He whispered, so quietly that no one could hear;
‘Goodbye Dancer.’
Far away, Lucy woke up in her bed, eyes wide and staring at the ceiling, knowing that something important had happened.
‘Take care Spirit’, she whispered.
Chapter Ten:
It had been an ordinary Monday at school. Lucy had got up late and had had to rush to get ready, before Dad shovelled her out of the house, locking the door behind her, cup of coffee in one hand and attaché case in the other, sending her off up the road to school whilst he sunk behind the wheel of his car. Lucy had knocked on Amy’s door just as it started to rain. She’d forgotten her coat and so they waited, hoping the rain would stop. It didn’t. In the end Amy’s mum lent Lucy an umbrella and they’d trailed into school, huddling together under it, only just getting there before the bell went for the start of the school day.
The morning passed in a dull blur and then the bell rang for lunchtime. It was swimming practice day and while the other children piled into the school dining room, Lucy crossed the road to the swimming pool, trying not to get too wet as she did so, before quickly changing into her swim suit. Because Dad was so reluctant for her to do any serious swimming practice, Lucy had become a little furtive with him about her swimming sessions. He wasn’t terribly observant at the best of times and it was easy for her to make sure he didn’t notice the swimsuit and towel, goggles and swim cap that she stuck into her school bag. She rinsed out and dried her swimsuit herself at home and Dad didn’t seem to notice the extra towels she dropped into the laundry basket. He just dumped everything into the washing machine and occasionally complained that Lucy ran through towels far too quickly. He knew that the whole class had swimming once a week, but had no idea that Lucy did more swimming two or three lunchtimes as well. Lucy was happy enough to keep things that way.
Miss Baldwin was waiting for her at the pools edge.
‘Right Lucy, we’re going to practice your diving and turns at the end of the pool. Let’s see what we can do to slice some valuable seconds off your time doing lengths.’
‘Sound’s good’ said Lucy brightly. They spent the next twenty minutes practicing diving, with Lucy trying to dive into the water more cleanly and efficiently than before.
‘With a good dive’ said Miss Baldwin, ‘you hardly leave a ripple. Lucy didn’t seem to be able to do it quite as Miss Baldwin wanted.
‘It’s good’ she reassured Lucy the eleventh time they tried ‘but I know you can do it just a little bit better.’ Miss Baldwin didn’t always have the time to focus on Lucy’s technique, but when she did it was a bit like being under the un-blinking eye of a perfectionist. Whatever Lucy did was never quite right. She’d improved a lot though since Miss Baldwin had been teaching her, but her teacher was never satisfied with that either.
‘You’ve got raw, natural talent’ she’d told Lucy more than once, ‘but that’s not good enough on its own. Unless you work at your technique, you’re never going to get anywhere.’ Lucy knew that Miss Baldwin wanted her to compete at the County level, or higher. She also knew that she couldn’t, not without a major show-down with Dad and she just couldn’t face that right now. But Miss Baldwin had a row of shining cups and medals in a glass cabinet in the main entrance to the school and she wanted to add to her collection.
After practicing diving, Miss Baldwin had Lucy doing widths, flipping in the water at each end and pushing off again with as much force and speed as she could muster. Another twenty minutes later and Lucy was beginning to grow tired.
‘Ok Lucy’ said Miss Baldwin, releasing her at last, ‘I want you to do some front crawl now and think carefully about the rhythm of your strokes and the timing of your breathing as you swim.’ Miss Baldwin turned her attention on Jerry Smith and Lucy had time to do a few more lengths on her own before changing quickly, grabbing a sandwich and then going to afternoon classes.
She was just coming out of the changing room when Miss Baldwin called out to her to wait a moment.
‘Lucy, have you spoken to your Dad yet?’ she asked.
‘Err, no’ replied Lucy awkwardly.
‘Then speak to him tonight’ Miss Baldwin told Lucy. ‘There’s a competition coming up after half term and I want you in it. Of course it’s going to mean more focused training, but if you’re ready to put time into training before school for a few weeks, I think you might do really well. What do you say?’ Lucy frowned.
