I shake my head.
‘Never? That’s disgraceful. You’d better look up who’s coming and decide what you want to see. Cable cars, boat trip, concert. Sound like a plan?’
‘Maybe.’
It sounds like a date, not a plan.
Breakfast eaten, we catch the Tube into Soho and Gabe leads me to a hairdressers salon.
I stare through the window.
‘What’s this about then?’
‘I want you to have your hair put back to the black it was like when we met. I want to show you that you don’t need to change yourself. You’re fine as you are. It’s the rest of us who are fucked up. In fact is there a time before that? What was your hair like at the beginning? What does the real Stella look like?’
It’s so long since I’ve seen the real me. I bite my bottom lip undecided.
‘So will you do it? Go change yourself back?’
I open the door and begin to walk inside. ‘My hair is dark brown.’
It takes hours of messing around with chemicals and deep conditioning treatments. I’m scolded for dying my hair so many times in a short period. Whilst I go through the motions Gabe heads back to his own apartment to change his clothes.
Four hours later I leave the salon. Gabe looks at me proudly.
‘You look better. Softer.’
I touch my hair, hold a piece in front of my face. Chestnut brown.
‘Can we go get something to eat?’ I ask. ‘I need to talk.’
We get settled in an Italian and order a couple of pizzas.
‘Gabe. I don’t see how ruining my stepfather is going to help me get my mother back anymore. So I’m kind of thinking of looking at courses and training to be something. Get a role for myself, you know?’
‘Stella. I get you’ve had a shock, but don’t be hasty. He’s still a blackmailing bastard, just like my father.’
His father. Then I remember and inhale sharply.
‘What is it?’
‘Your father. That night, the one where I saw my mother. There was a school photo. They were both on it. My stepfather and your father. They knew each other at school.’
‘No you’re mistaken Stella. It was after the incident with Isabel that they met.’
‘No.’ I shout, louder than I intended. ‘I took the photo home, it’s in my apartment. I’m going to get my PI to look into it. They were there, together.’
‘But that makes no sense. Why would they pretend they’d not met before?’
‘I don’t know. There are too many unanswered questions. That’s why I’ve asked him to find Isabel. I want her take on events.’
‘If you find her. Can I come with you?’
Flashes of an unseen image of them in flagrante comes unbidden into my mind. My fingers tighten around my cutlery.
‘Of course. If she says it’s okay.’
Gabe picks up his drink. ‘Stella, I’ve spoken to my father. I have to go away on Monday. I’ll be gone for a week.’ His brow is creased.
I reach up and smooth the crease with my fingers. ‘I’ll be fine Gabe. I’m just going to take it steady for a week or so. Put the revenge plan on the back burner til I feel a little better.’
‘Good. Promise me you’ll not do anything without me.’
I’m torn as how to answer. I want to tell him I don’t need his permission, but I’m going to miss having him around. So much has happened between us in the short time we’ve known each other. Its like the relationships that happen in the Big Brother house, so intense and fast, a Catherine wheel relationship, liable to spin out of control at any time.
I take a drink of my coke. ‘Okay. I won’t do anything until you’re back.’
He releases a held breath,‘Great.’
‘Where are you going anyway?’
‘LA. Then in a couple of weeks I’m off to New York. I’m going to catch up with my mother while I’m there.’
New York. Couple of weeks. Hmmmm.
I feel a call to a PI is required.
Chapter 7
Once again, Gabe curls around me in bed. I run my hand down his arm, taking in the smoothness of his skin, the feel of the hairs on his forearms. I feel the indentation of a scar that he says is from a dog bite when he was younger. I carry on and caress his hands and fingers, they feel rough against the smooth pad of my own.
‘You need some of my hand cream.’
He holds his hand up. ‘Go on then. As long as it doesn’t make me smell like a girl.’
