Wednesday 24 July [Denbigh]
Came downstairs at 9.20… Have seen Mrs Davis. Lady Eleanor has had a good night… Left Llangollen at 11¼. Did not get here [Ruthin] till 3.05… It seems a nice, neat town but I have felt too unwell ever since getting up this morning to stir out. The acid apple tart I had yesterday disagreed with me. A lax early this morning before I could get washed. There is a woman, by the way, squalling in the house in a very improper way & I would not come here again… Just before breakfast this morning, sent George with compliments to Miss Ponsonby, to inquire after Lady Eleanor. The former much obliged to us for sending. The latter has had a good night & was better. Went into Mrs Davis’ room & begged her to write me a few lines in about 10 days, to say how Lady Eleanor was. Said I was going abroad & should feel anxious to hear. Begged her not to name this to Miss Ponsonby. Gave my address & I have no doubt Mrs Davis will write. Spoke, too, to the waiter about sending us Welsh mutton. ½ a sheep will travel better than a less portion on account of less of the meat being exposed to the air. The surface of the chine-bone protecting the meat. It will be 5d. a lb & 1½d. a lb carriage, exclusive of one yd of cloth wrapper that will cost a shilling. It will arrive at Halifax in 3 days… Left Ruthin at 5 & got here (The Bull Inn, Denbigh) at 6.30… Market day & the streets pretty full tho’ a small market because it was the fair last week… The waiter at Llangollen recommended us to the Crown Inn, but the look of it determined me to see the Bull &, the latter having much the better appearance of the 2, here we are. An old house. Narrow oak staircases that have a dirty look, but very civil, attentive people & we are certainly come to the right house. Ordered dinner in an hour & sat down at 7½. My aunt’s bowels being still far from well, & myself very bilious, we had minced veal (white) & a light batter pudding with a lump of preserved apricot on the top. All very good &, quite contrary to expectation, I had some enjoyment of my dinner… We have a comfortable sitting-room upstairs. A double-bedded room adjoining & I have my wash-stand. Dress & undress here in the sitting room. Got a little out of our way in leaving Ruthin & passed the White Lion Inn – a very nice, largish-looking house – certainly the place we ought to have gone. George tells me the other was not respectable. The man, landlord, was a horse-dealer, & the squalling came from his daughter whom some man was laying hold of. Both my aunt & I felt too unwell to stir out again after dinner. ’Tis now 10p.m. when I have just finished writing the latter half of today. At ten, discovered a neighbouring double-bedded room at liberty. Had all moved there & glad to get a place to myself.
Thursday 25 July [Chester]
Went to a glove shop on the same side as the inn, a little higher up (Denbigh being celebrated for gloves). The shop shut up (only one shop of note) & the gloves in the window damaged & of very inferior make & appearance. Mrs Salisbury sent to the glover’s house. He was in his hay field & had taken the key of his shop. His wife, who came to us, was sorry we could not wait. Off immediately at 10¾… Stopt here, at Willoughby’s, the Royal Hotel, Chester, at 7½… Were shewn into the sitting room which we had a fortnight ago. Asked to have the same lodging rooms & have got them. My aunt went upstairs. I sat musing on M—, thinking I wasted my life in vain expectation, hoping for a time which she is too delicate to like to calculate. Somehow I cannot get over this. Sat down to dinner at 8½. Giblet soup. Excellent veal cutlets. Potatoes, peas, currant tart, & a bottle of port wine. My aunt better & I felt as usual again today & have enjoyed my dinner. I have just settled with George & written the last 20 lines of today & it is now 10.40… Came upstairs at 11.20.
Friday 26 July [Manchester]
Slept very well last night for the bedrooms were comfortable & I had taken seven glasses of wine, which helped me to sleep in spite of the thought of M—. I mused but for a short while. ‘I was unhappy,’ said I, ‘the last time I was here. I cannot be worse now.’ This delicacy of M—’s, about C— I cannot forget. Perhaps I think more of it than it deserves. Perhaps I am too fond of her. Did not lie long awake this morning. My aunt’s bowels unwell in the night. Breakfasted at 10… Did not get off from Chester till 1.35… Stopt here at the Nag’s Head Inn [Warrington], evidently the best in town but very busy & bustling. ’Tis now 6.30, not an hour since we arrived & 8 coaches have changed horses or stopt at the door during this time. Surely 5 or 6 of them have changed horses.
