The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Where’s Grandma?” Elaine asked when she returned home with Priscilla, after they’d taken Leah to her home. Iva was sitting on the porch by herself.

  Iva’s cheeks turned pink. “She’s inside. I’m afraid I said something to upset her.”

  “What’d you say, Mom?” Priscilla asked, joining them on the porch.

  “I said something I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t realize it was a mistake until it was too late.”

  “Too late for what?” Elaine moved closer to the chair were Iva sat. “What was it that you said?”

  “I told Edna that I was sorry to hear that she’d been diagnosed with dementia.” Iva stared down at the floor. “It didn’t take me long to realize that she hadn’t been told.”

  “Ach, no!” Elaine covered her mouth with both hands. She’d been fearful that something like this might happen and blamed herself for not telling Grandma the truth right away. “I was planning to tell her but was waiting for the right time.”

  “Is there ever a ‘right’ time to tell someone they have serious memory issues?” Priscilla interjected.

  Elaine’s chin quivered as she slowly shook her head. “No, I suppose not, but I didn’t think Grandma was ready to hear such distressing news yet.”

  “I—I wouldn’t have said anything, but I thought Edna already knew.” Iva’s voice cracked. “I’m very sorry about this. I just had no idea.” She folded her hands as though she was praying.

  “It’s okay. How could you have known? What’s done is done.” Elaine drew in a shaky breath. “Guess I’d better go inside and speak to Grandma about this now.”

  Priscilla nodded. “We understand, and we should be going anyway—unless you’d like us to stay.”

  “I appreciate your offer,” Elaine said, “but this is something I should handle by myself.” Elaine wondered, though, how much longer she’d be able to cope with situations concerning Grandma on her own.

  “Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help,” Iva said, standing up and gathering the basket she’d brought with lunch for her and Grandma. “We were having such a nice visit until—”

  “Don’t think any more about it.” Elaine patted Iva’s arm. “It really is my fault for not telling Grandma right up front, and I will let you know if I need anything.” She opened the door and hurried inside.

  Grandma was in the living room, sitting in the rocking chair, staring at the clock on the far side of the room.

  Elaine knelt on the floor in front of Grandma and clasped her hands. “I—I’m so sorry for not telling you about your illness, Grandma.” Tears welled in her eyes, and she nearly choked on the sob rising in her throat. “I didn’t think you were ready to hear it just yet.”

  “I could never be ready to hear something like that.” Grandma slowly shook her head, sniffing, as though trying to hold back tears. “I believe I had the right to know, and I shouldn’t have heard it from Iva Herschberger.” She paused a moment, as if to gain control of her emotions. “Now I know why I haven’t been able to remember some things. I thought it was just ordinary forgetfulness, but I…I guess I was wrong.”

  Elaine rubbed her fingers gently over Grandma’s hand. It nearly broke her heart to see Grandma’s pained expression.

  “The one thing that saddens me the most is knowing that one of these days I won’t be able to remember much of anything. I still can hardly believe it.” Tears trickled down Grandma’s cheeks as she rose from her chair.

  Elaine wrapped her arms around Grandma and held her tight. “Oh, Grandma, there was no easy way I could tell you. I just couldn’t seem to find the right words.” She was repeating herself, but she wanted to make sure Grandma understood how truly sorry she was.

  Elaine felt even worse when Grandma started rubbing her back, just like she’d done when Elaine was a child and needed to be comforted. “I promise I’ll be here for you, Grandma, and we’ll fight this together for as long as we possibly can.”

  Sara winced as Leah probed several sore spots on her left foot. “I don’t understand why my feet are always so sore,” she complained.

  “Some people’s feet are more tender than others,” Leah said. “And of course, when there’s inflammation anywhere in the body, it’s usually indicated by the sensitive areas of certain meridian zones on a person’s feet.”

  “Does that mean there’s inflammation somewhere in my body?” Sara questioned.

  Leah nodded, continuing to rub the places on Sara’s feet that were the most painful.