‘I don’t know’ she said uncertainly. ‘Dad’s not going to agree to me doing training before school.’
‘What about if I speak to him?’ replied Miss Baldwin, ‘I’m sure we can sort something out well enough.’
‘No! No I don’t think that’s a good idea!’ exclaimed Lucy. It was all very well doing extra swimming in the lunch breaks, but not if Miss Baldwin then put her in these impossible situations. ‘I’ll tell you what Dad says.’
‘I’m really keen on you winning some silverware for the school you know Lucy. I know you can do it.’ At that moment the bell rang. Lessons would start again in five minutes.
‘I’ve got to go’ said Lucy, relieved. She turned and ran up the corridor. She might just get to the canteen and get a sandwich before they closed the hatch.
Dad picked Lucy up from the after-school club as normal. He didn’t look happy.
‘I’ve got a bone to pick with you young lady’ he announced as Lucy climbed into the car.
‘What is it?’ Lucy answered.
‘I had a call today from school.’ Lucy was mystified.
‘Really? I wasn’t sick or anything today Dad and I didn’t get into trouble either.’
‘I had a call from your Miss Baldwin’ he continued, with a disapproving pause.
‘Oh, I see’ said Lucy, beginning to realise what the matter was.
She says you’ve been doing swimming practice, two, no, three times a week at lunchtimes and I knew nothing about it! What’s going on?’
‘Well, you know’, replied Lucy hesitantly, ‘I’ve just been doing my swimming practice.’
‘No, what you’ve been doing is secretly sneaking off to do swimming behind my back, hiding your swimming things and carrying on like you don’t need to ask my permission!’
‘It’s only swimming’ Lucy replied defensively, but that just made Dad angrier than before.
‘And now I hear your sports teacher wants you to do training before school as well and wants you to gallivant off and do competitions and goodness knows what else’ he continued, his voice rising. ‘And she wants me to ferry you around to do this nonsense.’
‘Well, Miss Baldwin says I’m good, that I’ve got potential, but I just need some more focused training.’
‘And you know I don’t approve of all this, that I don’t approve of it at all.’ They drew up at home. They clambered out of the car and Dad slammed the door.
‘What about your school work, what about spending times with your friends, what about just being a normal school girl?’ he asked as they walked up to the front door.
‘There’s nothing weird about swimming’ Lucy replied. ‘Everyone goes swimming!’
‘Yes of course, everyone goes for a splash in the local swimming pool occasionally. But not everyone gives up their life, their education and everything else to plough up and down doing pointless lengths.’ The house was cold as they walked into the dark hall.
‘Most parents would be proud that their children can do something well.’
‘And I am proud of you Lucy, I’m proud of you for your work at school, I’m proud of you for how you’ve coped with everything in the last year, I’m proud of you for just being you. But you’ve got enough to worry about, I’ve got enough to worry about, without all this swimming nonsense.
‘I like swimming!’ exclaimed Lucy, worried that she knew what Dad was going to say next.
‘So I told Miss Baldwin that you certainly weren’t doing extra swimming and you weren’t going to do any lunchtime swimming anymor
e either.
‘What?’ said Lucy with rising alarm in her voice.
‘And do you know what she said?’ Dad’s voice was rising again. ‘She said that she didn’t understand why as she had a letter of authorisation from me. A letter of authorisation?’
Lucy shifted uncomfortably. She knew she was in trouble now.
‘It must have been from a long time ago’ she replied.
‘No, your Miss Baldwin says she gets one every term. She says the last one she got was from January.’ Lucy blushed guiltily.
‘You’ve been forging my signature Lucy, for that and goodness knows what else!’
‘Oh please Dad. It’s not fair!’
‘You’ve been lying to me Lucy. Lying to me! That’s not the daughter I know.’
‘Well you know, I thought….’ Lucy trailed off, reluctant to go on.
‘You faked my signature because you knew I’d say no!’
‘It’s not fair! Just because Mum ….’ she cried out, anguish in her voice.
