by Julia London
“And if you do find a man like that, you better hang on to him, ‘cuz you won’t find better,” Grandma added as she began to mold the cookies.
Robin knew that, too. She just hoped it wasn’t too late.
Grandma bent to put the cookies in the oven then turned and smiled brightly at Robin. “I’ve learned in my seventy some-odd years that you won’t ever know true happiness without a little hurt, but if it’s meant to be, it will be.”
“Lil!” Grandpa shouted from outside. “Lil, come out here and see this squash! I’ll be jiggered, that is the biggest darn crookneck squash you’ve ever seen in your life!”
Grandma laughed warmly, patted Robin’s hand again. “It’ll be okay, sweetcakes. That man loves you as much as you love him,” she said and walked outside to see Grandpa’s squash before Robin could argue.
Robin stayed until Sunday afternoon. Thankfully, neither of her grandparents remarked how odd that was, or pushed her for why. Grandma just fed her cookies and chicken spaghetti and more cookies, and by the time Robin waddled out to her car Sunday afternoon, she was feeling more hopeful about Jake and life in general.
But in the evening hours, when she still couldn’t reach Jake on any phone, she began to panic, and looked up Norma Manning in the phone book.
Her fingers trembling a little, she punched the numbers into the phone. It rang several times—Robin was about to hang up but a woman answered breathlessly, “Hello?”
“Uh . . . I, ah, I was trying to reach Norma Manning, please?”
“She ain’t here. She’s at the hospital. Who’s calling?”
Robin’s heart seized. Hospital. Oh God, oh God, if anything had happened to Jake—
“Hello?”
“Uh . . . Robin Lear—”
“Robin! It’s Vickie!”
Robin jumped to her feet. “Vickie! What happened? An accident? Who—”
“Yeah, he had a pretty bad accident, but he’s holding on,” Vickie said, and Robin couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, could only stand rooted to the floor, staring straight ahead at the freshly painted walls around her. “I came by to get some of her clothes. Norma’s been there all day and night, and she’s just about worn out,” Vickie was saying.
Breathe. Breathe, breathe. Robin tried, but caught a sob in her throat.
“She ain’t leaving his side, I’ll tell you that right now. Can’t say as I blame her, I mean, just last night we thought we was gonna lose him. But he’s better today and they upgraded him to stable, thank God. Not that he’s out of the woods yet, but that’s a whole lot better than what we was dealing with yesterday.”
Robin felt sick. The guilt was already choking her. If only they had gone to the coast like they had planned, if only she hadn’t been so damn selfish, so intent on that goddamned acquisition. “What happened?” she forced herself to ask. “When?”
“Thursday night. He snuck out, got caught up with that little Frankie shit, and before Norma knew he was gone—”
“Frankie?” Robin closed her eyes. “Did you say Frankie?”
“Yeah, you know, that little juvenile delinquent?”
A wave of unconscionable relief swept through her. Not Jake. Not Jake—Oh God. Robin opened her eyes, felt cold fear wrap around her heart and squeeze tightly again. Not Jake . . . Cole. It was Cole! “Where is he?”
“Ben Taub.”
“Thank you, Vickie! Thank you!” she cried and hung up, already running for her shoes.
The family was gathered in the intensive care waiting room of Houston’s Ben Taub Trauma Center. All of the family except Jake, that was. Nevetheless, Robin clenched her fists to stop her hands from shaking and walked in.
Norma was the first to see her; her icy gaze passed over Robin as she folded her arms defensively across her middle. The woman was even more drawn than usual, Robin noticed; her jaw set in a smokeless clench, her lips all but disappeared.
Vickie and Wanda were there, as was Derek, and a few others Robin didn’t know who seemed to be with the group. And Zaney, thank God, Zaney.
He got up when Robin stepped across the threshold, met her at the door. “Hey,” he said flatly, the buoyancy gone from his voice.
“How . . . how’s Cole?” she whispered.
Zaney frowned, shook his head. “Things ain’t lookin’ too good for the Colester.”
“Where’s Jake?”
