Black Surrender (A Kelly Black Affair Book 7)

by C. J. Thomas

  My hand reached for him with hopes of finding support as my head spun with vulnerability. Taking my time, Kelly kept quiet and patiently waited for me to reveal my secret. “I’ve been seeing a therapist,” I said.

  Kelly bowed his head before scrubbing a hand over his face. When he finally looked at me, his eyes were wet with tears. “Since when?”

  I inhaled a deep breath and said, “Not long. My first visit was after Madam and Oscar were arrested.”

  Kelly rooted his hands into his hips as he let his distant gaze travel through the window. Staring outside, he took his time to gather his thoughts. “After I refused to have the sex you wanted?”

  My spine collapsed. “That’s not what this is about.”

  He gave me a look of disbelief.

  Surrendering my heart, I took his hand and said, “I’m lost, Kelly. I don’t know what it is I want.”

  “Do you want me?”

  “You know I do.”

  “But you need a stranger to confirm it?”

  Releasing his hand, Kelly didn’t make a move to take it back. My eyes pleaded for him to hold me, tell me he loved me, that nothing else mattered but our relationship. But he didn’t, and, because of it, I released all that had bubbled up inside of me. “I thought I needed our sex to be hard but it only caused me to trigger.”

  The blood left Kelly’s face as he lowered his brow.

  “But when our sex is too soft, I get nothing from it.”

  He gave a knowing look. “And you couldn’t have told me this sooner?”

  “I feared that you would take it personally, make it your problem when I know it’s mine.”

  Kelly looked away and shook his head. “You triggered last night, didn’t you?”

  The first tear broke free and fell from my face. “Almost.” My voice cracked.

  Kelly’s jaw muscle ticked, his fingers restless.

  “Worse, I woke to a nightmare of having dozens of men touching me and Maria Greer asking me, ‘How does it feel to be dead?’”

  Kelly’s head whipped around. His eyes wide. Mute, he was at a loss for words.

  “I don’t know what it means.” I threaded my fingers through my hair before letting the locks fall back to my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter.”

  He stepped forward and gripped my arms. My knees gave and it felt good to be consumed by him. Silently, I encouraged the tips of his fingers to dig into my flesh deeper, pinch harder, divert the feelings of insecurity by replacing them with physical pain.

  Lowering his lips to mine, Kelly murmured, “This will blow over. Just like everything else. The day will come where you’ll never have to worry about another trigger again.”

  He was so certain it was almost convincing. “Kelly, I saw Agent Tyler Mark today.”

  The crown of his skull pulled to the ceiling as he tucked his chin into his neck.

  I nodded. “They have Marvin in custody.”

  “What were the charges?”

  I shrugged. “He said for me to encourage you to tell them everything you know.” Kelly’s eyes narrowed. “What else do you know that you’re not telling them?”

  Kelly flipped his head to the side and stared out the window.

  “If it’s about Mint,” my nerves played hopscotch across my skin, “you need to come clean before you’re indicted alongside Wes and Nash.”

  Kelly’s head swung around like a baseball bat. Taking his hand to my face, he pinched my mouth shut. “Listen to me.” His face was red with anger as he breathed loudly through his nose. “Whatever else you think you’ve heard, it isn’t true. Sylvia Neil killed Maria at Mint. Got it?”

  I didn’t fight him. Didn’t have to. Kelly was quick to realize his overreaction.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, releasing my mouth. “Come here.”

  I fell against his chest, quick to forgive. He was the only one I could do that with, and the irony didn’t pass me by. Latching my hands behind his back, he held me tight.

  “I know you’re scared.” He gathered my hair inside his hands and let it drape down the center of my back. “Trust me, Bella. I’m working through a plan.”

  My cheek brushed against his breastplate as I nodded.

  “The only person who will get arrested is Angel.”

  I closed my eyes, hoping Alex was with Nash having a similar honest conversation.

  “I’ve been thinking more about the vacation you suggested we take.”

