by Len Webster
Callum looked down at their hands before he said, “The universe outplayed us in the end.”
The sad look in his eyes could break her heart all over again. She didn’t want this to be sad. She wanted a few good memories. Ones that would keep her company at night. Ones that would guide her through the shadows and into the light. Peyton pulled her hand from his and placed it on his shoulder. Then Callum’s eyes met hers before her hand mirrored her previous actions.
“Hold me, please,” she said.
Callum nodded. “All night I will.”
That made her smile. She wrapped her arms around the back of his head and sat in his lap. That’s when she felt him touch her there, but she didn’t want them to make love in the tub. She wanted him in her sheets for the last time. Then she pulled his ear to her chest, allowing him to hear her heart beat for him.
She didn’t care that this embrace was eating away the seconds, the minutes they had left. This was a sometimes moments. Hers. His. Theirs. No one would ever take this exact moment away. She knew what sometimes moments were. They were a beautiful way of hiding the fact that sometimes doesn’t mean forever. That sometimes leads to ‘The End.’ Their end.
Sometimes moments would keep her living in denial for the rest of her life, and she was okay with it. Because sometimes was what she would have and hold on to. This time, she was sure she couldn’t have a life after Callum. He had marked her further. There would be no man after him. It was Callum or no man at all for her heart. It was a choice her brain had agreed upon.
“Callum,” she said as she closed her eyes.
“Yes, Peyton.”
She held him closer to her chest. “I don’t think I could love anyone as hard, as strong, as pure, as intense, or as heartbreakingly as I love you. You should know that I’ve only ever wanted to love you.”
Callum’s arms wrapped around her back and held her tight. “I’ve only ever wanted to love just you. I only loved just you. I will only love just you—all of you, Peyton. When I leave, you’ll be the one my heart loves more than anything that has breathed or existed.”
Peyton didn’t even try to hold back her tears as her heart began to crumble. “You’ll find her,” she whispered, letting go of the hope that it could have been her.
Callum shook his head against her breasts. “I found her when I was a teenager. I found her again almost a month ago. I’m holding her…but I have to let her go.”
He has to let me go… I have to let him go. I have to let him be free.
Peyton untangled her arms and placed both her hands on the side of his head, pulling him up to face her.
She took a deep breath.
And then exhaled.
She let her heart beat twice before she said, “If you ever need me, I will be right here. Maybe, one day, you’ll find your way to me again. I will be here, right where you left me. We don’t have to talk. We could just exchange glances and then you leave, knowing that it’s enough for us. I’ll hope for those stolen glances.”
I’ll hope for forever someday. I’ll hope for forever in our next lives. I’ll ask God for his love in our next lives, too. I’ll ask him for Callum to love me until the very end of existence.
The sun lit her bedroom brightly and beautifully, like it were mocking them. Like the sun knew of the end the exact same way it gave the moon the space to glow above the skies. But unlike the sun, they would never have another rise. It was their sunset for good. Her world would soon be consumed by black, no light from the moon to guide the waves to shore and no sun to warm her body. Just black. They had moments left of their time together.
They had both been awake long before the sun had risen but both had stayed quiet, their hands touching and their fingers circling—whatever they could do to make the other know that they weren’t alone just yet.
Each breath Callum made she considered her favourite until he made another. Each heartbeat that thumped against her ear was memorised. With each circle he made, the pattern was engrained into her skin. Each squeeze of her arm was cherished. It was all about memorising, waiting to feel, hear, touch, and breathe the last of them.
Last night was the last time they’d make love. If they were to do so now, it’d make goodbye much harder. Every inch of pleasure, every moan, groan, pant, and whisper of love was sent directly to her heart. They had loved harder than they had before. They had cried more. They had reached euphoria for the last time in each other’s arms. It had been a perfect ending. It had been the perfect last time.
“I’m sorry, Peyton,” he whispered before his chin dipped and he kissed the top of her head.
Her eyes burned as salty tears tried to escape. She wanted to dig her nails into his torso to stop them from running down her face, but to no success. They fell and pooled on his chest.
“It’s okay,” she whispered back, the pain engulfing her chest.
This is my closure.
“I thought I was strong enough to not let this happen between us. I told you I wasn’t cruel, but I’m a liar. I told you that I wouldn’t let you fall in love with me, and I lied to you. I am a liar. I’m sorry, Peyton.”
The sheer agony in his voice had Peyton squeezing her eyes shut. “Don’t be sorry, Callum. I promised that I wouldn’t let you kiss me and I let you. I broke a promise… We’re both liars,” she said and opened her eyes, still feeling the stings.
“Honestly, I’m glad you broke your promise. I’m glad for Mr Lucky. I’m relieved to know you still love me. I’ll be thanking the universe for your forgiveness.”
Peyton sat up and looked down at him. “You earned my forgiveness. You stood by me and chose to support me. You gave me my life back.”
Callum sat straight, wrapped his arms around her, and leant back on the headboard. “Right now, knowing that we’re about to say goodbye… You have given me a reason to hate the universe. To hate everything that gets to breathe. But I can’t be angry with the world because I’ve had the chance to love you all over again.”