“He’s down there where’s he’s been the whole time, just standing outside the little dude’s door,” Zaney said. “But he ain’t in a talkin’ kinda mood.”
She ignored that piece of advice and pointed to her left. “Down there?”
Zaney nodded.
She smiled thinly, patted his arm, and walked to where the family was sitting. Vickie and Wanda looked up, smiled uncertainly. Norma wouldn’t look at her, even though she stood directly in front of her. “Mrs. Manning, I am so . . . so sorry,” she said sincerely.
Now Norma lifted her gaze to Robin, piercing her with it. “That’s real nice of you. But right now, we’re a family trying to cope with a tragedy. It’d be best if you came another time.”
That took Robin aback—okay, maybe she deserved it; she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. She simply nodded, turned on her heel, and walked out of the waiting room and in the direction Zaney had indicated.
She found Jake in the second hallway, staring intently through a bank of windows across from the wall that seemed to be holding him up. She approached cautiously, not quite sure what to expect. God, he looked awful, like he hadn’t slept in days. The stubble of a beard shadowed his face; his cheeks looked almost sunken.
Jake saw her from the corner of his eye; he seemed surprised, stiffened straight, and shoved a hand through his uncombed hair as if he didn’t quite know what to do.
Robin walked to where he was standing, followed his gaze to the bank of windows . . . and saw Cole. Oh Jesus, there were tubes hooked up in his arms and nose, bandages covering what she could see of him. Stunned, Robin moved toward the window, put her hand against the glass and gaped at him, trying to absorb the extent of his injuries. He wasn’t moving at all; a nurse changing one of his IV drips smiled sadly at Robin. She turned around, saw the tears glistening in Jake’s eyes as he looked at his nephew.
“It’s my fault,” he said hoarsely. “If I had taken him to the coast like I said . . . but I didn’t, and he went out with Frankie—”
A stab of guilt knifed right through her. “Where is Frankie?” she managed to ask. “Is he okay?”
Jake snorted ruefully. “Minor scratches, that’s all, can you believe it? Cole has two broken legs, internal injuries . . . they don’t even know about his head yet. And that little shit Frankie walked away from it.”
He shifted his gaze to Cole again. He looked terribly lost. Robin instinctively reached for his hand, but Jake shoved it in his pocket.
That stung. She clasped her hands together and looked everywhere but at Jake. “Do you know what happened?”
“He snuck out with Frankie. They went down the levee, smoked a couple of joints, apparently. Then Frankie got the bright idea to go for a ride in his brother’s car. He was speeding down one of those little two-lane roads that go down to the bayou. They went off the road where there wasn’t any shoulder, and they rolled.”
“Was there anyone else in the car?”
“No, thank God,” Jake said wearily. “Just Frankie and Cole.” He sighed heavily, pushed away from the wall and went to the window, pressed up against it to look at Cole. After a long moment, he shifted his gaze to Robin. His eyes were swimming in grief; he shook his head. “Thanks for coming by, but . . . I wish you hadn’t.”
Those words were a painful blow.
“I just can’t do this right now, Robin. You and me—it’s obvious we’re just not meant to be. And right now, I need to think about Cole. He needs me,” he said and looked through the window again. “So like I said . . . thanks for coming.” He turned fully toward the window, gazing down at his motionle
ss nephew.
Dumbfounded, Robin stood rooted to her spot, unable to take her eyes from Jake’s back. She could understand, really, she could, on some level. She thought it only fair to walk away and leave him to his grief. Except there was one little problem. “I need you, too, Jake,” she said to his back.
His shoulders tensed. “No, you don’t. You just think you do, and you feel sorry—”
“I feel sorry, all right,” she interrupted him with a strangled laugh. “Sorry for all the things I should have said and didn’t. Sorry that I didn’t listen, sorry that I didn’t understand, sorry for Cole, for you, for your family. But I . . . I need you. And damn it, Jake, you need me.”
