‘Goodness Lucy, it’s time for bed. Amy’s upstairs cleaning her teeth!’ Mrs Hodges hurried through the lounge to call her Dad, but there was still no answer.
‘Hi Lucy’ said Amy, toothbrush in mouth, looking down through the banisters of the stairs. ‘What’s up?’
‘Guess who’s forgotten about me again’ responded Lucy, mournfully.
‘Well Amy, you can come downstairs again and keep Lucy company for a while until her Dad turns up’ said Mrs Hodges. ‘Aren’t you hungry Lucy?’ she asked.
‘Yes, no, well I was’ said Lucy.
‘Well I’m going to the kitchen to rustle something up for you’ said Mrs Hodges. The two girls sat on the sofa, watching a sit-com on TV. Lucy was so tired she slumped into Amy, head lolling onto her friend’s shoulder, fighting to keep awake. She could just about make out Mrs Hodges speaking in a low voice to Amy’s Dad in the kitchen.
‘I don’t know what could have happened to him’ she was saying to Mr Hodges. ‘Do you think we should call the police? Or should we ring round the hospitals?’
‘Not yet’ replied Mr Hodges. ‘I’m sure he’s just been held up. There’s probably some innocent explanation.’
Mrs Hodges brought Lucy some beans on toast from the kitchen. Lucy picked at them, but she didn’t really have the energy to eat.
‘Eat up Love’ said Mrs Hodges. ‘You’ve got to get some food down you!’ Lucy smiled wanly. She could just see Mr Hodges trying her Dad’s number yet again through the doorway. No answer. He shook his head slowly, brow furrowed and put the receiver down.
By nine pm both girls were dozing on the sofa and Mrs Hodges sent them upstairs to Amy’s bed.
‘You’ll just have to sleep in your underwear’ she commented, pulling Lucy’s sweater up over her head and tugging off her socks and trousers, before inserting her under the duvet next to Amy. ‘Don’t worry Love, your Dad’s going to be just fine.’ Lucy was worried, but she was just too tired to care right now. Mrs Hodges kissed them both lightly on their foreheads, before switching the light off and heading downstairs.
Despite her tiredness, once she got into Amy’s bed Lucy couldn’t sleep. She lay there, a knot of anxiety in her stomach, not knowing what to think about anything. Eventually she dozed off again, then suddenly she was aware of Mrs Hodges gently shaking her shoulder.
‘Hey Love’ she whispered, so as not to wake Amy up. ‘Your Dad’s here.’ Lucy pulled herself out of bed and Mrs Hodges scooped up her clothes, which Lucy pulled on blearily. She stumbled sleepily down the stairs. Her Dad stood there in the hallway, in his suit and greatcoat, a stricken look on his face.
‘I’m so sorry Luce,’ he said, half making to step forward and hug her. Lucy shrank back away from him. ‘I thought Mrs Johnson was baby-sitting tonight’ he continued. ‘I thought she’d picked you up from after-school club and taken you home.’ Lucy glanced up at the clock behind him. It was half past eleven. Mr and Mrs Hodges stood by, disapproving looks up their faces.
‘Mrs Johnson’s been on holiday for the past fortnight’ answered Lucy shortly. ‘You’ve known she’d be away for months. There’s no way you ever thought she’d baby-sit.’
‘I don’t know what to say Lucy’ said her Dad. ‘I just…..’ He tailed off, uncertain what to say. He looked embarrassed and small under the gaze of Amy’s parents. Soon she and her Dad were outside and in the car to drive round the corner back home. The dark house did not seem inviting to Lucy and she’d rather have stayed at Amy’s.
‘Listen’ Dad said. ‘You sit there on the sofa. I’ll get you some hot chocolate before I put you back to bed.’ She sat there dazed and tired. Dad came back with a warm mug and she sat there sipping it slowly. Dad perched next to her uncertainly on the edge of the sofa, but Lucy felt as though he’d never been further away from her.
‘Look’ he said. ‘I’ve let you down. I know I have. It’s work you see. I….’ Lucy said nothing. She looked down at her mug. ‘I’ll get you to bed’ he said.
