by Anna Jacobs
“You’ve got the same look on your face as my sister gets when she’s sulking.”
“I’m just uncomfortable in this seat.”
“OK. Whatever.” He got out the book again.
She waited for the trolley to reach them. But they’d only got fried chicken left and some greasy potatoes for the main course. She stared down at her tray. If she ate that, she’d get fat.
“Something wrong with it?” her neighbour asked when she poked it uncertainly with her fork.
“It’s fattening.”
He looked at her incredulously. “I’m sure you don’t have to worry about that. If anything, you’re too skinny.”
“Skinny! How dare you be so personal?”
He rolled his eyes. “Pardon me for breathing. And I take back my previous remark - you’re far worse than my sister.”
He didn’t say another word until they reached Singapore.
She tried to change her seat, but it was too late. On the next plane he was still sitting beside her. The old woman had gone, but a mother and small child were occupying the two seats on Deb’s other side now.
After about an hour they hit turbulence. Seat belt signs flashed, an announcement was made for everyone to stay in their seats and the attendants were instructed to sit down as well. Deb felt petrified as the plane lurched, jerked and dropped, while her stomach did the same. On one particularly bad drop she couldn’t hold back a squeak of terror.
A warm hand took hold of hers. “It’s all right.”
She looked sideways at the guy next to her. “Is it always this bad?”
“Not usually. Haven’t you ever experienced turbulence before?”
“No. I haven’t flown much, really.” Another sudden drop sent her stomach into her throat and she let out a moan and clung on to his hand for dear life.
“This isn’t nice, but it isn’t dangerous, honestly.”
She could only nod and tense up against the next surge.
When the turbulence eased, she let go of his hand, feeling embarrassed. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He gave her a smile that made him suddenly seem more attractive. “I’m Alex, by the way.”
“I’m Deb. And I’m sorry I was so silly about the seat. I think I was more nervous than I realised about this flight. I’ve never been so far on my own.”
“Going to Manchester, or further?”
“Rochdale, actually, to stay with my granddad.”
“You look upset about that. Don’t you want to go?”
“Yes. Well, sort of. Only Gran’s got Alzheimer’s and I’m a bit nervous about how to deal with it.”
“That’s rotten. One of my great-aunts had it.”
“Are you going to visit your family?”
“I’m going to work over there for a while, but I’ll stay with my aunt and uncle first while I look around a bit. They live in Rochdale too, actually. I’ve just finished uni, you see, but I don’t want to settle down yet.”
They chatted for a while then Alex fell asleep. Deb wished she could. She was so tired after partying with her friends the night before. But try as she might, her body stayed obstinately awake.
When they disembarked Alex helped her to find the luggage retrieval area and shared a trolley with her. As they wheeled it out, she saw her mother in the distance and groaned.
“There’s my mother. She’s so overweight!”
Alex looked at the woman and back at Deb. “What’s with you and weight? She’s not fat. Pretty good figure for a woman her age, actually.”
All the rapport they’d built up vanished in an instant. “Thank you very much!” She snatched her case off the trolley and marched across to her mother, kissing the air beside her face and stepping back quickly out of the embrace.
“How was the flight?”
Deb shrugged. “Boring. I’d forgotten how it seems to go on for ever.”
“I know. We have to go this way. Do you want me to help with your luggage?”
Deb handed over her cabin bag and they walked along in silence. When Alex passed them, pushing the trolley, she looked in the other direction. How dare he speak to her like that? She wasn’t too thin! Her Dad had always said she was just right.
Laura realised Deb was angry about something - well, you couldn’t mistake that stormy look - so said nothing as she led the way out to the car.
“Is this a hire car?” Deb asked.
“No, I bought it.”
“It’s a bit old. Dad wouldn’t have been seen dead in - ” She broke off and tears filled her eyes.
Laura said gently, “It’d be silly to buy a better one when I don’t know how long I’ll be here for. Anyway, I can’t afford to be extravagant now.”
“I suppose not.” Deb looked at her sideways. “But you got half the price of the house, at least, didn’t you? And the shares?”
“Yes. But I have to save enough to buy myself another house when I go back to Australia, while the shares are my superannuation.”
“Oh.”
Laura drove carefully through the busy streets, relieved when they reached the motorway. “We’ll be about an hour getting there.”
“Right.” Deb looked round, wide-eyed. “Are the roads always this busy? I mean, it isn’t rush hour, is it?”
“They get much busier than this, which is why I’m glad I don’t live in a big city here.” She made no attempt to break the silence, letting Deb set the pace.
“How’s Gran?”
“Not doing very well. Dad’s really tired. It’s a heavy burden for a man of his age, caring for someone so difficult. I’d been hoping to help with her, but she won’t let me go near her. She seems to think I’m trying to steal her husband. Delusions are common apparently, but it doesn’t stop it hurting.” Laura felt her eyes fill up with tears and concentrated on her driving.
Deb looked sideways, not missing the tears. It suddenly occurred to her how she’d have felt if her dad had been the one to have Alzheimer’s and had refused to have her near him. “That’s horrible.”
“Yes.”
“Who’s the guy you’re working for?”
