“You think?”
“The question is, do you want her back?”
I sighed, the question I keep asking myself. Is it worth putting her through pain? “I love her.” I said firmly.
“But is she your end game? Is she the one? Because if not, then walk away now. Actually run very far and leave the poor girl alone, but if you do know that she’s your other half, then give her time. She’s been through a lot.”
“Joe, I get physically ill thinking that I may never hold her in my arms again. And to me that sounds pathetic. She’s the one.”
He patted my knee, “Time, my boy. Give it time. Now come inside, I’ll make some dinner since apparently you got kicked out tonight before it even started.”
Chapter Thirty Three
Sophia
After dinner finished, I snuck out before Tristen could find me, I texted him that I was headed out early so that he wouldn’t worry. He didn’t respond. The conversation with him wasn’t going to go well, and I didn’t want another public argument. I was already back in the apartment, dressed in my pajamas, sipping on a glass of wine. Liquid courage.
Three loud bangs on my door made me jump.
“Sophia, are you home?” Tristen’s muffled voice called out.
I dragged myself to the door, taking a large sip of wine before I opened it. “Hi, Tris.”
He glared at me, as he entered. “What was that show you put on tonight?”
“It wasn’t a show, although I’m sure your Mom found it entertaining.”
He turned to face me, “Nope. I don’t think she did. You embarrassed me.”
I laughed, walking toward the living room. “Of all that happened tonight, you’re upset that I embarrassed you.”
“We were in a room full of some of the most important people in the city. Yeah I’m pissed about that.”
“Your Mom deserved what I said to her.”
“I doubt that.”
I rolled my eyes, “You are blind to her ways of dealing with people.”
“How so?”
I laughed, “She threatened me, just before we walked into dinner while you were getting us drinks.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”
I ignored his question, looking up at him. He was now standing at the end of the sofa, still glaring at me, “Does it ever get tiring?” I asked.
“What?”
“Do you ever get tired of worrying about what others think about you?”
He huffed, “That’s just the way the world works, Sophia.”
I leaned back on the sofa, “Not mine.”
He walked around sitting down on the coffee table in front of me, “What has gotten into you?”
“I’m just tired of fighting for approval in a world that I don’t even want to be in.”
“I think you’re fine. What are you worrying about?”
Did he just say I was fine? What happened to perfect or beautiful? Nope I’m just fine. I sighed, “It’s not that, Tristen. Me and this world don’t work. We never have. I upset the balance of things.”
“You sound crazy.”
I laughed, “Maybe I am.” I took a sip of wine.
“What does this mean?” He asked, his eyes pleading.
“We were never going to work out. You know that don’t you?”
I took him by surprise, “Why not?”
“My heart will forever be Stefan’s; no matter how much I fight it. No matter how many dates I go on. He will always be in the back of my mind. That’s not fair to you. I could never love you the way I love him. Not even close.”
“You literally just told him to fuck off tonight? Do you even know how you really feel?”
“He hurt me, a lot. Being around him scares the shit out of me. I’m afraid because when I'm around him, my mind goes blank and nothing matters.”
His mouth formed a flat line, “I never had a chance with you from the start.”
“I’m sorry; I know this sucks to hear. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just being honest.”
“Honesty hurts sometimes.” He said with a sad tone in his voice.
“I’m sorry, Tristen.”
He sighed, as he stood, “I’ll let you go to sleep. Goodnight, Soph.”
I stayed on the couch without responding or even looking back at him as he walked out the door. It was as if a weight had been lifted from me, but the emotions I had been holding in since I saw Stefan found their way back to me.
The glass of wine was pressed against my lips. Tears found their way down my cheeks. I let out a few whimpers, trying not to have a full on break down. I can never seem to catch a break. I was dancing with the pain Stefan left me in, and now he was back. I stood up for myself three different times tonight. I was proud of how strong I had become, but why was I still hurting?
It had been a few days since I saw Stefan, and broke things off with Tristen. I was back at work, sitting at my desk going through emails. My mind kept replaying the things I said to Stefan. How I yelled at him. I winced every time. It was like someone else took over my body. He caught me off guard by being there. I might have officially ended it with how I acted. Social suicide is what that entire night was, but I didn’t care. I was emotionally drained.
I pulled out my phone, and texted Kevin:
Me: Coffee after work?
Kevin: Totes :)
The rest of the work day flew by, 5PM hit and I was waiting at Kevin’s desk while he shut his computer off.
“Where to?” Kevin smiled, linking his arm with mine.
“A special place.”
He raised his eyebrow, “Are we going to your favorite coffee shop?”
I threw my fist in the air, “Yes, we are. Because I need it.”
When we walked in I said hi to Jim, and asked how he was. He told me that I needed to stop by the center soon, and that his sister had been asking about me. I made my way to find a table while Kevin waited for our drinks.
Kevin walked up to the table and handed me my coffee. “Black with a dash of almond milk, just how you like it.”
I smiled, “Gosh I missed you.”
“I’ve been here. You’ve just been going through stuff.”
“Living across from Tristen has been weird, and seeing Stefan was even harder.”
He laughed, “I wish I was there when you yelled at him.”
I covered my face with my hands, “No, you don’t. It was so bad. I was so angry, Kevin.”
“How did you feel when you saw him?”
I gave him a weird look, “I just told you. I was angry.”
He smirked, “Yes. On the surface, but what did you feel that you didn’t show?”
“I...I wanted to run up to him and tell him that it’s going to be ok.”
“You what?”
I laughed, “He’s been hurting too. It’s not just me that lost something that day.”
“I thought you were going to say you loved him.”
I looked out the window, “I shouldn’t.”
He sipped his iced coffee, “Ah but you do?”
“Yes.” I shook my head. “I’m just causing myself pain, but I can’t help it.”
“He came back though. Why don’t you go talk to him?”
I sighed, “He came back three months later, Kev. I needed him then, not now. He left by choice. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep, and he couldn’t even call me.”
“That was pretty shitty of him.”
“I think I just need to be Sophia for a while.”
“You’re still yourself.” He placed his hand on mine.
I smiled at him, “I know, but I think I need to be by myself for a while. Clear my brain, find my own place.”
“I can go apartment shopping with you.”
I laughed, “Thanks. I’m going to need the help. I was thinking about checking in Brooklyn. It’s cheaper across the bridge.”
“Cheaper is better in this city. The prices make me want to gag. Why do you thi
nk I live with three other people?”
“I know your pain; I used to live with three other people.”
“Let’s go look on Saturday. I have some free time then. Make a list of places; we’ll make a whole day of it.”
I laughed, “Ok, but don’t be surprised when I drag you to a hole in the wall.”
Stefan
The meetings I had set up while I was here were finished. I wasn’t sure when I was going back to London; I just knew eventually I would. Joe told me to give her time, I can’t be in the same city while I do that. I can’t stay away from her. What if I give her time and she moves on? The light in her eyes wasn’t there that night. If she moves on I guess I did the right thing. I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life; the one mistake I will regret forever was walking away from her. Tim picked me up and was driving me to meet my Mum for lunch at a cafe in the Upper East Side. I barely have seen her since the charity dinner. She’s been out of the house a lot and I’ve been busy tying up loose ends.
My Mum was sitting at a small table in the corner. Flowers were overhanging the sides of the booth. She was dressed in a tan dress with her hair pulled back neatly in a bun. She seemed better than she has been.
“Hi, Mum.” I kissed her cheek, and then took my seat across from her. “How are you?”
She smiled, “I’m fine. I ordered you water.”
“Thanks.”
“What have you been doing today?” She stirred her hot tea.
“I had some meetings to settle some things, before I go back to London.”
She cocked her head to the side, “You’re going back?”
“After Saturday, I don’t think I can be here right now.”
She pursed her lips, while she thought, “Because of Sophia?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe she hates you like you think.”
“Mum, you didn’t hear her.”
“And you didn’t hear how she spoke to me after.”
I gave her a confused look, the waiter appeared and I waved him off. “You spoke to her?”
She laughed, “Actually it was her who sought me out.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and she surprised me.”
“How?”
She blew on her tea, and then sipped it, “I needed someone to talk to and she was there for me.”
“She’s a good listener.” I drummed my fingers on the water. “What did you say to her?”
She waved her hand, “We talked about your father, and she told me I should talk to your Nan. She even offered to fly to Nebraska with me.”
I formed a small smile; Sophia has a good heart, even if she’s pissed at me. It’s one of the reasons I love her so much.
“She still loves you.” My Mum added.
I sighed, “I think she may still love me, but I don’t think she wants me in her life anymore.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“And I think you're meddling.”
She laughed, “I’m just stating my observations. She left her seat at the Van Doren table to sit next to me in your empty seat. The people at my table were horrid.”
“She did?” She was Tristen’s date and she comforted my Mum?
“Yes. So, I don’t think my observations are far off.”
I stared at her, “I need to give her some space.”
“Hmm. Maybe so, but don’t give up on her.” She picked up her menu. “Let’s order lunch before the server has a breakdown. They keep staring at us.”
I looked over my shoulder at the server and laughed. She was right, they were staring us down.
It was nice spending time with my Mum. She seemed to be getting herself back together after my father and brother’s arrest. I told her that I thought it was a good idea to go see my Nan. She glared at me when I mentioned it. The thought of my Nan and Mum in the same house might turn the earth on its axis, but I’d take the chance. Being with my Mum made me second guess going back to London. She was happy for the first time in a long time.
Chapter Thirty Four
Sophia
Kevin and I met Saturday morning at a doughnut shop. He texted me early that morning that he was hungry for something sweet. He ordered a chocolate doughnut and I ordered a plain glazed. We made our way to the first apartment nibbling on our sweet treats.
“I think I’m going to quit my job.” I blurted out. I shoved a large bite into my mouth, so I couldn’t respond to him.
His eyes went wide, “You might do what?!”
I pointed to my mouth, with a smile; Cueing that I couldn’t speak.
“Sophia Brooks you cannot leave me alone at that place.”
I laughed, as I swallowed, “It’s not that bad.”
“I only like it because of you. What am I supposed to do if you leave?”