I lean over to the bedside table and get my body lotion. I pour a little onto the palm of my hand, flinching at the coolness and rub my hands together to warm it up. Then I put one of his hands between mine and massage the lotion in. I repeat with the other.
‘Mmmm that feels nice.’
‘Would you like a massage?’
‘Another skill I don’t know about Mulroney?’
‘I’m not qualified but I’m sure I can manage.’
I get him to turn onto his front and apply more lotion and rub it into his back and neck. I alternate between deep rubs and feather light touches that just reach the lower part of his back, where the bed covers just show the first hint of his well rounded ass. I put some more cream on and lower the covers, massaging those gorgeous firm glutes.
‘Ahem, massages don’t usually go below the waist.’
‘Mine does. Turn over.’
He obliges. I can see just how much he’s enjoying the massage, but I ignore it. I start again. I massage his chest, feeling the well defined pecs and abs. I tease his nipples. I do both of his arms. He sighs in relaxation. Then he sits up and pushes me into the mattress.
‘Your turn.’
He does the same. A complete repetition of what I did to him. When he’s finished I am so relaxed, I can hardly keep my eyes open. But I’m not ready for sleep.
I reach lower on his body to massage something else.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, I want you.’
I stroke him and he strokes me, gentle rubs that drive us wild with desire. He gets a condom and then uses his forearms to pin himself above me. He kisses me softly on the lips and then traces kisses all up my neck, targeting my weakness, my oversensitive spot. Seriously, I’d sell my soul for more of this. I turn my head to the side allowing him easier access to kiss my throat.
He slips inside me, moving oh so slowly. I want to wrap my legs around him to force him deeper but I resist and enjoy the sensations. Slowly, in and out, all the while breaking off to kiss me. We act like we have all the time in the world and slowly work towards our climaxes which are all the sweeter for the wait. Afterwards he gathers me into his arms and kisses my forehead.
‘Shit we forgot to choose a word.’
‘No, I thought of one,’ I reply.
‘Oh yeah?’
‘Intimate. That was intimate.’
His breathing deepens, I don’t know if he heard me or not. Something’s changed between us in the last couple of days. I’m allowing this man into my life, despite my rules. I decide to worry about it in the morning when I’m not wrapped in a blanket of comforting warm flesh.
On Sunday he calls down to Cols and returns with two coffees and a selection of Danish pastries. We sit on the balcony to eat. I still don’t like it, but Gabe seems to enjoy the space, so I put up with it. I still expect to plunge to my death any minute. My nerves about being on the balcony make me chatter on, about nonsense.
Gabe moves his chair closer to mine. ‘Tell me about your Dad. About your childhood.’
My mouth drops open,‘Oh.’
I’m flustered. I’m used to keeping this coiled tightly inside. Then I think of what Gabe shared with me.
I look out over the water and begin talking.
‘I suppose the memories I have of my dad now are mainly from photos. I was only six when he died, so I don’t remember him that well. But I have these slivers of memories, you know? Like I can picture him walking past the window with a pink wooden fairy cast
le in his arms, and feeling so excited. I couldn’t get my mum to open the door fast enough.
He always smelled of mints. He loved polos. I can’t bear the smell of mint, I even struggle with toothpaste. How crazy is that?’
Gabe smiles and gestures for me to carry on.
‘Anyway one day he didn’t come past the window. Mum sat me down and told me the angels had taken him because he was too good to be on earth. He’d been in a car accident on the motorway.’
I look at Gabe, his eyes are full of compassion.
‘My mum cried a lot yet she kept me close, looked after me. She made sure she always took me to school and was there to pick me up. She took me all over, visits to the zoo and the beach. Every night we’d chat to Daddy in my room before I went to sleep, tell him what I’d been doing, so he’d know.’
‘That was a sweet thing to do.’
