by George Moore
‘I don’t suppose he’d marry me.’
‘Well, if he wouldn’t, there are lots who would.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Kate simply.
‘Oh, nothing; only I should think that anyone would be glad to marry you,’ the young man answered, hoping that she would not repeat the conversation to her lover.
‘I hope he will; for if he were to leave me, I think I should die. But tell me — you will, won’t you? For you are my friend, aren’t you?’
‘I hope so,’ he replied constrainedly.
‘Well, tell me the truth: do you think he can be constant to a woman? Does he get tired easily? Does he like change?’
Kate laid her hand on Montgomery’s shoulder, and looked pleadingly in his face.
‘Dick is an awful good fellow, and I’m sure he couldn’t but behave well to anyone he liked — not to say loved; and I know that he never cared for anybody as he does for you; he as much as told me.’
Kate’s smile was expressive of pleasure and weariness, and after a pause, she said:
‘I hope what you say is true; but I don’t think men ever love as women do. When we give our heart to one man, we cannot love another. I don’t know why, but I don’t believe that a man could be quite faithful to a woman.’
‘That’s all nonsense. I’m sure that if I loved a woman it wouldn’t occur to me to think of another.’
‘Perhaps you might,’ she answered; and, unconsciously comparing them with Dick’s jovial features, she examined intently the enormous nose and the hollow, sunken cheeks. Montgomery wondered what she was thinking of, and he half guessed that she was considering if it were possible that any woman could care for him. To die without ever having been able to inspire an affection was a fear that was habitual to him, and often at night he lay awake, racked by the thought that his ugliness would ever debar him from attaining this dearly desired end.
‘Were you ever in love with anybody?’ she asked, after a long silence.
‘Yes, once.’
‘And did she care for you?’
‘Yes, I think she did at first. We used to meet at dinner every day; but then she fell in love with an acrobat — I suppose you would call him an acrobat — I mean one of those gutta-percha men who tie their legs in a knot over their heads. The child was deformed. I was awfully cut up about it at the time, but it’s all over now.’
The conversation then came to a pause. Kate did not like to ask any further questions, but as she stared vaguely at the pale sun setting, she wondered what the acrobat was like, and how a girl could prefer a gutta-percha man to the musician. As the minutes passed, the silence grew more irritating, and the evening colder.
‘I’m afraid we shall catch a chill if we remain here much longer, said Montgomery, who had again begun to sing his waltz over.
‘Yes, I think we’d better be getting home,’ Kate answered dreamily.
After some searching, they found a huge stairway cut for the use of bathers in the side of the cliff, and up this feet-torturing path Montgomery helped Kate carefully and lovingly.
XIV
FROM BLACKPOOL MORTON and Cox’s opera company proceeded to Southport, and, still going northward, they visited Newcastle, Durham, Dundee, Glasgow, and Edinburgh. But in no one town did they remain more than a week. Every Sunday morning, regardless as swallows of chiming church-bells, they met at the station and were whirled as fast as steam could take them to new streets, lodging-houses, and theatres. To Kate this constant change was at once wearying and perplexing, and she often feared that she would never become accustomed to her new mode of life. But on the principle that we can scarcely be said to be moving when all around is moving in a like proportion, Kate learned to regard locality as a mere nothing, and to fix her centre of gravity in the forty human beings who were wandering with her, bound to her by the light ties of opéra bouffe.
Wherever she went her life remained the same. She saw the same faces, heard the same words. Were they likely to do good business? was debated when they alighted from the train; that they had or had not done good business was affirmed when they jumped into the train. Soon even the change of apartments ceased to astonish her, and she saw nothing surprising in the fact that her chest of drawers was one week on the right and the following on the left-hand side of her bed. Nor did she notice after two or three months of travelling whether wax flowers did or did not decorate the corners of her sitting-room, and it seemed to her of no moment whether the Venetian blinds were green or brown. The dinners she ate were as good in one place as in another; the family resemblance which slaveys bear to each other satisfied her eyes, and the difference of latitude and longitude between Glasgow and Aberdeen she found did not in the least alter her daily occupations.