‘It’s nothing to do with Mum’ replied Dad angrily. ‘I’m worried about you, your well-being, your future, your life!’
Lucy just couldn’t take it anymore. She ran upstairs, bitter tears in the corner of her eyes and slammed her bedroom door closed behind her. She threw herself face-down on her bed, sobs convulsing her body. She loved swimming, she loved being in the water. It felt so natural, as though she belonged there. What’s the point of hanging around in the playground every lunch time when she could be in the swimming pool, with only her thoughts to keep her company and the echoing noise of the pool muffled under water. She had plenty of time to hang out with her friends and there’s no way her teachers thought she was losing out in class because she spent too much time swimming. She was doing well at school, she knew she was. The thought of not being able to swim left her feeling empty inside, in a way that she didn’t quite understand. She felt as though a hook was caught in her heart. She felt trapped and suddenly desperately alone.
Dad called up for her to come down for dinner, but Lucy refused and just stayed up there, defiant and angry. Eventually she heard him come upstairs. He knocked on her door but she wouldn’t answer. He thought better than to come in; just as well because Lucy thought that she might throw something at him. Instead he left her dinner on a tray outside her door. She didn’t care though. She wasn’t hungry and wasn’t going to come out for it. Presently, she heard the television downstairs.
She crept out of her room, stepping carefully over the dinner tray in front of her door and across to the spare bedroom, where Dad had his home office. She switched the light on and pushed the door closed, so that Dad could not hear what she was doing from downstairs. His mobile phone was up here and Lucy picked it up quietly. She looked in Dad’s phone book and quickly found Bethany’s number. She tapped in the numbers and then laboriously started a text message. She wasn’t very good at texting and it took her longer than she’d have liked. Eventually it was finished and she pressed ‘Send.’
‘It’s me, Lucy’ the text message read. ‘I really want to get away from Dad and come and see you. Can I?’
Second’s later the mobile phone started to vibrate and Lucy knew it would start ringing in a just moment. She seized the handset and pressed the green button to receive the call before it might ring and Dad would hear it.
‘Hey Kiddo’ came Bethany’s familiar voice through the receiver. ‘What’s up?’
‘Hi Bethany’ whispered Lucy. She paused awkwardly and Bethany didn’t say anything either. ‘I want to come and see you. Its half term on Friday and I want to see you.’
‘I’d love to see you too Kiddo, you know that, but what does your Dad say?’ Lucy paused again.
‘You know what he’d say.’ It was Bethany’s turn to be quiet for a moment.
‘So what’s up between you and your Dad?’ asked Bethany. Lucy crumpled and started to cry down the phone.
‘I just can’t stay here any longer, I feel so alone. I….’ She just couldn’t speak, her throat hurt with emotion. Her eyes stung with tears. She curled up on the office chair and hugged the mobile to her face. ‘I need to see you.’
‘I know things aren’t so good between you and your Dad at the moment’ said Bethany, ‘but you know, they’ll get better. Things always do, no matter how bad they seem at the time.’
‘Can I come and see you though?’ implored Lucy through her tears. ‘Please?’
‘Would you like me to speak to your Dad again?’ replied Bethany. The line was bad and Lucy had trouble catching all her words. ‘I’m sure I can talk him round.’ Lucy shook her head to herself, though of course Bethany couldn’t see.
‘No, no, don’t speak to him. I just want to come and be with you.’ Lucy knew what Bethany was thinking before she even said it.
‘We’ve got to ask your Dad, Kiddo.’ The line was clearer now. ‘You can’t just swan off down here without telling him. He is your father after all. What’s the matter between you and him anyway?’
‘You know, we’ve had an … argument.’ Lucy was aware that if she’d say it was an argument about swimming, it would just sound silly to Bethany, but it was so much more than that. It was just the end of a hideous year for her. She’d tried so hard to hold things together after Mum had gone. Now she felt like everything was falling apart. It wasn’t just the swimming, it was like she’d lost two parents, not just one. Everything that had once felt familiar was now alien to her and strange, everything and everyone except Bethany and she was so far away.