That night Lucy dreamt of waves, but could not see the dolphins under them. Even the little dolphin seemed far away from her.
The next morning was a Thursday. Lucy woke up stiffly. It was bright in her room. She glanced at her clock. It was a quarter to ten. She started from her bed and stumbled onto the landing. Dad was coming upstairs.
‘It’s okay Lucy’ he said. ‘I’ve called the school and told them you’re not coming in today.’
‘What about you?’ she squinted at him while her eyes adjusted.
‘Well I was going to call in sick’ said her Dad, ‘but in the end I phoned my manager and got him to agree to me working from home today. I won’t be working all day though’ he added. ‘Maybe we can do something together this afternoon.’ Lucy looked unenthusiastic.
Once he made her breakfast, Dad went upstairs to tap away at his laptop in the spare bedroom. Lucy sat on the sofa, reading her book, wondering what her class was doing at school and whether she should still go in and join them. She wouldn’t speak to Dad, or say anything more than she had to and every time he came close, she shrunk away from him again. She just couldn’t believe he’d forgotten about her the previous night. She kept thinking of Ben’s keys, clanking on their chain, as she sat there in that draughty half-dark room in the after-school club while she waited in vain for her Dad to turn up. She thought about Dad standing in the hall of Amy’s parent’s house, in his suit and overcoat, looking sad and crumpled. She thought of Mr and Mrs Hodges’ disapproving faces. She just wished she could get away from him. She wished that Bethany was there to look after her.
The phone rang and she could hear her Dad upstairs talking to some manager or other about the figures on a spreadsheet. Out in the garden, she could see that it was raining and the sky was grey and uninviting. It felt grey indoors as well. Even when Dad was at home with her, he wasn’t really there. He was never really there.
Lucy thought about the little dolphin and what had happened only the night before last. It seemed so long ago now and she started to doubt her own memories. She’d love to tell Dad all about it, but she knew that she couldn’t. He’d just stand there looking disapproving. He wouldn’t understand. He didn’t even want to let her go and see Bethany in Cornwall over the half term. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair.
Dad appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He rubbed his hands together and put a carefully prepared smile on his face that indicated to Lucy that he intended to be jolly.
‘Right Lucy,’ he said ‘let’s have lunch and then do something nice this afternoon.’
‘Like what?’ asked Lucy unenthusiastically.
‘Well, we could go for an ice-cream or go to the cinema or take a walk or…...’ Lucy shrugged. She’d been engrossed in her book and didn’t really want to do any of those things.
‘I was thinking about seeing Amy after school today.’
‘Do you have to see her today?’ asked Dad uneasily. ‘It’s, well…a bit embarrassing you know… after last night. How about the ice-cream or cinema idea?’ he asked, forcing breezy optimism into his voice. Lucy wasn’t really feeling too keen on spending time with her Dad after the night before.
‘Maybe…’ she said non-committaly. Dad didn’t look that enthusiastic either. It seemed like he was just saying it because he had to. Lucy wouldn’t mind going swimming with him, but she knew he wouldn’t want to.
‘Anyway,’ she added ‘it feels sort of funny to be going out and doing stuff when all the other kids are at school. It’s not like I’m sick or anything. Maybe someone will spot me and wonder what I’m doing out during school hours….’
‘Hm, yes,’ Dad agreed as he moved towards the kitchen, ‘I see what you mean.’ Lucy had the feeling it didn’t take him much persuading. ‘I’ll just rustle up some food and we can think about it some more.’ Lucy knew that was the sign that he would let the subject just slip quietly away unnoticed. She was glad to stay in and remind herself that home actually was home, not just a cold empty
house with no lights on.
Whilst Dad clattered away in the kitchen, tidying up and making lunch, she half closed her eyes and imagined the little dolphin swimming through the endless waters of the salty ocean. Sometimes the waters were a brilliant blue. More often the sea where her dolphins swam was a soupy green colour and, when the rain lashed down, sky and sea seemed to merge into one grey sheet of water. She tried to will the dolphin into existence, to speak to him, but really she knew that all she was doing was imagining him. It wasn’t the same as it had been the morning before last. Then, it felt more than a dream. It had been as though she were almost there, swimming next to the dolphin as he swam away from the orcas. She tried to stretch out with her mind and imagination, in the hope that her own world would slip away and the watery world of the sea would replace it.
