Looking at the house, I watched as Breaker spoke to someone inside then stepped in. The shadows didn’t give me the opportunity to see who he was talking to, but the fact Alesha came striding out told me it was probably Sam—maybe even Jasmine.
“I’m surprised you had the guts to come back here,” she said, stopping a few feet away from me.
“I just want my stuff,” I said, folding my arms across my middle.
“And then what? You’re leaving?”
“What else would I do?”
She shrugged. “It’s just as well, I guess. Kris can get on with his life, forget about you.”
I looked away and shook my head. It was interesting how the claws came out and true colours were shown the moment a truce seemed broken. It made me realise that her kindness towards me was just an act.
“You’ll be happy to know he doesn’t give enough of a shit about me to be bothered I’m leaving. He made that very clear yesterday when he accused me of, well, everything.”
“Do you blame him?”
I turned and met her eyes, locking for a beat before I responded. “Yeah. Actually, I do.”
“You didn’t see him the way I did. You broke him.”
“I broke him? That’s rich. I saved him. Saved the whole bloody lot of you. But I see how selflessness is rewarded. Forgive me if I go my own way now.”
“Saved him? You took off at the first sign of a cop, burned the job, and went straight to a biker gang you were obviously very familiar with. What else were we supposed to think?”
“That I took off to keep the cops away. That I waited until they called off their search then headed straight back to the people I thought were my family. I’m so incredibly sorry that I was misled by that, Alesha. But you can be rest assured that you’ll have all the Cartwright boys right at your feet the way you like them now I’m out of the way. I know how they revere you. You really must have missed that.”
She shook her head. “Jealousy is very unbecoming.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “I just call things as I see them. I wasn’t taught to be anything other than what I am. And one thing I’m not, is a liar. You can believe what you want, Alesha. I honestly don’t give a fuck.”
She stood beside me, her arms folded across her chest, looking at the front wheel of the Harley. “What would you have me believe? You’re here with him. Isn’t that proof enough?”
I turned and met her eyes. “The only thing that’s proof of is that one person in this world gives a fuck about me. Tell me, Alesha, what would you do if you were me? If you were cast aside by the Cartwrights and had nowhere in this world to go—no one to turn to—what would you do? Become another homeless statistic, or trust the one person who gives a damn to keep you off the street? How else should I be doing this? You seem so clear on what is right and wrong.”
A quizzical look flashed across her face.
“You didn’t know that about me, did you? I’m homeless, Alesha. Before I was taken by Kristian and Abbot, I was living in my car. Now, I have no car. I don’t even have my things. That’s why we’re here.”
“But why him? If you aren’t together, why is he here speaking for you?”
“Because he’s better than we are. I wanted to leave, but he wanted to try and straighten things out.”
“Why would he do something like that?” I have no clue. He shouldn’t be bothering either. But he cares…
“Because unlike you, maybe he actually sees some good in me.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I’m Not A Cartwright
“Veronica.” Jasmine’s voice sounded curt as she called me into the house. My instinct was not to go, but damn, if I didn’t scurry in there like a little mouse. “Your things are upstairs,” she said once I was standing in front of her in the foyer. “If you want, go get them and feel free to leave. But if you care about my son, and you still want to be a Cartwright, then fight like one, girl. Fight.” What the hell?
Fight? She wanted me to stay? Didn’t she believe what Kristian said about me? Why wasn’t she demanding answers from me like everyone else?
“I believe you,” she said, placing her hand on my shoulder and ushering me in.
Damn, if that didn’t make me get all choked up. “Really?”
“Yes. Toby does too. Everyone else will agree once they quit judging and actually listen.” She fixed her eyes over my shoulder to where Alesha stood with her arms folded.
“If you’re cool with her then I am too,” she said, dropping her arms with a sigh. “I hope we can put this behind us, Ronnie.” Then she muttered something about how many times a person could fuck up. I kind of didn’t blame her for thinking that, because that’s exactly what I was wondering in that moment too.
Jasmine smiled. “I’m proud of the work you did up there.”
“Even the part where I sent out the burn message?”
One side of her mouth quirked up. “Well, we could’ve done without that part. Holland explained what happened. All in all, you didn’t panic, and I don’t believe you had any plans to steal the job and take it to the Grim Order. If that were the case, the job would be done already, right?”
“I don’t know,” I gasped, forcing myself to meet her gaze. “I just feel that maybe this is too much for me. I’m not a liar, Jasmine. I’m not. Or a cheat. I can’t stick around and fight for a guy who didn’t fight for me. I think I need to walk away.”
“I hope it doesn’t come to that, Veronica. I see so much potential in you, but I understand.” Gently, she cupped the side of my face. “He’s upstairs.”
I nodded then moved past her. I kind of wanted to thank her for feeling confident enough in my loyalty not to order my death, but didn’t want to push my luck. There was still a chance she could change her mind.
There was also a chance she was lulling me into a false sense of security just to trap me in the house. Shit, come to think of it, where was Breaker? Had they dispatched of him and I was next?
When I reached the top of the stairs without anyone throwing a bag over my head and beating me up, I figured that was my imagination running wild. Breaker was probably in the office talking shit over with Toby or someone. No drama there.