  “Do you know what’s wrong with me—why my arms and legs sometimes feel numb or tingly?”

  “I can’t be sure,” Leah responded. “But as I’ve mentioned before, I think it would be a good idea for you to see your doctor.”

  “Doctors are expensive, and I’d much rather come here to see you and just make a donation.” Sara wiggled her toes. “Besides, I always feel better after I’ve had a foot treatment.”

  Leah smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, but there are some things reflexology can’t help, so you need to use good judgment in deciding when to see a doctor and when to visit me.”

  “I understand, and if my problem gets worse, I’ll make an appointment with the doctor.”

  Hoping his mission this evening would be successful, Jonah directed his horse and buggy up the lane leading to Edna and Elaine’s house. After tying Sassy to the hitching rack, he started for the house, but had only made it halfway there when a sleek black cat darted out of the barn and ran in front of Jonah. Sure am glad I’m not a superstitious man, he thought, sidestepping the cat as it zipped this way and that, in hot pursuit of a little gray mouse. Otherwise, I might think something bad is about to happen.

  Jonah’s hands grew sweaty as he stepped onto the porch and knocked on the door. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous; it wasn’t like he’d never come to call on Elaine before. A few seconds went by, and then Elaine, wearing an apron decorated with splotches of flour, answered the door.

  “Jonah, I—I didn’t expect to see you this evening,” she stammered, brushing at the front of her apron. “I was just making some biscuits to go with the stew I’m preparing for supper.”

  Jonah couldn’t help noticing that the rims of Elaine’s eyes looked red, and so did her cheeks, indicating that she may have been crying earlier. “Is everything all right?” he asked, feeling concern.

  She nodded.

  “I came over to see how you were doing, and I…” Jonah paused, groping for the right words to say what was on his mind. “I was wondering if you’ve changed your mind about us.”

  Elaine stepped out to the porch. “No, Jonah, I’m not able to marry you. My obligation is to Grandma right now.”

  “I realize that, but I really want to help, and I’m going to keep coming over until you accept that fact.” It was all Jonah could do not to reach up and wipe away the tiny streak of flour clinging to Elaine’s cheek.

  Elaine lowered her gaze. “We really don’t need any help right now, and I’d feel better if you’d just move on with your life.”

  “But I don’t want to move on, Elaine. I want to be with you.” Frustration welled in Jonah’s chest. “The only way I’ll ever give up on us is if the day comes that you stop loving me.”

  She lifted her gaze to meet his. “That day has already come, Jonah.”

  He jerked his head, feeling as though he’d been slapped. “What are you saying, Elaine?”

  She looked him straight in the eye and said, “After thinking about it these last few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that what I felt for you before was never love; it was infatuation.”

  “I don’t believe you,” he said with a shake of his head. “You’re just saying that because you’re too proud and stubborn to let me help with your grandma’s care.”

  “That’s not true. I just don’t love you, Jonah, and I’m not sure I ever did. Now please go home, and don’t stop over here anymore. What we had is over.” Elaine’s lips quivered slightly, but s
he held his steady gaze.

  Jonah stared into Elaine’s beautiful blue eyes, and still her expression did not waver. On most things, Jonah was pretty easygoing, accepting people’s decisions without question. Not this. But even though arguing the point was what he really wanted to do, he held back. Emotions that had taken him a long time to bury came rising to the surface again. Jonah felt just as bad as, if not worse than, when his plans back in Pennsylvania with Meredith had been crushed. Could he handle another rejection?

  Staring across the yard, Jonah noticed the black cat he’d seen earlier gripping a dead mouse between its teeth and disappearing slowly into the barn. Superstitions, huh? he thought, feeling as if his world had just been turned upside down. Looking back at Elaine, Jonah said. “Tell me the truth, Elaine. Is that the way you really feel?”

  She nodded.

  Jonah could see by the set of Elaine’s jaw that her mind was made up. Suddenly, he realized that even if he stayed here all night, he wouldn’t get Elaine to change her mind or say she loved him. “Then I guess I have no other choice but to accept your decision.”