Bridgewater Arms, Manchester, 12p.m. I had scarcely written the above at Warrington when it struck me we ought to have something to eat. I had utterly forgot it before. Ordered coffee & my aunt & I strolled down the street to make out the road to Manchester. Returned in 20 minutes. Hurried over our coffee & off from Warrington at 5. The street all about the Nag’s Head was, & had been since our arrival, full of people, apparently to watch the coaches. 1 or 2 new ones within the last few days or weeks. On inquiry found 14 coaches were daily horsed at this inn. I think in the space of the 1st 2 miles from Warrington, we passed more than a hundred carts coming towards Manchester… Very handsome approach to Manchester as far as the light permitted us to judge… Out of the gig in our sitting-room here in 2 hours 40 minutes, that is, arrived at 9.40. The house full. Obliged to be in the bar-parlour & I to sleep aloft, a mile from my aunt.
Saturday 27 July [Halifax]
Slept very well. Everything very comfortable… When we had been about an hour at Rochdale I left my aunt & went to Mr R—’s. The servant said Mrs R— was ill but on mentioning my name & my desiring him to ask if his mistress had anything to send to Halifax, Mr R— came out & ushered me into the dining-room where he & his wife’s sister & 2 cousins, the Misses Martha & Anne Holdsworth, were sitting over their wine after dinner, at not more than 1¾p.m. by the Rochdale clocks. A more thoroughly vulgar party I never beheld. I thought it right to stay ¼ hour & then returned to the inn absolutely sick of my visit. Out of sorts & uncomfortable & did not get right again for at least an hour. I always do these civilities with a good grace, but none surely can imagine the sort of feel, the sort of dissatisfaction I invariably experience after things of this kind. In fact, I promised myself the indulgence of never calling again unless something very particular should change my mind. Left Rochdale at 2.25. Got here [Halifax] exactly at 6, I mean all along by my watch which is 8 minutes later than the church clock at Halifax & 20 minutes later than our kitchen clock. 3 hours & 35 minutes in coming here i.e. 17 miles. Percy very much tired… The hack horse, too, a little tired & we shall, therefore, not send him home till tomorrow morning. Found all well here. 5 letters for me… M—’s letter has done me good for it is very affectionate. She meant not, I am sure, to say anything to give me uneasiness. She asks if our meeting gave me as much pleasure as it did [her], as if she suspected it did not… I shall answer all these letters soon & then notice their contents in my journal. Now I have no time to spare. Veal cutlets & cold duck, potatoes & currant-tart & strawberries & cream – but did not relish anything but the tart & strawberries. Came upstairs for an hour, between 8 & 9, musing over my letters.
Monday 29 July [Halifax]
Crossed the 1st page of the 1st sheet written to M— yesterday. Determined to send it this morning, that she may have an account of our arrival at home… the ends of my paper contain the following… ‘Charmed as I am with the landscape & loveliness of the country [of Wales], I do not envy it for home. I should not like to live in Wales – but, if it must be so, and I could choose the spot, it should be Plasnewydd at Llangollen, which is already endeared even to me by the association of ideas. Well, therefore, may it be on this account invaluable to its present possessors. My paper is exhausted; it has worn out my subject perhaps sufficiently. I am again seated quietly in my own room at Shibden where the happiest hours of my life have been spent with you & whence I shall always feel a peculiar satisfaction in assuring you that I am now & for ever, Mary, faithfully & affectionately yours.’
Anne described her meeting with Miss Ponsonby to a friend in York, Miss Sibbella MacLean, with whom she frequently corresponded.
Saturday 3 Augu
st [Halifax]
‘… If any of your friends are going to Llangollen, pray recommend them to the King’s Head or New Hotel, kept by Mrs Davis. A very comfortable house. Everything good & Welsh mutton in greater perfection than we had it anywhere else. Never ate anything so excellent. Lady Eleanor Butler was seriously ill. An inflammatory complaint. She had been couched. 3 operations by absorption. The sight of one eye nearly restored. Caught cold by going out too soon & staying out too long, and late, in the evening. On our return she was rather better. Miss Ponsonby, by especial favour, admitted me & I spent an hour with her most agreeably. She had been alarmed, but was returning to good spirits, about the recovery of her friend. There was a freshness of intellect – a verdure of amusing talent which, with heart & thorough good breeding, made her conversation more time beguiling than I could have imagined. She told me they had been 42 years there. ’Tis the prettiest little spot I ever saw – a silken cord on which the pearls of taste are strung. I could be happy here, I said to myself, where hope fulfilled might still “with bright ray in smiling contrast gild the vital day.” You know, Miss Ponsonby is very large & her appearance singular. I had soon forgotten all this. Do not, said I, give me that rose, ’twill spoil the beauty of the plant. “No! No! It may spoil its beauty for the present, but ’tis only to do it good afterwards.” There was a something in the manner of this little simple circumstance that struck me exceedingly…’ Foolscap sheet from M—… She seems much interested about Lady Eleanor Butler & Miss Ponsonby and I am agreeably surprised (never dreaming of such a thing) at her observation, ‘The account of your visit is the prettiest narrative I have read. You have at once excited & gratified my curiosity. Tell me if you think their regard has always been platonic & if you ever believed pure friendship could be so exalted. If you do, I shall think there are brighter amongst mortals than I ever believed there were.’… I cannot help thinking that surely it was not platonic. Heaven forgive me, but I look within myself & doubt. I feel the infirmity of our nature & hesitate to pronounce such attachments uncemented by something more tender still than friendship. But much, or all, depends upon the story of their former lives, the period passed before they lived together, that feverish dream called youth.