Montgomery came to see her every morning, and the tunefulness of the piano was really all that reminded them of their change of residence. From twelve until three they worked at music, both vocal and instrumental. Dick sought for excuses to absent himself, but when he returned he always insisted that Montgomery should remain to dinner. All formalities between them were abolished, and Kate did not hesitate to sit on her lover’s knees in the presence of her music-master. But he did not seem to care, he only laughed a little nervously. Kate sometimes wondered if he really disliked witnessing such familiarities. In her heart of hearts she was conscious that there were affinities of sentiment between them, and during the music lessons they talked continually of love. The sight of Montgomery’s lanky face often interrupted an emotional mood, but she recovered it again when he sat looking at her, talking to her of his music. In this way he became a necessity to her existence, a sort of spiritual light. They never wearied of talking about Dick; between them it was always Dick, Dick, Dick! He told her anecdotes concerning him — how he had acted certain parts; how he had stage-managed certain pieces; of supper parties; of adventures they had been engaged in. These stories amused Kate, although the odour of woman in which they were bathed, as in an atmosphere, annoyed and troubled her. As if to repay him for his kindness, she became confidential, and one day she told him the story of her life.
It would, she said, were it taken down, make the most wonderful story-book ever written; and beginning at the beginning, she gave rapidly an account of her childhood, accentuating the religious and severe manner in which she had been brought up, until the time she and her mother made the acquaintance of the Edes. There it was necessary to hesitate. She did not wish to tell an absolute lie, but was yet desirous to convey the impression that her marriage with Mr. Ede had been forced upon her; but Montgomery had already accepted it as a foregone conclusion. With his fingers twisted through his hair, and his head thrust forward in the position in which we are accustomed to see composers seeking inspiration depicted, he listened, passionately interested. And when it came to telling of the mental struggle she had gone through when struggling between her love for Dick and her duty towards her husband, Montgomery’s face, under the influence of many emotions, straightened and contracted. He asked a hundred questions, and was anxious to know what she had thought of Dick when she saw him for the first time. She told him all she could remember. Her account of the visit to the potteries proved very amusing, but before she told him of their fall amid the cups and saucers she made Montgomery swear he would never breathe a word. ‘Oh, the devil! Was that the way he cut his legs? He told us that he had forgotten his latchkey, and that he had done it in getting over the garden-wall.’
Running his hand over the piano, Montgomery begged of Kate to continue her story; but as she proceeded with the analysis of her passion the events became more and more difficult to narrate; and she knew not how to tell the tale how one dark night her husband sent her down to open the door to Dick; but she must tell everything so that the whole of the blame should not fall upon him. She alluded vaguely to violence and to force; Montgomery’s face darkened and he protested against his friend’s conduct.
To Kate it was consoling to meet someone who thought she was n
ot entirely to blame, and the conversation came to a pause.
‘And now I’m going about the country with you all, and am thinking of going on the stage.’
‘And will be a success, too — that I’ll bet my life.’
‘Do you really think so? Do tell me the real truth; do you think I shall ever be able to sing?’
‘I’m sure of it.’
‘Well, I’m glad to hear you say so, for it’s now more necessary than ever.’
‘How do you mean? Has anything fresh happened? You’re not on bad terms with Dick, are you? Tell me.’
‘Oh, not the least! Dick is very good to me; but if I tell you something you promise not to mention it?’
‘I promise.’
‘Well, we were — I don’t know what you call it — summoned, I think — by a man before we left Blackpool to appear in the Divorce Court.’
For nearly half a minute they looked at each other in silence; then Montgomery said:
‘I suppose it was after all about the best thing that could happen.’
This answer surprised Kate. ‘Why,’ she said, ‘do you think it’s the best thing that could happen to me?’
‘Because when you get your divorce, if you play your cards well, you’ll be able to get Dick to marry you.’
