by George Moore
“How clever you are,” she said, looking up. “You have written just the kind of letter that will influence father. I have lived with father all my life, and yet I couldn’t have known how to write that letter. How did you think of it?”
“I’ve put the case truthfully, haven’t I? Now, do you copy out that letter and address it; meanwhile I’ll go round to Voisin’s and order breakfast. Try to have it finished by the time I get back. We’ll post it on our way.”
She promised that she would do so, but instead sat a long while with the letter in her hands. It was so unlike herself that she could not bring herself to send it. It would not satisfy her father, he would sooner receive something from her own familiar heart, and, obeying a sudden impulse, she wrote —
“My DARLING, — What must you think of me, I wonder! that I am an ungrateful girl? I hope not. I don’t think you would be so unjust as to think such things of me. I have been very wicked, but I have always loved you, father, and never more than now; and had anything in the world been able to stop me, it would have been my love of you. But, father dear, it was just as I told you; I was determined to resist the temptation if I could, but when the time came I could not. I did my best, indeed I did. I went through agony after agony after you left, and in the end I had to go whether I desired it or not. I could not have stopped in Dulwich any longer; if I had I should have died, and then you would have lost me altogether. You would not have liked to see me pine away, grow white, and lie coughing on the sofa like poor mother. No, you would not. It would have killed you. You remember how ill I was last Easter when he was away in the Mediterranean, darling. We’ve always been pals, we’ve always told each other everything, we never had any secrets, and never shall. I should have died if I hadn’t gone away. Now I’ve told you everything — isn’t that so? — and when I come back a great success, you’ll come and hear me sing. My success would mean very little if you were not there. I would sooner see your dear, darling face in a box than any crowned head in Europe. If I were only sure that you would forgive me. Everything else will turn out right. Owen will be good to me, I shall get on; I have little fear on that score. If I could only know that you were not too lonely, that you were not grieving too much. I shall write to Margaret and beg her to look after you. But she is very careless, and the grocer often puts down things in his book that we never had. A couple of years, and then we shall see each other again. Do you think, darling, you can live all that time without me? I must try to live that time without you. It will be hard to do so, I shall miss you dreadfully, so if you could manage to write to me, not too cross a letter, it would make a great deal of difference. Of course, you are thinking of the disgrace I have brought on you. There need be none. Owen is going to provide me with a chaperon — a lady, he says, in the best society. I will send you her name next week, as soon as Owen hears from her. He may hear to-morrow, and if you say that I’m living with her, no one will know anything. It is deceitful, I know; I told Owen so, but he says that we are not obliged to take the whole world into our confidence. I don’t like it, but I suppose if one does the things one must put up with the consequences. Now, I must say good-bye. I’ve expressed myself badly, but you’ll know what I mean — that I love you very dearly, that I hope you’ll forgive me, and be glad to see me when I come back, that I shall always be, — Your affectionate daughter, — EVELYN.”
She put the letter into an envelope, and was addressing it when Owen came into the room.
“Have you copied the letter, dear?”
She looked at him inquiringly, and he wondered at her embarrassment.
“No,” she said, “I have written quite a different letter. Yours was very clever, of course, but it was not like me. I’ve written a stupid little letter, but one which will please father better.”
“I daresay you’re right. If your father suspected the letter was dictated by me he would resent it.”
“That’s just what I thought.”
“Let me see the letter you have written.”
“No; don’t look at it. I’d rather you didn’t.”
“Why, dearest? Because there’s something about me in it?”
“No, indeed. I would not write anything about you that I wouldn’t show you. No; what I don’t want you to see is about myself.”
“About yourself! Well, as you like, don’t show me anything you don’t want to.”
“But I don’t like to have secrets from you, Owen; I hate secrets.”
“One of these days you’ll tell me what you’ve written. I’m quite satisfied.” He raised her face and kissed her tenderly, and she felt that she loved him better for his well-assumed indifference. Then they went downstairs, and she admired her dress in the long glasses on the landings. She listened to his French as he asked for a stamp. The courtyard was full of sunlight and carriages. The pages pushed open the glass doors for them to pass, and, tingling with health and all the happiness and enchantment of love, she walked by his side under the arcade — glad when, in walking, they came against each other — swinging her parasol pensively, wondering what happy word to say, a little perplexed that she should have a secret from him, and all the while healthily hungry. Suddenly she recognised the street as the one where they had dined on Friday night. He pushed open a white-painted door, and it seemed to her that all the white-aproned waiters advanced to meet her; and the one who drew the table forward that she might pass seemed to fully appreciate the honour of serving them. A number of hors d’oeuvres were placed before her, but she only ate bread and butter and a radish, until Owen insisted on her trying the filets d’anchois — the very ones she was originally most averse from. The sole was cooked very elaborately in a rich brown sauce. The tiny chicken which followed it was first shown to her in a tin saucepan; then the waiter took it away and carved it at a side table. She enjoyed the melon which, for her sake, ended instead of beginning the meal, as Owen said it should.
