by Mima
“I’m not sure,” He admitted and immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry, I think my sister might’ve been at the door. I know you probably don’t want the entire world to know you’re… I mean, that you’re a lesbian.”
“It’s not exactly a secret anymore,” Maggie replied and leaned against the bedpost with a wry smile on her face. “I don’t care if people know. It’s the truth. It’s the real me.”
Chase nodded, unsure of how to reply. He returned to his chair.
“How about you?” Maggie’s voice was suddenly full of confidence and interest. “How are you doing?”
“Not great,” He replied and felt all his earlier apprehensions slide away. The truth was that if Lucy was a lesbian, any sexual tension he thought was between them was quickly evaporated and therefore, he honestly could tell her anything, “One day, everything seems awesome with Lucy and the next, out of nowhere, we’re done. She met someone else and that’s it. Then I go to this party tonight and did something so stupid.”
“What?”
“You know, I’m too embarrassed to say. It was pretty bad.” He felt the heat burning his face.
“It can’t be that bad.”
“I hooked up with Audrey, you know that girl who threw the party?” He felt his body deflate slightly as he said the words. He was ashamed of his actions and felt the need to explain himself better, but he couldn’t. There was no good explanation. “I’m not attracted to her, I mean, I don’t know how it happened.”
A smile quickly turned to laughter, as Maggie gleefully enjoyed the confession. At first, Chase thought she was making fun of him, until she delivered the line, “Like I said earlier, pleasure is pleasure.”
Feeling some weight lifted from his shoulders, Chase couldn’t help but smile when he recalled her stories about Todd earlier. Sometimes things happen and for the wrong reasons.
“Except, trade alcohol with drugs,” Maggie asked, her eyebrows raised slightly as the smile faded from her lips. “That doesn’t seem like you.”
“How did you know?”
“Everyone knew.”
“Everyone knows I hooked up with Audrey?” He asked with sheer panic in his voice, he felt the blood rush to his face again and he wanted to crawl in a hole and die. It was a small town, the last thing he wanted was for everyone to know he fucked her. It was hardly much of a claim to fame. He could almost see Lucy laughing about it now.
“No silly,” Maggie replied, laughter bubbling up in her throat. “I mean, there were a lot of drugs tonight and I could tell you were high at the party, that’s why I was kind of worried about you. I was looking for you after you rushed outside. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Her words were soothing to him and he noted the compassion in her face.
“That was kind of you, Maggie.” He spoke from the most honest place in his heart. “I appreciate it.”
She smiled.
“It’s no big deal,” She finally replied, pushing a strand of dark hair aside and for a moment, a flash of Lucy crossed his mind. Their gestures were so similar that it was easy to see they had been friends for a long time. “I heard through the grapevine that she was kind of on the hunt for you. I was a little worried when I noticed you were high and I thought I should stick around in case-
“You heard she was on the hunt for me?” Chase was stunned by this piece of news. “What do you mean?”
“The party?” Maggie calmly replied. “It was a cause she wanted to hook up with you. That’s what people were saying. She got back from college and learned you were single…”
“Oh God!” Chase groaned, his face sinking into the palms of his hands. “I’m so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid,” She spoke harshly this time. “You just didn’t know.”
“What a nightmare.”
“It’s done and over.” Maggie reminded him. “Leave it in the past and move on. Like me with Todd.”
“Yeah, but that’s different,” Chase reminded her, sitting up a little straighter in his chair and making eye contact with her again, “It’s not the same.”
“Yeah, I mislead him into believing I was in love with him, that I was straight and we had a future,” Maggie replied candidly. “You were given a pill, got high and had sex with an unattractive woman once. So, it’s totally not the same. My situation is much worse. Do you know how angry Todd is with me right now?”
“I suppose.” Chase was slightly embarrassed by his dramatic reaction and sent her an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Maggie.”
“Its fine,” She seemed completely calm. “The point is that it’s all about perspective. You have to forgive yourself and move on. You never have to see Audrey again.”
“That is true.”
“So, forget about her,” Maggie advised and sat up straight. “Focus on what you actually do want.”
He was. He definitely was.
CHAPTER FOUR
Maggie’s visit ended with a strong hug that set every inch of his body on fire. He managed to hide his lust behind a chaste smile as she moved away from him. Her expression suggested that she sensed his desire as her eyes sheepishly jumping toward the door, with a hesitant smirk that barely touched her lips as she reached for the doorknob.
“Good night Chase,” She whispered after a quick glance in the living room, where his mother slept on the couch; the television flashing an infomercial for a weight loss product. Then Maggie was gone.
Left standing there, feeling a combination of disappointment and arousal, he locked the door before going to a nearby window to watch as the car lights turned on and she quickly backed out of the driveway. Did she somehow know what he was thinking?
A heaviness filled his chest, the same heaviness he felt since Lucy dumped him. Had it really been only days? Why did it feel like months since he last saw her, since he last touched her? Was he having these thoughts about Maggie because she reminded him so much of her former best friend? He knew that the similarities ended with the physical because their personalities couldn’t be more different. Where Maggie was gentle, sweet, caring and kind, Lucy was assertive, abrupt and somewhat dominating; it was a strength that he needed. She was his guiding star and without her, he wasn’t sure what to do.