Kate made no reply, and for some time both considered the question in silence. She wondered if Dick loved her sufficiently to make such a sacrifice for her: Montgomery reflected on the best means of persuading his friend ‘to do right by the woman.’ At last he said:
‘But what did you mean just now when you said that it was more necessary than ever that you should go on the stage?’
‘I don’t know, only that if I’m going to be divorced I suppose I’d better see what I can do to get my living.’
‘Well, it isn’t my fault if you aren’t on the stage already. I’ve been trying to induce you to make up your mind for the last month past.’
‘Oh, the chorus! that horrid chorus! I never could walk about before a whole theatre full of people in those red tights.’
‘There’s nothing indecent in wearing tights. Our leading actresses play in travestie. In Faust Trebelli Bettini wears tights, and I’m sure no one can say anything against her.’
Tights were a constant subject of discussion between the three, friend, mistress, and lover. All sorts of arguments had been adduced, but none of them had shaken Kate’s unreasoned convictions on this point. A sense of modesty inherited through generations rose to her head, and a feeling of repugnance that seemed almost invincible, forbade her to bare herself thus to the eyes of a gazing public. But although inborn tendencies cannot be eradicated, the will that sustains them can be broken by force of circumstances, and her resolutions began to fail her when Dick declared that the thirty shillings a week she would thus earn would be a real assistance to them.
In reality the manager had no immediate need of the money, but it went against his feelings to allow principles, and above all principles he could not but think absurd, to stand in the way of his turning over a bit of coin. ‘Besides, he said, ‘how can I put you into a leading business all at once? No matter how well you knew your words, you’d dry up when you got before the footlights. You must get over your stage fright in the chorus. On the first occasion I’ll give you a line to speak, then two or three, and then when you’ve learnt to blurt them out without hesitation, we’ll see about a part.’
These and similar phrases were dinned into her ears, until at last the matter got somehow decided, and the London costumier was telegraphed to for a new dress. When it arrived a few days after, the opening of the package caused a good deal of merriment. Dick held up the long red stockings, as Kate called the tights, before Montgomery. It was too late now to retract. The dress looked beautiful, and tempted on all sides, she consented to appear that night in Les Cloches. So at half-past six she walked down to the theatre with her bundle under her arm. Dick had not allotted to her a dressing-room, and to avoid Miss Beaumont, who was always rude, she went of her own accord up to number six. An old woman opened the door to her, and when Kate had explained what she had come for, she said:
‘Very well, ma’am. I’m sure I don’t mind; but we’re already eight in this room, and have only one basin and looking-glass between the lot. I’m afraid you won’t be very comfortable.’
‘Oh! that won’t matter. It may be only for to-night. If I’m too much in the way I’ll ask Mr. Lennox to put me somewhere else.’
On that Kate entered. It was a long, narrow, whitewashed room, smelling strongly of violet-powder and clothes. Nobody had arrived yet, and the dresses lay spread out on chairs awaiting the wearers. One was a peasant-girl’s dress — a short calico skirt trimmed with wreaths of wild flowers, and she regretted that she could not exchange the page’s attire for one of these.
‘And as regards the tights,’ added the old woman, ‘you’d have to wear them just the same with peasant-girls’ frocks as with these trunks, for, as you can see, the skirts only just come below the knees.’
At this moment the conversation was interrupted by the clattering of feet on the rickety staircase and two girls entered talking loudly; Kate had often spoken to them in the wings. Then some more women arrived, and Kate withdrew her chair as far out of reach as possible of the flying petticoats and the scattered boots and shoes. One lady could not find her tights, another insisted on the bodice of her dress being laced up at once; three voices shouted at once for the dresser, and the call-boy was heard outside:
‘Ladies! ladies! Mr. Lennox is waiting; the curtain is going up.’
‘All right! all right!’ cried an octave of treble voices, and tripping over their swords, those who were ready hurried downstairs, leaving the others screaming at the dresser, who was vainly attempting to tidy the room.