An Englishman, a friend of Owen’s, sat at the next table, and she could see he regretted that Owen had not introduced him. Most of his conversation seemed designed for that end, and when they got up to go, his eyes surely said, “Well, I wish that he had introduced us; I think we should have got on together.” And the eyes of the young man who sat at the opposite table said, as plain as any words, “I’d have given anything to have been introduced! Shall we ever meet again?”
So her exit was very thrilling; and no sooner were they on the pavement than another surprise was in store for her.
A smart coachman touched his hat, and Owen stepped back for her to get into the victoria.
“But this is not our carriage?”
“You did not think we were going to the Lonchamps in a fiacre, did you? This is your carriage — I bought these horses yesterday for you.”
“You bought this carriage and these horses for me, Owen?”
“Yes, dear, I did; don’t let’s waste time. Aux courses!”
“Owen, dear, I cannot accept such a present. I appreciate your kindness, but you will not ask me to accept this carriage and horses.”
“Why not?”
Evelyn thought for some time before answering.
“It would only make people think that I was an amateur. The fine clothes you have bought me I shall not be able to wear, except when I want you to think me nice. I shall have to learn Italian, of which I don’t know a word, and French, of which I know very little.”
Owen looked at her, at once pleased and surprised.
“You’re quite right,” he said; “this carriage and these horses are unsuitable to your present circumstances. The chestnuts took my fancy ... however, I haven’t paid for them. I’ll send them back for the present; they, or a pair like them, will come in all right later on.”
After a slight pause she said —
“I do not want to run into your debt more than I can help. If my voice develops, if it be all you think it is, I shall be able to go on the stage in a year, at latest in a year and a half from now. My mother
was paid three and four hundred a week. Unless I fail altogether, I shall have no difficulty in paying you back the money you so generously lent me.”
“But why do you want to cost me nothing?”
“I don’t know. Why shouldn’t I pay you back? If I succeed I shall have plenty of money; if I don’t, I daresay you’ll overlook the debt. Owen, dear, how enchanting it is to be with you in Paris, to wear these beautiful dresses, to drive in this carriage, to see those lovely horses, and to wonder what the races will be like. You’re not disappointed in me? I’m as nice as you thought I’d be?”
“Yes; you’re a great deal nicer. I was afraid at one time you might be a bore; scruples of conscience aren’t very interesting. But somehow in your case they don’t seem to matter.”
“I do try to keep them to myself. There’s no use in inflicting one’s personal worries on others. I am all one thing or all the other. When I’m with you, I’m afraid I’m all the other.”
He had always known that he could “make something of her,” as he used to put it to himself, but she exceeded his expectations; she certainly was an admirable mistress. Her scruples did not bore him; they were, indeed, a novelty and an excitement which he would not willingly be without. Moreover, she was so intelligent he had not yet heard her make a stupid remark. She had always been interested in the right things; and, excited by her admiration of the wooden balconies — the metal lanterns hanging from them, the vases standing on the steps leading to the porticoes, he attempted a reading of these villas.
“How plain is this paganism,” he said. “Seeing them, we cannot but think of their deep feather beds, the savoury omelettes made of new-laid eggs served at mid-day, and followed by juicy beefsteaks cooked in the best butter. Those villas are not only typical of Passy, but of France; their excellent life ascends from the peasant’s cottage; they are the result of agriculture, which is the original loveliness. All that springs from agriculture must be beautiful, just as all that springs from commerce must be vile. Manchester is the ugliest place on the earth, and the money of every individual cotton spinner serves to multiply the original ugliness — the house he builds, the pictures he buys. Isn’t that so?”
“I can’t say, dear; I have never been to Manchester. But how can you think of such things?”
“Don’t you like those villas? I love them, and their comfort is secure; its root is in the earth, the only thing we are sure of. There is more pagan of life and sentiment in France than elsewhere. Would you not like to have a Passy villa? Would you not like to live here?”
“One of these days I may buy one, then you shall come to breakfast, and I’ll give you an omelette and a beefsteak. For the present, I shall have to put up with something less expensive. I must be near my music lessons. Thanks all the same, dearest.”
She sought a reason for the expression of thoughtfulness which had suddenly come over his face.
“I don’t know how it is, but I never see Paris without thinking of Balzac. You don’t know Balzac; one of these days you must read him. The moment I begin to notice Paris, I think, feel, see and speak Balzac. That dark woman yonder, with her scornful face, fills my mind with Balzacian phrases — the celebrated courtesan, celebrated for her diamonds and her vices, and so on. The little woman in the next carriage, the Princess de Saxeville, would delight him. He would devote an entire page to the description of her coat of arms — three azure panels, and so on. And I should read it, for Balzac made all the world beautiful, even snobbery. All interesting people are Balzacians. The moment I know that a man is an admirer of Balzac, a sort of Freemasonry is established between us, and I am interested in him, as I should be in a man who had loved a woman whom I had loved.”
