by C. J. Thomas
“And how did she react?” Dr. Hall didn’t flinch, never hinted at surprise. She remained calm, guiding us professionally down the river of doubt.
I shrugged and broke eye contact. A part of me didn’t care what Mom thought because I’d considered myself dead to her for so long, what did it really matter?
“How did you feel when you said it?”
My fingers stopped moving. Without looking, I said, “Like I was cheating myself.”
“Is it because you feel as if they haven’t been there for you?”
“They haven’t.” My brows squished. “I’ve been on my own for the longest time.” We locked eyes. “My grandparents must have recognized it because I was the sole beneficiary in their will. Strange right? My dad’s parents didn’t leave him a dime. And now my parents want me to help with the cost of Dad’s care.”
It all came spilling out and Dr. Hall scrambled to keep up, scribbling notes down as fast as she could, her recorder picking up the rest. “Did you see your father?”
I told Dr. Hall about Dad’s condition. “For the longest time I thought it was a lie.”
“Have your parents given you reason not to trust them?”
I stared at her from beneath my brow. This was the moment she had been waiting for. The million-dollar question. My chest tightened as I felt my heart swell and slam against my chest like a caged animal begging to be freed. What did I tell her? Did I dip my toes or jump in head first to make the biggest splash?
“Kendra, this could be the underlying reason you’re struggling to trust Kelly.”
“I trust Kelly.” My voice was weak, unsure. I swallowed down a deep breath of reality. “My father’s body is giving up. It was shocking to see him like that, and even more surprising were my feelings of empathy I had for him.”
“He did something to you?”
I nodded as my ribs squeezed the air from my lungs. “But, mostly, I was astonished that Mom finally allowed me to see him.”
“Because you didn’t trust she would?”
I dipped my head and dabbed the corners of my eyes dry. Shaking my head, I said, “Dad wrote me a note.” When Dr. Hall was slow to respond, I mentioned the machine that typed with the movement of his eyes. Dr. Hall was aware of such advances in technology.
“Would you like to share what he said?”
Opening my purse, I plucked the envelope out from deep within and handed it over. I watched as she took her time to read each line—possibly reading it twice before responding. Her face glowed as she lifted her eyes and smiled. “Sounds to me like he’s asking for forgiveness.”
I brushed my fingers through my hair and glanced out the window. “Kelly says what he did is unforgivable.”
“What did your father do to you that would make Kelly say that?”
An unease rolled through my stomach. Instead of taking the most direct route, I elected to tell her about the nightmare I experienced last night. I mentioned what it felt like to have dozens of different hands groping my body as I was crippled by fear. And as I was telling her my story, it became apparent to me that I feared everything. I was afraid Kelly would share Alex’s secret with Nash and I would lose my best friend’s trust. I was terrified of having to testify against Madam, afraid to glance over my shoulder and find my uncle surprising me with a visit. Scared that I might get what I asked for. Everything kept me awake, on edge, and I knew that, because of it, I felt dead inside. “How does it feel to be dead? That’s what Maria asked me right before I woke up.”
Dr. Hall took a couple deep breaths. “Do you think your father’s letter sparked the dream?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Was it Kelly? Did Kelly spark the nightmare?”
I much preferred her to call it a dream. It didn’t sound so harsh, dark, and dangerous as when she named it a nightmare. But it was a nightmare and I feared the conversation would inevitably lead to discussing our sex lives. I quickly diverted the conversation toward a new channel. “The reason I’m having trouble accepting my parents for who they are is because my mother’s brother raped me when I was a child.”
The air stopped moving.
Dr. Hall’s unblinking eyes rounded.
I’d surprised her. Then I dropped the real bomb. “My father was the one to let him into my room at night.”
She put her pen to paper and tried to hide the fact that my past didn’t affect her. But I could see it had. Any human with a heart could imagine the damaging effects it had brought. “And this happened on more than one occasion?”
When my fingers rubbed my eyes, I was surprised to find them dry. “Too many times to count.”
“How is your sex life, Kendra?”
“Lately, not great.” I laughed. “Kelly was the first man who could make me orgasm hard.” My gaze flicked up to hers with the corners of my eyes smiling. “Like the mind-altering kind of orgasms you can’t forget.” I lifted my eyebrows.
“And now?”
I lowered my gaze back to my hands. “I’m struggling to climax.”
“It’s not uncommon for women.”
I raised my voice in defense. “It has always been easy with Kelly.”
“And is that the reason you love him?”
“I love him because he loves me.” I tipped forward and set my cold coffee on the table in front of me. “I don’t know what I want from him. I ask for our sex to be rough, then he gives it to me soft.” I told her about him introducing me to his dark underworld of sexual desire and the use of props and toys. “Every time I think it will be the time I can finally let go, but then it never comes.”
We talked about my sex life before Kelly. The need I felt to sleep around and the irony of finding comfort in something that caused me so much distress as a child.
“I believe you sought sex as an adult as a way to normalize what happened to you as a child. It’s a completely natural response and one of two paths you could have taken.”
“What was the other?” I asked.
