’s really strange,” he said, “because I had a dream about Mindy, too.” Hannah placed her hand gently on Timothy’s arm. “I want you to know that I’ve forgiven you, and I…I need to ask your forgiveness, too. It was wrong of me to leave the way I did, and I’m sorry for putting all the blame on you for Mindy’s death. I’ve had a long time to think about things, and I know now that I’m also at fault for what happened to our daughter.”

  “Wh–swhat do you mean?”

  “I should have been watching her closer that day, and I never should have sent her out of the kitchen because I thought I was too busy and couldn’t be bothered.”

  Tears pooled in Timothy’s eyes. “It’s okay, Hannah. I forgive you, and I’m grateful that you’ve found it in your heart to forgive me. Now we both need to forgive ourselves.”

  She nodded solemnly. “There’s…uh…something else you should know.”

  “What’s that?”

  Hannah pulled her coat aside.

  Timothy’s eyes widened as he stared at her stomach. “You…you’re expecting a boppli?”

  “Jah.” She seated herself in the chair again, feeling suddenly quite weary. “It’ll be born next spring.”

  “Oh Hannah, what an unexpected blessing! Even in our grief, God has been so good to us.”

  “And He was watching out for you today,” she said. “Falling off the barn roof could have ended in tragedy. How grateful I am that your injuries aren’t life-threatening.”

  “I’m thankful for that, too, and from now on, whenever I’m working up high, I’ll be a lot more careful than I was today.”

  “I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you.” Hannah leaned close to him, and despite her best efforts, she couldn’t hold back the tears.

  “I love you, Hannah,” Timothy said as he reached out his hand and wiped away the tears trickling down her cheeks. “Oh, how I’ve prayed for this moment!”

  “And I love you,” she murmured. “Forever and always.”

  EPILOGUE

  Six months later

  Hannah hummed as she placed one hand on each of her twins’ cradles in order to rock the babies to sleep. Little Priscilla Joy was the first to doze off, but Peter John wasn’t far behind.

  Hannah sighed. God had surely blessed them with these two precious bundles, and she was ever so grateful—not just for the privilege of raising these special babies, but for the opportunity to be Timothy’s wife. She loved him so much and knew with assurance that he loved her, too.

  Once Hannah was sure the babies were asleep, she stopped rocking their cradles and moved to the living-room window to look out at the beautiful spring day. The birds were singing so loud she could hear them from inside the house. To her, they’d never sounded more beautiful. A multitude of flowers had popped up in the garden, and the grass, which had recently been mowed, was lush and green. Their home looked beautiful. Yes, our home, she thought. It had been a long time in coming, but Hannah knew without a doubt that this was where she belonged.

  Hannah’s gaze went to the field where Timothy had been working all morning. She didn’t see any sign of the horses or plow, so she figured he must have stopped to take a break. She glanced toward the kitchen and chuckled. Even the scratches on her new stove made her smile, remembering how it had happened all those months ago. She’d been upset about it at the time. Now Hannah couldn’t believe she had let something so trivial bother her. She saw the mishap with the stove as a reminder of how hard her husband and his brothers had worked to turn this house into a real home. It had also become a good conversation topic when friends or family came to visit. The story of how the stove fell halfway through the floor always gave everyone a good laugh.

  Hannah’s thoughts took her back to the day they’d brought Timothy home from the hospital, two days after he’d fallen from the roof of their barn. Hannah had seen that he was settled comfortably on the sofa and then gone to the kitchen to prepare something for supper. Going into the utility room to get a clean apron, she’d been surprised to discover Mindy’s doll on a shelf. When she’d asked Timothy about it, he’d explained that he had found the doll lying on the path leading to the mailbox. Hannah couldn’t have been more relieved. After that, she’d taken the doll and tucked it safely away. One day she would give it to Priscilla Joy and let her, as well as Peter John, know all about their sister, Mindy.

  Hannah had struggled with discontentment and bitterness when they’d first moved to Kentucky, but now she saw the Bluegrass State for its beauty and peacefulness and was happy to call it her home. She was thankful for English friends like Bonnie, whose baby girl, Cheryl, had been born two weeks before the twins. Things were going well for Trisha, too. She’d sold her condo in California and was planning to marry Bonnie’s dad in June. Hannah had also established a closer bond with Suzanne and Esther. Suzanne’s baby, Abe, was growing like a weed, and Esther had told her the other day that she and Samuel were expecting a baby in October. The Fisher family in Christian County, Kentucky, was definitely growing, and Hannah was happy to be part of their clan.

  Hannah sighed contently. Everything seemed right with the world.

  “Are you wishin’ you were outside working in the garden on this nice spring day?”

  Hannah smiled at the sound of her husband’s deep voice as he came up behind her. “I guess you are taking a break. I didn’t think I’d see you until suppertime.”

  “The horses needed a break more than I did, but I used it as an excuse to come up to the house.”

  Hannah heard the laughter in Timothy’s voice and knew even before she turned around that there must be a smile tugging on his lips. “I’m glad you came in.”

  “Me, too. I decided while the team rested I’d spend a few minutes with my fraa and bopplin, which is where I’d rather be, anyway.”

  Hannah gently squeezed his arm. “The babies are sleeping right now, but you’re just in time to have a piece of the Kentucky chocolate chip pie I baked this morning.”

  “Mmm…that sounds good.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “But aren’t you worried that it’ll spoil my appetite for supper?”

  She shook her head. “Supper won’t be ready for a few hours yet. By then, I’m sure you will have worked off that piece of pie and will be good and hungry.”

  He grinned and nuzzled her cheek with his nose. “You k
now me so well, Hannah.”

  “That’s right, I do. I know and love you, Timothy Fisher. And you know what else?” she asked, tipping her head to look up at him.

  “What’s that?”

  “Despite any struggles we may encounter, I know in my heart that we can make it through them because we’ll have each other.” She stepped into her husband’s embrace. “And most importantly, we’ll have the Lord.”

  “That’s right,” he agreed, brushing his lips across her forehead. “For as we are reminded in Psalm 71, He is our rock and our fortress.”

  HANNAH’S KENTUCKY CHOCOLATE CHIP PIE

  Ingredients:

  1 stick butter or margarine, melted

  2 eggs, beaten

  1 cup sugar

  1 teaspoon vanilla

  1 cup chocolate chips

  1 cup nuts, chopped

  1 (9 inch) unbaked pie shell

  Preheat oven to 325 degrees. In small kettle, melt the margarine and set aside. In bowl, beat eggs, sugar, and vanilla. Add chocolate chips and nuts and stir. Add margarine and beat well. Put in unbaked pie shell. Bake for 50 minutes or until done.

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  1. Hannah had a hard time accepting her husband’s decision to move from Pennsylvania to Kentucky because she knew she would miss her family, especially her mother. What are some things people can do to accept a move and adjust to their new surroundings?

  2. Was there anything, other than moving, that Timothy could have done to improve his marriage and help Hannah realize that she was too close to her mother?

  3. What are some things that parents can do to help their grown children who are married not to be so dependent on them and to cleave to their mates?

  4. When Timothy and Hannah were forced to live with Timothy’s brother Samuel for a time, it put further strain on their marriage, and it became difficult for Samuel and his future wife, Esther, to continue with their plans to be married. What are some ways a family can deal with having other people living with them for a time?