His words settled deep within her heart—the same place that held his love and never wanted to let him go. Desire, want, and need flowed through her veins until they reached her chest. Placing her hand on his stomach, Peyton pushed herself away from his arms and swung her leg over him. She then set her free palm on his lower torso and hovered over him, straddling him.
Callum sighed out and rested both his hands on her waist, stopping her from lowering down on him. “Peyton, we said last night would be it.”
She shook her head. “I’m always going to want more than just last night, Callum. I need this with you. I need this one last time. I need to see you in the sunlight, in the pureness of the day. I need you to say goodbye to me this way.”
When his hold on her loosened, she knew that he was submitting to her wants. She ran her hand from his stomach to his chest before finally settling on his shoulders. His eyes were locked on hers as she eased down on him slowly enough to memorise the sharp inhale of breath he made and the way his fingers dug into her. There was something empowering about being on top, controlling their pleasure.
The moment he was completely inside her, Callum groaned before breathing out, “God, Peyton.”
She didn’t move, loving the way he filled her and completed her. She knew it would never be this satisfying or right with another man. Running her fingers up his neck, she cupped his face, ensuring his eyes stayed on hers.
“When you come, can you tell me you love me? Is that possible?” she asked in a nervous voice.
Callum panted and nodded his head. “For you, Peyton, I’d freeze hell over.”
A small smile touched her lips. “So, yes?”
He leant forward and placed his lips on her neck. “God, yes,” he breathed, looking up at her.
That was all it took for her to lift her lips and sink slowly back down on him—not to tease, but to savour the feel. This wasn’t about teasing. It was about making memorable love between them. To say goodbye to their old memories and have
this one moment to reflect on where their love was mutually shared and mutually craved.
Again, she raised her hips and slowly immersed herself around him, but this time, his hips bucked and Peyton moaned. She let her head fall into the curve of his neck.
“Again, please,” she begged, wanting him to take control, loving the way he thrust inside her.
He rolled them over so Peyton was on her back. Then she leaned up and kissed the cherry blossoms that tattooed his arm before she wrapped her legs around his waist and her hands around his strong arms.
Her heart stopped the moment he pulled out, and it regained its beats the moment he entered her with a hard, powerful rock of his hips.
“Callum,” she moaned as she arched her back and met his thrust.
Harder.
Slower.
Harder.
Faster.
Her heart beat the same way he made love to her. She felt the tension build, waiting to be explode. And by the way Callum threw back his head and groaned, she knew he was close, too. The way their lovemaking brought him pleasure made her heart swell. No one could make her get so lost in pleasure the way he did. Unique, heartbreakingly beautiful, and hers—just for now.
“Kiss me,” she half-instructed and half-breathed.
Callum’s lips found hers and then his tongue mimicked the movements he made inside of her. She softly cried out as the pleasure built, and her breathing became pants.
“Fuck, Peyton,” Callum murmured into her mouth.
“Harder,” she begged as she moved her hips to meet him.
Her heart continued to thump harder as he sped up his thrusts. Their cries were no longer soft as her nails dug into his tattooed cherry blossoms. This emotional connection between them, knowing it was their last time, was about to throw her over the edge, reach a pleasure she had never known.
“It’s always been you. Never anyone else,” he whispered as he moved even faster.
When Callum propped himself, she could see a line of sweat settle on his forehead. Then his hands were on her waist as he held her tightly. His deep thrust had Peyton fisting the sheets as pleasure overtook her body and her orgasm hit her hard.
He thrust inside her twice before he groaned, looked her in the eye, and said, “I love you, Peyton,” as he came inside her.
Then he collapsed on top of her breasts, and Peyton’s hands were stroking the back of his head.
“Goodbye, Callum,” she whispered.
Callum panted heavily before he managed to say, “Goodbye, my love.”
And once again, I’m here.
Sitting on the same step.
But this time, I know goodbye is imminent.
The double-story brick house she stared at was one she had known all her life, but over four years ago, it’d become a stranger to her. If she could have bulldozed it away, she would have. But unlike the summer he’d broken her heart, they were saying goodbye in winter. A winter’s day where the sun was shining bright, with a cool wind in the air. It was a perfect day to break her heart.
The moment after they’d made love, she’d showered, allowing him the time and space to pack the remainder of his things before he was to leave town. She’d cried in the shower, sitting on the floor as the water fell over her. She’d cried as she walked into her bedroom and saw her unmade bed. She’d cried until the tears had dried up and she’d had enough in her to sit on the step.
When the door opened, the first thing she saw was a suitcase. And then Callum. He closed it behind him and looked over to her. The pain that consumed his face tore her heart wide open. It was like he was conflicted.
His Volvo sounded as his car unlocked. Then he gave her a tight smile before walked to the boot of his car, his back turned to her. Callum didn’t move. After almost a minute of standing there, he lifted the boot, put his suitcase inside, and closed it. Then he turned around and met her eyes.
Callum crossed the road. Each step he took brought goodbye and their end closer. They were moments away from the obliteration of them. She wished he’d take slower strides, but he was at the bottom step within in seconds.