  I peeled my cheek off his chest and tipped my head back. Our eyes met and I asked, “How? You still have Blake Stone’s case. I don’t want to take that away from you.”

  “I quit.”

  “What?” I gasped. “Why?”

  “Besides, I don’t want to see him freed. I’m ineffective.”

  “Kelly, no you’re not. You’re the best lawyer in the city. You know that.”

  Kelly grinned. “And I think it might be time for me to leave the practice.” I wedged my hand between us and touched his face. “The mayor suggested I should work for the district attorney’s office.”

  I felt lightheaded. “Was it a job offer?”

  “With my record?” Kelly huffed out a sound of disbelief. “I doubt it.”

  “It might heal you.”

  Kelly’s hands ironed down my arms. “Tell me what you’re discussing with this doctor.”

  I arched a brow. “Are you concerned we’re talking about you?”

  “Are you?” His gaze fell to mine.

  Exhaling a deep breath, I said, “We mostly talk about my parents.” My gaze flicked back to his. “Do you still think my father shouldn’t be forgiven?”

  “He shouldn’t.”

  Stepping away, I moved to the mantel. In my head I imagined photos of my family filling the frames. The picture-perfect life I never had. I wasn’t sure if it was the family I wished I had, or the family I wanted to create with Kelly. Either way, it was just my silly imagination. “The more I read my father’s letter, the more I’m convinced he didn’t write it.” I paused. “I think it was Mom.”

  “She knows what you want to hear to get the money she’s after.”

  Dabbing my eyes, I wished he wasn’t right.

  “Stay away, Kendra. Nothing good will come of this.”

  “I can’t.” I spun around and faced him. “I need to close out this chapter so I can fully move on to my next.”

  Kelly moved to me and placed his hands on my hips. Tugging me against his tight stomach, he said, “Let me take you out. Just the two of us. Remind you what you have in front of you.”

  “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Good.” He smiled. “Now, tell me how much you love me.”

  36

  Kelly

  She had me hypnotized.

  Kendra’s thin neck was wrapped in a silk blood-red scarf that draped over her jet-black evening dress with a killer slit up her thigh. It hugged her body tightly and accentuated her curves to the point of great agony. My ache. My desire. She was all that.

  Her eyes sparkled beneath the warm light that glowed against her smooth complexion.

  Taking her back to my place, together we’d gotten ready for the date I asked her to join me on. We promised not to mention anything about our struggles, wanting nothing more than to make it about tonight.

  Kendra took the edge of her lip between her teeth and blushed.

  She was perfect. The more we talked, the greater need I had to tell her everything. We had our issues, but they weren’t anything we couldn’t overcome. As long as we remained honest and true to each other, the future would provide and fill the empty gaps. Though, I feared that our ability to feed off each other’s emotions was also the lasting danger we couldn’t forget.

  The quartet played an uplifting melody as I got lost in her eyes.

  Pushing my empty plate aside, I picked up my chair and swung it around the table, setting it next to hers. Lowering myself down, I draped my arm around her shoulders and raked the tips of my fingers up and down her
arms. Her flesh pebbled with goosebumps as she leaned her head against my shoulder. Lasting whiffs of fillet mignon and scallops still hung in the air. A hint of Kendra’s red wine had me nuzzling her neck.

  She giggled against my kisses and pressed more of her weight into me.

  We were absent from the regular murmur of nearby conversations. Free from the distractions that came from being placed among the crowds. Tucked in the back corner and elevated a step up from the main floor, we were free to feel like we had the place to ourselves. Here we could relax, drop our guard and simply be one.

  “You know what I can do with this scarf?” My lips peppered across her neck.

  “Why do you think I wore it?” She giggled.

  I groaned. “My god, woman, I swear you will be the death of me.”

  Kendra set her wine glass on the table, turned and took my face between her hands. Pressing her soft lips against mine, my privates throbbed to life.

  Lapping up the drips of her wine with my tongue, her muscle was warm and needy. We kissed like honeymoon lovers, and soon I found my hand between her thighs.

