by Jaden Wilkes
“This isn’t about money, Dimi, this is about us. What happens to us?” she demanded.
“I will never forget you, but I can’t hurt you. If you stay here I will destroy you.”
“I don’t want your money,” she said and looked up at him, “I want you.”
He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Her heart was screaming; her mind racing and her fists were clenched. She wanted to scream and punch him in the chest until he realized how utterly ridiculous he was being. She sobbed against him, and trembled when he wouldn’t back down.
She pulled back, looked up at him and said, “Please? I’m begging you, can I stay? Is this part of your test? If I beg for your cock, let you whip me into oblivion, fuck my ass, tear at my body...if I let you do anything you want, will you let me stay?”
His silence was his answer. She knew then that he was not going to budge. He wanted her gone, so she would go. She pushed him away from her, wiped her nose on the sleeve of the robe and turned to leave his room. “Will you at least see me out?” she asked and felt a tug of satisfaction when he followed her.
They went to the guest room where she picked out another pretty yellow dress, a summery creation of flowing, airy fabric. She felt light and feminine in it. She chose a light coat and asked him for her old leather boots back. She didn’t care how she looked at this point; she chose the dress to leave him with a memory of how pretty she was.
He took her to the room in the center of the penthouse, the place he’d kept her at first, and removed the wrist cuffs. Columbia sobbed in his arms after he took them back and he said nothing, just made comforting noises and stroked her hair. She felt helpless and guilty, because the tiniest part of her wanted freedom. But now that she was faced with it, she wanted to throw it back at him and tie herself to the wooden cross in the middle of the room.
He finally pulled her back, kissed her forehead and said, “I’m sorry, but we have to go.”
It was early afternoon, so they went through the apartment, around the kitchen, to the front entrance. A guard was on duty and his face went pale when he saw Dimitri. He immediately recognized the mysterious man he had been working for.
“Sir, is there something I can help you with?” he asked as they approached.
“See to it this girl makes her way to the elevators,” he told the guard, “and give her fare for a taxi home.”
She looked up at him one last time, his face was unreadable but she knew he must be hurting. Her throat still ached and her head hurt. She knew her life would never be the same, and as quickly as she had found him, he was pushing her away.
“Are you sure about this?” she asked him, her voice pleading with him to let her stay without saying the words in front of the guard.
“This is how it has to be,” he said and gave her a quick hug. “I will think of you every day,” he added and turned, leaving her alone with the guard. She stood there, stunned and unable to move.
“Miss? Right this way please,” the older man told her and handed her a folded fifty-dollar bill. She took it, looked at it and almost couldn’t comprehend what she was supposed to do with it. She forced her feet one in front of the other, doing her best to remain upright. How does one continue to function when the world has been turned upside down, shaken like a snow globe, and set back down, letting the pieces fall where they would. By the time she got to the main floor, her heart was shutting down. She felt humiliated and used, and had half convinced herself that this was Dimitri’s plan all along.
She reached up and felt her throat and realized that he really did love her; he was truly sending her away for her own safety. How could she have fallen in love so fast for a man who could kill her as she slept? What kind of strange woman was she?
She walked to a nearby store for change, got to the bus stop and caught a bus that would drop her off near home. Eden would be home from school by now, and she would have an hour or two until her father made it home. She wondered if her mother had even noticed her absence, or if she were hiding out somewhere gambling away her last dollars.
Columbia didn’t know how she could ever go back to her old life, but until she made any big changes, she would have to face her family. She wished Dimitri were here, holding her hand, giving her the strength she needed to get through the days ahead.
She wished she had taken him up on his offer to kill her father.
*****
“Where have you been?” Eden screamed in delight when Columbia walked through the door. She was happy Eden was home, she had no keys to get in on her own. “Where did you get this dress? Why do you look so different?”
“I borrowed it from a friend, and what do you mean different?” she asked and hugged her little sister.
“You look...mean and sad, and like you got in a big fight,” Eden said and dove into an explanation of her homework, school drama and the two nights she’d gotten to spend at Kate’s place. Columbia was relieved, at no point was Eden left alone with their father. She felt hollow though, listening to Eden’s rambling stories. Previous to Dimitri, she almost lived vicariously through her little sister, hanging on her every story about all the things she’d wanted to do herself. She reached out and ruffled Eden’s hair as she spoke. Eden stopped talking, looked her up and down and said, “What was that for? You’re acting weird. Were you abducted by aliens or something?”
“Ha, no, I just missed you,” Columbia replied. “I need to go lay down for a bit before I start dinner,” she added and went to her old room. She flopped onto the single bed and tried to ignore the scratchy, cheap blankets. She closed her eyes and thought about Dimitri, how weird and intense the past two days had been. She didn’t think being away from him would hurt as much as it did, but she felt at times as though a great weight was on her chest, pressing down and making it impossible to breathe.
She reached up and pulled the collar of the jacket down, put her hand around her own throat and squeezed gently. It hurt, she could feel the damage Dimitri had done while she’d been sleeping, but she still kept her hand there, allowing the pain to calm her nerves. The pain kept her focused and alert, and she would need that over the next little while as she put her plans into place.
