by Dash, Jayson
Camille just smiled and said, “To those few of you who are choosing to stay behind, your bravery is quite admirable. Kind of reminds me of when a ship is about to sink and there’s no more life boats.”
“This magazine is not sinking!” said Sabrina hotly. “My mother built this company from the ground up and I’ll be damned if I let you think you’re going to come in here and change that.”
“Oh, boo-hoo. Cry me a river, Sabrina. You’ve always wanted my job as editor-in-chief, haven’t you? Well, now that you have it, enjoy it while it last in these last few minutes. It’s been fun working for this garbage magazine that won’t stand a chance against mine. I can’t wait to hear about the demise of Fabulous magazine.”
She turned on her heels and waltzed out of the room as if she had done something great.
After a moment of silence Sean said, “I can’t believe that woman is my daughter.”
“That makes two of us,” said Sabrina. “Now what are we going to do? We’re extremely understaffed.”
Sean said, “We’re going to do just like your mother would expect us to do and not say anything to her and get this magazine on stands.” He paused and added, “I believe in you and know you can do it.”
Now, if only she could see what he could, she might believe it too.
Even with the extra help Sabrina received from all over the place, it still didn’t seem like they were getting anywhere closer to meeting the deadline. The printer was scheduled to have the magazine by midnight and here it was going on nine-thirty and they still didn’t have a cover yet, which was the icing on the cake, so to speak. Sabrina knew being the editor-in-chief was a tough job but she wasn’t expecting to have so much responsibility riding on her shoulders at once.
She didn’t want to take the chance of slacking off and instead; she focused all of her energy into making sure she didn’t overlook anything crucial like reviews, spreads on the spring lines and photo shoots that had been booked months in advance. Then she got the idea to call up Chad and had him send over his designs that were supposed to go in the last issue but didn’t, thanks to Camille. And now, she was finally out of the way once and for all.
“I’m so proud of you.” Sean snuck up on her and was standing in front of her desk. “Through the Grace of God, you’ve managed to save this magazine, for the umpteenth time.”
Sabrina smiled. “Thanks. But I can’t talk all the credit. Everybody has been very helpful with their contributions.”
“I see.” He paused. “You know, I don’t know if you your mother ever told you this, but you have your biological father’s eyes.”
“Actually, she’s never even mentioned my father once, at least with characteristics and such. She never wants to talk about him, as if he never existed.”
Sean frowned. “Really? She told me that she’s told you about your father and only left out the details of why they divorced. Did she?”
“No. She never told me anything except how they met and dated in high school. What has she told you?”
“Honestly, I want to tell you but I don’t think it’s in my place to tell you. I think she should be the one to tell you.”
“I understand,” said Sabrina. “It looks like me and my mother is going to need to sit down and talk.”
He bent down, kissed her on the forehead and said, “Be easy on her, okay?”
Sabrina smiled. “I’ll try.”
She was going to try all right. After all these years of hiding her father’s identity in the dark, it was time she finally got the answer to so many questions she had been suppressing so long. Her mother was no saint and she had no right to hide her child’s past from her. There was no way she could justify her actions. At least not in Sabrina’s eyes.
She brought herself from her thoughts to reality, and went back to work on reconstructing the magazine. She could tell it was going to take more than a miracle to get the magazine where it was supposed to be and at one point or another felt so overwhelmed she wanted to quit. Until he called.
Chapter Twenty-Six:
Breaking Point
Despite all that had gone all day, Sabrina thought of all people, that Brett would be the one to brighten up her day. She was wrong. Dead wrong. When she picked up the phone she was excited until they started talking about nothing in particular, then they it went quiet and they were listening to each other breathe, which was creepy and boring as hell. Sabrina had to come up with a quick lie just to get off the phone with him. It was so sad. Just sad.
By the time she realized what time it was, she was nearly exhausted and sleep-deprived, even her strong coffee didn’t do her justice in providing a nice boost of energy. By the time she reached her house it was a little past one in the morning. That had to be a record in her book and she was sure now that she had her new title, she would be seeing plenty more of those days to come.
By the time her head hit the pillow she was already in sleep mode. She had a nice, peaceful dream that didn’t involve her or Larissa bleeding to death or anything gory.
The next couple of days at work were grueling and tough, seeming almost impossible to make it through without contemplating giving up. It was all so much riding still on the fact that they hadn’t been able to recover anything and was starting from scratch.
So she took a quick break and stepped away from her computer just to collect her thoughts and avoid slamming her head against the keyboard like she wanted to do.
“Sabrina, honey, I need to talk to you.”
Sabrina whirled around to find her mother Dorothy dressed sophisticated as usual. She rarely ever came to the office unless there was an occasion where she had to be there.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” Sabrina asked, nearly startled.
Dorothy sat down in a leather chair in front of Sabrina’s desk and said. “Rina, I’m afraid I have some things that I have been keeping form you for a long time. I think now is a good time to start explaining some things.”