  “I’ll never forget the night you requested I give you head beneath the table,” she said.

  Nipping at her jaw, I licked her ear. “Has me hard just thinking about it.”

  She fisted my shirt and shoved her tongue deep into my mouth. “I like when you tell me what to do.”

  “It’s in my personality,” I growled.

  Our waiter interrupted us with dessert. As tempting as the double chocolate fudge cake and house made ice cream was, I had little interest in trading it in for Bella. She was my sugar and cream, the cherry on top. Nothing tasted sweeter.

  Reaching for a spoon, I dipped it onto the plate and turned back to Kendra. She opened wide and moaned. “That good, huh?”

  Her eyes fluttered and she covered her mouth when she said, “Oh my god, you have to try it.”

  I fed her another spoonful and, seeing as I was mostly interested in only pleasing her, Kendra took the other spoon from the table and brought it to my mouth. The fudge hit my tongue and the explosion of sugary tastes made my heart come alive.

  “Holy fuck,” I said, lifting my arm off her shoulders, turning to face the dessert head on. Creating a barrier with my arms, Kendra belted out a laugh.

  “Hey, not fair, mister.”

  I lowered my head and kept the cake protected. She hit my arm and we laughed effortlessly.

  “Tell me a story from your childhood.” Kendra licked her spoon. “What were your parents like? Were they as fucked up as mine?”

  Leaning back in my chair, I rested my hand on her thick thigh. “No one had it worse than you.” Realizing it wasn’t the best choice of words, I quickly changed course and told her about the games I used to play. “I had this incredible ability, starting early on, to test the limits.”

  An amused expression moved over her face as she crossed her legs at the knees.

  Smiling at the memory, I continued, “I recognized what I could do to push the buttons of nearly anyone I wanted.”

  “You must have been popular.” A coy look crinkled her eyes.

  I smiled, enjoying her sarcasm. “And rebellious.”

  She held the silver spoon in front of her face. “The girls must have loved you.”

  I took one last bite and set my spoon down, leaving the rest for Kendra to enjoy. “They did. But that was high school. And a lifetime ago.”

  Our conversation dwindled into silence and I watched Kendra savoring the remainder of our dessert. I listened to the music, finding myself smiling as I thought about my childhood and how good I’d had it when compared to Kendra’s. But when she turned to me again, everything changed.

  “How did you meet Nora?”

  My gaze fell to my feet. I stared at the tips of my dress shoe, feeling the hollowness wrap around my heart like a cocoon. It had never occurred to me until that moment that the mere mention of Nora was my own form of a trigger. It sent me to a dark place. A guilty hell I was certain I would never be able to escape.

  “I’m sorry, Kelly.” Kendra’s soft hand was on my nape. “I know we promised to keep tonight about tonight. It just slipped.”

  “No. It’s fine.” I swallowed and rolled my eyes to hers. Knowing she was all I had—all I ever wanted—and deserved to know the story. “We met after college. At a party. She was the most gorgeous woman in the room.” I paused to clear my throat. “We connected instantly.”

  Kendra’s unwavering stare never left my face. She was attentive and strong, interested beyond anything I could have imagined. She took my hand and squeezed. We shared an unsure glance.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I dropped my gaze. “Living in the past has brought me nothing but misery.”

  Pushing her painted nails through my dark hair, she leaned close and pressed her lips against my cheek. “Kelly, the truth will come out. It might not happen quickly or the way you want it to, but it has to come out.”

  I nodded, knowing she was right. Madam wouldn’t—couldn’t—get away with what she’d done.

  Kendra’s spine pulled straight as she faced the band. “It hasn’t been easy dealing with my family, but the truth is working itself out.”

  I turned and found myself looking at a courageous woman who was given impossible odds. If she could learn to forgive and move on, so could I. Because, when all was said and done, we were given no other choice.

  Covering her hand still gripping onto mine, she turned to me and I said, “I’m not sure I can be the father you want me to be.”

