Chapter Twenty
The rest of the week progressed somewhat similarly to the week before. I managed to get quite a bit of studying done. Whenever I would become depressed or lose focus, Carrie would tell one of her silly stories and I would be cheered and ready to study again.
Will continued to let me know that he was thinking of me. I received another bouquet of pink and white carousel roses the day after Will left. I was going to have to ask him what the deal was with them. Although I really liked them, perhaps better than any other roses I had seen, I had never indicated that to Will.
Will sent me intermittent text messages and pictures, sometimes in the middle of the night because of the time difference. I turned off my phone at bedtime so it wouldn’t beep and wake up Carrie.
Will called me every afternoon before I went to class when it was late in the U.K. and Europe. I received camera phone pictures of the premieres in London and Rome. The crowds were as huge as they had been in the U.S.
On Saturday, I had the dreaded dinner with John. Had it not been for Will in my life, I probably would have been excited about it. Instead, I was dreading the awkwardness.
“Why did you agree to go out with him?” Carrie asked, curious as to why I was doing something I clearly didn’t want to do.
“He’s my friend. If he wants to be more than friends and I acknowledge that and turn him down, then I lose the friend. I’ll be working with him at the firm in the fall and I don’t want to cause any problem there. I just hope I read him wrong last week. Otherwise, I’ll have to be very good at changing the subject so I don’t have to end up turning him down.”
“Sounds complicated.”
“It is. But please, if Will calls the apartment phone while I’m gone, don’t tell him who I’m with. He is, for some crazy reason, jealous of John and I don’t want to upset him, particularly when there’s nothing to be jealous of.”
“If you say so. I still believe that honesty is the best policy.”
“I know. You’re right. I’ll tell him when he gets back. I’ll be with him then and he’ll have nothing to worry about. But I don’t want him worrying needlessly from six-thousand miles away.”
John arrived promptly to pick me up for dinner. I tried to talk him into letting me meet him at the restaurant, but he would hear nothing of it. He said he had to stop by the office anyway and USC was not that far from the office.
I let John in the door. He hugged me very hard and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I introduced him to Carrie and he said “hello,” but wouldn’t look directly at her, like he was afraid she would see something in his eyes.
Carrie amused me when she, in an apparent attempt to help my cause, showed John the flowers Will had sent me. John reacted nonchalantly, but it was clear that it bothered him. Carrie gave me a look as I followed John out the door as if to say, “Good luck. You’re gonna need it.”
As had been the case the previous weekend, we drove silently to our destination with music blaring in the car. This time, it was sixties’ rock. I sat there wondering if John ever listened to music made after he was born.
Instead of Pasadena, this time, we went to a Mexican restaurant in West Hollywood, known for its passion fruit margaritas, multi-course meals, and Mariachi band. It was a dimly lit restaurant with crescent-shaped leather booths - dark and romantic. John sat close to me in the booth. If I hadn’t been uncomfortable before, I certainly was now.
The waiter took our drink orders and promptly returned with a pitcher of the special margaritas. He then recited our dinner options as there were no menus. I went with the spicy chicken option and John went for the shrimp. If John even attempted to kiss me, I could claim my shellfish allergy to stop it. If he kissed me passionately, I would be sick in more ways than one.
“So how was your week?” John asked, in an attempt to make conversation and expecting an answer about how my studies were going.
I took my chance to make it clear that Will and I were really together.
“Will flew in Sunday between his New York trip and his Chicago trip to spend the day with me at the Ritz Carlton in the Marina. Then he was home Tuesday night and Wednesday before turning around and leaving again for Europe. We had quite an adventure dodging the paparazzi.” I laughed, but it probably sounded a little forced.
“Wow! That sounds very exciting. Are you sure that’s what you want? I know you. It doesn’t sound like your speed.” John wouldn’t look at me as he said this.
“I can’t say that I went looking for it. I didn’t realize when I first met Will that this was what I signed on for, but I love him and I would do anything to be with him,” I gushed.
I could see John wince when I professed my love for Will. Although I felt for John, I had made the point I had wanted to make this evening. Now that I had made my position clear about my relationship with Will, I should be able to feel more comfortable. Then he hit me with it.
“I’m glad you’re happy.” In saying that, he didn’t sound like he meant it. “Ashley and I broke up.”
“Oh, my God! Why? What happened?”
“You know how I told you that she’d been working a lot and traveling often for work?”
I nodded.
“Well, apparently, it wasn’t all just work. Ashley fell in love with someone she works with and decided she wanted to move in with him. I came home from golfing last Sunday to find her packed and a good portion of her things gone already. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Neither of us had been particularly engaged in our relationship in a while. We were like an old married couple – at twenty-seven! It’s just that we’d been together since we were in high school. We even went to college together. She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had. I don’t know how to be without her.”
He looked like he was going to cry. Against my better judgment, I wanted to comfort him. He was my friend after all. I scooted even closer to him, turned my body toward him and hugged him. He sat there for a while, hugging me while I felt too sorry for him to let go. The Mariachi band started to play in front of us and I waved them off to the next table. He finally let go from the hug, but grabbed my left hand with his right under the table.