When Kate got on the stage the first person she saw was Montgomery, the very one she wished most to avoid. After having conducted the overture he had come up to find out the reason of the ‘wait.’ Dick was rushing about, declaring that if this ever occurred again half a-crown would be stopped out of all the salaries.
‘Oh! how very nice we look! and they’re not thin,’ exclaimed Montgomery, pushing his glasses up on his nose. And forgetting his difficulties as if by magic, Dick smiled with delight as, holding her at arm’s length, he looked at her critically.
‘Charming, my dear! There won’t be a man in front who won’t fall in love with you. But I must see where I can place you.’
All the rest passed as rapidly as in a dream, and before she could again think distinctly she was walking round the stage in the company of a score of other girls. Treading in time to the music, they formed themselves into lines, making place for Leslie, who came running down to the footlights. There was no time for thinking; she was whirled along. Between the acts she had to rush upstairs to put on another dress; between the scenes she had to watch to know when she had to go on. Sometimes Dick spoke to her, but he was generally far away, and it was not until the curtain had been rung down for the last time that she got an opportunity of speaking to him.
As they walked home up the dark street when all was over, she laid her hand affectionately on his arm:
‘Tell me, Dick, are you satisfied with me? I’ve done my best to please you.’
‘Satisfied with you?’ replied the big man, turning towards her in his kind unctuous way, ‘I should think so: you looked lovely, and your voice was heard above everybody’s. I wish you’d heard what Montgomery said. I’ll give you a line to speak when you’ve got a bit of confidence. You’re a bit timid, that’s all.’ And delighted Kate listened to Dick, who had begun to sketch out a career for her. Her voice, he said, would improve. She’d have twice the voice in a year from now, and with twice the voice she’d not only be able to sing Clairette in Madame Angot, but all Schneider’s great parts.
He talked on and on, and in the early hours of the morning he was relating how The Brigands had failed at the Globe, the conditions of his ca
pitalist being that his mistress was to play one of the leading parts at a high salary, and that he was to take over the bars. That was thirty pounds a week gone; and the woman sang so fearfully out of tune that she was hissed — a pity, for the piece contained some of Offenbach’s best music. A casual reference to the dresses led up to a detailed account of how he had bought the satin down at the Docks at the extraordinary low price of two shillings a yard, and this bargain prepared the way for a long story concerning a girl who had worn one of these identical dresses. She was now a leading London actress, and every step of her upward career was gone into. Then followed several biographies. Charlie —— sang in the chorus and was now a leading tenor. Miss —— had married a rich man on the Stock Exchange; and so on. Indeed, everybody in that ill-fated piece seemed to have succeeded except the manager himself. But no such criticism occurred to Kate. Her heart was swollen with admiration for the man who had been once at the head of all this talent, and the rich-coloured future he would shape for her flowed hazily through her mind.
And Kate grew happier as the days passed until she began to think she must be the happiest woman living. Her life had now an occupation, and no hour that went pressed upon her heavier than would a butterfly’s wing. The mornings when Dick was with her had always been delightful; and the afternoons had been taken up with her musical studies. It was the long evenings she used to dread; now they had become part and parcel of her daily pleasures. They dined about four, and when dinner was over it was time to talk about what kind of house they were going to have, to fidget about in search of brushes and combs, the curling-tongs, and to consider what little necessaries she had better bring down to the theatre with her. At first it seemed very strange to her to go tripping down these narrow streets at a certain hour — streets that were filled with people, for the stage and the pit entrance are always within a few yards of each other, and to hear the passers-by whisper as she went by, ‘She’s one of the actresses.’ One day she found a letter addressed to her under the name chosen by Dick — a picturesque name he thought looked well on posters — and not suspecting what was in it, she tore open the envelope in presence of half-a-dozen chorus-girls, who had collected in the passage. A diamond ring fell on the floor, and in astonishment Kate read:
