by JD Nixon
“What happened?” I asked them slowly, finding it difficult to form words properly, my voice hoarse from the choking, my tongue feeling ten times its normal size.
“The cops tasered you.”
“It hurt,” I slurred.
“So we’ve heard.”
They helped me to a sitting position and propped me up against the courthouse wall, handing me a bottle of cold water to help my sore throat. There wasn’t much they could do for me except sympathise, and they didn’t have much time for that either with other injured people to attend to. Outside the courthouse, it resembled a battlefield. I noticed the cops keeping a large media contingent at bay. When they saw that the paramedics had finished with me, Trent and Ozanne came over and knelt down beside me. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. I hurt everywhere, grimy and completely knackered.
“God Tilly, that was the most awful experience I’ve ever had,” Trent said, his face ashen and drawn. “That man picked you up and threw you! Like a rag doll. It took four cops to overpower him and that was after the tasering. I’ve never seen anything like him.”
“I’ve called the boss. He’ll be here soon. He’s going to go ballistic,” said Ozanne mournfully. The job had turned into a total fuck-up, the absolute worst kind of publicity for Heller’s. We both dreaded the aftermath.
“Let’s hope he gets caught up in a traffic jam, hey?” I croaked.
No such luck though. His Mercedes drove up to the curb, braking aggressively. Doors slammed as he and Clive stepped out. Ozanne and I exchanged apprehensive glances as the two men stopped briefly to talk to the cops. The flinty set of Heller’s jaw and Clive’s narrowed eyes suggested that they were both furious. I wouldn’t want to be Beyrer right now. I wasn’t too thrilled with being me at the moment either.
“We’re screwed, Ozanne,” I stated flatly. He nodded in unenthusiastic agreement. I was given a brief reprieve from Heller’s wrath by a couple of cops strolling over to me to take an initial statement.
“Why did you taser me? I didn’t do anything wrong. I was trying to stop him,” I complained, taking another painful swig of cold water.
“You were both rolling around so much we hit you by accident. Sorry. Not supposed to use it in those situations, but that man was berserk. We didn’t really have a choice. We’re going to get a reaming over this, believe me,” replied one of the cops, a street-hardened veteran, speckles of gray poking through his curly black hair.
“Have you seen our boss?” I asked, and easily pointed him out, standing a blond head taller than everyone. “Whatever happens to you is going to be a slap on the wrist compared with what he’s going to do to us.”
“Absolute balls-up all round then. I’m not envying you, to be honest. He looks like a real hardarse,” said the cop sympathetically.
Ozanne and I answered questions, delaying the cops as long as humanly possible, not wanting to face Heller who patiently waited, his features stonily unreadable, his arms folded. Clive stood next to him, similar posture, similar countenance. Ozanne rose to his feet and stood uneasily in front of them. I remained sitting.
“Stand up, Matilda,” Heller ordered, and it wasn’t in any kind of loving tone.
“Can’t. Got tasered,” I croaked, looking up at him, hoping only I could hear that waver in my voice.
“I don’t care. Get up now!”
I angrily muttered about him under my breath as Trent helped me slowly and painfully to my feet, letting me lean on him.
“What did you just say?” The coldness of Heller’s voice hit me like a blizzard. He was even angrier than I’d possibly imagined.
“Nothing,” I lied sullenly. He let it pass for now, but I knew better than to try that again soon.
“Do you know what every person in this country will see when they watch the news tonight?’ He switched the frostbite of his glaring blue eyes between Ozanne and me, not giving us a chance to answer. “They will see staff from my business, the business which I have spent years building up, poured all my money and all my energy into, rolling around on the ground trying to kill each other. They will see my staff member going on a rampage in an unarmed crowd of citizens. What effect do you think that will have on my business?”
Ozanne and I looked at each other out of the corner of our eyes. He was terrified, afraid he was going to lose his job. He was only young, had been professional throughout the assignment and I didn’t think it was fair that he should share in any reprimand.
“It’s my fault everything spiralled out of control, Heller,” I said hoarsely, rubbing my throat. “Ozanne did everything he was supposed to and followed all orders. He’s done nothing wrong. If you want to blame someone besides Beyrer, it should be me not Ozanne.”
He scrutinised both of us intently, before nodding his head at Ozanne.
“You can go back to the office with Clive. Now. I’ll deal with you later.”
Ozanne shot me a grateful look, but his relief was premature. He’d be getting a ton of grief from Clive on the drive back to the Warehouse.
“Matilda, you have acted irresponsibly in this assignment. You’ve failed to follow any of the proper procedures in a situation like this. You should have waited inside the courthouse until the police arrived. You should have had the vehicle ready to go. You should not have taken on an angry man by yourself. And you should have told me that Beyrer was a risk. I can’t believe the police had to taser you to calm you down.” His accent grew stronger with every word, showing his immense fury.
I opened my mouth to protest at the unfairness of everything he said.
“Don’t you interrupt me!” he shouted, startling Trent and me. I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes. “You’ve been nothing but trouble since you started working for me. I have grave doubts about your judgement. In fact, your whole performance in this situation was so poor that I’m not sure I want you to even work for me any more.”