Sabrina sat down as well. She could tell by the look on her mother’s face that she had something on her mind.
“What is it?” asked Sabrina.
Dorothy entwined her fingers and said, “Sabrina, you know that I love you and would never do anything to hurt you. Right, honey?”
“Yes, I know that.”
Her mother was up to something. She had to be.
Dorothy looked at Sabrina and said, “I’ve always wanted to tell you who your biological father is but I was afraid of what the consequences would be and figured it was better if I never told you. I wanted to protect you.” She sighed and continued, “Back when I was in school, it wasn’t easy to date, especially in my family, with my mother and her strict rules. I had a boyfriend that she didn’t know about and one day I got fed up when he cheated on me with my best friend and as a result, I decided I was going to do the same. Except when I cheated, it was with a guy named Erik, whom I had no business being interested in and nearly cost me my life.” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief she pulled from her purse.
Sabrina looked her mother straight in the eyes. “Just what are you saying?”
Dorothy began to weep as she said, “Erik was white, and we started seeing each other on the low until he proposed to me and my mother let us get married and…”
Sabrina stared at her. “So, you’re telling me that my father is white. Is that it?”
“Yes, Sabrina.”
“And what happened? Why did he leave?”
“He left because…because I didn’t want to be labeled as an outcast. I had a future to think about and it was a mistake to have gotten married. I was young and foolish. I’m sorry I’ve kept this from you.”
“All this time,” Sabrina said more to herself than to her mother. “All this time,” she repeated, her voice rising.
“You have to understand I was only trying to protect you. I did what I thought was best.”
“You mean what was best for you.”
“What?”
>
Sabrina’s eyes narrowed and for a moment she wanted to say something, something she had wanted to say for years but never had the guts to. Until now.
“You thought you were doing what was best for you. Just like you claimed you did when you made me have that abortion and as a result, thanks to you I can’t have kids.”
Dorothy looked dumbfounded. “How dare you blame that on me? If you hadn’t gotten knocked up in the first place that wouldn’t have had to happen.”
“Right,” said Sabrina, with a slight hint of sarcasm in her voice. “Like mother like daughter, huh?”
Dorothy rose to her feet. “Listen to me, Sabrina. I had to make some very hard choices in my lifetime. Yes, I may have gotten rid of your father but look what I did for us; I got you a rich father figure, put you in the best schools, and lived in the best neighborhoods. Do you think I had that growing up? Hell no! My mother treated me like shit! We were dirt poor with nothing but problems. So forgive me for breaking the damn cycle.”
Sabrina considered her mother’s words. “Like I said, you did all that for you. If you were so concerned about me growing up well, why come you never ever mentioned my father? Not even a picture or description of the man.”
Dorothy laughed. “I’ll tell you why I never mentioned Erik. He moved on with his life after we got our quickie divorce. He might have come by to visit you every once in a while but I didn’t want him around. Plus, he had his own family to worry about.”
“And not once did it cross your mind that maybe, just maybe he deserved to see his daughter, to know that she was okay?”
“It did. He sent birthday cards every year but I wanted to keep the distance so I hid them from you.”
Sabrina didn’t know what she wanted to do; slap the shit out of her mother or keep her cool and let her finish what she had to say. Either way she was still going to be pissed at her no matter which option she chose. And her mother—some mother she thought she was to keep something away from her for so long.
Sabrina sighed. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Mom. After all these years you wait until now to drop this on me. Why?”
Dorothy waited a beat. “He tracked me down a few weeks ago asking about you. Then I saw you on the news and in the magazine with that guy you’ve been seeing and I couldn’t help but remember when I dated your father and how different times were back then. He’s been trying to meet you for a while now. At least while he was still alive.”
Sabrina felt her heart drop. “What are you saying exactly?”
“Your father died last week.” She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope and handed a stack of pictures to Sabrina. “Those are some pictures of him in his younger days and a couple of his recent pictures.”
Sabrina tossed the pictures onto her desk and said, “Please leave my office.”
“Sabrina, please. Don’t be like this.”
“I said get out!” Sabrina snapped as she moved to the door and held it open. “Just go.”
She sniffled. “I’m so sorry.”
Once her tears dropped onto the picture, it dawned on her that any chance of getting to know her biological father was obsolete and she had to face facts. Her mother was a manipulative bitch who always got what she wanted, always got her way no matter what. And now thanks to her selfishness, Sabrina was staring at what remained of a piece of the puzzle that was her identity. Just like she had always known; it was finally realized that she had a white father. It wasn’t a surprise, considering how light her skin was and the fact that she looked somewhat like her mother but some characteristics didn’t carry over to her.
Sabrina was definitely not selfish like her mother. She was the opposite and like helping people. She didn’t deceive people for self-gain nor did she think it was okay to keep things hidden for so long. Or did she?