“But I shouldn’t like a woman because I knew that you had loved her.”
“You are a woman; but men who have loved the same woman will seek each other from the ends of the earth, and will take an intense pleasure in their recollections. I don’t know whether that aphorism is to be found in Balzac; if not, it is an accident that prevented him from writing it, for it is quite Balzacian — only he would give it a turn, an air of philosophic distinction to which it would be useless for me to pretend.”
“I wonder if I should like him. Tell me about him.”
“You would be more likely than most women to appreciate him. Supposing you put the matter to the test. You would not accept these horses, maybe you will not refuse a humbler present — an edition of Balzac. There’s a very good one in fifty-two volumes.”
“So many as that?”
“Yes; and not one too many — each is a masterpiece. In this enormous work there are something like two thousand characters, and these appear in some books in principal, in other books in subordinate, parts. Balzac speaks of them as we should of real people. A young lady is going to the opera and to a ball afterwards, and he says —
“‘It is easy to imagine her delight and expectation, for was she not going to meet the delicious Duchesse de la Maufregneuse, and her friend the celebrated Madame d’Espard, Coralis, Lucien de Rubempré and Rastignac.’
“These people are only mentioned in the Mémoires de deux jeunes Mariées. But they are heroes and heroines in other books, in Les Secrets de la Princesse de Cadignan, Le Père Goriot, and Les Illusions Perdues.” Before you even begin to know Balzac, you must have read at least twenty volumes. There is a vulgarity about those who don’t know Balzac; we, his worshippers, recognise in each other a refinement of sense and a peculiar comprehension of life. We are beings apart; we are branded with the seal of that great mind. You should hear us talk among ourselves. Everyone knows that Popinot is the sublime hero of L’Interdiction, but for the moment some feeble Balzacian does not remember the other books he appears in, and is ashamed to ask.... But I’m boring you.”
“No, no; I love to listen. It is more interesting than any play.”
Owen looked at her questioningly, as if he doubted the flattery, which, at the bottom of his heart, he knew to be quite sincere.
“You cannot understand Paris until you have read Balzac. Balzac discovered Paris; he created Paris. You remember just now what I said of those villas? I was thinking at the moment of Balzac. For he begins one story by a reading of the human characteristics to be perceived in its streets. He says that there are mean streets, and streets that are merely honest; there are young streets about whose morality the public has not yet formed any opinion; there are murderous streets — streets older than the oldest hags; streets that we may esteem — clean streets, work-a-day streets and commercial streets. Some streets, he says, begin well and end badly. The Rue Montmartre, for instance, has a fine head, but it ends in the tail of a fish. How good that is. You don’t know the Rue Montmartre? I’ll point it out next time we’re that way. But you know the Rue de la Paix?”
“Yes; what does that mean?”
“The Rue de la Paix, he says, is a large street, and a grand street, but it certainly doesn’t awaken the gracious and noble thoughts that the Rue Royale suggests to every sensitive mind; nor has it the dignity of the Place Vendôme. The Place de la Bourse, he says, is in the daytime babble and prostitution, but at night it is beautiful. At two o’clock in the morning, by moonlight, it is a dream of old Greece.”
“I don’t see much in that. What you said about the villas was quite as good.”
Fearing that the conversation lacked a familiar and personal interest, he sought a transition, an idea by which he could connect it with Evelyn herself. With this object he called her attention to two young men who, he pretended, reminded him of Rastignac and Morny. That woman in the mail phaeton was an incipient Madame Marneffe; that dark woman now looking at them with ardent, amorous eyes might be an Esther.
“We’re all creatures of Balzac’s imagination. You,” he said, turning a little so that he might see her better, “are intensely Balzacian.”
“Do I remind you of one of his characters?” Evelyn became more keenly interested. “Which one?”
“Y
ou are more like a character he might have painted than anyone I can think of in the Human Comedy. He certainly would have been interested in your temperament. But I can’t think which of his women is like you. You are more like the adorable Lucien; that is to say, up to the present.”
“Who was Lucien?”
“He was the young poet whom all Paris fell in love with. He came up to Paris with a married woman; I think they came from Angouleme. I haven’t read Lost Illusions for twenty years. She and he were the stars in the society of some provincial town, but when they arrived in Paris each thought the other very common and countrified. He compares her with Madame d’Espard; she compares him with Rastignac; Balzac completes the picture with a touch of pure genius— ‘They forgot that six months would transform them both into exquisite Parisians.’ How good that is, what wonderful insight into life!”