It wasn’t working and she couldn’t do it, but as she sat there on the sofa, her eyes half closed, imagining, she began to slip into a light doze. As she did so, she became aware that there was a gap between her conscious mind and sleep that she hadn’t noticed before. She could sense the conscious world around her and felt the urge to sleep. But there was something else, almost like a secret door, leading to a hidden path that she could follow if she wished. Behind that secret door within her mind, she could feel with a vivid rush the sea around her and she was swimming, swimming towards the pod of dolphins that cruised slowly through the greeny-blue of the sea, just metres in front of her.
‘Wake up sleepy head’ said Dad, gently shaking her by the shoulder. ‘You were dozing off. I’ve made you fried egg on toast and here’s a glass of juice to drink with it. You really are wiped out today aren’t you?’ Lucy felt the rush of the real world returning as the vision of the sea and dolphins faded away around her. It took a few seconds to adjust. She gave him a half smile and got up stiffly. He put the plate and glass down on the table and she sat down to eat.
‘It’s a good thing I did keep you off school today’ he added. ‘You’d never have made it through the day.’ Lucy didn’t reply, but her mind was full of thoughts. Was this the way to get back to her little dolphin? Lucy ate slowly. She wasn’t hungry, but knew that she should eat. Dad had pulled her out of her trance right at the worst moment. He stood at the counter quickly munching a sandwich, unaware of what was going on in her mind.
‘I’m just off upstairs to finish an email’ he said. ‘I won’t be long. Then maybe we can play a game or something together.’ Lucy knew that he wouldn’t surface for the rest of the afternoon and that when he did, all he’d want to do would be to watch TV.
‘Oh sure’ she said. Off he went again, back upstairs to his laptop and phone. Lucy was aware that he worked in an office for a company and that he was on the road a lot. She was never sure exactly what he did though. The company was in difficulties and things weren’t easy for Dad at work. He was reluctant to talk about it, but Lucy knew his boss was putting him under a lot of pressure. Still though, even when he was actually there with her, he wasn’t really. He was always thinking of some report or sales statistics, or Lucy didn’t know what. She didn’t care anyway. He hadn’t been there for her last night. She finished her egg and took her plate through to the kitchen. She threw the crusts of her toast out for the pigeons in the garden. She sighed, closed the back door and came back to the sitting room. Could she find the secret door in her mind again? Could she train her mind to get back to her dolphins when she wanted?
Lucy went upstairs to her room and sat down on the rug on the floor. There was a picture of her, Mum and Dad on her window sill. They were all smiling. She wished that she could speak to Mum about the dolphins. She knew that Mum would understand. She could never tell Mum now though and the thought made her feel wretched. It was Mum who loved the sea and all the creatures within it, particularly dolphins. Mum had always told her stories about dolphins and mermaids from as early as Lucy could remember. Mum even had a machine that made sounds of the ocean and used it to lull her to sleep when she was a baby. Dad had got rid of it now. She wished she still had it. It might help her focus her mind. Dad seldom talked about Mum now and she didn’t really understand why. It would be nice to look through old photographs together. Bethany said that Dad didn’t want to because it would be too painful for him, but Lucy thought it would be really nice to do.
Lucy remembered one time that they’d all gone to the seaside together. She’d been about seven years old at the time. The first three days it had rained non-stop, but after that it was sunny every day. Lucy and Dad had played badminton on the beach and afterwards Dad had settled down to read his book. Mum and Lucy would wander off to the rock pools at the edge of the beach under the granite cliffs. Lucy loved to peer into the perfect little pools. She’d see tiny fish darting from one frond of seaweed to the next, or hermit crabs ambling over the rock haphazardly until they realised they were being watched, when they’d retreat into their adopted shell, pincers hunched up in a defensive gesture. Sometime there were little orange sea anemones, their tendrils waving dreamily, searching blindly but patiently for morsels of food to float past. Mum knew all about the life in the pools, even naming the different types of seaweed, though Lucy couldn’t quite remember them now. Lucy would creep up quietly on the limpet shells and then try to take them by surprise with a quick kick to dislodge them. She was seldom successful.