I stare out over the balcony. ‘Then mum had a new friend, who came to visit. He bought me lots of toys but I didn’t want them. I don’t remember specific things, just that I didn’t want him, he wasn’t my Dad. He shouted at me once when my mum had nipped to the shop. Told me I’d better start liking him because he was staying. I remember that, because spittle came out of his mouth, reminding me of the dog next door that my mum had told me to stay away from. So I stayed away from him. Not long after I was sent away.’
‘But what about the holidays? Did you get some time with your mum then?’
‘No. After I’d been home a few days, he always managed to take her on a trip, so I had to stay with nannies for the rest of the break.’ I think back to my cold, clinical room. ‘I was neither seen, nor heard. I just escaped into books. Visited libraries, shut myself in my room and read. Then as I got older I starting reading in coffee shops.’
‘Hence the coffee obsession.’
‘Yup. It’s part of who I am. I’m closer to caffeine than my family.’I huff.
‘What about other family?’
‘I’m sure I have some but I don’t know where they are. I haven’t seen my Dad’s parents since I went to boarding school and my mum never had anybody.’
‘You could find your grandparents?’
I shake my head firmly, ‘No. I haven’t seen them for almost twenty years. They aren’t family to me now.’ I set my jaw.
‘Sorry.’
‘What for?’
‘Touching a nerve?’
I shake my head again. ‘No, it just reminds me that I need to look forward not backwards. I’ll make my own family.’
Then I think about what I just said and start giggling.
Gabe looks at me in panic, ‘What?’
I realise how my statement could have been construed and laugh harder.
‘Can you let me in on this, do you think?’
I wipe the tears from my eyes, desperately trying to control myself. I take deep breaths. ‘It’s not even going to sound that funny to you. I was just saying how I’m making my own family and I thought you might panic thinking I’d get myself pregnant. Then I thought so far my family consists of an alcoholic nympho who I’ve known three years. I’m not doing so well.’
‘It’ll come Stella, you’ll fight for it, I know you will.’ He jumps up quickly, ‘Right, I’ll go and fetch us another coffee, that was delicious.’
‘I can make us one from the machine?’
‘No I like the ones from downstairs. I’ll be back in a bit.’
Way to go in making someone uncomfortable Stella.
After another coffee, Gabe starts to collect his belongings together. ‘I’m going to have to make a move. I’ve an early flight. You going to be okay?’
‘I’m fine. Granted I still feel low, but I’m getting my mojo back. Onwards and upwards.’
‘Well I’ll see you in a week. Don’t do anything stupid whilst I’m gone.’ He kisses me on the cheek and leaves.
No I’m only stupid when you’re around.
The week passes slowly with Gabe away and Ronnie in rehab. I hear nothing from my mother and stepfucktard, surprise, surprise. I realise that I have nothing in my life other than swimming and revenge plans, what a sad git. I ponder things over whilst sipping a latte and then I head off to the pet shop.
Before long I’m the proud owner of three goldfish called McDreamy, Meredith and Christina. I like watching them swim around, it’s hypnotic. I’ve purchased some plants they apparently adore and a bridge. There, just like that I have something to care about and look after, and they adore water just like I do. I wonder if they really have a two second memory? That’d be quite useful at times.
I know Gabe didn’t say I should expect a call from him, but I’m still surprised to hear nothing at all. I haven’t heard anything from the PI either. I’ll give Peter until the end of the week and then I’ll check what’s happening.
I should open my apartment up as a library it’s so quiet. I swim, I eat, I read, I sleep. It’s a routine and I like it.
But the apartment seems empty without a certain taut, hot body in it.
On Friday morning I get a call from Peter on my other phone. He has some information for me. I arrange to meet him later in the same bar as before.
When I get there he doesn’t look any more awake. I guess babies do that to you.
He nods at me,‘Nice hair. Suits you that colour.’
I touch it, ‘Oh yes, thanks. I’ve gone back to my natural colour.’
‘Well each to their own, but I think this looks a lot better.’
‘Erm, thanks?’
He opens a file on the table. I feel like I’m in some espionage spy movie and the writing on the page will go invisible after sixty seconds.
