by Beth Maria
I sigh, knowing that I’m going to have to repeat myself again.
“I messed up. I just thought about how my life would be if I were tied down, looking after a kid. I didn’t think about the good parts, or how it would make Chloe feel. I just thought about myself. By the time I realized that I wanted that baby, it was too late. She’d already had the abortion and wasn’t speaking to me.”
If anyone will understand, it will be Evan, what with him being a guy and all that. All men think about this when they are faced with the ‘I’m pregnant” routine. It’s engrained in our DNA.
Evan slowly nods his head, digesting everything I’ve just told him. God, the suspense is killing me. I don’t know how much more of this I can deal with.
“I’m going to be honest with you. When I walked in this morning and saw Chloe trying to sneak out, I knew straight away what had happened. It really hurt me. I cared about her, a lot. I still do, but after hearing what you just told Maisie, I understand in some sick sort of way why you slept with her. You know, you could have saved me a lot of hurt by just telling me that you were in love with her before I started dating her. I wouldn’t have mocked you for being in love. You should know better than anyone that I believe in it,” he says, finally being his usual self. All anger and hatred has disappeared from his eyes. Can we really get over this?
“I’m sorry that you had to find out that way. I honestly tried to keep my distance from her because you were together. It was just so fucking hard seeing you together. I should have said something straight away. I know you would have kept your distance, but I was scared, bro. I’m absolutely terrified of my feelings for her, which is why I messed up so bad all those months ago.”
The more I speak about this situation to Evan, the more I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know it will never be fully gone, not until I speak to Chloe and make her understand. Only then will I be free of the guilt.
Evan nods his head. He seems to be doing a lot of that today. I guess it’s a lot for him to process after this morning.
“Well, I’ll let you off this once, seeing as I guess she was your girl originally. Just don’t fucking do it again, or I will have to kill you. That being said, I’m going to help you get your girl back.” My eyes open wide, seeing him with a calculating smile on his face. Oh dear, this isn’t going to be good. He’s plotting.
“Erm.. Are you sure, bro? I’d totally understand if you didn’t want anything to do with me…”
“Oh, quit your bitching. Jeez, you’re sounding like a woman. I said I’d help, didn’t I? So I’ll help. We just need a plan of action. Leave that to me though, and I’ll think of something.”
He’s right. I do sound like a fucking woman. I need to loosen up a bit. What happened to the guy who was confident? Oh yeah, that’s right - he fell in love.
“This better work,” I mumble, thinking of all the things that could go wrong with this plan. Hey, I mean, Chloe may never want to speak to me again. Then I’m screwed; no plan will work if that’s the case. She’s always been so stubborn and can hold a grudge for a very long time. It hasn’t helped my case that I slept with her last night, even if it does take two to tango…
I stand up, needing to stretch my legs after sitting down for a while. I need some fresh air. All of this has given me a headache, and I’m still no closer to winning the heart of my girl. In fact, I’m further from winning her heart. I just hope Evan thinks of a plan that will work, and fast.
Chapter 6
Maisie
I can’t believe my idiot of a brother. I’m completely disgusted with how he could have been so cold-hearted and selfish. I never knew he could be like that, and it breaks my heart because everything I believed my brother to be, it was never that.
No wonder Chloe is how she is. I would be exactly the same had Jesse done that to me. When you love someone with everything that you are, and they give up on you when you need them the most, that’s enough to destroy a person. And it has - it’s destroying Chloe more and more every day.
How am I supposed to just sit back and watch this happen now that I know? I can’t, can I? I should be there for my best friend, comforting her and telling her that everything is going to be okay. It’s not that easy though, is it? She obviously didn’t want me to know for a reason. Christ knows what that reason is, but she didn’t want me to know, meaning I can’t say anything. I have to pretend that I still don’t know and just try and be there for her without giving anything away. How hard can that really be? Damn hard, that’s what. I just want to turn back around, scream at my brother for being such a jerk, call my parents to tell them what their stupid ass son has done to my best friend, and then go comfort and cry with Chloe. I want to cry for all the pain that she must have endured, for all the pain that she’s still enduring, and for all the pain that she’s likely to endure for a very long time.
I can’t do that though.
I need to see Jesse and hear what he has to say about the situation, and to find out what he would do if he were in my shoes. I know he will help me make sense of it all. He has to; he is all I have left to talk to who will understand without wanting to kill my brother.
I can’t call my parents because they would be down here, shouting and screaming at Jake, within a few hours. What would that do, except make them disappointed in their son?
I let myself into Jesse’s house, trying not to slam the door in my frustration. I don’t think it would go over well with Anna if I decided to destroy her house.
“Jesse?” I call out when I don’t see anyone downstairs.
“I’m up here,” he calls back from somewhere upstairs.
I run up the stairs two at a time, stopping in my tracks when I see Jesse shirtless, doing push-ups. His looks still amaze me. He truly is so beautiful; he’s perfection. I lick my lips, imagining what he would taste like, especially when he’s all sweaty from doing weights.
“You like what you see?” Jesse purrs, standing up and making his way over to me.