Glancing toward the living room, Chase couldn’t help but grimace at the promises made on the infomercial, as it guaranteed weight loss in less than seven days. After working part-time at a gym for a year, he knew that these claims were false and he felt the irritation grow as he eased into the living room and careful not to wake his mother, he grabbed the remote and turned off the television.
The light from the large screen died and his mother’s tranquil face continued to be at peace. Knowing that it was the light more than the television itself that comforted her, Chase turned on a dim lamp across the room before heading upstairs. Each step pulled him back to his conversation with Maggie, a gentle scent of her perfume seemed to meet him as he entered his room. He could still see her sitting on his bed, hunched over casually, her body on full display, talking about how she had succumbed to desire with her ex-boyfriend, even though her preference was women.
He felt the blood rush to his groin and was about to succumb to his own desires when his sister suddenly flung his door opened and walked in. Her arrival was like a bucket of ice thrown on him, as he let out a large sigh.
Dressed in an oversized, light blue t-shirt and a pair of matching pajama pants, she put both hands on her hips. The dark frames of her glasses only managed to make her eyes look blacker than black, her matching hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, her lips pursed in an angry pout, she clearly wanted to give him shit. There was irony in the fact that her name was ‘Angel’.
“You’re a fucking dog,” She snapped and Chase stepped back, suddenly feeling suffocated by her presence, as she glanced at his unmade bed. “I’m disgusted by you.”
/> “Ang, what-
“You go to a party and fuck some girl and then you come back here and do Lucy’s best friend?” Her accusations were unforgiving in nature, but that was the norm with his sister. Angel rarely listened to his side of things and filled in the blanks. She still blamed him for ‘using’ Lucy all through high school and dumping his girlfriend immediately after he was ‘done’. Her feminist nature went to the extreme and for some reason, she assumed that men were always in the wrong.
“That’s not at all”-
“Don’t bother lying to me,” Angel backed away from him, glancing around the room as if she were looking for proof of her accusation. Her eyes returned to his face, full of hatred. “It’s a small town and word gets around fast, I heard you used some girl, who really liked you by the way, then walked out of the room and told her you never wanted to see her again. Then you come back here with Maggie. You’re disgusting.”
“First of all, that’s not how it happened,” Chase felt anxiety fill him; horrified that word got out and uncertain of how to respond to these accusations. He certainly understood how someone might misinterpret his encounter with Audrey to make him appear as the asshole, but that wasn’t how it happened. “I didn’t have sex with Maggie and that other girl, she was the one coming on to me. I told her I wasn’t interested.”
“Oh right, but you somehow still ended up naked in her bed with her,” Sarcasm rang through Angel’s voice and her eyes were full of hatred as they stared through him. Crossing her arms over her chest, she challenged him. He suddenly felt so drained, that it crossed his mind to just agree with her, so she would get out of his room. Instead, he shook his head no and remained silent.
“You men are all the same, just about getting your rocks off and moving on to the next girl,” Angel insisted, shaking her head. Her gestures and bitterness reminded him of someone who was middle aged, rather than barely 20. Home from university, it almost seemed as if her hatred of men only grew after her second year of post-secondary education. Somehow, he doubted her accusations had anything to do with him, but for some reason, he was the target she liked practicing on the most. That had always been the case.
“Yes, Ang,” Sarcasm rang through his voice, as he grew defensive, “That’s all it’s about. I mean, I was at a party full of hot women, but I totally wanted to fuck the most disgusting girl there, then I wanted to pick up a lesbian who wanted nothing to do with me.”
He immediately regretted these words. He hadn’t meant to reveal any of these details about his night, but Angel always put him on defense and he often said more than he had intended. It was a pattern they fell into as children and she still used it to her advantage; she knew the buttons to press and worst of all, he let her.
Apparently, this time, he managed to shock her because Angel’s mouth fell open. “What? Seriously? But she was dating-
“It’s called ‘a beard’, I’m sure you know all about them,” Chase couldn’t help but tossing back an insult. “Since you clearly, hate men.”
“I don’t hate men, I hate what they do.”
“Which is everything,” Chase injected and sat on the edge of his bed, “Admit it, you hate men, Ang. You’d rather have a pussy in your face any day over a dick.”
He didn’t even see it coming. The sharp sting to his face hadn’t been the first time Angel slapped him, but yet, it always took him off guard. A part of him wanted to jump off the bed, to grab her by the shoulders and throw her across the room; but he didn’t. He was taught never to hit a woman, but the animosity between them was very intense. He hated her. He hated how she looked at him, the way she dressed, her high pitch, angry voice, her cold, cruel eyes. He once told her that she should’ve been called the ‘devil’ rather than ‘angel’ cause she bore no resemblance to the latter.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” Angel shot back, her face only inches away from his own, he refused to break eye contact with her as she slowly eased away and continued to stand in front of him, her arms folded in front of her chest. “Just because I stand up against masochists like you doesn’t mean I’m gay. I think you hate women.”