He bowed his head for a moment, then glanced at her over his shoulder. “You don’t need me, Robin. You need Minot and—”
“I didn’t go.” That clearly surprised him; Robin seized the opportunity and took a careful step forward. “You were right. About everything. I realized it when we got to the airport. And then . . . then I just ran. I ran as fast as I could to find you. But you didn’t answer your phone, so I thought you had gone to the coast and I waited. Only then I couldn’t wait anymore, and I found your Mom’s number, and when I got Vickie on the phone, I thought it was you. . . .” A sob lodged in her throat; she looked up at the ceiling tiles, blinking through hot tears. “I thought it was you,” she said slowly, “and it literally sucked the life right out of me.”
“I wish it had been me,” he muttered, looking at Cole again. “But I was wasting that night away, pining for you. Pining for something that was beyond my reach to begin with.” He swung his gaze to Robin, his jaw firmly set. “I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I just can’t afford this anymore, Robin. Look, I gave it my all and it didn’t work out. I’ve accepted that and I’m ready to move on. I have to think of Cole. You need to move on, too, baby. Don’t . . . don’t drag this out and make it harder for us both.”
Man, that sounded like something she would say. Maybe had said at some point. And she stood there, searching his face, but his expression was stony, the set of his jaw unyielding—he honestly looked as if he never wanted to lay eyes on her again. “Please just go.”
God, she had screwed it all up.
She nodded; she let her gaze fall to the blue-and-white linoleum tiles. “Okay. Just one last thing. The thing is, I have already moved on. I already moved out from beneath my shroud, and without that shadow hanging over me, I can see very clearly now that I love you, and I need you, and I want to be with you, however that has to be.”
Jake didn’t respond; she couldn’t bear to look at him, afraid she would beg like a little girl when it was really too late, just as she had feared. “Okay, I’ll go,” she said hoarsely and turned, took a step away from him. But her body stopped, her heart unwilling to give up just yet. “Okay, I’m going,” she said again, trying to will herself to do just that, tears blurring her sight as a curious nurse walked past them. “I’m gonna go, but you know what, Jake? I wish you well, too.”
“Robin—”
“I wish you fields of gold and wildflowers, and clear summer days for baseball. I wish you sweet dreams when you lay your head on your pillow and infinite hope when you wake up. I wish you homemade quilts to lay on when you stargaze, lights in the windows when you come home after a hard day’s work, easy fly balls, and good friends to laugh with.” She heard a rustling behind her, imagined he was walking away again, and closed her eyes. “But most of all I wish you peace, and I wish you love, and I wish that whoever it comes from loves you even a tenth as much I love you, because—”
He startled her by pulling her into his embrace and burying his face in her hair. “Don’t,” he said low. “Don’t do this unless you intend to stay, because I can’t let you go, do you understand?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she whispered, twisting in his arms, bringing her hand to his face. “I understand.”
“God, Robin, I do need you. Cole and I both need you, but we . . . we can’t bear to lose anymore.”
“I know. I know. Neither can I, Jake.”
“Then promise me,” he said and leaned back to look down at her. “Promise me forever.”
She looked up at the brown eyes shining down at her, eyes filled with tears of grief and hope, and could not imagine even a single day without him. What the hell had taken her so long? She smiled, brushed her thumb beneath his eye. “I promise. Forevermore.”
Epilogue
Upon the conclusion of Jake’s college graduation ceremony, and the reception immediately following, Robin, Jake, and Cole piled into the Chevy Suburban Robin had bought when she sold her Mercedes and drove to the old Victorian house in the Heights that now, they all called home.
As they motored along, Robin singing the wrong lyrics to an upbeat little tune on the radio, they turned onto North Boulevard, and laughed when they drove past the house Robin had sold last fall. The new owners apparently liked her pink flamingos so much they had put several in the front flower beds. The rest were around the pool they had installed in the back, in the exact spot Robin had thought a pool should go. This, Jake and Robin knew from having peeked over the fence one night.
In the backseat, Cole was twirling the tassel from Jake’s cap around his finger, talking excitedly about where he would go to college one day. After months and months of physical and emotional therapy (and, fortunately, no Frankie, due in large part to Cole’s coming to live with Jake and Robin), Cole had hope for the first time in his life. Just as Jake had once dreamed, he was a flourishing sixteen-year-old with a girlfriend that both Jake and Robin liked. Cole had a long way to go—because of his injuries, he’d never be a baseball player—but he didn’t mope anymore and now had friends and a purpose in life. He was going to be an astronaut if he had his way, and Robin and Jake were prepared to move mountains to make it happen.
