The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Iva said as she sat across the table from Edna, eating lunch.

  Edna shrugged. “Don’t have much to say, really. My husband’s dead; people don’t want to come here for dinners anymore, and I’m just sittin’ around waiting to die, so that doesn’t give me much to say.”

  Iva frowned. “I wish you wouldn’t talk like that.”

  “Why not? It’s the truth.”

  “None of us knows when we are going to die, and we need to see each day as precious.” Iva handed Edna some crackers to go with the soup. “From what I understand, you and Elaine aren’t doing the dinners anymore.”

  Edna placed both hands against her temples, trying ever so hard to recall. Had they really decided that? Could she have forgotten such a thing? “My granddaughter is precious to me, but sometimes I can’t even remember her name. Do you know how frightening and frustrating that is?”

  “I’m sure it must be devastating, but I’m equally certain that Elaine understands. She loves you so very much, Edna.”

  “I love her, too.” Edna broke some crackers into her bowl of soup and took a bite. “Sometimes Elaine takes things that are mine and puts ’em in strange places. The other day, she took my glasses.” She blinked rapidly, pointing across the room. “I found them in the kichlin jar, of all things.”

  Iva looked at Edna strangely at first; then she chuckled and said, “Were they full of cookie crumbs?”

  “No, there weren’t any kichlin in there right then.” Edna laughed, too. She was glad Iva had come to visit. It was nice to relax, share a meal with a friend, and find something to laugh about. Things almost felt normal. If only they could remain so.

  “Wasn’t that Elaine who just went out the door?” Priscilla asked Leah.

  Leah nodded. “I think it was. I wonder why she dashed out of here in such a hurry. Think I’ll go outside and see if I can catch her before she leaves.”

  “I’ll come, too.” Priscilla set her shopping aside and followed Leah out the door.

  When they came to the area where the horses were tied, they found Elaine getting ready to leave.

  “Elaine, wait up! We saw you rush out of the store. It looked like you were in a hurry, but we wanted to say hi.” Priscilla put her hand on the side of Elaine’s buggy.

  “I was in the aisle next to where you two were talking and left the store after hearing what you said.” Elaine’s lips quivered slightly. She was clearly upset.

  Priscilla shifted uncomfortably. “Was it about Jonah and Sara?”

  “Jah. All this time has gone by, and you’ve never said a word to me about this. Why, Priscilla? I thought we were friends.”

  “We are friends, and the reason I didn’t say anything is because you have enough to deal with taking care of your grandma, and I didn’t want to upset you with information that might not mean a thing.”

  “You must have thought it did, or you wouldn’t have discussed it with Leah.” Elaine’s shoulders drooped as she picked up the reins.

  Leah reached into the buggy to touch Elaine’s arm. “Please don’t go yet. Like Priscilla said, we didn’t want to upset you. Besides, we don’t know for sure if Jonah and Sara are actually courting. They just went out for supper together, and from what I hear, Jonah’s been over to Sara’s a few times.” Leah paused a few seconds and then continued. “You know, Sara went through a horrible experience awhile back, narrowly escaping from her burning barn, so maybe Jonah was just doing a kind deed when he took her and Mark out for supper.”

  “I heard about the fire. It’s a shame Sara lost her barn.”

  “Then you probably know that Jonah was the one who saw the smoke, and when he went to investigate, he found Sara collapsed on the ground.” Leah hesitated another moment. “Jonah may have been checking on Sara the other day, and then they decided to go out to eat someplace. Friends sometimes do that, you know, and Jonah was good friends with Sara’s husband.”

  “That’s right,” Priscilla interjected. “He may feel a sense of obligation to Sara, and that might be all there is to it.”

  Elaine shrugged.

  “Are you in love with Jonah? Is that why you’re upset?”

  “I’m upset because you kept it from me,” Elaine responded, instead of answering Priscilla’s question about her loving Jonah. “Friends aren’t supposed to have secrets from one another. Now, if you two will excuse me, I need to go home.” Before either Leah or Priscilla could respond, Elaine backed her horse up and headed down the road.

  “We need to do something to make things better.” Leah’s tone was full of the regret she obviously felt over this misunderstanding.

  “I agree, Leah, but I’m not sure what it could be.”

  “Well, for one thing, we need to start by apologizing to her.”

  Priscilla bobbed her head. “Jah, and the sooner the better.”

  Elaine pulled Daisy into the driveway, unhooked her from the buggy, and put her in the corral, where there was a trough full of water. She’d have to rub her down later and put her in the stall before dark. Right now, she wanted to go inside and relieve Iva. Besides, she was hungry and needed something to eat. Even though Iva had said she didn’t mind staying all day, Elaine thought it would be better if she sent Iva home.

  Elaine had chores she needed to get done, and after hearing the news about Jonah and Sara, she had to get her mind on something else and quit feeling sorry for herself. Working around the house had always helped before, and it kept her from dwelling on the negative when something was really bothering her, like it was now. While it was true that Elaine wanted Jonah to get on with his life, it hurt to know he’d moved on so quickly and seemed to have forgotten about her. Elaine’s heart ached from letting him go. After their breakup, she figured that Jonah would be miserable from her rejection. But that didn’t seem to be the case. Maybe he hadn’t cared about her as much as he’d said. Well, none of that mattered now. She and Jonah were no longer together, and he really did have the right to move on with his life.

  Taking a deep breath before walking in the door, Elaine heard laughter coming from the dining room. She found Iva and Grandma working on the puzzle together while carrying on what almost sounded like a normal conversation.

  “Oh, you’re back so soon.” Iva looked up with a surprised expression when Elaine entered the room.

  “Did you get all the items on the list?” Grandma asked as she tried to make an unmatched piece fit in the puzzle.

  “I didn’t go shopping, after all. Decided what I had on my list could wait for another day. Maybe I’ll go again tomorrow, or the day after.” It was wrong to fib, but she didn’t want to admit the real reason she’d left the store. Besides, looking back on it now, she had overreacted. She should have just done her shopping rather than running out of the store. It seemed like Elaine’s emotions ruled her actions these days, but that was no excuse.

  Elaine remembered when the doctor at the hospital first told her about Grandma’s dementia and had suggested that Elaine attend a support group. She hadn’t felt it was necessary at first, and then later, when she really needed more support, she made the excuse not to go because it would mean asking someone to sit with Grandma while she was gone. Besides, Elaine didn’t relish the idea of talking about her situation with strangers. She felt more comfortable discussing things with close friends, like Leah and Priscilla. I’ll bet they’re upset with me right now. I need to apologize for my behavior.

  Grandma tugged on Elaine’s arm. “I was hoping you’d get me that sugar-free angel food cake mix. Can’t you go back to the store and get everything now? It’s still early, and you know what? I’d like to go with you.”

  “Not today, Grandma. We’ll go tomorrow.” Elaine really didn’t feel up to going back to the bulk foods store right now and hoped Grandma would just drop the subject.

  Grandma stared at Elaine, and Elaine held her breath. Please, Grandma, let it go for now.

  For the moment, Grandma just sat staring at
the puzzle pieces in front of her. This was one time Elaine hoped Grandma had forgotten what had been said. There were times when Grandma would get upset about something and start whining, and then she’d suddenly get distracted and forget all about what she had wanted. Maybe this was one of those times.

  Elaine glanced at Iva, who appeared to be busy snapping in another piece of the puzzle. “You’re free to go on home now, Iva. I can handle things from here.”

  “Are you sure? I can hang around longer and assist you with anything you need to have done.”

  “I appreciate it, but everything’s fine, and now that I’m home, I can take over,” Elaine assured her. “I may need to call on you again soon, though, and I’m grateful that you came here today, short as the time was.”

  “Not a problem at all.” Iva smiled as she rose from her chair. “Guess I’ll be going, then.” She paused and placed her hand on Grandma’s shoulder. “Oh, and Edna, you keep working on that puzzle, ’cause you’re doing a good job. Why, I’ll bet you will probably have a lot more done on it when I come by again.”

  Grandma grunted in reply as she studied the puzzle intently.

  Elaine walked Iva to the door. “Thank you again for taking the time to be here today, Iva.”

  “It was no problem at all. Edna and I had a good time visiting while we worked on the puzzle.” Iva gave Elaine a hug. “Remember, now, to let me know when you need me again. I really don’t have anything going on that’s all that pressing these days.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” Elaine couldn’t help thinking how lucky Priscilla was that her mother was still with her. Elaine would give anything to have either one of her parents here to lean on right now.

  She stood in the doorway and watched as Iva’s horse and buggy went down the driveway and turned onto the main road, thanking God, once again, for people like Iva who truly cared about others and wanted to help out in their time of need.

  When Elaine returned to the dining room, feeling just a bit better, she was greeted with an angry scowl.

  “I want to go to the store today.” Grandma’s tone was defiant, and she looked at Elaine in such a cold way that it caused her to shiver. “I want that cake mix, Nancy, and I want it now!”

  “We can go later on.” Elaine would never win this argument, so she might as well give in. There was no point in correcting Grandma about her name, either. Whenever Grandma referred to her as Nancy these days, Elaine chose to ignore it. “First, I need to eat some lunch and get a few things done around here. We’ll go after that. Okay, Grandma?”

  Grandma’s expression softened some, and appearing to be satisfied, she gave a quick nod.

  While Elaine did some cleaning around the house, wiping several small blood spots off the wall, she tried not to get too frustrated. It wasn’t Grandma’s fault that she had to have her finger pricked to test her blood, but Elaine wished Grandma would at least wait until the bleeding stopped before she touched anything. Grandma probably doesn’t realize what she’s doing, Elaine reasoned, blowing a straggly piece of hair off her forehead while she scrubbed. She walked slowly back toward the kitchen and used her sponge to wipe another red spot off the wall.

  As Elaine continued to clean, she remembered a story that Grandma had read to her a long time ago. The tale involved a young girl who had been exploring a forest, and in order to keep from getting lost, she would drop a piece of popcorn along the path every few feet. That way, if the girl got confused, she could find her way home by following the popcorn trail.

  Grandma could do something similar. Only for her, she would have specks of blood on everything she’d touched.

  “That should do it,” Elaine murmured after she’d finished cleaning. She collapsed into a chair at the table, then jumped back up when Grandma tromped into the kitchen.

  “Can we go now?” Grandma asked, sounding kind of huffy again.

  “Okay. Just let me get Daisy hitched to the buggy again.”

  “Let’s take Misty instead. She hasn’t been out for a while and could use the exercise.”

  Elaine was hesitant about taking Misty, but Grandma was right. It had been a few weeks since they’d used Misty to pull their buggy. The animal probably needed to stretch her legs. Elaine hoped the ride to town would be without incident and that Misty wouldn’t be too full of pent-up energy.

  Everything went well at first, but all of a sudden, Misty became rambunctious. It took Elaine several minutes to get the horse under control, but fortunately, Misty started behaving rather well for not having been out on the road in a while.

  Grandma’s contented smile told Elaine that she was enjoying the fresh air and, at least for today, had forgotten about her recent fear of riding in the buggy. Elaine had relaxed a bit, too, after getting Misty to settle down.

  October was a beautiful month, and this afternoon was no exception. Elaine noticed how beautiful the landscape was, with the glorious colors of autumn all around. The crimson red maples and bright yellow birch with the orange of sumac mixed in would have made a lovely scene for a painting, mingling with the earth tones of freshly cut fields. Elaine had never painted anything on canvas, but if she ever found the time, she might give it a try sometime. Meanwhile, she’d been able to squeeze in a few minutes each evening after Grandma went to bed to paint more of the rocks she’d found near the creek not far from their home.

  Last Monday, when their bishop’s wife, Stella, had come by to visit Grandma, Elaine had been able to slip away for a short time. She’d gone to the creek and picked up several nice rocks. Visits from others in their community were the only times when Elaine could get away, as she wasn’t about to leave Grandma alone, for fear of her wandering off or burning something on the stove.

  “Are you warm enough, Grandma?” Elaine pulled the blanket over Grandma’s legs.

  “I’m fine. Quit fussing all the time. You’re acting like a mother hen.” Grandma frowned, but then she reached over and patted Elaine’s arm.

  Elaine relaxed a little, taking in a deep breath. This was one of those rare times when things seemed almost normal. If only it could last. Even Misty seemed to enjoy the crisp autumn air, having no pesky bugs to swish away with her tail.

  Big puffy white clouds billowed on the horizon as they continued toward town. Elaine remembered how, a long time ago, she and Grandpa had put an old blanket on the grass and, lying there together, watched the clouds roll by. One time, Grandpa had looked over at Elaine and said, “Someday, Lainie, I’ll be sittin’ on one of those beautiful clouds, watching over you and your grandma.” Did Grandpa know back then that he’d be the first to die? Was he looking down on them today from one of those puffy clouds?

  Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, Elaine thought. At least I can be sure of one thing—our heavenly Father’s watching over us.

  Elaine was thankful that even through the darkest of times God was only a prayer away, and He knew what they were going through and cared about all their troubles.

  Riding farther along, Elaine looked into an open field and spotted a doe watching as they approached. Elaine was about to point it out to Grandma when a smaller deer shot out from the opposite side and ran right in front of Misty. How the two animals kept from colliding was beyond Elaine’s reasoning, but unfortunately the horse spooked. Misty took off like a bullet, and Elaine held on to the reins with all the strength she could muster. To make matters worse, Grandma seemed to enjoy the adventure, hollering for Misty to go faster.

  “It’s like being in a race!” Grandma clapped her hands like an excited child. “This is fun. Go! Go faster, Misty!”

  Elaine didn’t have time to look at Grandma, but from her shouts of delight, it was obvious that she had no idea of the danger they were in. At this speed even the slightest bump in the road could send them crashing into a tree, someone’s fence, or worse—a car.

  “Whoa there, Misty! Slow down, girl!” Elaine shouted. But Grandma’s exuberant horse had a mind of her own. All Elaine could do was cling ti
ghtly to the reins and hope that Misty would tire out soon.

  “Sit back, Grandma, and hang on to your seat!” she instructed.

  Grandma seemed oblivious to everything as she continued to clap, shout, and giggle.

  Elaine should have slowed down when she first saw the doe standing by the road. Again, she could almost hear Grandpa’s words when he’d told her another time: “If a deer runs across the road, slow down, because there will most likely be another.” This doe had obviously been waiting for her fawn to catch up before going any farther. Elaine had only gotten a glimpse of the young deer before Misty went haywire.

  After what seemed like forever, Misty finally slowed to a trot, snorting and shaking her mane. Elaine’s arms felt as though they were coming out of their sockets as she let up on the tension of the reins. She was relieved that no cars had passed during Misty’s wild romp and that they were now out of immediate danger.

  The rest of the trip was uneventful, and it gave Elaine time to calm down. By the time she guided Misty to the hitching rack, Elaine was breathing normally again.

  Once in the store, Elaine hurried to get everything on her list, and then she stopped to look in the aisle where the baking supplies were kept.

  “There’s no angel food cake mixes here,” Grandma mumbled, pouting like a child as she pointed to one of the shelves. “It’s your fault, Nancy. You shoulda got it for me this morning. I’ll bet they had plenty of cake mixes then.”

  “I can make a sugar-free cake from scratch after we get home,” Elaine said, hoping that would appease Grandma.

  “That’ll take too long.” Grandma shuffled toward the checkout counter, muttering under her breath.

  Elaine placed the things in her basket on the counter and waited for everything to be rung up by the cashier.

  “Is that a wig you’re wearing?” Grandma asked the clerk while pointing to her hair.

  Elaine was about to apologize for Grandma’s impolite behavior, but the clerk just smiled and said, “Yes, it is a wig. You see, I have cancer, and my treatments have caused most of my hair to fall out.”