“He’s quite a well-known war correspondent, Kit Mallinder. Only he was injured and is still on crutches, which is why he needs a live-in housekeeper. He’s retired now, though.”
Great! She was going to be surrounded by wrinklies.
When they got to Pop’s house Deb stared at it in amazement. “I’d forgotten how tiny it was.”
“Yes. But don’t say that. He’s very proud that he bought it and paid off his mortgage before he retired.”
“I’m not that stupid!”
Pop looked so much older it took Deb a minute to drag a smile back on her face and give him a hug. He smelled the same, though, of shaving soap and peppermint.
Her mother waved her on before disappearing into the front room.
Deb followed Pop into the back room, where Gran was sitting at the table, cradling a cup of tea in her hands and looking almost the same as before.
“Here’s our Debbie,” Pop said.
Gran looked up and the illusion was shattered. Her face seemed empty of something that had been there before. Deb gulped and took a step forward.
“Just sit down on the other side of the table,” Pop whispered. “I’ll get you a cup of tea. We’ve just made a pot. Milk and sugar?”
“Just a tiny splash of milk. No sugar.” She sat down and watched as Gran began to run her finger to and fro on the table, ignoring them completely as she repeated the same action again and again.
He came back with a beaker and set it down in front of Deb. “I’ll just take one through to our Laura.”
Deb sat petrified as she was left alone with the old woman. This was far worse than she’d expected. It was Gran’s body without Gran inside it. Gross! She wanted to get up and run out, but couldn’t. Let alone she was exhausted, she was in a strange country and had to stay here for a few days, at least, till she got her bearings.
When she’d drunk the tea, she yawned and couldn’t seem to stop.
Pop grinned at her. “Our Laura was just the same when she arrived. Out on her feet. Didn’t you sleep on the plane, either?”
“No. I couldn’t.”
“Why don’t you get a shower and have a lie-down, then?”
“Would you mind?”
“Of course not, love. But it’d be best if you locked your door. I’ve put a bolt on the inside. Pat wanders around in the middle of the night sometimes.” He raised his voice. “Will you show Debbie where to go, Laura love?”
“Sure.”
Upstairs Deb stared round the room, which contained two narrow single beds, a wardrobe and chest of drawers and not much else. “It’s very small, isn’t it?”
“Yes. And when we were children, Sue and I had to share it. We had some right royal quarrels.” She looked at Deb and fumbled in her pocket for a piece of paper. “I’ve written down the details of where I am and how to contact me. I can get out in the evenings, though I’m a bit busy in the daytime. Or you could come over to see me. I have my own sitting room. And your cousin Angie has promised to come over and see you once you’ve had time to recover from the journey. She’s your age and she’s a lovely girl.”
“Yes. Um - thanks for picking me up today.”
“My pleasure. If I can do anything else, just let me know.”
As Deb listened to the footsteps going down the stairs, she realised suddenly that it was a comfort to know her mother was nearby.
She hadn’t realised how alone she’d feel over here. Staring at herself in the mirror, she squared her shoulders, tried to smile, couldn’t. Felt as if she was Alice in Wonderland, lost in a world where nothing seemed right.
She yawned again and told herself she’d feel better once she’d had a sleep. After the quickest shower on record she crawled into bed. But she couldn’t stop remembering Gran and how empty her face had looked. She scrubbed her eyes, but the tears still kept coming. She’d so wanted Gran to recognise her, talk to her, as they used to.
* * * *
Laura waited in the hall to say goodbye to her father and gave him a big hug.
“What’s that for?” he teased.
“Just to say I love you. You’re looking tired, though. Don’t you think it might be wise to put Mum into respite care for a few days and have a proper rest?”
“I can’t do it. Not while she’s got any understanding of who I am. And I think she still has.”
He shook his head, his eyes unfocussed, his whole body sagging in sad lines, then suddenly burst out, “I can’t bear it sometimes, seeing her, knowing she’ll not get better, having to do everything! I get so tired and - ” He stopped and fought for control, then gave her a shamefaced smile. “Eh, it’s not like me to go on about it. Sorry.”
“You’ve every right to get upset sometimes. I don’t know how you cope.”
“What other choice do I have?” He stared down at his feet, sighing.
She gave him another hug and was rewarded with one of his tender, loving smiles.
As she drove back she smiled at the memory of how happy he’d looked when she’d said she loved him. Even if she couldn’t help with her mother, she’d done the right thing coming back - for both Dad and herself. There was nothing like moving somewhere different for giving you a new slant on the world and your place in it.
* * * *
Angie got home from a midday shift and went straight down the hall to dump her things in her bedroom, only to find it in chaos. She stopped at the door and gaped at the mess.
She heard a noise in the kitchen and picked up her old rounders bat to protect herself with, in case it was burglars. But it was her mother, not an intruder. She was crouched down, hauling everything out of the cupboards and hurling it behind her.
“What’s the matter, Mum?”
“It’s all so dirty! I’m not having it. I just couldn’t go to work and leave this mess. I’ve done our bedroom and I’ve started on yours, but this needs sorting out first.” She turned her back and began pulling the rest of the things out of the immaculate cupboards.