“I don’t hate women,” Chase shook his head, suddenly feeling defeated. How was it even possible that his sister could come to such an insane conclusion? He couldn’t help but feel that she was projecting something on him. “Why would you even think that? Furthermore, you alway talk about this ‘boyfriend’ you have, but no one’s actually ever seen him.”
“He’s in Calgary,” Angel shot back and for the first time since their conversation began, he actually saw a drop of emotion in her eyes, while her body stiffened. “And just because you fuck women, doesn’t mean you like them, it’s two very different things, Chase.”
“I’ve slept with what? Two women in my life, how does that make me this cold, fucking womanizer you’re talking about?” He shot back, anger rising in him again. “One of which, I was in love with and she dumped me for some old man. The girl at the party was a mistake and I didn’t do anything with Maggie.” His words seemed to knock down some of Angel’s defenses as her eyes looked away and she remained quiet. “And if your boyfriend is in Calgary, why the hell did you come back here? Why aren’t you there with him? Maybe if you had some dick, you wouldn’t be such a miserable bitch all the time.”
Unlike the first one, he expected the second slap. It was sharp and painful, much more intense than the first one and if he wasn’t mistaken, Chase thought he heard a sob as Angel spun around and shot out of his room. Although regret filled his heart, it was brief and quickly forgotten.
At least she didn’t slam the door, waking up both their parents. The last thing he needed was a full, family argument taking place in the middle of the night, although it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. It wasn’t so unusual for his parents to get involved in their children’s fights, often taking sides.
He regretfully thought about his words to Angel. He shouldn’t have told her that Maggie was a lesbian. It wasn’t his place to reveal this secret, even though she was clearly not hiding it, he still felt that he had somehow betrayed the only person who gave two shits about him. His own family had been unconcerned with his breakup with Lucy, merely shrugging it off as if they were children who didn’t have anything of substance invested in the relationship. His mother admittedly she had never liked Lucy, while his father seemed indifferent. Chase didn’t bother to discuss it with his sister. Maggie was the first person who sincerely seemed to care.
Glancing at the clock, he wondered if she was sleeping. Reaching for his phone, he was a little disappointed to not find a text message from her, even though they had exchanged numbers earlier that night. He sent her a quick ‘good night’ message and sat the phone on his windowsill, one of the few places he had good reception in the house.
His phone vibrated repeatedly as if to indicated multiple messages and with a smile on his face, he reached for it.
His smile quickly faded.
CHAPTER FIVE
His depression continued to simmer over the long, hot summer days. Following his usual routine, he tried to not think about the emptiness in his heart. No one truly understood heartbreak until they were there, looking it in the eye and yet, few people seemed to take teenage breakups seriously, as if it was nothing more than meaningless puppy love. Chase had one thoughtless person suggest that Lucy did him a favor by breaking up with him; allowing him the freedom to get out of Hennessey and on to a bigger, better life.
When he reported his theory to Maggie, she gave him her usual, sweet smile and gently touched his arm, sending a warmth throughout his body, resulting in nothing more than a tease to his throbbing hormones. Was it possible that he was hornier than he had been in his life and yet he was spending most of his time with a lesbian, that had absolutely zero interest in hooking up with him? Even though he knew it was insensitive, Chase sometimes wanted to encourage her to give him one chance, on
e opportunity to change her mind.
Of course, that was ridiculous. She had been clear that her attraction for men had never been real, that her physical relationship with Todd had been something she tolerated, not wanted. It would be an asshole move to ever try something inappropriate and he was somewhat ashamed of himself for even considering it. She would be repulsed had she known the thoughts he often had about her when alone. She was just so pretty and engaging, that it was hard not to be attracted to her.
“Don’t be mad at me,” Maggie spoke in her soft, girlish voice, that could’ve been mistaken for that of a 14-year-old girl, rather than a 17-year-old woman, had he not known better. There was an innocence that rang through her words, a sweet disposition that was beautiful and angelic, with no judgment. Her fingers ran through the fragments of grass beneath them, as they sat by the quiet lake at the park, the same one most teenagers in the area had used as a private place to do everything from drink to make out. It was rare to see anyone there during the week, that was why teenagers often hid in the more sheltered side of the lake to do things that they couldn’t do at their homes. He and Lucy used to go there to fool around.
“As if I could ever be mad at you,” Chase replied as his face flushed in embarrassment, he looked down at the ground, as if something had suddenly captured his attention. Shyness washed over him as he slowly looked back up into her face. She seemed timid and if he hadn’t known better, Chase would’ve sworn that their feelings were mutual; if even for that one moment.
“Well, you might be once you hear what I have to say,” She teased, a gust of energy ran through her voice, evaporating any dusting of hope that he held close to his heart. Maggie turned her body more in his direction and he quickly glanced at her, pretending to not take in her long, slender legs and the tight t-shirt that left little to the imagination. It was white with a picture of a leprechaun on it, but he didn’t dare take the time to read it. “I think you are better off without Lucy and I think deep down, you know it too.”