“I know you’re with Will, but can you still be my friend? I need you right now. I don’t think Max or Dan would be particularly comfortable with me hugging them.” He laughed a little pathetically.
I laughed too. “I am your friend. You can always count on me.”
“I’m sorry I’m not going to be much company tonight. I was hoping we’d have some fun.”
“You don’t need to entertain me. This place is entertaining enough.”
John held my hand under the table off and on throughout the meal, letting go only to take a forkful of food now and again. I let him because I knew he was hurting and I didn’t want to hurt him further. From time-to-time, when he looked particularly sad, I would let go of his hand and rub his back a little. When I put my hand down, he would grab it again, like it was a life raft in the middle of a storm at sea.
At the end of the meal, John wouldn’t let me pay my share.
“It’s the least I can do since I’ve been such rotten company.”
He looked so sad I didn’t want to press the issue.
“You haven’t, but okay. Next time it’ll be my turn.”
We drove home silently, this time without music in the background. When we arrived, John walked around the car to let me out. As I climbed out of the car, he pulled me into a hug.
“I have to get going,” I said trying to prod him into letting go.
“Okay. I’ll walk you back to your door. This isn’t the nicest neighborhood, you know.”
When we got to my door, I decided to go with the doorstep awkwardness rather than have Carrie see us. I would never hear the end of it.
“Good night.” I gave him a quick hug. “Why don’t we get the guys together and go for drinks tomorrow night. Just let me know where to meet the three of you.”
“Okay, and
thanks. Good night.” He hugged me again tightly, stroking my hair, then leaned down, took my face in his hands and kissed me quickly on the lips, heading off before I could say anything.
Oh, boy! What have I done?
Notwithstanding the fact that John had Ashley, he had always been a little touchy-feely with me. Until recently, I didn’t really think anything of it and didn’t mind since I had always wished in the back of my mind that Ashley wasn’t in the picture. I never realized until now that John was subtly trying to tell me something in all those touches, but I was so certain of his relationship with Ashley that I was too dense to understand what he was doing.
I realized that our last two “dates” had just been an escalation of what had been going on for a long time between the two of us. It’s just that now it was obvious to me and now I was completely unavailable.
I closed the door behind me and lied to Carrie, telling her that nothing had happened. I was not in the mood for grief over this. I knew I would get it from Will, eventually, when I told him. I was grateful that it was the middle of the night in the U.K. and Europe, wherever Will was at this time, Berlin, I think, and I would not have to talk to him. So I lay in bed, feeling even guiltier as I started to think about how the night would have played out had it not been for the fact that Will was in my life.
Chapter Twenty-One
Gemma called the next day. She had in mind another outing per the instructions left by Will. The gang wanted me to come with them to Callaghan’s that night. I then realized what Will’s list had been about - not only did he want them to periodically cheer me up and entertain me, his list consisted of things he and I had done together to keep him fresh in my mind – as if I was going to forget him. As we spoke, I realized that I had more than a week left without Will and wondered what else was on the list.
“I’d love to,” I responded. “That sounds like fun.”
“We’ll come get you.”
“That’s okay. I’m on the other side of town. I’ll meet you there.”
“Can you meet us there at five? We all have to be at work pretty early tomorrow morning.”
“See you there and, thanks, Gemma, for doing all this.”
“There’s nothing to thank me for – you’re our friend now and we want to see you.”
“Okay then.”
“Bye now.”
Not long after Gemma called, I received a call from Max about having drinks with the guys this evening.
At first, I wondered why I was hearing from Max instead of John. Then it dawned on me. John was afraid I would give him a hard time about kissing me and say no to going out again.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Max. I can’t. I’m going out tonight with some of Will’s friends. They’re trying to entertain me and cheer me up while he’s gone.”
“Where are you going? Maybe we can join you. Listen, John and Ashley broke up and he’s a mess.”
I tried to sound surprised. “Oh really? That’s terrible.” Okay, so I was a bad actress. Max didn’t seem to notice.
“We’re really going to need some help with John. Can we join you? I would really appreciate it.”
Since I couldn’t really explain to Max why this was not a good idea, I acquiesced. “Okay, I’ll be at Callaghan’s in Santa Monica after five.”
“Good. We’ll see you there. Thanks, Shannon.”
“See you.”
What had I done? Mixing John and Will’s friends was not a good idea. Will wasn’t going to like it in any event. I just hoped that John would act like a normal friend to me tonight, but I wasn’t feeling optimistic.
I tried not to put a lot of effort into my appearance, both in response to Colin’s comments when I went to the Royalist and for John’s sake. I went light on the makeup and threw on skinny jeans, a striped tank top and flip-flops. I asked Carrie to join me, but she had a date with her boyfriend that night. No doubt she was glad I would be gone for a while. I chuckled as I briefly imagined their romance in the sleeping bag.
I grabbed a sweater in case the fog came in later and drove across town to Santa Monica. I put my Bluetooth earpiece on because I knew that Will would be calling any minute as it was late on his side of the world.