“You could have avoided it at all costs.” Dr. Hall’s pen stopped scribbling. Her brow quirked with a sudden thought. “When did the triggers begin? And have you only experienced them with Kelly?”
A sick feeling fell over me. I wondered if what I was asking Kelly to do to me now was the kind of sexual abuse that Dr. Hall said was a natural response to my childhood trauma. It made sense. I got off when Kelly called me a slut. Felt my body light on fire when he pressed his hand into the side of my head, pinning me up against the wall, telling me to be quiet and not make a sound. I was recreating the trauma and using it to get off. I dropped my face into my hands and started crying.
I asked Dr. Hall if she was familiar with the murders of Maria Greer and Tonya Craig. She was. “I could have sworn I would be the next to die.”
“Have you ever thought about taking your own life?”
I nodded once.
“Recently?”
“I’m sorry.” My posture bent. “I shouldn’t burden you with my baggage,” I said, thinking how I couldn’t tell her that the only time I ever thought about killing myself was after I had met Kelly. “The triggers won’t ever go away, will they?”
Dr. Hall leaned forward and opened her palms. Taking me by the hand, she said, “When you surrender yourself to love, only then will you be set free.”
29
Kelly
The line rang but she never answered.
Kendra had gone dark on me again. I swore that if she didn’t start telling me where she was going, I would place a tracking device on the car just to know what part of town she was in.
Maxwell kept the wheels straight as I stared out the back window.
Wes offered to drive Nash home and I reminded him to keep Alex’s news a secret. We had to get ahead of this, but when Maxwell turned the wheel into County my stomach dropped. News vans lined the sidewalk. It was anyone’s guess as to what story they were here to tell. Cameras rested on shoulders with microphones grippe
d tight. I feared they had beat us to the punch.
I rubbed a hand over my face and caught Maxwell staring at me in the rearview mirror. “Are they here for you, sir?”
“Must want to cover the Stone trial.” I tried to convince myself that was all it was, but with the way my nerves jumped, even I didn’t believe it.
“I can make a turn and drop you in the back,” Maxwell suggested.
“We can’t stop running,” I muttered. “Drop me in the front.”
Maxwell pulled the vehicle to the front and slowed to a stop. I tugged on my suit jacket and prepared to strike back with whatever was about to be slung at me. “Don’t go far,” I said as I swung the back door open and stepped out under the sun.
I was immediately surrounded, questions tossed as quickly as they could be fired off.
“Mr. Black, can you tell us what goes on at Mint?”
Voice recorders were shoved in my face.
“Are women subject to abuse by its members?”
The murmur of the crowd grew as the hive swarmed, completely cutting off my escape.
“Could a member mistakenly die if things were taken too far?”
I blinked. Absorbed the bright flashes of cameras as I looked for an ally in the crowd of faces. None could be found. They were all gone. Sylvia Neil, Rob Jones, even Julia Mabel, my last remaining friend I knew to be free. I was completely alone, standing stiff and unresponsive, knowing I needed to fight back.
“Is that what happened to Maria Greer?”
I blinked and our eyes met.
“She was a member, right?” A dazed pause. “Did Sylvia Neil act alone?”
Bursting free from the bubble that closed around me, I blinked and barked my response. “You should be asking the chief of police why he hasn’t made an arrest in the death of Tonya Craig. That’s the case that is still open. Sylvia Neil will have her day in court and Maria Greer will receive the justice she deserves, but let us not forget about Tonya Craig.”
“Was she a member of Mint, too?”
“Are you representing Sylvia Neil?”
Echo was never mentioned and I couldn’t stop from thinking how well Wes’s marketing strategy was paying off. He’d created the exclusive mystery that swirled around Mint and now no one seemed to care about anything other than knowing if the rumors were true or not. Though it wasn’t the PR we needed right now. It certainly wasn’t doing us any favors now, only sparking more questions that couldn’t be answered.
“Tonya Craig. Echo. That is the focus. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” I turned and wedged my body through the blockade of people, wondering what made them turn to Mint. Someone was pushing them in Mint’s direction and I was determined to find out who.
I scurried up the front steps, entered the building, and, once through security, was quickly met by Mayor Bentley. “Their questions never stop, do they?”
I turned and glanced toward the entrance. “They’re focused on the wrong case.”
The mayor pulled one hand from his pocket. “Kelly, I heard about your request to have Stone’s case dropped due to ethical errors in the district attorney office.”
With a furrowed brow, I rolled my neck back around and met the mayor’s eye. “Excuse me?”
He tilted his head to the side. “The paperwork you filed on behalf of your client, Blake Stone.” We stared. “It was provided by your office, wasn’t it?”
Tipping my head back, I narrowed my eyes. “Have you seen the paperwork yourself?”
“I wouldn’t be mentioning it if I hadn’t.”
“That wasn’t me or my office, Mayor.”
“Oh.” A quizzical look twisted his face. “If not your office, then whose?”
I scratched my chin. Somebody had done the work for me, and I knew it wasn’t Giselle. What the fuck was going on? “I would like to know myself.” I scrubbed one hand over my face and stepped up to the mayor. Looking him directly in the eye, I asked, “Mayor, what is the city doing about Tonya’s case?”