It was the cruellest thing he could have ever said to me. “Heller, it wasn’t like that –”
“Don’t you talk back to me!” he yelled in my face. Trent and I both flinched. Everyone in the vicinity swung around to look at us, the cops throwing me a sympathetic glance.
I stared at the ground, my jaw clenched with such tenseness that I gave myself a headache. I didn’t engage in any eye contact with him, not wanting him to see how much pain he’d caused me with his harsh words. I could feel my little H tattoo burning on my ankle. I would have used a razor blade to cut it out of my skin if I’d had the chance right then.
Trent immediately jumped to my defence. “You’re being exceptionally unfair to Tilly, Mr Heller,” he said, incensed.
Heller turned his cold eyes on Trent. “It’s none of your business, Mr Dawson. This is between Matilda and me.”
Trent didn’t give up easily though, used to being pugnacious and persistent. “You weren’t here, you don’t know what happened. I was, so listen up, buddy. You have everything arse-about. I heard Tilly warning that madman about his behaviour. She wanted to wait for the police in the courthouse, but I forced her to leave. She asked that other security man to go ahead to bring the vehicle to us. She only directly engaged with that madman when he had some terrified women trapped up against the building, otherwise she was concerned with keeping the bystanders away from him. He was trying to strangle her when the cops arrived. They just admitted to us that they tasered her by accident because the two of them were rolling around so much. And I’m sure that if she didn’t mention anything to you about that madman it’s because she trusts you to screen the men properly. How is that her responsibility? You’re supposed to be the boss.”
Silent hostility filled the air. But then a strange expression crossed Heller’s face.
He rubbed his face with his hand. “Matilda, what did you say to me the other night about Beyrer?”
I looked up at him with resentful misery. “I told you that I didn’t like him, that he was twitchy. You said you’d check him out with Cli
ve.”
“I forgot,” he admitted quietly. “I was distracted when you told me.”
Trent regarded Heller with palpable contempt. “You didn’t even give Tilly a chance to explain before you stormed over here assuming she was to blame for everything. You shouldn’t have any doubts about Tilly’s judgement – it’s excellent. But I certainly have doubts about yours. I hope you do sack her, because I’ll snap her up a second afterwards to work for me. And I’ll consider myself lucky to have her good sense, loyalty and professionalism on my team. I can’t believe she told me just the other night that she was extremely committed to you. It’s obviously not reciprocated. You’re an ungrateful arsehole.”
He took an intimidating step towards Trent, his fists clenched.
“What are you going to do? Beat me up? Beat Tilly up?” Trent scorned. “Is that your response to everything? You’re nothing but the basest kind of animal. You’re no better than that madman.”
Heller struggled to control himself, his nostrils flaring with each breath.
Trent continued his tirade. “What’s the hell’s wrong with you? Can’t you see that Tilly’s in a lot of pain? She’s just been pummelled by a gorilla and been tasered. It’s not the time to be haranguing her. Are you that insensitive?”
Heller realised he’d made a dreadful mistake. “Matilda, we need to talk urgently. Come back home with me now. I’ll send someone else over to Mr Dawson if he still wants some security,” he said to me, trying to take my hand in his.
I snatched my hand away from him. “No! I’m not going back with you. I need to think. You said you don’t know if you want me to be with you any more, but I’m not sure now if I want to be there anyway.” His words had cut me so deeply I didn’t know if I could ever heal. He didn’t want me at the Warehouse any more. Working there wasn’t just a job to me, it was my home and my life. I couldn’t imagine another existence. It would be like being banished from my family. It was a heartless and severe thing to say.
“I spoke without thinking, Matilda. I was so worried and it made me angry. I’m sorry. Please come back with me. We need to talk about this.”
I refused. The thought of spending even a minute with him held no appeal for me. “No. I need to think.”
“Where will you go?” he asked, his expression wretched.
“I’ll go to my parents –” I started to say, but Trent interrupted.
“She’ll come back to my place. I’ve paid for her for the week, and that will give her some breathing space to have a good think about the important things in life – like love, trust and commitment.” And with that pointed comment, he made sure I was supported as he carefully led me limping away. Neither of us looked back.
He hailed a cab and took us back to his apartment. As soon as he shut the door, I burst into a flood of tears. It was as if a rain cloud had burst, and the resulting deluge was uncontrollable and powerful. Trent kindly let me sob on his shoulder, holding me gently until there was nothing left inside except an aching emptiness.
“It’s been a hell of a day, hasn’t it?” he said, shaking his head in amazement. “Go take a bath and I’ll rustle up some dinner. That will help your stomach feel better, if nothing else.”
I took his good advice and lay back in the bubbled, scented water, willing my tight, aching muscles to relax. I could see bruising already appearing all over my body. The next week was going to be awful, physically and emotionally. I deliberately blocked all thoughts from my mind as I soaked in the hot water. As I dried myself my eyes fell on my Heller’s uniform, lying discarded and crumpled on the damp floor. Would I ever wear it again? An inexpressible pain swept over me. How could I live without Daniel and Niq? Or Heller?