  With shoulders slumped and head down, Jonah turned and stepped off the porch, feeling like a rambunctious horse had just kicked him in the stomach. Never in a million years had he expected Elaine to say she didn’t love him or that what she’d felt before was just infatuation. Of course, looking back on it, she’d never really said she did love him—just things like she enjoyed his company and she cared for him. Have I been fooling myself all this time? he wondered. Maybe our relationship was one-sided, and I was just too blind to see it.

  CHAPTER 26

  Elaine woke up the following morning with a sore throat. “Oh, great,” she said, grimacing as she swallowed. Could my throat hurt from all the talking I did yesterday with Leah and Priscilla?

  She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She swallowed again, just to make sure. She might expect to have a sore throat during the winter months, but not in July. Maybe it was from sitting under the air-conditioning vent at the restaurant during lunch.

  “I sure don’t need this right now,” she grumbled, ambling across the room to her closet. This evening, Elaine and Grandma would be hosting another sit-down dinner, and there was still a lot that needed to be done before their guests arrived.

  Elaine hoped Grandma was feeling up to it. After yesterday’s discovery that she had dementia, Grandma might not want to host any more dinners.

  What had made things worse was that after Elaine had apologized for not telling the truth right away, Grandma had tried to reassure her. Elaine felt helpless but reminded herself once again that Grandma wouldn’t have to go through this alone.

  Swallowing again while rubbing her throat, Elaine was convinced her glands weren’t swollen. I can’t let a little thing like a sore throat keep me from doing what needs to be done.

  For so early in the morning, it was already warm, in sharp contrast to yesterday’s cooler temperatures. That’s how July could be on the plains as weather systems moved through.

  Elaine hurried to get dressed and then went to the kitchen to start breakfast. She found Grandma mixing a batch of pancake batter. A slight breeze from the shady side of the house drifted through the open kitchen window.

  “Don’t go to any trouble for me this morning, Grandma,” Elaine said. “My throat hurts, and I don’t feel like eating much right now.”

  The wrinkles in Grandma’s forehead deepened. “Are you grank? Do we need to call the doctor?”

  Elaine shook her head. “I don’t feel sick, and my glands aren’t swollen. Think I either did too much talking yesterday, or my sore throat is from sitting under an air-conditioning vent at the restaurant where I went with Priscilla and Leah yesterday.”

  Grandma went to the cupboard and took down a jar of honey. “I’d better fix you a lemon-and-honey drink. That’ll make your throat feel better,” she said, after taking a lemon from the refrigerator.

  Once the lemon had been squeezed and the juice poured into a glass, Grandma added a spoonful of honey and stirred it well. Then she handed the glass to Elaine. “We have to get you better so you don’t miss too much school. Sure don’t want you falling behind on your studies or ending up with a lot of homework to do in order to catch up.” Grandma touched Elaine’s forehead with her cold hands. “I don’t think you have a fever, but it might be best if you skip school today and go back to bed.”

  Elaine drank the lemon/honey mixture and grimaced; not from the taste of it, but because of what Grandma had just said. “Grandma, I’ve been out of school for several years now, so you don’t have to worry about me missing school or having any homework to do.”

  Grandma’s eyebrows squished together as she stared at Elaine for several seconds. Then a light seemed to dawn, and she snickered, giving a quick nod. “Well, of course you’re not still in school. Silly me. Guess it was just wishful thinking.”

  As Grandma resumed making pancakes, Elaine placed her empty glass in the sink and stared out the window. If only she could turn back the hands of time, she’d go back to when she was a little girl. Her life had been carefree, and Grandma’s memory had been just fine. Was this what she could expect in the days ahead—Grandma acting okay one minute and living in the past the next?

  Elaine closed her eyes. Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom and strength I need in order to care for Grandma.

