The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Well, okay, if you must, but we can’t be gone too long.” Grandma followed Elaine into the kitchen and pulled out a chair at the table. “What did you want to talk to me about, Nancy?”

  “I’m not Nancy, I’m Elaine, and—”

  “Are you jealous because I have friends here and you don’t?”

  “No, it’s not that. You look tired, Grandma, and I think it might be better if you went to your room now and rested, while I serve dessert to our guests.”

  “Well, if that’s the way you feel about it, then fine!” Glaring at Elaine, Grandma stood up and then tromped out of the room.

  It nearly broke Elaine’s heart to see Grandma responding to her in such a negative, almost hostile, way. She wasn’t acting like the grandmother she’d always known.

  Breathing deeply as she tried to calm her racing heart, Elaine returned to the dining room.

  “Is there a problem?” the tour guide asked as Elaine approached the table.

  “No, everything’s under control.” Elaine placed two pies on the first table and was about to set the other ones on the opposite table when she heard Grandma loudly mumbling while stomping around in her room. This will be the last dinner Grandma and I host, Elaine thought regrettably. Tonight has been too difficult for us.

  CHAPTER 33

  The following day, Priscilla decided to stop and see Elaine. Rather than taking the time to hitch Tinker to her buggy, she rode over on her bike. Along the way, she rehearsed what she was going to say.

  Last night at the restaurant, Priscilla had chosen not to speak with Jonah or Sara. They’d seemed to be preoccupied and didn’t appear to notice her, so she had simply concentrated on visiting with Elam.

  Jonah couldn’t be in love with Sara; it hasn’t been that long since he was courting Elaine, and I know he was crazy about her, Priscilla told herself as she pedaled along, keeping her bicycle on the shoulder of the road. The more she thought about it, the more concerned she became. If Jonah and Sara are courting, will Elaine be upset? Jonah had been good friends with Sara’s husband, so maybe he and Sara were just friends, too. But if Jonah was courting Sara, there was nothing she could do about it, so it did no good to fret.

  Priscilla turned up the Schrocks’ driveway. After she’d parked her bike, she hurried up to the house. She was about to knock on the door when Elaine stepped out, quickly shutting the door behind her.

  “I’m glad you’re here; I need some moral support right now.”

  “Oh, what’s wrong?” Seeing the stress lines on Elaine’s face had Priscilla concerned.

  Elaine signaled to the chairs on the porch. “Let’s take a seat.”

  Noting that Elaine wasn’t wearing a sweater, Priscilla suggested they go inside. “It’s chilly this morning.”

  Elaine shook her head. “I’d rather talk with you here. Grandma’s in the kitchen, and I don’t want her to hear our conversation.”

  “Okay, but maybe you should get a sweater.”

  “No, I’m fine.” Elaine took a seat, and Priscilla did the same.

  Priscilla couldn’t help but notice the dark circles beneath her friend’s eyes. I’ll bet she hasn’t slept well in weeks.

  Tears sprang to Elaine’s eyes, and she clasped Priscilla’s hand. “Grandma’s getting worse, Priscilla. Much worse than I expected, and it’s happening so quickly.”

  Priscilla sat quietly as Elaine told how her grandma thought she’d seen her husband’s horse and that she often believed Elaine was her mother, Nancy. “And you should have seen how Grandma acted during the dinner we hosted last night.” Elaine shook her head as more tears came. “I can barely cope with things anymore, Priscilla. It’s overwhelming.”

  “Have you spoken to her doctor about this?” Priscilla questioned.

  “Not directly, but I called his office and talked with the nurse.”

  “What’d she say?”

  “Just that some dementia patients’ memory loss is gradual and can take place over several years. But with some who have advanced dementia, like Grandma apparently does, their memory goes quickly. Trouble is, I already knew all of that.” Elaine paused and blew her nose on the tissue Priscilla had just given her. “To make all this worse, since Grandpa died, Grandma seems to have lost her zest for living. At first she was a fighter and said she’d go down kicking. Now it makes me wonder if she’s just given up on life.”