Sometimes she’d glance up and see Mum staring, far far out to sea, searching the horizon for something. Lucy always had the feeling then that someday Mum would tell her what she was looking for, but it never quite happened and now she never would.
Mum was an excellent swimmer too. Dad would never let Lucy go too far out, even with both armbands on and they’d play in the shallows while Mum swam out away from the shore. She knew all about the currents and the tides and even though she was a confident and powerful swimmer, she never forgot to take notice of the wind, the weather and the waves. To Lucy, it seemed that Mum knew the sea better than the sea knew itself. She would dive off a rock into the water with barely a ripple and would swim down deep amongst the rocks before appearing again at the surface somewhere quite unexpected. Often Mum would bring her strange shellfish to show her, before carefully putting them back in the water where she found them. Mum was quicker in the water than anyone else she knew and never seemed to tire.
Lucy sat on the rug in her bedroom. She was desperate to reach out to the little dolphin, as though somehow he could tell her something she didn’t know. When she’d slipped off the bed the night before last, she’d ended up kneeling on the floor, amidst all her bed clothes, staring up in the direction of the window. She decided to adopt the same position again, as if that might in some way help her to focus.
She decided not to close her eyes this time, but to look into the distance as though she was not seeing what she was looking towards, but looking through it instead. Somewhere between her conscious mind and sleep, she knew, there was a crack, a chink, a door into another way of thinking, another state of mind that could take her to the little dolphin and his pod in the deep sea far away.
Lucy concentrated hard for several minutes, trying to will herself into a trance, but to no effect. All she heard was Dad droning away on the phone in the next room. All she could see were the clouds in the sky through her window, grey and sluggish and wet.
Lucy tried twice more, but it became no easier and she made no progress at all. For all her imagining and force of will, she could not do it. In defeat Lucy gave upconcentrating and let her mind drift. Suddenly, she felt that she was entering a different state and became aware of the doorway between consciousness and sleep opening up before her. Her mind impelled her through the doorway and as she did so, she realised that she was passing from the world of air, to the world of water and she felt herself flowing through salty cold sea again, floating effortlessly while the light dappled and danced upon the gentle waves above her head.
In the distance she could make out the silhouette of five or so dolphins, riding in a care-free way ju
st below the waves, lazing away the afternoon after feeding. They broke the waves and breathed, the sun warming their backs momentarily as they did so. Lucy glanced down. The seabed, sandy and flat, was two or three metres below her and as she looked she saw the little dolphin cruising slowly past below her, unaware of her presence.
Lucy gave a kick and dove down in a fluid movement that brought her to the side of the small dolphin. In a way that she did not understand, without speaking as a human would or clicking as a dolphin might, Lucy said one word.
‘Hello.’ The dolphin startled and glanced her way.
‘Hello’ he said.
Chapter Six:
The next morning, the sea was calm and placid. The sky was clear apart from a few wisps of cloud high up in the atmosphere. In the distance, a sailing boat sat becalmed in the water, its sails empty, barely moving. Spirit lay at the surface of the water, eyeing the world of air above him. What would it be like to be up there, out of the water, in world of people? He could not dive into the world of people as they could plunge into the sea where he lived. He would never know what it was truly like to be up there. Yet for Spirit, those two worlds had just moved closer. He thought back over the last few days. He could not quite believe what had happened.
Dancer swam up to Spirit’s side.
‘Hey Spirit, follow me, I’ve got something to show you.’ Spirit followed Dancer as she led them down to the seabed. They were in a shallow part of the sea and the seabed was only a few metres below. The bottom was an expanse of sand, along which small fish darted and the occasional crab scuttled along from crevice to crevice. Brightly coloured shells were scattered here and there and then they came to a big, red coloured sheet of metal lying on the sand. On it were strange markings, which neither of them could read.
The Girl Who Dreamt of Dolphins Page 6