I joined Trent on the balcony where he’d opened a bottle of wine, a welcome glass waiting for me. I eased myself into the soft chair and took my first gulp with pleasure, letting the beautiful view calm me. He’d had some Indian food delivered, eating sporadically. I couldn’t, my stomach clenched with emotion. I didn’t think I’d ever eat again.
“Do you want to talk?” he asked.
“I couldn’t possibly.”
“I feel like that too. How about we just get smashed instead?”
I smiled. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard today.”
And so we did, sitting on the balcony, then playing the guitar game, then slouched on his lounge, listening to CDs, eating chips, talking about everything except the day’s events. He was an interesting and intelligent man, and we discussed philosophy and politics. He shared some recollections of heated exchanges he’d had over the years with politicians and some of their secrets, including who demanded more makeup than the weather girl before he’d go onscreen, who wore a toupee, who had implants and who turned up absolutely plastered for her interview. I was transfixed. I’d never met a more fascinating person – he was witty, charming and a lot of fun. I could have listened to him all night, but his glazed eyes and his refusal of a top-up told me he’d had enough.
“I haven’t been this drunk for years, Tilly. I can’t take anymore. I’m an old man, remember? I’m off to bed. Thanks for being there for me today,” he smiled.
“Thanks for being there for me today,” I said, returning his smile.
I took the nearly empty third bottle of wine out to the balcony and made myself comfortable. I didn’t feel like sleeping and sat quietly, watching the night lights of traffic crossing the harbour bridge. I realised that I hadn’t checked my phone for ages and when I turned it back on, I’d missed fifty-seven phone calls. Number fifty-eight made the phone vibrate as I held it. I picked up but didn’t speak.
“Matilda? Matilda, please talk to me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I was angry. Talk to me, please!”
I pressed the end call button and turned my phone off. I sat in the dark for a while longer, thinking about the day, reliving its events. I resolved nothing in my own mind and the only decision I managed to make was to go to sleep, if that was even possible. As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I turned my phone back on. It rang again, almost instantly. I picked up the call.
“Matilda? Will you please speak to me? Please?”
“It was such an unbelievably cruel thing to say,” I sniffed, not fighting the tears trickling down my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, my sweet.”
I took in a shuddery breath. “It was cruel to say you don’t want me at the Warehouse any more. It’s my home. My family. Where will I go? And what about Daniel and Niq? Did you even think about them? I thought I would be with you all forever. I thought you wanted me there. I thought I was part of the family, not just an employee.”
“Oh my sweet, you’ve misunderstood me. I never said I didn’t want you living with me,” he soothed.
“You didn’t mean that you wanted me to leave?”
“No, of course not! You know I couldn’t live without you. No wonder you are so upset. I said I wasn’t sure I wanted you to work for me any more.”
“Oh.”
“Does that make a difference?”
“Yes, a big difference. But it’s still very upsetting that you don’t think I’m professional enough to continue working for you. I’ve always tried to do my best for you and the business. I’ve always been loyal to you.”
“I know. It was a stupid thing for me to say, but I was so angry.”
“You’re always angry with me, and then you’re always doing and saying things that you later say you didn’t mean. You never give me a chance to explain myself. Trent’s right. You always assume the worst about me. You don’t trust me at all.”
“Come home and we’ll talk about everything. I can’t do this over the phone. I want to see your face when I talk to you and I want you to see mine, so you know that I mean what I say. I’ll come over now and bring you home.”
“No. I can’t run out on Trent like that. But I just don’t understand it, Heller. We care about each other, so why is our relationship so difficult all the time?”
There was a long pause, before he quietly responded. “I don’t know, Matilda. You bring out a lot of emotions in me that I’m not skilled at managing. I’m used to much less complicated relationships with women.”
I rubbed my eyes with a tired hand. “You’re right. I don’t want to do this over the phone either. It’s too personal for both of us. Let’s talk when I come home.”
“You’re coming home?” He sounded tentative, uncharacteristically unsure of himself as if he’d been genuinely concerned that I wouldn’t return to him.
“Of course I am. I told you that I’ll always come back to you, Heller. I just want some time to think about everything. And also Trent wasn’t joking when he said he wants me to keep working for him until the week’s up.”
“Did you really tell him that you were extremely committed to me?”
“Yes, I did. And I meant it.”
“Thank you, my sweet,” he said softly.
We said our goodbyes and yawning, I settled back under the covers. I’d been worried that I would toss and turn all night, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell fast asleep and didn’t wake until morning.
Trent was a bit worse for wear the next morning, sitting in his kitchen in just his pyjama boxers, a cup of strong coffee in front of him. His eyes were bleary and bloodshot and he sported a shocking case of bed-hair.
“You look stunning this morning,” I teased, pouring myself coffee.
“I probably look as good as I feel,” he groaned. “God, Tilly! I can’t drink like I used to any more. It’s sad.”
“If it’s any consolation, I’m feeling quite seedy myself,” I smiled, hoping the paracetamol I’d just taken would kick in soon. My head was thumping.
He eyed me thoughtfully. “You seem calmer today.”
“I had a chat to Heller late last night. I misunderstood what he said yesterday. He never meant he wanted me to move out, which is what I thought he was saying. That’s what I was so upset about.”