After we said our hellos, Will said innocently, “You sound like you’re in the car. Where are you off to?”
“You know where I’m going. You planned it.”
He laughed guiltily. “That’s right. Callaghan’s. I’ve been going so fast, I’m getting my days mixed up.”
“Where are you now?”
“Paris. At a party, but I managed to find a quiet spot.”
“I hope you’re having fun.”
“It’s okay. The cast is with me and we pretty much stick together. I’ll probably be here a while. Parties tend to go a little later in France.”
“I wish I was there with you.”
“Me too. But I’ll see you in nine days.”
“I thought I was the only one counting,” I said as I got out of the car that I parked on the street behind the pub.
“Hardly. I hear your car door. Are you there?”
“Around the corner.”
“Okay. Have fun then. I miss you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Bye now.”
I was glad when I entered the pub that I didn’t find the guys from work there. I wandered through the crowd in the narrow pub with the bar to my right and the line of tables to my left. Stephen, Colin and the girls were about two-thirds of the way back, but not in the back room with the band this time. They scooted closer to make room for me in the crescent-shaped booth. There was a pint of cider there waiting for me.
It wasn’t too noisy at this point as the band must have been on a break. Stephen got off the phone and looked up as I took the first sip of my drink.
“That was Will. He sends his love.”
“I just talked to him on the way over.”
The conversation was light as we drank and listened to the band. It was the first time I realized that they all were in the entertainment business. I learned that Kate was a hair and makeup artist and Gemma was a wardrobe assistant. The four of them were entertaining me with funny war stories from some of the movies on which they worked. Although the stories were amusing, I felt a little bit like the odd man out. I had nothing to share. There were no funny stories from my experience as a law clerk.
I hadn’t been there an hour when, from the corner of my eye, I noticed the guys from work enter the pub. I excused myself to greet them.
I received hugs from the three of them and felt a little better when John was acting no differently than Max and Daniel. I told them where I was sitting and left them at the bar to get themselves drinks.
“Some friends of mine from work are here,” I said as I rejoined the group at the table. “I hope you don’t mind, but I asked them to join us.” I hadn’t warned them beforehand because I didn’t want Will to know that this had been planned.
The guys walked over to the table a few minutes later. I scooted in a little further to make room. John sat next to me and Max next to him. Daniel leaned up against the edge the table, standing. I made the introductions and Kate gave me a knowing look. I could see the recognition in Stephen’s face as well as I introduced John.
John placed his left hand on my right knee under the table and, when I put my hand down to remove his, he grabbed my hand. I was not going to be able to unpry his hand from mine without calling attention to what was going on so I let him continue to hold my hand. I squeezed his hand as a warning sign, but he didn’t take it that way and squeezed back.
Above the table, John appeared nonchalant. I likely turned beet red, but in the dim light it probably didn’t show because no one commented.
“So you are all attorneys,” Colin said, stating the obvious, trying to make conversation.
The guys nodded. Max responded, “Yes, Shannon works with us.”
Other than my discomfort at John holding my hand alon
g with the worry that one of Will’s friends might notice, we actually had fun. The banter between Colin and Max, the two comedians of the group, was very entertaining and the evening passed quickly.
We all exited as a group, but my car appeared to be off in a different direction than the rest. We all hugged each other and there were some handshakes between Will’s friends and mine.
As I turned to walk around the corner to my car, John said something to Max and Daniel and caught up with me.
“What are you doing?”
“Walking you to your car.”
“I don’t need a bodyguard. I’ll be fine.”
“I want to.”
I took the opportunity to confront John. “What was that in there? You know those are Will’s friends.”
“I know.”
“Will is my boyfriend. You shouldn’t be doing things like that and particularly not in front of his friends.”
“Which is it that bothers you: that I was holding your hand or that Will’s friends might see?”
“Both.”
“I’m not sorry. I need your friendship right now. Anyway, isn’t that what friends do?”
“We’re not five-years-old. At our age, no, it’s not what friends do.”
“Don’t be mad. I’m sorry. I can behave myself.”
“Can you? Because I don’t know if we can be friends if you can’t.”
A pained look crossed John’s face. “Yes, I can behave myself. Please.” We were silent as we continued to walk to my car. As we approached my car, John asked, “Uh, can you give me a ride back to Max’s? Because my car’s there and I’m kind of stranded.”
I rolled by eyes and grimaced. “Get in.”
Max’s place was down a long street lined by massive modern apartment complexes interspersed with older smaller stucco box buildings from the ‘60’s. Despite the fact that this part of town was called Palms, there weren’t any on this street. Max and Daniel were standing outside in front one of the larger modern apartment buildings, talking in front of Daniel’s black Mercedes. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that there would be no hugging and no further scene as a result. I double parked to the side of Daniel’s car. John exited the car, but I remained inside. I rolled down the window, said my goodbyes and got out of there quickly, feeling very guilty about the handholding and worrying about what Will’s friends thought.
Away From the Spotlight Page 14