  “Have you tried giving her that remedy you found at the health food store?”

  “I have, but she usually won’t take it. It’s hard to get her to cooperate when it’s time for her insulin shots, too.” Elaine’s chin quivered. “It’s difficult to take care of her when she doesn’t cooperate. And it’s even more so when she gets upset with me and says harsh things.”

  Priscilla gave an understanding nod while gently patting her friend’s hand. “I feel so bad for what you’re going through, but I’m sure you must know that your grandma would never treat you that way intentionally.”

  Elaine sniffed. “I—I know, but it still hurts.”

  “I’m sure it does, and I wish there was more I could do to ease your burden.”

  “You, Leah, and so many others have helped out as often as you can, and I appreciate it so much. But you have busy lives of your own, and I don’t expect someone to be here all of the time.” Elaine sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Besides, even if you could be here on a regular basis, it wouldn’t make any difference in how things are going with Grandma right now. No one but God can stop or even slow this horrible illness that is taking the grandma I’ve always known from me.”

  “It’s a terrible disease, and sometimes it can be harder on family members than on the patient when their loved one becomes like a stranger to them.”

  “You’re right, Priscilla, but I can only imagine the struggle going on inside Grandma’s head with all this.” Elaine paused and swiped at the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks. “Just talking to you about this has been helpful. Danki for listening.”

  “Oh, you’re welcome. It’s the least I can do for a special friend like you.”

  “You and Leah are such good friends, and I don’t know what I’d do without your love and support.” Elaine sniffled. “Something else happened the other day, too. On Thursday, Grandma’s parakeet got out, and later on, I found her remains over by the barn. I haven’t the heart to tell Grandma that one of the cats probably got her pet bird. Even though I took Millie’s cage out of the house and put it in the back of the barn, I don’t think Grandma realizes that the bird is gone. If she does, she hasn’t said anything about it.”

  “Oh, that’s such a shame.” Priscilla blinked against her own tears. I’m definitely not going to tell Elaine about seeing Jonah and Sara at the restaurant last night. She has enough to deal with right now.

  “After all that happened at the dinner we hosted last night, I’ve made a difficult decision.” Elaine shivered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

  “What’s that?”

  “There will be no more sit-down dinners for tourists in this house. In fact, after everyone left, I spoke with the tour guide and explained my decision.”

  “How’d she respond to that?”

  “Said she understood, but was sorry to lose our business. She also stated that if things should ever change, and I decide to start doing the dinners again, to let her know.” Elaine stared out across the yard. “It’s not likely that I’ll ever host dinners for tourists again. Those days are behind us now.”

  “If you want to keep doing them, I’d be happy to come over and help out,” Priscilla offered.

  “Danki for your willingness, but I don’t want to invite strangers into our house for dinners anymore, never knowing what Grandma might say or do.”

  “How will you support yourselves?” Priscilla questioned. She wished again that there was more she could do for her dear friend.

  “We have the rent money from the land we’re leasing, and there’s still some money left in our bank a
ccount.” Elaine shifted in her chair. “I could take in some sewing or maybe try selling some of my rock paintings at one of the gift stores in town. I’m going to take one day at a time and keep trusting the Lord to provide for our needs.”

  Priscilla nodded. “And remember the words of Psalm 125:1: ‘They that trust in the Lord shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth for ever.’” She gave Elaine’s arm a reassuring squeeze. “Please don’t forget to ask for help whenever you have a need.”

  More tears fell as Priscilla stood and gave Elaine a hug.

  Jonah stepped out of his house and paused a minute before heading to the shop. His mind was full of scattered thoughts as he reflected on the enjoyable evening he’d had with Sara and Mark. It had been fun, being with Sara, and that little boy of hers had just about stolen Jonah’s heart. Jonah looked forward to spending more time with them.

  What would it be like to have a son like Mark and be able to pass on to the child the same values as my parents taught me? Jonah was beginning to think his desire for a wife and children was just a dream—a dream that had twice been broken.