But there was definitely drama here. When I entered the room Kristian and I had shared, I needed to close my eyes. I didn’t know if I could look at him without breaking down and screaming the one word that captured everything I’d been feeling. Why?
“Ronnie?” His voice was rough, croaky, and broken.
Forcing my eyes to the bed, Kristian lay tangled in a pale blue sheet, the tan muscles of his back rippling as he twisted to look at me. It hurt just seeing him. Fuck. I think I really did end up falling for him. Stupid girl.
Kristian looked at me as though he thought I might be a dream.
“Come back to bed. I can’t sleep anymore without you. I can’t…” Deep breathing turned into a gentle snore as he wrapped his arm around the pillow at his side. The glint of my ring on his pinky caught the light. He was still asleep. If the stench of whiskey was anything to go by, he was probably still drunk too.
“Jesus. Why did you have to be such a stubborn fuck?” I gasped, pressing my hand against my chest. It felt like every wish I’d ever made existed within the sparkle of those diamonds around his pinky. It was so bright and so painful.
If he woke right now and told me he was wrong, would I be able to forgive him?
I didn’t know. Maybe.
But the urge to leave, the anger over his words, they felt stronger than any hope I had for my future as a Cartwright. I didn’t want to be here because I was a good thief. I wanted to be here because I was loved, trusted…wanted. Kristian’s accusations had shot that to hell.
Moving around the room, I collected my meagre possessions, stuffing them in my bag as I stole glances at my sleeping giant.
Why’d you have to make me love you?
It was the first time I’d acknowledged that word in what I felt for him
. Even in the privacy of my mind I’d been careful not to label my feelings for him. But in the pain of his rejection, I didn’t have the energy to protect myself.
Crouching down beside the bed, I pulled my charging cord from the socket and wrapped it around my hand.
“I ruined us, didn’t I?”
Lifting my gaze, we locked eyes on each other. My chest jolted and my emotions surged. I frowned, trying to push them back down. “I hate you again if that’s what you’re asking.” Stuffing the cord in my bag, I zipped it closed and stood. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but I was too proud to tell him I needed him, that I wanted desperately for him to call me ‘doll’ and take me surfing again, anything to make it like it was before. Except it wasn’t like it was before.
“I don’t hate you.”
“That just makes it worse, really.” I hooked both of my bags over my arm. “You know, your mother thinks I should stay and fight with you, or maybe for you. I don’t really know…”
“It doesn’t look like you plan on doing that.” His gaze lowered to my packed bags.
“No. I’m not. Because as far as I’m concerned, a man who’s willing to believe the worst of me when I’ve been nothing but loyal, isn’t worth fighting for.”
He pulled back slightly, his jaw ticking like I’d actually slapped him.
“So yes, Kristian, you ruined us. You took something that was perfect and twisted it into a massive mistake. I wish I’d never stolen your stupid Ute. But mostly, I wish I’d never met you, because now I have to live with this hurt for the rest of my life.”
“Doll,” he started, and I held up my hand. Despite wanting to hear that, the reality felt icky. I just needed to leave.
“I’m going now.”
“Where?”
“That really isn’t your concern. I don’t belong to you anymore.” Fuck that hurts to say.
Taking a deep breath, I forced my feet to walk away from him. It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done. It would have been easy to stay, to let him make his excuses and to forgive him, just like I had before with the other men in my life. I’d always dated arseholes. I’d been pushed around both physically and mentally—willing to put up with anything—all because I was so desperate to have someone care for me. But the thing living in my car had taught me was that in the end, the one person who needed to love you was yourself. When you’re all alone, it’s hard to escape your own mind. You analyse everything you did and regret everything you didn’t. In those quiet nights when I was too full of regret to sleep, I’d made a promise to myself that I would never let a man push me around again. I’d rather be alone. I’d rather be homeless. At least then I’d know what to expect.
When I got downstairs, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. But the wind dropped out of my sails when I heard laughter coming from the back room followed by the deep rumble of Breaker’s voice. At least someone is having a nice time.
“They’re in there,” Abbot said from the couch. He had his arms folded and his knee bouncing as he looked at the closed door of the office.
“I’m ready to go,” I said, walking towards the room and lifting my hand to knock on the door.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
I froze with my fist in the air. “Why? What are they doing?” I frowned when I heard Jasmine laugh again. Actually, she giggled. Jasmine giggled. I lowered my hand back to my side.
Abbot shook his head. “I have never heard her do that.”
Lowering my bags, I leaned against the wall, pressing my lips together, waiting. I really wanted to get out of there. A dramatic exit wasn’t so dramatic when you then had to stand around with your thumb up your arse. It was like a little kid deciding to run away but only making it to the front gate because they didn’t know how to cross the street on their own.
Breaker‘s voice caught my attention, a light-hearted tone to it. When Jasmine responded, it had the same teasing quality. Were they…flirting? She said something else then suddenly the furniture scraped against the floor and there was a crash. For a second I thought they were fighting—Abbot obviously did too, because he leapt to his feet and rushed for the door only stopping when we heard the telltale thump, thump, thump.
“Oh my God,” I said, jumping back, my eyes wide as I put my hand over my mouth.
“Are they…” Abbot recoiled in horror.
Thump, thump, thump.
“Holy shit,“ he said. “They are. They’re fucking.” He jumped back like the door just burst into flames. “They’re in there fucking.” He looked at me. “I don’t know whether to cheer or be sick. This is fucking weird. I need air.”
I did too. Breaker certainly didn’t waste any time finding himself a willing woman. I supposed there was one rumour about bikers that was true—they fucked around.
Once outside, Abbot set to pacing back and forth beside the pool, raking his fingers through his hair and muttering nonsensically.
“That’s an interesting development,” I said as I took a seat on one of the pool loungers, figuring I was going to be there awhile. Breaker didn’t seem like a quick-fuck guy.
When Abbot stopped pacing long enough to light a cigarette, he looked over at the house then lifted his eyes to the second storey before returning them to me.
“If he’s in there fucking my mother, I’m thinking he didn’t fuck you.”
I shook my head, already tired of answering that question.
He nodded and blew smoke out in a stream. “I knew it. We all told him he was being a dick by the way.”
“Alesha seemed to see things Kristian’s way.”
He shrugged. “Well, me, Toby, Holland and Nate did.”
“Nate did?”
He nodded. “Came here late last night giving him an earful after you took off from their place. Kris was pretty drunk and belligerent by then. But I know we got through to him. He wanted to go find you, but he wasn’t in the state. Toby went instead.”
“Well, he found me,” I said, squinting against the sun.
“Did you talk things out with Kris?”
“He knows he fucked up, and that I don’t forgive him.”
He frowned, looking at me like a puzzle he couldn’t figure out. “So, that’s it, you’re done, leaving?”
I shrugged. “I’ve got my pride.”
“Fuck your pride. You had a misunderstanding. So what? Doesn’t mean you just cut and run. Get up there and talk it out, scream it out. Hell, fuck it out. We can have the house thumping in stereo.”
“Firstly, that’s just gross. Secondly, he should have trusted me, Abbot. He asked me to marry him. I know there were no declarations of love or any sappy shit like that, but I thought we were solid. I had started believing in us. And I’ve never felt that way before. He shouldn’t have doubted me. I’d done nothing to deserve that. I’m a lot of shitty things, but I’m not a cheat.”
“And you know what? All of those shitty things you are, we are too. And it’s those shitty things that do make us doubt each other and jump to conclusions and fuck things up, because we’re all afraid of getting hurt. We live a life full of secrets and risk, and sometimes emotions get high. Us brothers have gotten into fist fights over the stupidest stuff and decided we never wanted to speak to each other again. But then we calm down, and we get over it because that’s what family does. They fight and they make up, and they do it over and over again. I get that you don’t understand that because you never had a proper family of your own, but you need to understand it now. Stay. Fight for what’s yours. Cartwrights take what they want; they don’t apologise for it, and they don’t run away.”
“You’re missing that one very important thing. I’m not a Cartwright.”
“Not yet. But you will be. If you stick around.”
I closed my eyes and let my breath out carefully. “It’s that easy, huh?” All I had to do was stay, fight, and get over it. But what if I couldn’t? What if I was so hurt and angry that I couldn’t
be here anymore?
“It’s up to you how easy it is. Just know we’re with you. We want you both happy, and seriously, having a badarse on our team who can fishtail a Land Rover into traffic without tipping or losing control is someone I wouldn’t mind keeping around.”
Somehow, I managed to crack a smile. “That was pretty awesome.”
He nodded. “And the drive back really sucked without you. I have an oversupply of smokes because you haven’t been around to help me…” He grinned. “Listen, I know I was a total dick in the beginning, and it might have only been a short time, but you’ve etched your place in this family. You belong here, and you and my jackass of a twin belong together. He’s never even cared about a girl enough to fight with me or get jealous of another guy before, so please, try and give him the benefit of the doubt. If you leave him, I’ll have to watch him mope for the rest of our lives, and we don’t look good when we mope. Plus, the mopey face will make him a really shitty wingman. I’ll never get laid again. So think of me too.”
With a chuckle, I shook my head. “Well, in that case I better get back up there.“
“No need,“ Abbot said, flicking his finished cigarette into a planter. “He’s standing right behind you.”
Sucking in my breath, I turned around to find Kristian standing under the shade of the house, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking like a gorgeous mess.
“How long has he been there?“
Abbot shrugged. “The entire time.” With a smile, he began to walk towards the house. “I’ll leave you to it,” he said, slapping his twin on the shoulder hard enough to jostle him forward.
Swinging my legs to the side of the lounger, I turned my body to face Kristian. “I thought maybe we could go for a drive,” he said, nodding toward the front of the house.
“I don’t know,“ I said. “I’m supposed to leave with that biker I’m supposedly whoring with.”
“Is that who Jasmine’s fucking?”
I nodded, and he shook his head like he needed to shake his thoughts away.
“Do you think we could get out of here and talk?” he asked, his hands still in the pockets of his jeans as he stepped a little closer.
Foolish Games: Cartwright Brothers, book 3 Page 22