Resting one hand on my shoulder, the mayor said, “Believe me, I would like to have seen an arrest by now, too.”
“There has to be sufficient evidence to make an arrest.”
His eyes glazed over. “Between you and me, Counselor, I don’t have much trust in the current ADA.” A flush of adrenaline shot through my belly. “She isn’t my favorite and, frankly, I would like to see the entire office purged of any remnants of Oscar’s culture that still may be lingering since his sudden absence.”
Staring into his eye, I was dizzy with surprise. “Are you saying that the ADA is actually considering Stone’s request?”
He gave a knowing look. “What I’m saying, Kelly,” the mayor leaned in and lowered his voice, “is that you would make a great prosecutor.”
30
Kelly
The mayor left me swimming in speculation.
I didn’t know if he’d just offered me a job or if he was hoping that I would put in my résumé myself. But what he said about the district attorney office had me concerned that Stone might actually be set free—getting what he requested.
The guard greeted me and buzzed open the door to the small visitation room. The locks clicked and I stepped inside to a relaxed client, sitting with his back facing the door. My heels clacked over the floor as the door shut behind me, sealing us inside.
Stone caught me out of the corner of his eye and smirked. “What is that smell, Counselor?”
I dropped my bag on the table, pulled the chair out, and lowered my tailbone to its edge. Arching a brow, I said, “Guilt.”
He chuckled. “No. It’s much too minty to be guilt.”
There was a knowing glimmer in his eye and I knew he was referring to the onslaught of media upon my arrival. “Interesting choice of words.”
“Is it, though?” A twinkle came through with his glare.
Thinking how Wes helped get Stone arrested, I held his stare and calculated the odds that perhaps Stone himself was somehow the driving force behind the media’s intense interest in Mint. If he was, it was a smart play to take the attention away from Angelina Davis, Echo, and the murder of Tonya Craig. And, when combined with the possibility that he was working the ADA into accepting his request to have his case reviewed, it was damn near genius.
“It is when you make the bitter taste impossible to get rid of,” I responded.
Stone’s eyebrows slanted.
Then, getting to business, I said, “The reason I’m here is to recuse myself.”
Stone folded his arms over his chest, his breasts hardening into a solid plate of steel.
“It’s something the judge would eventually do himself. I’m not much help.” I paused. “Ineffective assistance to counsel is the official term they would use to replace me.”
Stone eyed me suspiciously.
“I’d be happy to give alternative suggestions—”
“I don’t want suggestions.” Stone’s voice hardened. “I want you.”
Narrowing my eyes, I said, “I’m not your best option.”
“I disagree. I chose you. Do you not remember the agreement we made?” Stone brought his elbows to the table and slid them across the middle. “You need me, Mr. Black.”
A moment slipped by as we stared into each other’s gazes. “How so?”
“I have the information that will prove Madam had your family killed.”
I slapped the table with my bare hand. “Bullshit. If you had anything, you would have already shared it with me.” My heart hammered in my chest, hoping I was right in calling his bluff as I breathed heavily. Stone just stared and smirked. “Fuck you. You don’t have dick.”
Stone chuckled and leaned back. My emotions had slipped and I mistakenly revealed my weakness. Stone knew he had me backed into a corner of desperation.
“Besides, you already have someone else doing my work for me, so don’t waste my time.” I kicked the chair back and stood. The twinkle of revenge was still lighting up his eye as he watched me
sling my bag over my shoulder and head for the exit.
The metal door buzzed open. Before I exited the room, Stone looked over his shoulder and said, “I’ll see you on the outside, Counselor.”
I paused, feeling my gut tighten. Thanks to him we’d gotten Madam, but now I needed to make sure he stayed behind bars just like we’d originally planned. I couldn’t risk him deciding I needed to be silenced.
The media crowd was still waiting when I exited the building. Pushing past their questions, I made my way to Maxwell.
“Was Blake Stone set up?” a member of the media asked.
“Is it true that the district attorney’s office is reviewing Oscar Buchanan’s cases?”
I ignored them all. The media herded behind and followed me across the parking lot, all the way to my car. I knew leaving Stone was the right decision, even if he felt I had betrayed him. I was exhausted and not wanting to fight for something I didn’t believe in. Feeling my time had been wasted, it was the next question that got me to stop and pause.
“How long will it take for someone else to pick up where what Stone and Madam once controlled?”
I stared into the woman’s eyes, wishing that our city would never have to experience another corrupt figure such as them. But I would be wrong. I slid into the backseat, not having an answer myself. We all knew the truth. It wouldn’t take long. The drug war couldn’t be won. No matter what we did, how many resources we poured into the fight, the cartels would always have more. After sacrificing so much, we’d barely contained it. And now it seemed like we were well on our way to circling back around to where we’d started, having achieved nothing.
Giselle picked up after the first ring. “Where are you?” I asked.
“On my way to meet with Drake.”
Maxwell took his foot off the brake and set the wheels in motion. “Stone is no longer a client of ours.”