‘Okay, so first of all, I’ve located your stepsister.’
‘Great.’
‘She’s now known as Isabel Lucas. She married two years ago.’
‘And her address?’
‘She lives on 82nd Street on the Upper East Side. New York.’
‘New York?’
‘Yes, that’s where she’s been for the past eight years, according to records.’
‘Wow, I wonder what made her move out there?’
‘I can find out for you?’
‘No, that’s okay.’ I tuck my hair behind my right ear. ‘I’m going to see her myself.’
‘Fair enough. Well if you change your mind just let me know.’
‘I will.’ I think about the money Mitch gave me. Hah he can pay for me to see his stepdaughter. I can find out all that went on between them. Then I remember, ‘You said first of all, you’d located my stepsister? What else?’
He flicks through his file.‘I’ve found some people who went to school with your stepfather and Mr Gregory.’
I sit up straighter,‘Oh yes?’
‘Apparently they weren’t known to be particular buddies. In fact there was a kind of one-upmanship went on between them. Your stepfather was the star chess player, Mr Gregory the star footballer.’
‘Anything else?’
‘Well there was one thing, I kind of did a bit of searching around your mother to see if I could raise any more info on your stepfather.’
I look annoyed.
‘It’s what we have to do. Anyway I’m glad I did.’
He takes out a class photo. ‘Your mother went to the same school as Mr Daniels and Mr Gregory. She was two years below them. She dated your stepfather for six years. From what I established they split up when Mr Daniels was found to be expecting a baby with the woman who became his first wife, Emily.
‘Isabel.’
He nods in agreement. ‘I think your mother and stepfather were always in touch Stella. Your stepfather left and divorced Emily, not long after your father died.’
He hands me some papers. ‘I’ll carry on with the honey trap and looking into the pornography situation. In the meantime, I’ve enclosed my bill in there for the work so far. It has to be settled within fourteen days.’
‘I’ll settle it first thing in the morning.’ I stand up. ‘T
hank you Peter, you’ve been very thorough.’
He nods and leaves.
I order a vodka in order to stem the trembling in my fingers emerging from the held in fury.
Did my mother ever love my father, or did she cheat on him the whole time?
Then I think to myself, ‘Was I even his?’ But I know the answer to that question. I have the same nose and lips as he did. If I cover the top part of my head with my hands, I look just like my dad from the nose down.
I’m going to take great delight in flattening Mitch Daniels.
I’m off to New York. I have a sister to meet and a business to learn. Fast.
Chapter 8
I get a text from Gabe:
“Pick you up at seven. Dress casual but hot undies.”
I’m so intrigued I’m ready and waiting by the apartment entrance as he rolls up, driving a Jeep.
I jump in the passenger side. ‘Are we going offroading?’
He looks at me, smirks and winks.
‘J is for jeeping.’
I raise my eyebrows, ‘Come again?’
‘I’m sure you’ll come many times. Anyway we need to get going. Don’t want to be late.’
We pass through the driveway of what appears to be an abandoned old house. There’s a sold sign attached to the gates.
‘So let me guess, you bought the house and you want me to help decorate?’
‘No. All will become clear in a moment.’
We turn into a secluded garden at the edge of the property. There are other jeeps parked between trees. I count seven including us. People are sitting in the middle of the garden on large spread out picnic blankets drinking champagne.
‘What’s going on Gabe?’
‘We’re just going to have a drink with some new friends.
I pull him back by his arm.
‘Look Gabe, I’m not shagging anyone else, if that’s what you’ve got in mind.’
‘That’s not what this is about. Look, just have a drink, loosen up and see where it goes.’
‘I’ll be honest, I’m about to run off.’
‘In those shoes?’
We both look at my feet. He said dress casual but I still have on three inch navy blue sandals.
The Alphabet Game the Complete Alpha Series a to X, Y, Z Page 12