‘I know it’s a terrible old cliché’ said Bethany, desperate to convey the warmth and compassion that she really felt, ‘but things will feel better in the morning. Really they will.’
‘Oh yes, said Lucy emptily. She suddenly felt tired and defeated. ‘Of course they will.’
‘Or I could come and see you. How about that Lucy?’ Bethany asked positively, trying to make her niece feel better.
‘Oh it’s ok’ said Lucy. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be alright.’ She didn’t know what to say now. She suddenly felt so flat. All she wanted to do was to hang up and go to bed.
‘What if I ring you up tomorrow and see how you are?’
‘Oh yeah’ said Lucy non-committaly. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Ok, let’s talk tomorrow.’
‘Bye’ said Lucy.
‘Bye Kiddo. I love you!’
Lucy hung up. She got herself ready for bed and climbed in between the covers. She shivered and huddled under the bedding for warmth. Shortly afterwards Dad put his head round her door. Lucy pretended to be asleep and he closed her door quietly. She heard him sigh and then the rattle of crockery as he picked up the tray with her un-eaten dinner. He padded back downstairs.
That night Lucy had troubled dreams about Dad and swimming pools, in which she was underwater and he was on the side of the pool shouting down at her. Towards morning, she started to dream of Spirit. She could feel the upset and hurt that he also felt, in his world, so far away. The storm buffeted her little dolphin and Lucy, in turn, thrashed about in her sleep under her duvet, as though she too was being hurled this way and that by giant waves. Lucy could not follow all that was happening and her dreams were broken and confusing, but she became aware that Spirit had slipped away from the rest of the pod and swum off into the inky darkness, all alone. Lucy felt desolate and lonely, but she knew that Spirit was determined to strike out alone and prove himself. Somehow, that thought gave her courage and made her feel less bad. She could come through the storm inside her, as Spirit had come through a real one. When she awoke, Lucy still felt unhappy, but not as bad as she had before.
Lucy awoke in the first morning light, her thoughts still full of Spirit swimming away from the pod. She knew she had to speak to him. Carefully, she knelt on her bedroom floor and focused her eyes into the middle distance in the way that she had taught herself. She strained to connect, but then let her mind drift sideways a little, so that she could feel carefully for the doo
r which would allow her to slip out of her world, into that other world of water, salt and dolphins.
It was like plunging into an icy cold swimming pool. The shock took her breath away and, engulfed in the cold waters, she looked around her, trying to orientate herself. She could tell that dawn was filtering through the surface of the water and could make out the shape of a lone dolphin, just ahead of her, ploughing on through the water with a steady, regular rhythm. Without trying, she found herself by Spirit’s side.
‘Spirit, stop’ she whispered without words. The young dolphin turned to look at her, surprise and happiness showing in his face.
‘I’m so glad to see you Lucy’ he exclaimed. Lucy felt his words without hearing them and she smiled to herself in turn, as she hung suspended in the cold waters of the sea, her hair floating out in front of her.
‘Where are you going?’ she asked shyly. ‘Are you all right?’ The young dolphin frowned for a moment, but then a look of defiance broke over his features.
‘I am going on a journey’ he said proudly. ‘It is something that all young dolphins do to come of age. When I return, I shall be equal with all the other dolphins in the pod. I will have proved myself to all and then I can take my rightful place.’
‘Aren’t you afraid?’ asked Lucy hesitantly. ‘I would be’ she thought to herself, all alone in these cold waters, far away from everyone familiar. She didn’t like to say that though. She didn’t think that Spirit would like to hear those words and she admired his resolve and determination.
‘No I am not afraid’ he claimed, but then he paused a moment. ‘Well perhaps a little.’ He gave a small smile. ‘But it’s better to feel afraid and do it anyway, than to feel no fear at all. In my pod we say that there is no victory unless you first overcome fear.’ They swam on for a while, in silent companionship.
‘I wish I was as brave as you’ said Lucy quietly. ‘I wish I could strike out alone like you are.’
The Girl Who Dreamt of Dolphins Page 12