  Jonah reached for the thermos of coffee he’d brought to his shop that morning and opened the lid. Overnight, a warm front had moved in, and he hadn’t slept well. It was going to take more than one cup of coffee to get through the day, much less get the house ready for his folks’ arrival in a few days. Jonah wished the cooler weather had lasted a bit longer, but it wasn’t the temperature that had given him a restless night. Thoughts of Elaine and her announcement that she didn’t love him had kept him awake. He’d tossed and turned for hours, trying to come to grips with everything. He still couldn’t believe she didn’t love him. All these months they’d been courting, and even though she’d never actually said the words, she’d never given any indication that she didn’t love him.

  Why now? he wondered. Maybe I need to talk with one of Elaine’s friends about this. I’m sure either Leah or Priscilla would know if Elaine has ever loved me or not. Think I’ll stop by and see Priscilla after I’m done working today.

  “Wow, it’s sure gettin’ warm out there.” Timothy wiped his brow as he entered the shop. “Where should I put the bolt of upholstery that just came in?”

  “I don’t care. Put it anywhere!” Jonah snapped.

  Timothy flinched, and he silently hauled the material to the table on the other side of the room.

  Jonah knew immediately that he’d spoken too harshly. “Sorry for snappin’ at you, Timothy. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Guess it put me in a bad mood, but then, that’s no excuse.” He poured coffee into his cup and took a drink. “Hopefully this will help me wake up and be more civilized.”

  Timothy shrugged. “That’s okay. My daed isn’t worth much till he’s had a few cups of coffee in the morning. He doesn’t snap, though. Just doesn’t say a lot till he’s fully awake.”

  “Jah, well, my being tired is not a good reason for barking at you, and I’ll try not to do it again.”

  “Would you please load that up and take it over to Rockome Garden Foods at Rockome?” Priscilla’s mother asked, motioning to a box filled with raspberry jam that sat on the counter in their small shop.

  Priscilla nodded. “Sure, Mom. Is there anything else you want me to take over there?”

  Mom shook her head. “Just the jam for today. Oh, and when you’re out and about, maybe you could drop by Edna’s place and see how she’s doing. I still feel terrible about blurting out that she has dementia.”

  “It wasn’t like you did it on purpose.” Priscilla gave her mother’s shoulder a gentle pat.

  Mom sighed. “I wish there was something I could do to help Edna deal with the terrible d
isease.”

  “I feel the same way about Elaine. It’s going to be difficult for her, too.”

  “We can pray for them and be there to help out whenever possible.”

  “You’re right about that.” Priscilla picked up the box. “Guess I’d better get going. I’d like to be home before it gets too hot. This weather isn’t good for me or my horse. See you later, Mom.”

  “Mammi! Mammi!”

  Feeling as though she’d been drugged, Sara groaned and forced her eyes open. Mark stood at the side of her bed, red-faced, with tears running down his cheeks.

  “Oh, my poor baby.” Sara rolled out of bed and scooped Mark into her arms. Feeling a bit light-headed, she sank back to the bed and cuddled him close. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand and grimaced when she saw that it was nine o’clock. She couldn’t believe she’d slept so long, even after a restless night. It had been so warm in her room that she’d lain awake for several hours before finally dozing off. Apparently, she’d been sleeping so hard that she hadn’t heard Mark climb out of his crib and walk to the side of her bed, tugging on the quilt as he continued to fuss. She wondered how long he’d been calling to her.

  When Sara stood up again, her head felt fuzzy and the room seemed to tilt at an odd angle.

  I wonder if I’m coming down with something. Maybe it’s just the stuffy heat in this room making me feel so off-kilter.

  Going to the window, Sara opened it to let in some fresh air. After taking in several deep breaths, she felt a bit better, so she took Mark by the hand and headed down the hall to the kitchen.

  Moving slowly so as not to upset her equilibrium, Sara managed to scramble some eggs for breakfast. When they finished eating, she ran water in the sink to wash their dishes. By the time she had them washed, dried, and put away in the cupboard, Sara had little strength left in her arms.

  Something is terribly wrong, she thought, taking a seat at the table while Mark sat on the floor, playing with a few pots and pans. Maybe I overdid it yesterday when I was cleaning house.