I let out a large breath, “Well you can quit too then.”
“Honey, I need the money.”
I rolled my eyes, “I’m going to find another job before I leave. I’m not that crazy.”
He squinted his eyes at me, “Are you trying to forget all of us?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re looking for a new apartment for you, and now you tell me you want to get a new job. You can’t forget me.” He said sadly.
I laughed again, “You sound crazy now. I’m just trying to start fresh and independent. The apartment I'm in now is Tristen’s, and the job I have, which brought me you, was because Stefan got me the job. I want something of my own that I choose, I earned.”
“You like living life hard don’t you?”
“No. I just want it to be my life.”
“Mhmm.” He linked his arm with mine.
I nudged him, “I could never forget you.”
“I know. I’m the best person out there.”
I bursted into laughter as we stopped in front of a red brick building that was 4 stories high.
“Is this it?” I asked, looking up.
Kevin looked at his directions on his phone, “Yep.”
We walked through the front doors, and were immediately greeted by a young girl in probably her thirties smacking on her gum. She blew a large bubble when she saw us, and jumped up. “You Sophia?”
I smiled, “Yes. Nice to meet you.” I reached out to shake her hand.
She looked down at me, like she had never done such a thing.
“I don’t touch people.” She blew another bubble. “Follow me.”
Kevin and I shot each other looks, and then followed her up the stairs. She unlocked the door that was labeled B3. Second floor wasn’t so bad.
“Take a look around. I’ll be downstairs. Don’t do anything weird in there.” Bubble gum girl said, and then disappeared.
I pushed the door open, “She was charming.” I whispered.
“Tell me about it.” Kevin whispered back.
We entered the studio apartment. The floors were wood, the one window in the unit was small, but it overlooked the street which was nice. The kitchen was barely a kitchen, with a tiny stove and a mini fridge on the counter. I looked up and noticed two stains on the ceiling which were signs of a leak from the next floor.
“It’s cozy.” I said, turning to look at Kevin whose face was covered in anguish.
“Soph, I don’t know…” His eyes went wide, as he nearly jumped on me. “Oh don’t eat me; I’m too young to die!”
I laughed, “What is wrong with you?”
He pointed to the wall, “Do you see the size of that bug?! Soph, this is not your new home. We’re leaving.” He grabbed me by the arm, dragging me down the stairs.
Kevin waved his hand in front of bubble gum girl, “Hi, Miss. There is a bug the size of a Chihuahua up there, I’d brace yourself with a shield and a sword. We’re leaving.” He stopped, and I stumbled, as he turned back around still linked with my arm. “Also, it is rude to chew gum like that. Close your mouth, Honey. Good Day.”
Her mouth dropped open, and I was holding ba
ck my laugh that was trying to escape.
Kevin rushed out the front, “Sophia I’m choosing the next place. You are banned.”
I laughed, “It wasn’t that bad. You’re just picky. I could have made that work.”
He put his hand on his hip, “Do you want Bubble Gum girl as your landlord? I think not.”
“Well, where to then?”
“This way,” He pointed down the street. “You owe me a spa day for that adventure.”
“Let’s just see if we can find an apartment, and then we will talk about a spa day.”
The next apartment we arrived at was above an Italian restaurant. It was only a few blocks away from Keira’s parent’s pizza restaurant. Keira would be thrilled. We walked up the stairs to the left of the restaurant, and were greeted by an older man. He was probably in his late 70’s; he had glasses that rested on the tip of his nose.
“Hi, I’m Sophia.” I held my hand out.
He shook my hand, and yelled, “You’re going to have to speak louder Dear. The hearing isn’t so good.”
I smiled, “My name is Sophia.” I said louder.
He smiled, “I dated a girl named Sophia once. She was a beauty, just like you. Follow me, the apartment is just up here.”
Kevin gave me a sweet smile, touching his chest. He mouthed I love him. I replied me too. It took him a moment to open the door; it seemed stuck until he put his whole body into pushing it open.
He walked in, “It’s not very big, but the water pressure is good.”
We followed him in. The room was L shaped causing it to have a small nook. The kitchen was small, but the refrigerator was bigger. The smell of garlic lingered in the room.
“Do you smell garlic?” I asked.
The old man chuckled, “Ah you get used to it. It’s the garlic bread from downstairs. They bake it fresh every day.”
I raised an eyebrow at Kevin, “I do like garlic bread.”
“I haven’t seen any bugs. So, it’s a good sign.”
I tapped the old man on the shoulder, he spun around. “Sorry, what did you say?” He asked.
I smiled, “I’ll take it.”
That night I ordered Chinese from this fancy restaurant near Tristen’s. Because that’s all that’s near Tristen’s; fancy food. But they have good egg rolls, so I splurged. While I waited for the food to be delivered I walked around the apartment figuring out what I need to repack. I opened the closest, the brown boxes I kept avoiding unpacking sat in front of me, taunting me. I knew you weren’t going to stay here long, they mocked. I ran my hand across my forehead, I’ve completely lost it. I’m imagining my boxes are talking to me.
Until Him: Book 3 - Until Then Series Page 22