She must have fallen asleep. She woke to her bedside alarm beeping, she always had it set for an hour before her father returned from work so his dinner would be ready.
She sat up, stretched, and contemplated changing her clothes so her father wouldn’t notice the new dress. The thought of taking off the last thing she had of Dimitri was sickening though, so she kept it on and pulled an old, heavy knit cardigan over top to hide the dress and the bruises.
She went through the motions of preparing him his meal, frying hamburgers, making mashed potatoes and gravy, and setting it all out.
He arrived before his usual time, ten to five. The sky was still light, as it was this time of year. The season was getting warmer and it would be full on summer soon. When he opened the door, she got a whiff of the cherry blossoms from Mrs. Douglas’ tree next door.
He hung his cap on a hook, sat down on a chair and unlaced his boots. He worked on the docks, so steel-toed boots were part of his uniform, as he always said.
He got up slowly, walked through the small kitchen past the table and opened the fridge. He took two bottles of beer, opened them both and returned to the table.
He sat, both girls were silent and waiting for him to talk so they could gauge the mood he was in.
He set one bottle on the table near the top of his plate and took a long swig out of the other. He set it down with a deliberate thump, settled his mean, dark eyes on Columbia and said, “Well, look what we’ve got here, the little slut dragged herself back home.”
Eden looked down at her hands and said nothing. Columbia stared at his narrow face, his thin nose, his eyes that were too close together and said, “Yup, I reckon I did. Now would you like some potatoes?”
His expression was almost comical if she didn't know what was coming
next. He stood up, so did she, and he held his hand back and slapped her across the face.
“How dare you speak to me like that,” he shouted and Eden cowered. Columbia, however, stood tall, straightened her spine and stared him down.
“I will speak how I want,” she told him in a steady voice, “I am old enough to have my own voice. In fact, you’re just damn lucky I’ve decided to keep that voice quiet over the years or you’d be in jail.”
He hesitated for a moment, his ugly face searching hers for signs of a bluff. When he realized she wasn’t backing down, he sat and said, “Eden, give me them burgers.”
Columbia had her small victory, but she knew she would pay for it eventually. She made small talk with her father and kept getting up to get him another beer, so that night she was safe at least, he was passed out in his old leather recliner before eleven.
She went to bed shortly before midnight and wondered what Dimitri was up to at that exact moment.
*****
She slept in; her depression probably had more to do with it than any other reason. Without Dimitri she felt listless, unable to even fake interest in anything outside of her own little ball of misery. She was still wearing the same clothes from Dimitri’s when she left the house. She couldn’t bear to take them off just yet. It was a little chilly for such a light dress and jacket, but she didn’t care. She wanted him with her. She missed the platinum cuffs on her wrists, even though she’d had them for such a short time.
She decided to walk to the bank, check her account and have her card replaced. She knew without going that she was now a very wealthy woman. Even though she wouldn’t give him her information for a money transfer, she had a feeling he would have already tracked her down and stayed true to his word.
She was going to move out and take Eden with her. That was the only way she could happily leave as long as her father was alive. She couldn't leave Eden alone no matter how much she wanted a life of her own now.
As she stepped onto the sidewalk, she heard her name being called. Stuart was standing under a tree a short distance down the street; he was holding her purse.
“Hey Stuart,” she said as she approached him. She didn’t know what Dimitri had done to her, but seeing Stuart now made her previous crush seem like a ridiculous attempt at normalcy. She wasn’t his kind of normal though, she preferred her and Dimitri’s way of seeing things.
“Oh my god, Col! Where were you? We’ve all been frantic about you. What happened?” Stuart said as she reached him.
“It was the craziest thing. It turns out it was the wrong guy, can you believe that? I ended up hiding out for a bit, then hooked up with one of the kitchen crew. I’ve been at his place for the last day,” she lied right to his face.
He clearly didn’t buy it, but he shrugged and chose to believe her. “Here,” he said and held her purse in her direction, “you left this in my truck.”
“Oh yeah, thanks. This saves me a lot of trouble, I was just about to go replace my cards.” She looked at him and saw him through different eyes. He was such a boy. How had he ever sent her heart racing or entered into her fantasies? Dimitri would be able to crush him like a twig. She turned to leave and said, “Ok, thanks for this, see ya,” as she moved away.
“Listen, about that night in the truck. I feel horrible, I reacted like an idiot, I am so sorry,” Stuart said and grabbed her arm, “Is there any way we can start over?”
“What about Debbie?” she asked as she turned back around to face him. “I’m not going to start anything with somebody else’s boyfriend. I just had too much to drink that night.” She was reaching for any excuse to throw him off without hurting him.
“I broke up with Debbie, yesterday,” he said, “I wanted to show you how much I care about you, so I did it. Now we can be together, like you’ve always wanted.”
His face was so sincere and so ridiculous that Columbia had to suppress her laughter. She felt nothing towards him now, perhaps some sympathy at his misguided attempt to prove his interest in her. Debbie was a bitch though, so in the end Stuart was better off without her. “Stuart,” she started and sighed, “It’s just that-”
He cut her off, “Don’t go on. I need to say this. That night in the truck, I felt your arm, I behaved like an asshole. I’m sorry, I don’t care what’s wrong with you, I am willing to forget about it and just get to know you.”