  Lifting the apple he’d taken from the house, he took a bite. Some of the juice sprayed out and dribbled down his chin. Apples always tasted best this time of year. Jonah munched on it while his thoughts kept spinning. Some of the leaves in his yard were slowly turning, with just a hint of color, but for the most part they were still green. Birds had begun flying in larger groups as they started migrating. Acorns were falling, and the apple harvest was in full swing. Soon the trees would be bare, and then the upcoming holidays would swoop in.

  Jonah reflected on how Jean had told him the other day that Mom and Dad might be making another trip to Illinois to be with them for Thanksgiving. At first, Jonah and Jean, along with her family, had talked about going to Pennsylvania, but Mom and Dad said they thought it would be easier for them to come to Illinois, since it was only the two of them. Jean had already begun planning a festive dinner with all the trimmings.

  Jonah wished Dad was here right now so he could talk to him about Sara. Jonah wasn’t sure how he really felt about her, or if he was ready to establish another relationship, especially so soon. The last two had ended up emotionally draining, so maybe it was best just to remain friends with Sara. Although he had to admit, he did have a good time, and little Mark took to him so easily. Jonah loved kids. Even when he was out and about and saw children he didn’t know, as soon as he made eye contact, the child would smile at him.

  The subject of the holidays didn’t come up last evening, but I guess I could ask Sara if she and Mark would like to join us for Thanksgiving this year. But then, she might be planning to go to Indiana to spend the holiday with her parents.

  Jonah didn’t know why he was thinking about all of this right now. Thanksgiving was still a ways off. Not only that, but there was work to be done in his shop, so he’d better quit thinking and get busy.

  As Sara sat at her sewing machine, making another apron to sell, she thought about last night and how much she’d enjoyed being with Jonah. He reminded her of Harley—not in the way he looked, but with his caring attitude and gentle spirit. Jonah had been so attentive to Mark during the evening and kept the boy occupied when he’d become restless, waiting for his meal. When Jonah brought them home afterward, Mark had fallen asleep, so Jonah carried him inside for Sara. Before he left, Jonah had told Sara that he’d had a good time and hoped they could go out for supper again sometime soon.

  Does Jonah want to court me? she wondered. Is he over Elaine, and could he possibly be interested in beginning a relationship with me?

  Sara looked out the living-room window and focused on the swirling leaves. The wind had picked up, and the few leaves that had fallen from the trees in her yard were being carried away on the breeze. It wouldn’t be long before Thanksgiving would be upon them.

  Sara’s thoughts turned to Harley again and how much he’d loved this time of the year. He had enjoyed seeing the leaves turn color, and after a heavy frost, Harley had mentioned how much he liked those see-your-breath-in-the-air mornings. Many times, when their chores were done early, he’d say, “Let’s go for a ride, Sara.” They’d hop in the buggy and drive through the farmlands, enjoying the stunning colors of autumn. Fields would be turning a rich golden tan, with hay cut for a second time. The mums were brilliant colors, blooming by fence posts and throughout flower beds in many backyards. Sara, too, enjoyed fall days, with less humidity and crystal-clear skies.

  She closed her eyes, not wanting to let go of the past. Was it only a year and a half ago that Harley had died? Sometimes it seemed like just yesterday. Other times, memories of Harley felt like such a long time ago.

  Sara had never known any man who loved the holiday season like her husband did. Harley became almost childlike when the first white flakes of snow started falling. He loved the smell of wood burning in their fireplace, and many times during a snowy afternoon, they’d get out one of their board games, make a batch of buttery popcorn, and relax in front of a cozy fire. She missed those times so much.

  Sara would stay home for Thanksgiving this year but had been considering going to see her parents for Christmas. But traveling that far with a two-year-old might prove to be stressful, so she’d invited her folks to come here. Mom and Dad had agreed, and Sara looked forward to their coming. She couldn’t help wondering, though, what Jonah would do for the holidays. Would he stay here in Arthur and celebrate with his sister and her family, or return to Pennsylvania to be with his parents?

  If he stays, she thought, maybe I’ll get the chance to see him during that time. I’m sure Mark would enjoy it, and truth be told, so would I.

  CHAPTER 34

  Danki for agreeing to stay with my grandma while I do some shopping today,” Elaine said when Iva came over on the first Monday of October. “I’d take her with me, but she seems to be afraid of riding in the buggy lately.”

  “That’s too bad. Where’s Edna now?” Iva lowered her voice to a whisper as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

  Elaine gestured toward the door leading to their dining room. “She does have some good days, and she’s working on a puzzle. It was something I thought might help to stimulate her brain. Even though Grandma probably won’t be able to get many of the pieces to fit, she seems content at the moment.”

  Iva sat quietly and then slowly shook her head. “I feel so bad for Edna—and you, too, Elaine. I never expected your grandma would go downhill so quickly.”

  “Neither did I,” Elaine admitted. “It’s unbelievable.”

  “I have an aunt who was diagnosed with dementia, and it took several years for the disease to progress to the stage Edna appears to be in now.”

  “I’ve taken Grandma back to see the doctor several times, but he always says the same thing: she apparently has an aggressive form of dementia, and…” Elaine’s voice trailed off as tears sprang to her eyes. She was tired of crying, and just plain tired. “I’ve tried everything I know of to help her, but nothing seems to make much difference. All I can do is to watch Grandma’s memory fail a little more each day. My greatest fear is that soon she won’t recognize me at all.”

  “It’s a shame. I wish there was something more I could do to help you, Elaine.” Iva’s tone was comforting.

  “You have helped, just by coming to sit with Grandma while I’m gone.” Elaine looked down at her hands, red and chapped from all the work she’d been doing. “I still have some moments with Grandma when everything seems somewhat normal, and believe me, I cling to those times.”

  “That’s what you have to do, Elaine.” Iva gave Elaine’s arm a tender pat. “As I’ve said before, please don’t hesitate to call on me or any of your friends during this difficult time. You need time for yourself and deserve to get out whenever you can.”

  “It helps, knowing that.” Sighing, Elaine rose from her seat. “Guess I’d better get going. I should be back before lunch, but if you and Grandma get hungr
y, there’s a container of vegetable soup in the refrigerator that you can reheat.”

  “That’s fine. Just take your time. I’m free for the rest of the day. Oh, and if it helps even a little, someone told me awhile back that, while every day may not be good, there’s something good in every day.”

  Elaine entered the bulk foods store and started down the aisle where the spices were shelved. She’d just started filling her basket when she heard voices she recognized in the next aisle over.

  “Did you know that Jonah Miller might be courting Sara Stutzman?”

  “I figured as much. Saw them eating a meal together at Yoder’s restaurant awhile back. Of course, Sara’s son was with them, but to me it looked like they were on a date.”

  “I’ve heard that he goes over to her place quite often these days.”

  Elaine gripped the basket she held so tightly that her fingers ached. She could hardly believe the conversation Leah and Priscilla were having, or that Jonah had begun courting someone else so soon after she’d broken up with him. Of course, she reasoned, it has been a few months. She couldn’t expect Jonah to remain unattached, especially when she’d made it clear that there was no hope for the two of them to be together.

  Elaine squeezed her eyes shut, trying to come to grips with all of this and remembering how difficult it had been to tell Jonah that she didn’t love him. Will Jonah end up marrying Sara? Since Sara was a widow and her little boy needed a father, it was quite likely she would marry again. I wonder if Sara is in love with Jonah. Could he love her, too?

  Jonah deserved to be happy, but it hurt to hear that he and Sara might be courting. Elaine hoped Sara realized how fortunate she was, because as far as Elaine was concerned, there was no finer man than Jonah.

  Elaine couldn’t help feeling betrayed, hearing her friends talking about this. If they thought Jonah and Sara were courting, why hadn’t they said something to her about it?

  Placing the spices back on the shelf, Elaine turned and rushed out the door. She’d return some other time. Right now, she just wanted to go home.