Wednesday 7 August [Halifax]
Mended my skirt & gloves… At 4.10, down the new bank (walked) to Halifax to make some shoppings, order about a trunk, etc. Saw a handsome rosewood, perhaps about 16 ins square, writing box handsomely mounted with brass (at Adams’ shop) £2 8s. Large portmanteau trunk at Furniss’s (apparently a very good one, 45/–). I should like to have it but I can do without it, & this is reason enough for me not to think of it. At Butter’s shop, no real Welsh flannel – nothing but Lancashire, now made so like it, none but judges can tell the difference… Got home at 5.50. Miss Kitson told me the English lino was not like the French. My trunk would cost 11/– entirely covering. They would make a new one like it for 18 or 20, judging from what the man said about other trunks. I remember it cost a guinea. In the evening, at 8, went into the garden; ate gooseberries (only the 3rd or 4th time I have eaten them this year except in pies), then walked on the terrace till 9.
Thursday 8 August [Halifax]
All the morning, from 11¼ to 3½, rummaging out my canteen & taking an inventory of the things, books, etc., in it. At 4¼, took George in the gig & drove to Kebroyde. Took 1 cup of coffee with Mrs Priestley & sat with her till near 6, talking over the changes of times… In going, met Mr & Mrs P. of White Windows… Should not have stopt to speak to them but mistook them for Mr & Mrs Henry P. Met them again in returning home & just bowed. In going, ordered Furniss to make Marian a black leather trunk, outside dimensions 2ft 3½ ins and 1 ft deep. 2 grooves to be made in each side of the trunk midway & quarter to admit a loose slide which Marian may move as suits her best.
Saturday 10 August [Halifax]
Mrs Saltmarshe drove, in their gig, her sister, Mrs Waterhouse, to call here. They came at 1 & staid rather more than ½ hour. Mentioned my having seen Miss Ponsonby… Not a little to my surprise, Emma launched forth most fluently in dispraise of the place. A little baby house & baby grounds. Bits of painted glass stuck in all the windows. Beautifully morocco-bound books laid about in all the arbours, etc., evidently for shew, perhaps stiff if you touched them & never opened. Tasso, etc., etc. Everything evidently done for effect. She thought they must be 2 romantic girls &, as I walked with her to see her off, she said she had thought it was a pity they were not married; it would do them a great deal of good. Mrs Saltmarshe was less pleased [displeased?] with the place than she was – but when she came to get back to the inn, she agreed it was not worth going to see. Little bits of antiques set up here & there. They themselves were genuine antiques – 80 or 90! She hoped I should not despise her taste. I merely replied most civilly, ‘No!’ I was delighted to hear her account by way of contrast to what I had thought myself… Note from Mary Priestley – a very proper one – very attentive in her to write to me so soon. She will be glad to see me any time & hopes I will spend a long day with her… I have several times said to my aunt that, of all the people here, I liked Mary Priestley & Emma Saltmarshe the best, but doubted between the 2. Emma’s remarks this morning & Mary’s note this afternoon have made up my mind on this point in favour of the latter, as, I think pour toujours.
Anne received letters from both M— and Isabella who were both spending some time at Buxton in separate parties, although attending the same social functions. The rivalry between the two women for Anne’s affections is evident.
Sunday 11 August [Halifax]
A letter from Isabella (Buxton) enclosed with ½ sheet (2pp.) & the envelope written by M—… M— very affectionate. She thinks Isabel would not suit me: ‘… looks fat & gross She danced on Wednesday & looked almost vulgar. I could not keep my eyes off her or my mind from you.’ They had a squabble on Friday evening, just before M— began to write… ‘Oh, how I hate squabbles. They make me low & nervous & my mind always turns to you & the prospect of having, by & by, a safe mooring from all strife & contention, with a sort of anxiety which makes me sometimes very impatient of delay…’ This does not correspond with the delicacy she felt on the subject at Chester. I shall not advert to it. I believe she loves me. Surely our fortunes are now bound together. I will not dwell on what has given me so much pain… Isabella tells me it was reported that Lady Eleanor Butler was dead… Isabella just mentioned the bishop of Clogher that so much is said about in the paper – caught with a private of the Guards in an improper situation.
The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister Page 23