Angie backed out and her mother didn’t even seem to notice. She had that wild look on her face that she’d had once before, only it seemed worse this time. Very quickly Angie went into her room and locked the door. Pulling out her mobile phone, she dialled her dad’s work number.
“It’s Mum. She’s acting really weird and she seems worse than last time, much worse.” She explained what was happening and he promised to come home straight away.
When she’d hung up, she sat down and put her head in her hands, praying her mother would stay in the kitchen.
Not until she heard her father’s car in the drive did she open the bedroom door. She rushed out, relieved to see him. But things got worse before they got better. He wasn’t able to persuade her mother to stop what she was doing, couldn’t get her to listen to reason, could hardly get her to listen to him at all. She was scrubbing the kitchen cupboards out now, scrubbing and scrubbing, going over the same surface a dozen or more times, then carefully changing the water and doing it all over again.
Angie listened to her father pleading, then heard his voice stop and footsteps come along to her bedroom.
“I need to call the doctor out, love. He’ll have to sedate her or even take her in for a day or two. They said last time she shouldn’t stop taking those tablets, that it could recur if she did, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“She won’t go in willingly.”
“No, but it’s for her own good.”
They looked at one another, then he held out his arms and she rushed into them. She tried not to cry, because he had enough to put up with, so they just held one another close. Then he put his hands on her shoulders, pushed her to arm’s length and looked at her sadly. “All right. It’ll go and phone from our bedroom.”
He got through to the doctor’s surgery, had to talk his way past the receptionist, whose main purpose in life seemed to be to keep patients away from the doctors, then explained the state Sue was in.
It was over an hour before a community psychiatric nurse arrived. He went to talk to Sue, came back and phoned the doctor, who arrived shortly afterwards.
Sue fought against the sedative injection and it took longer than they expected for it to work.
“We’ll soon have her out of hospital again,” the nurse said to Trev as he left. “They’ll just need to stabilise her medication and start her on the counselling.”
“What if she refuses to take the pills again? She’s been pretty difficult to live with.”
“I’ll be coming round regularly to check on her and I won’t let her off the hook this time.”
As the nurse drove away, Trev looked at his daughter. “I have to go with her. Can you sort things out a bit here? We’ll maybe have a take-away tonight.”
“Sure, Dad.” She went into the kitchen, groaning at the sight of all the pans and bowls and dishes tumbled carelessly on to the floor. The bottle of washing up liquid had fallen over, leaking a puddle of sticky green on to the vinyl floor tiles. It filled the sink with bubbles when she wiped it up and she had to rinse out the cloth again and again.
What next? she wondered. First Gran, now Mum. Her Gran used to say that bad things always happened in threes. It couldn’t get much worse than this, surely?
Chapter 17
Ryan stirred the Bolognese sauce and tasted it, rolling his eyes at Caitlin and making appreciative noises. “Delicious! And I can’t believe how easy it is to make. This is far nicer than the stuff at the local restaurant.”
“Because I’m fussy about the ingredients. Fresh basil makes a big difference and using top quality minced steak, not cheap stuff. You’ll need to check the pasta now.”
He fished out a bit of spaghetti and tasted it. “Not sure. Need my teacher’s advice on this one.”
She came and tasted some. “Another minute or so.”
She was standing so
close he could have kissed her without moving more than his head, but he knew he mustn’t do that. She’d been in love with his father until a few weeks ago, for heaven’s sake. He swallowed hard and went to pour himself some wine, forcing himself to speak cheerfully. “It should have breathed properly now. Want a glass?”
“Just a half.” She looked down at her stomach as if to remind him.
That gesture further stiffened his spine. He began to tell her about work and the amazingly silly things some customers complained about, which soon had her laughing.
Only that made him want to kiss her again. She had such a delightful laugh, low and musical.
When he got back to his flat, he lay awake for a long time, unable to get the thought of Caitlin out of his mind which leaped from one image of her to the other like a drunken grasshopper. He not only found her attractive - correction, very attractive - but he liked her too. She was kind and gentle, quirky about some things. Even her clothes were not fashion statements, something he hated. Which made it even more difficult to understand how she could have fallen for his father, or his father for her, because his father usually went with girls who attracted attention by the way they dressed.
Ryan told himself for the hundredth time to find himself another girl friend and stop seeing so much of Caitlin. Only when he looked round, he didn’t find other girls attractive.
A couple of days later Caitlin rang to say a neighbour had been fishing and given her some fish. Did he want to help her eat it and if so, why didn’t he come round after work and she’d show him how to cook it?
He’d said yes before his brain clicked into gear. And he didn’t even consider changing his mind because he wanted to see her, spend another evening in her company.
He was in real trouble now! And the worst thing about it all was, he had no idea whatsoever what she thought of him, whether she’d ever be able to see him in that way. She never talked about his father if she could help it. But was that because the grief ran too deep or for some other reason?
And what would his mother say if he got together with his father’s ex-mistress? She’d freak out.
No, it wouldn’t work and he’d have to back off. Definitely. This was the last time he was going to spend an evening with Caitlin.