I whimper my reply. It’s all I can manage when he’s this close to me shirtless, giving me a glimpse at his toned abs and the famous v line that all women drop their panties for. I reach out, grazing my hand against his stomach and feeling the hardness of his muscle. Perfection. I lick my lips to try and resist the temptation that is Jesse Cohen.
Jesse’s hand snakes around the back of my neck, his thumb rubbing the side of my face. I lift my head so I’m now staring into his hypnotizing eyes. They are filled with lust. What did I want to talk to Jesse about? Oh dammit, it couldn’t have been that important if I can’t remember. All I can focus on are his plump lips, his hypnotizing brown orbs, and how I want to kiss him while getting lost in his eyes.
“I need you to kiss me,” I whisper, begging him with my eyes.
“Oh, I plan to, firecracker.” His head dips toward mine. I close my eyes just as our lips touch, savoring every second. It starts off gentle, as it always does with us, then Jesse asks for entrance and I allow him. His tongue tangles with mine, expressing how much he loves me without using words. I moan, causing him to tighten his grip on my neck and pull me closer. We eventually pull away, both of us panting.
“Hi,” I say quietly, remembering that I never said it.
Jesse laughs, pushing a strand of my hair back behind my ear. “Hi, baby.”
I close my eyes. Jesse always helps relieve my tension. It’s like all he has to do is touch me, and bam, the tension is gone.
I walk past him and sit down on his bed while he goes to put his weights away.
“You going to tell me what’s got you so wound up? Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you ran up the stairs. You never run up the stairs, ever.”
“Arghh, I’m so pissed off, Jesse. I could seriously kill my brother. Do you remember that time you said you would kill him for me?” I ask, thinking back to that day in Cafe Blanc.
“I also said I was joking,” he deadpans.
“Right, what
ever, well, I need you to kill him, and now,” I tell him deadly serious.
Jesse tips his head back and laughs at me. He full on belly laughs at me. I stare at him, squinting my eyes. I’m not amused. I’m being serious, deadly serious.
“I’m being serious, Jesse, so stop laughing at me, will you?” I ask him, crossing my arms over my chest and huffing.
“Baby, I’m not going to kill your brother,” he tells me, still laughing at me.
“Yes, you are, especially after I tell you what he’s done.”
His laughter subsides, and he moves to sit next to me on his bed. “What’s he done? I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”
“I found out what happened between him and Chloe…” I tell him quietly, sadness creeping in.
His eyes go wide. “How?”
“Chloe told me that she thinks she slept with Jake last night, and Evan caught her sneaking out of his room this morning. When I went over to ask what the hell his problem is, he let slip about how he pushed her away when she needed him. He wasn’t supposed to let that bit of information out, so when he did, I told him that I needed to know what happened. He didn’t argue with me, and I got him to tell me about what happened between them all those months ago. Oh, Jesse, my brother is such a jerk.” Tears well up in my eyes thinking about how Chloe must have felt.
“It’s okay, baby. Tell me what he did,” Jesse asks, rubbing my back.
“You know they used to sleep together?” He nods his head. “Well, apparently Jake got her pregnant, forced her to get an abortion, and stopped talking to her. He wasn’t even there with her when she had the abortion. She had to go through that all by herself, Jesse, all because my brother is a selfish bastard who was only thinking about himself!” The tears are nearly full blown ugly tears now. Rehashing this is making me angry all over again!
“Hmm. Did you ask him why he forced her to get rid of the baby? Maybe he had a good excuse.” Jesse asks hopefully.
I raise one eyebrow in an ‘are you kidding me’ gesture. “A good excuse? What could possibly be a good excuse forcing someone to get rid of their baby, and then not even being there with them when it happened?”
“I don’t know. I’m just trying to think about what would make Jake react the way he did.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Jake acted the way he did because he’s selfish. There are no other reasons. Don’t try to defend him, Jesse. Tell me, would you do that to me?” I ask, getting agitated. He’s not helping in the slightest. In fact, I feel like he’s on Jake’s side here.
“Oh God, no! I would be by your side if you decided you didn’t want the baby, but I’d never make you get rid of it. I can’t wait for the day we have our own,” he says, smiling at me and getting a faraway look in his eyes.
“Are you picturing us with children?” I ask, laughing at him.
“Hell yeah! I can’t wait to have children with you. The moment you give me the green light, I’m going to impregnate you that night.” He winks at me, causing me to laugh harder.
“Well, it won’t be for a while, buddy, so keep your seeds to yourself.” I poke him, causing him to laugh. “Anyway, back to the matter at hand - will you kill him please?” I flutter my lashes, giving him puppy dog eyes that I know he usually can’t resist.
“No, Maisie. Look, did he say why he did what he did?”
I huff and roll my eyes at him. I’m getting fed up of talking about this now. I’m fed up of feeling angry when there isn’t a damn thing that I can do about it. “Apparently he was going to tell her that he wanted to become official the night she told him she was pregnant. He bottled it and told her to get rid of it. All he kept thinking about was how he was going to be trapped, so he couldn’t go out with his friends whenever he wanted. He said by the time he realized that he made a mistake, it was too late. She’d already had the abortion.”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’m just going to suggest something. I wouldn’t be so hard on your brother, baby. He knows he did wrong, but you just said yourself that he realized he was wrong and tried to make things right, but it was too late. I know Chloe’s your best friend and all, however, Jake is still your brother. He’s going through just as much hurt as Chloe is, maybe more because he can’t turn back the time to make sure he told her before it was too late.”