“That’s just it Stuart, there is nothing wrong with me,” she told him with a small smile. “I’ve recently realized that I am normal, I am beautiful and there is really absolutely not a damn thing wrong with me.”
“I didn’t mean that,” he pleaded, “it came out wrong. I just want you to know that I accept you no matter what that is.”
She yanked the sleeve of the jacket and showed him her arm. The cold made the scars stand out an angry red against her pale skin and the criss cross patterns were beautiful. Dimitri thought they were beautiful. “This is what it is, it’s nothing. I cut myself, that’s it. I don’t have some kind of disease or something that needs your acceptance. It just is, a part of who I am. You might find it disturbing but there are people in this world who find such things appealing.”
“I...I…” Stuart stuttered his response, “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry you hurt yourself, that you feel like you need to.” He looked nervously at their house, knowing the source of her apparent psychosis, but terrified to name it. Her father would have Stuart pissing himself before he got a word out. Columbia didn’t know why she ever thought he could be her saviour.
“It’s ok Stuart,” she told him and pulled the jacket down. “I’m fine now, I’m happy. But let’s face it; you need to find yourself some sweet young environmentalist who cares about the city as much as you do. Eat your vegan meals, ride your bikes, go to your rallies and save the planet. That girl is not me, but you will find her.” With that she turned and walked away. He called to her as she hit the end of the block, but she didn’t turn back. Stuart was a nice guy, and he deserved a nice girl. Columbia had the sneaking suspicion that after being with Dimitri, she would tear a nice guy like Stuart apart if she ever decided to take him up on his offer.
She hummed all the way to the bank where her suspicions were confirmed. Her account now contained a number with more zeroes behind it than she thought possible. The bank teller’s eyes widened in shock when she saw the amount and slid the print out across the counter at her. Columbia took out a few hundred dollars just to have, but didn’t know what she’d do with the rest. Life didn’t feel like much of a consolation prize when she didn’t have Dimitri in it. She wasn’t suicidal, she was just...empty.
She went home and decided to have another nap. The last thought on her mind as she slipped into sleep was of Dimitri’s incredible eyes, the way they burned as he plunged himself into her and wrapped his hand around her throat.
*****
The alarm went off indicating her father’s imminent return. She went into the kitchen and found Eden actually doing homework. She smiled, ruffled her hair and said, “Hey, there might be some hope for you yet.”
Eden pulled back, looked her up and down and said, “Seriously, dude, what is wrong with you? Are those the same clothes you were wearing yesterday? Gross!”
“I just love you, remember that,” she told her little sister, “Now how about we order some pizza?”
“Oh my God, are you serious? Wow, ok, can I get that ham and pineapple we had at Auntie Lizzie’s house?” Eden asked with sudden enthusiasm for Columbia’s apparent changes.
“Yes, you can order anything you want,” Columbia told her, “chicken wings, pasta, garlic bread, dessert, drinks…the whole shebang!”
“Oh my god, this is crazy...ok, let me grab the menu,” Eden said and studied the folded paper flyer with the intensity of a grad school candidate. Columbia understood how exciting it was though. They weren’t exactly poor; they just never had any money. Her mother barely scraped by after she spent her paycheques on gambling and drinking...
and possibly drugs. Columbia had never bothered to ask. Her father made decent money on the docks, but they rarely saw that either. He paid the mortgage on the house, gave Columbia a couple hundred bucks a month for groceries and spent the rest on himself.
Pizza was a rarity, so much so that the pizza place didn’t even have their number on file. They had never delivered to their little house.
After the order was placed, Columbia turned the TV on and called for Eden to watch a silly teen drama.
Her father came home just after the pizza got there. Columbia had tipped the kid with an extra twenty and laughed when he wouldn’t stop thanking her. They laid their feast out on the counter and dug in.
“What the fuck is this?” her father asked after he took his boots off and grabbed his two dinner beers. “Where the hell did this shit come from?”
Eden swallowed the piece in her mouth with a gulp and lowered her eyes. Columbia looked him square in the eyes and said, “I bought it.”
“How the fuck did you pay for this? Is this about the other night? That guy friend of yours? He pimping you out now, making a little money off your slutty ass?” he demanded, took a long pull off the bottle and slammed it into the table.
Columbia could feel her heart beating faster and she clenched her fists. Her father’s face was red with anger and distorted as he kept screaming accusations at her. She turned to Eden and said, “You should go to your room.”
“But-” Eden protested, she hadn’t finished her first slice of pizza yet.
Columbia didn’t even look at her, she gritted her teeth and hissed, “Just go.”
Eden stood up and took her plate with her, grabbing the cardboard container of wings and a can of Coke along the way. They were never allowed to have food in their rooms, but even Eden sensed that things were being done differently around their house now.
Her father had gone quiet and was watching her with squinted eyes. He took another long swig of beer and set the bottle down with a thud. “So you gonna explain to me what the fuck is going on around here all of a sudden?” he snarled.