  Kendra locked her gaze with mine. “I’m not asking you to forget Patrick’s legacy.”

  “I know.” My voice was barely a whisper.

  She turned and shook her head. Laughing lightly, she said, “I’m not confident I’ll be a great mother.” Then her eyes were back on mine. “I just know that if I’m going to be a mother, I want you to be the father.”

  37

  Kelly

  The moment we stepped outside the restaurant, I twirled Kendra in my arms.

  Her long hair lifted and took flight as she released a belly laugh that filled the sky. Tipping her head back, she faced the stars. It was easy to forget we were in the same city that tried so hard to destroy us when we felt so much joy.

  Dipping her further back, I lowered my head and marveled at the treasure I held in my arms.

  Each conversation we shared only seemed to take us higher. There was light at the end of the tunnel. A flash of peace calling us in. Leaning on each other, we were able to release the tension we held in our necks. And, when we replaced fear with truth, we were given love.

  Standing her back on her feet, Kendra was quick to pull me against the nearest car. Luckily, no alarms were set off as she gripped my belt and hooked her ankle around my calf. With hooded eyes, she latched her opposite hand around my neck and grinded on my heat. Tempting me to fuck her out in the open, I crashed my mouth over hers.

  Whimpering against my lips, her tongue flicked sinfully against mine.

  Though the air was hot and dry, our bodies were damp with humidity.

  “Fuck me, Kelly.” She breathed. “I want you to fuck me here.”

  I sucked her tongue deeper into my mouth and pressed more of my upper body against hers. Cupping her breast, she took my hand and pushed it between her legs. Her mound was damp with molten heat that radiated from her core.

  We were madly in love, but it was the honesty that turned us on tonight.

  My finger tapped against her erect clit.

  We shared the confidence in knowing we weren’t two souls, but one. She was mine. I was hers. Guided by the universe above.

  Feeling her body jerk I applied more pressure, tasting her desire.

  Her mouth latched onto my neck, sucking my flesh with the power of a vacuum. As much as I wanted this now—here—I had another idea. An idea that would ensure she would get what she was after.

  Stepping back, she bared her teeth and growled.<
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  “C’mon. Let’s go,” I said.

  She latched onto my rock-hard bulge and laughed defiantly. Excitement filled her eyes, mixing with the shimmering street lights reflecting in her green irises. “Better be good,” she echoed back.

  I reached behind her skull and fisted her hair. “You can thank me later for what you’re about to receive.”

  Kendra snapped her teeth and laughed.

  Lacing my fingers through hers, I tugged her to the SUV. Pinning her against the side, I left her with a tongue-thrusting kiss—hot enough to make it last the ride. Then I guided her into the front passenger seat before jogging around the hood and climbing behind the wheel. Kendra’s hand was instantly clawing at me, reaching for my cock before I had my door shut. Not wanting to waste another minute, I cranked the engine and raced across town.

  Kendra never asked where we were going. And I guessed it didn’t matter. As long as we were together, there was nothing else we needed. I watched her bounce her gaze between me and the road, her hand stroking my shaft through my pants the whole time, keeping me hard and in need.

  Impatience rooted at the base of my spine.

  I pressed my foot down on the accelerator, weaving between cars as I listened to her pant.

  “Touch yourself,” I demanded.

  As if knowing I was going to ask, Kendra kicked off her heels, hiked up her dress, and rooted her feet up on top of the seat. Spreading her knees, she stared at me as she wedged her hand into the front of her thong.

  My heart drummed between my ears.

  It was easy to imagine what she was feeling. Yet I couldn’t resist myself from saying, “Tell me, what does it feel like?”

  “Hot.” Her breath died in her throat. “Wet.”

  Feeling my blood vessels open up, I said, “Keep yourself wet. You won’t have time to warm up when I finally devour you.”

  Kendra rolled her hips, closed her eyes. “I will, baby. I’ll do it for you.” She reached her free hand across the console and fisted the back of my hair. I could feel what she was experiencing by the way she tugged and kneaded her claws into my scalp.