I think through what he is saying, trying to see his point. I just can’t see it though. I mean, yes, he lost his baby as well, but he wouldn’t have if he had just been a man and faced the consequences of not wrapping his dick. Chloe most probably wanted this baby and thought she didn’t have a choice if Jake didn’t help her. No, I can’t see where he’s coming from. I’m just getting angrier the more that I think about it. I don’t think I will ever understand why he acted the way he did. I know that if Jesse made me do that, I would never ever forgive him.
“I’ve not changed your mind about going easy on him, have I?” Jesse asks after staring intently at me for a few minutes, letting me absorb what he’s just said.
I shake my head. “No, you haven’t. I can’t get past the fact that he made her get rid of the baby, even if he did change his mind in the end. He still did it in the first place. I realize why Chloe has been off with him now. I know that if you ever did that to me, I would never forgive you.”
His eyes turn sad. “I would never do that to you. Just think about it from his point of view please? You know how men are when they are young. They like to hang out with their friends whenever they want, hang around with girls and get drunk. His first thought was that he couldn’t do that anymore. Then, when it finally sank in that he didn’t want that life, that what he actually wanted was Chloe, it was too late. The guilt is obviously eating at him, Maisie. Sometimes it takes us men a little longer to realize what we actually want, and most of the time, we can still get it, but sometimes it’s too late. In your brother’s case, it was too late, and he’s going to have to live with the ‘what ifs’ for the rest of his life.” Grabbing my hand, he rubs his thumb back and forth, comforting me, trying to make me understand from a male point of view. Sometimes I wish I were a man, just so I could understand what goes on in their pea-sized brains. The song If I Were A Boy by Beyoncé starts playing in my head.
“I can’t right now. All I can think about is how Chloe went through all of that on her own, and how she felt like she couldn’t tell me about it.” I start to get choked up thinking about it. We’re supposed to be best friends who tell each other everything, though for some strange reason, she felt like she couldn’t come to me this time.
“Come here.” Jesse pulls me into his embrace, rubbing my back. I look up at him through my lashes, feeling thankful that I have such a wonderful boyfriend. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I really don’t.
He notices me staring at him, lifts my face up toward his, and plants a tender kiss on my lips. I close my eyes and tighten my hold on him. He takes that as his cue to deepen the kiss. I don’t have to tell him that I need him to help me think of something else for a while.
Before I know it, he’s buried deep inside me, making sweet passionate love to me. All that’s on my mind is how loved he’s making me feel and the pleasure that is coursing through my body. I will never get enough of him for as long as I live.
Chapter 7
Chloe
It’s been a month since Jake’s party, and I still haven’t spoken to him or Evan. For Jake, it’s not for a lack of trying. God, that boy really doesn’t know when to take a break. Every time he sees me, he tries to talk to me, and I always tell him to piss off and leave me alone. I have nothing left to say to him, especially not about the night of his party. I want to forget about it, like it never happened. I wish he would do the same.
For Evan, I’ve been too scared to speak to him. I know I should apologize, but every time I see him, I chicken out and walk the opposite way so that he doesn’t see me. I will see him eventually. It’s bound to happen when we run in the same circles, so I’ll just apologize t
hen, when I have no choice. I already know I’m a coward.
I didn’t realize how much I would miss his friendship until now. He always knew how to make me laugh and help me be myself. I miss him so much.
I’ve not had a very interesting month. Actually, I’ve done hardly anything. When I’m not in class, I’m either in bed or hanging around with a new group of people I met a few months ago. I wouldn’t exactly call them my friends because they’re not. We all meet up for the same thing. Drugs. But they are the only ones who understand why I do what I do, and that’s all that matters.
I’ve not really seen Maisie, but when I do, she’s weird with me. She keeps staring at me, and I swear, I keep seeing pity in her eyes. It’s scaring the crap out of me because I don’t know why she keeps doing it. When I ask her, she just shakes her head and changes the subject, so I’ve been keeping my distance from her. I don’t like seeing the look of pity in peoples’ eyes, especially when I don’t know what it’s over.
My cell phone ringing distracts me from my thoughts, bringing me back to the now.
“Hello,” I answer, not bothered to check who’s calling.
“Have you lost our number or something?” my mom scolds down the line. I really should have checked to see who was calling. I’ve kind of been ignoring them for the last few weeks. I feel like, if I talk to them, then they will know that something is wrong and get it out of me. It’s stupid, but I can’t help it, guilty conscience and all.
“Sorry, Mom. I’ve just been busy with college,” I lie.
“Too busy to check in with your parents? I’ve been worried sick because I haven’t been able to get a hold of you. I was about to send your father down to see if you were okay!”
I’m glad I answered the call then. I don’t need my father coming down and seeing the state that I’m in. Then they will definitely know that something is wrong.
“No, it’s okay. No need for that,” I tell her quickly.