“So, this is it,” Peyton said as she got to her feet.
He nodded. “This is it, Peyton.”
She walked down the steps until she was just in front of him. A sigh left his lips before Callum cupped her face and then stroked her cheeks with the pad of his thumbs.
“I don’t want you to go,” she croaked out. Then she placed her hand on his left arm, turning his arm around to see his tattoo.
“If I could stay, I would,” he said in a tight voice.
Peyton looked down at his wrist. His name was tattooed on her heart. But ink didn’t have to be visible on her skin for her to be reminded. Callum Reid, her heart’s only.
“I’m going to miss you, Callum Reid,” she sobbed.
His arms were around her instantly as he held her close. She wrapped her arms around him, keeping him for just a little longer. Then she cried into his chest, staining the light-grey shirt he was wearing. Her heart burned with her lungs because she wanted the concept of forever. And she wanted him for longer than they had.
“I wish you could have given me the chance to love you for those four years we were apart. I wish you would let me love you for another four years and longer. I wish you’d stay.” She weeped harder. “This is the worst breakup I’ve ever had, and the last one destroyed me.”
“Promise me something,” he said.
Peyton glanced up to see him staring at her. “For you, Callum Reid, I would freeze hell over.”
He smiled. “No matter what you hear or what is done, you live a good and happy life, Peyton Spencer.”
An involuntary whimper escaped. It was honest and beautiful. But she hated that he wanted her to have a happy life without him. She wasn’t sure it would be possible.
“There isn’t one after you’re gone. I love you,” she cried.
He brushed her tears away and pressed his lips to her forehead. The moment he pulled away, he whispered, “There will be. I am your sometimes, Peyton. Go find your forever.”
“No, I don’t—”
He shook his head, stopping her. “I’ve held your heart for far too long. Your forever moments are waiting for you. I will always love you and our sometimes.”
The tears that escaped him made it so much harder for her to let him go. She shook her head.
“Callum,” she struggled out. “I love you,” she said, knowing it was the last time. Their sometimes was their end. No matter how much it broke her heart, a future was no longer valid.
He took a step back onto the path and reached into his jeans pocket. Then he pulled out an envelope she recognised.
“Our epilogue,” she breathed out.
He wrapped her hands around the letter. “You promised me that you’d read this when I left. Please don’t break this. Do this one thing for me, Pey. Read our epilogue.”
She nodded and held it tight in her hand.
“No one loves you like I do,” he promised.
Peyton wasn’t sure why, but she smiled. “No one hurts me like you do.”
Callum’s lips made a fine line before he said, “Touché.”
There was silence until they both let out a light laugh.
“I’m going to miss you, Peyton.”
She closed the distance and tangled her arms around his neck. “You’re my favourite sometimes moments. Not the things we did, but you. All of you.”
His mouth found hers as they kissed one last time. It wasn’t desperate or controlling. It was purely to let their lips know that it was the end and to always remember each other. Each movement of his on hers had her heart aching. Goodbye was bittersweet. She got it in the end, but she didn’t want it. She wanted him.
Once he pulled his mouth away, he rested his forehead on hers. He didn’t close his eyes, and it was almost as if he were almost afraid to. His arms were around her, their bodies meeting.
“Goodbye, Peyton Sp
encer, my greatest love.”
Peyton blinked hard to remove the tears. She wanted one final look of him, one final look of the man who would always have her heart.
“Goodbye, Callum Reid. I will love you long after our goodbye and you leave town.”
A loving smile developed on his lips. She gave him one in return before they both fell silent, knowing they were prolonging their separation.
“Get the fuck off my property, Callum,” she finally teased, reminding him of the first time he was back at her house.
Callum let out a soft chuckle and took a deep breath. “I love you. Never forget that,” he said before he kissed her forehead.
He let his lips linger on her skin for a second longer before he pulled back, putting distance between them. Then he looked at the letter she held before he turned and walked towards his car. Peyton’s knees buckled, so she sat on the step, watching him leave.
Callum didn’t look over his shoulder as he got into the car. Tears ran down her face as the brake lights disappeared and the Volvo reversed out of the driveway. Holding her breath, she watched the dark-blue car drive away from their houses and towards the town’s exit. It was quick. Their goodbye ended as quickly as they had started. Peyton stayed on the step long after he left, letting the tears to vertically roll across her cheeks.
Her heart throbbed painfully in her chest as she willed the car to return. But it didn’t. After the wind picked up and grey clouds covered the sun, she wiped the tears away and felt the nothingness in her body. Then she looked at the envelope. Her name was written exactly like Callum’s tattoo, and that’s when she realised his tattoo was actually in his handwriting. The knowledge caused her to sob as she ripped the envelope open.
Pulling out the letter, she unfolded it, and read it.
If you ever forget, it’s all on the back of the picture.
- Callum.
Peyton looked up from the letter and stared at the house across the road.
“What picture is he—”
Quickly getting on her feet, she ran into the house and then into her bedroom. She looked around her room to find the framed picture of the lake leaning against the wall below the windowsill. After picking up the frame, she sat on her bed and placed Callum’s letter on top of the blanket.