She looked closely at a picture of a young version of her father looking to be in his late teens with a smile on his face. He was tall and had light brown eyes, a sharp nose and dark hair; she was pretty sure he didn’t have any trouble finding a date with his good looks.
Sabrina sat there for the longest and cried for all the birthdays, all the holidays and all the things she would never get back, things she never got to do with him. She prayed that one day she could forgive her mother for keeping them apart and lying to her face for so many years and waiting until the last minute to try and redeem herself for what she had done.
One day she might. But that day was not about to come anytime soon.
After crying her eyes out forever it seemed, she had to get away from the office and raced to her house and drowned her sorrows in a bottle of wine.
She was mellowed out for a while. But it was only a matter of time before it came up and started messing with her again. She was sure of it.
So when Brett offered to buy her groceries and cook for her she should have been happy. But she wasn’t. While shopping something on the magazine rack caught her eye and she saw a caption on a magazine cover about a white woman who had been put on trial for killing her three children in the bathtub of their home and pleaded to temporary insanity, only to get off with fifteen years in prison with parole.
She exhaled and kept on walking.
Brett sensed her body language changed and asked, “You seem a little tense.”
“I’m fine,” Sabrina said, pulling something off the shelf and tossing it into the shopping cart. “I was just thinking that some of y’all white people get away with too much. And just to think, I’m related to one.” She laughed dryly.
“Please, Sabrina, not now.”
“What? Is talking about race bothering you?”
“No, I just don’t feel like talking about it.” He pushed the cart further and added, “I’ve had a long, draining day and I just need to relax or something. I know you’ve had a long day but you’re not the only one.”
“Okay but answer this, do you really expect us to be in a relationship together and not talk about it?”
“We do. Now is not a good time.”
She followed him over to the next aisle.
“So, when? When is a good time for you? When we’re behind closed doors, out of public?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it period.”
“That’s because you don’t need a reminder every day that you’re white; the only time you do know that is when you’re in a room with black people. Every day I have to deal with white people and they remind me every day that I’m black. So you want me to just keep that to myself and not talk to you about it? Do you see how people look at us when we’re together, like we’re some kind of circus freaks?”
“I understand what you’re saying but you’re talking about frustrations you create for yourself; you work at a magazine with a clientele of rich white women, you live in a gated community in a home that you own and you make what, seven figures, which is way more than what I make. So let’s talk because I’m all ears.”
“No, see, you don’t want to talk about how when I’m standing in front of a bunch of white men how they look at me like I’m the damn secretary and every time they found out I’m in charge of shit, they want to go with someone else, someone who isn’t black. Do you see how insulting and fucked up that is?”
“Yes, I do. You have to be able to move past that.”
“Come on, Brett. I can’t even have a decent conversation about my frustrations and you can’t even empathize with me?”
“I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry I’m not black and I never will be. That’s just the way it is.”
Silence fell between them.
Sabrina looked away. She knew one of these days they would have this conversation but she didn’t expect things to get so out of hand.
She said, “You’re right. Maybe we should take a break.”
Brett sighed. “Maybe we should.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven:
What Next?
As Sabrina soaked her achin
g body in the lavender-scented bathwater she tried her hardest not to think about what was said between herself and Brett that evidently let to their break-up. She wanted to truthfully believe that it wasn’t her fault and a part of her thought otherwise; after all, she had initiated the argument with the intentions of talking and she only wanted to be heard.
Maybe she shouldn’t have been so quick to talk about race in such a place as a grocery store, where ironically, they first met and broke-up. Sabrina laughed out loud at the thought.
“Isn’t that a bitch?” Sabrina said aloud.
Sabrina didn’t really mind talking about race and felt it was a very important part of being in a relationship where two people are from two totally different backgrounds and had a lot of people mad, even jealous.
It was bound to cause issues and eventually something was going to give; rather he called her the ‘n’ word by mistake or if she called him white trash. Then again, she never really talked down to anyone; unless they did something really piss her off. That was a different story. And they hadn’t exactly broken up. They were just taking a ‘break’ and needed some time apart to sort out their priorities and see if they were willing to make the relationship work.
In Sabrina’s defense, she was hoping that things would eventually go back to normal and she would have someone to hold her while she slept, someone to talk to until the wee hours of the morning. Being single sucked ass. Plain and simple. She had already given up on her search for Mr. Right and that wasn’t working out so well. So now what was she supposed to do? She had everything she needed; a nice home, financial security, a great job, hell all the things any woman could ask for. She didn’t need a man for shit. She was a self-made career woman and never had to ask for help. She liked it that way.
Truth be told, Brett was a fine piece of meat, but he wasn’t worth shedding a tear over. Okay, maybe few tears here and there, but not waterworks like those pathetic bitches in those romance movies do when they get left for not doing what they were supposed to. Sabrina felt like shit for crying when she did. There was no other way to admit that she missed the hell out of Brett’s cooking and the way his soft lips felt as they traced over her nipples and—