Cole’s recovery was just one of many milestones they had passed since Robin had run out of Hobby Airport. She had moved in with Jake shortly after leaving LTI. When she left the house on North Boulevard, she left her old life behind, including Mia and Michael (who separated shortly after their wedding), and LTI, where Lucy said Evan was now the COO in place of Dad. Robin didn’t really know what was going on with that, because Dad had managed to alienate himself from the family again. But curiously, she didn’t care about LTI and didn’t miss the work. She had become Jake’s bookkeeper and office manager, bringing a level of organization to him that enabled him to take on more work. He needed her, was constantly telling her he couldn’t do without her. She liked that. She liked what she was doing, so much so that she had become Girt’s bookkeeper, too. They had determined, after American Motorfreight wouldn’t up their offer, that the thing to do was to make Girt the new Queen of Styrofoam Containers—not to be confused with Robin, otherwise known as Peanut, the retiring Queen.
Even Zaney was doing well. He had finally formed that band he had always wanted, and the band had, at long last, performed at their first real live paying gig. Jake, Robin, and Lucy had gone to cheer the band on, and actually had been blown away. Who knew?
The surprise party they were about to reach was another accomplishment, although Jake didn’t know it yet. For the first time ever, the Mannings and the Lears would join together to celebrate (music provided courtesy of the Zany Zaney’s). Rebecca and Grayson, Grandma and Grandpa, Mom, even Rachel would all be in attendance, as would Norma (who was starting to come around to actually tolerating Robin), her sister Wanda, and Vickie and her crew, of course.
They turned onto Montrose. Jake was beaming ear to ear, telling Cole what to expect in college. They had become very close in the course of Cole’s recovery, much to their mutual surprise—but Jake stopped mid-sentence when they turned onto his street and he saw all the cars outside the house. “What the—”
“Surprise!” Cole yelled as Robin turned into the drive.
Before Jake could respond, they all came rushing out beneath the homemade banner someone had hung across
the porch (Congratulations Jake!) clapping and shouting for the graduate to join them.
Cole was the first out, hobbling on one crutch into their midst with Jake’s tassel now hanging from his pants.
Slack-jawed, Jake turned and looked at Robin. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“You deserve it,” she said happily.
He laughed, shook his head. “No, I don’t deserve a damn thing. But I thank God every day that I have all this.” He reached across the truck, slipped his hand behind her neck, and pulled her close to kiss her. “I thank God I have you,” he said, and kissed her again until someone pounded on the window. Laughing against her mouth, he let go, got out, and was instantly overtaken by a swarm of buoyant, beer-drinking well-wishers.
Proud of him, and pleased with pulling off the party, Robin got out, too. As she walked around the front of the truck, she caught sight of a lone figure up on the porch, a little stooped, but still . . . her heart stopped; she shaded her eyes with her hand and peered up to make sure she wasn’t seeing things.
Nope. She’d know Dad anywhere. He was looking at her, his jaw clenched tight, and slowly, uncertainly, he lifted his hand and waved.
And Robin waved back.
--------
Beauty Queen (Book Two)
UNDERAPPRECIATED?
WE HAVE THE PERFECT JOB FOR YOU!
WANTED!! Dynamic, Exciting, and Very Important Company seeks former Beauty Queen with no discernible skills or knowledge for any position, no experience in any job-related field, and less than 30 hours toward Bachelor of Arts degree. Will train. Will assume lack of employment history is not necessarily a reflection upon applicant, but the result of a very busy social calendar. Will consider quantifying years spent shopping as years spent acquiring a skill, like maybe, time management, or something sounding equally important. Will provide ample opportunity for applicant to demonstrate she really is employable and really can do a good job, as put forth in Chapter 2, A Woman’s Guide to Finding Meaningful Employment.
