by C. Elizabeth
“Yeah, maybe.”
A small smile came to my face. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
~ * ~
As he walked me to my door, that creepy feeling that he wanted something snuck up and...I was right.
He turned to face me, then looked to the ground. “I really don’t like seeing you so unhappy. I watch you in the hallway and even though you’re laughing, something in your eyes says you really aren’t. It’s like there isn’t a spark there anymore.” He turned crimson.
“It will pass,” I resounded, trying to make light of it because he was taking me somewhere I didn’t want to go, nor did I want him to see me there.
Stepping closer, he wrapped one arm around my waist, and leaned in—my stomach lurched! It felt like I was cheating on Nathanael.
“Please don’t, Todd.”
He stepped back and hung his head low, then sighed. “Nathanael has left you out in the cold, and still you say there’s no chance for us?”
It was an off the cuff question, one that we both avoided for years. “I do love you, Todd, but only as a brother/friend. I’m sorry.”
His eyes glazed over just as he turned to leave. “Okay. See you tomorrow.”
“Todd!”
With a backhanded wave, he said, “It’s okay. I figured as much, but I thought I’d give it one last go. See ya.”
“Bye.”
The episode added one more thing to the pile of crap that had my insides mixed around and spitting up, keeping me on the brink of crying. Then that disconnected feeling took over again when I stepped into the kitchen. “Hi, Mom,” I called.
“Hi, honey, how was school?” she asked, peeking up from her newspaper. She’d become obsessed with reading our little local newspaper every day, along with following all the big city newspapers on the internet.
“Good,” I said, sticking my head in the fridge looking for something to eat. “What new mayhem is happening out in the world?”
She sighed. “Too much, way too much.”
It was her typical response every time I asked.
She snapped the pages and folded it. “You didn’t go to Sloppy’s again?”
Taking a bite of apple, I shook my head.
Her forehead creased with concern. “Saydi, you haven’t hung out with your friends for almost two weeks other than in school. You go to school, come home, go to work, come home, go to church, come home...”
I cut her off. “I get it, Mom. They’re always with Job and Joshua.”
The mention of their names consistently turned her eyes dark. “I wish they’d stay away from those boys. Besides, it’s not healthy not having any girl time.”
“Mom, it’s none of our business. They seem happy. I don’t know why you have it in for the Braxtons. The only one you need to not like is Nathanael. The others haven’t done anything.” Even saying his name threw my insides into turmoil. This is stupid! It was only three days! Get a grip.
“Did you pass that book along to Angie to give to Mr. Braxton?”
I totally forgot about it again. “No, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
There was a slight pleading in her eyes. “Please do, Saydi. It gives me the creeps having it in the house.”
“You’re still weird, Mom,” I said and scooted to my room, not waiting for a response—I could hear a little giggle behind me.
The book was still in the bag sitting on my dresser. I took my social binder out of my knapsack and shoved the book in. A piece of me didn’t want to give it back; it felt like Nathanael was close with it in my room.
The next day the book was finally in the not-so-safe hands of Angie, with strict instructions attached on how to handle it and not to forget to give it to Joshua. Other than having to give the book back, the following couple days were uneventful, though Norma and I made plans to watch a movie on Saturday night at her place.
~ * ~
After I finished work, Miranda handed me a bag full of goodies for our movie night. I headed for Norma’s, and once we hit the couch, we immediately loaded up on the popcorn and goodies, settling in with a comforter over our legs.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m good, why?”
“Well, we hardly see each other anymore.”
Throwing a piece of popcorn at her, I teased, “That’s because you’re always the fifth wheel.”
“Get out!” She giggled, then turned serious. “No really, Nathanael seemed to totally affect you.”
We both turned to look when the previews started.
I shrugged. “I don’t know what it is. There was something about him, and it feels like he ripped a piece of me out and took it. I feel so out of place and out of sorts all the time, like I don’t really belong anywhere.”
She rubbed my arm. “That sounds like depression. Maybe you should see someone?”
“No way, silly. I’m fine! It gets better and better every day,” I lied.
She eyeballed me and threw another piece of popcorn. “You better not be lying.”
“I’m not,” I lied again.
The movie was a romantic comedy and at first the lovey-dovey scenes bothered me, but then it got really funny. Nathanael, for the first time, was forgotten.
“I can’t remember laughing that hard! The part when he accidentally drops her on her head, when he’s trying to be all romantic, kissing her...” I burst out laughing again. It felt so good to laugh.
Norma threw her head back. “How dumb was that?”
The doorbell rang. We both looked at each other wide-eyed and giggled. She threw the blanket off and ran around the corner—the front door unlocked and I could hear indiscernible voices. Then Norma walked back in the room with her eyes big and a huge smile on her face—right behind her was Todd.
The grin on my face grew. “Well, I gotta get home and help Mom with...um...something.” I hurried passed them. “Don’t worry, I’ll show myself out.” Neither said a word, not even goodbye.
Mom wasn’t going to pick me up until eleven and it was only eight-thirty, so walking was my only option. It wasn’t too cold, plus I couldn’t help smile thinking about Norma and Todd. Geez, I hope he’s there to be with her and not tell her to take a hike. I continued to focus on the happy side of that. It would be so wonderful for her after all that time.
My mind was so wrapped up on Todd and Norma it seemed to take only a minute to get to the woods.
Sixteen
The closer I got to the path home, the more the air filled with the sweet, sharp smell of burning hickory, along with a luminous glow of a fire’s reflection bouncing off the branches and snow, all of which was coming from the swimming hole. Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe those beer heads. Normally after the snow fell, they were all a bunch of big babies and wouldn’t think of being outside. Then again, because it was them, they weren’t smart enough not to party there, especially if someone pulled some type of dare. Curiosity got the best of me and I lumbered on down the path in the exact opposite direction of home.
By rights there should have been a whole lot of hoopla from the drinkers, but there was none. The only sound coming from that direction was a loud off beat humming that piqued my interest even more, putting a little bit of scurry into my step. The edge of the trees came into view and I trekked into the clearing. Then my stomach hurled up into my throat as my hand slapped against my mouth to stop the sudden intake of breath from reversing direction into a scream.
Yes, there definitely was a fire.
People with dark robes and hoods stood around it; five had their arms raised while the other five held their arms out in front of them. Their hoods and the dancing shadows from the flames hid their faces, but you could tell their eyes were closed. Someone stood in the middle towering over another person on their knees. They had their head bowed down, faces hidden by the hood of a robe.
A chant that sounded like the chant from my dream got louder. The fire danced higher, and in one motion all arms we
nt to their sides. Then five lifted their arms above their heads, the others out to the front again, but there was a difference: the ones that lifted above their heads had a ball of fire in the palm of their hands, defying all reason.
Swiftly and at once, they clapped their hands, the fire launched into the air, spiraling until it formed a ring, then it shot through the middle of the circle meeting each point of clasped hands, forming a star. A pentagram made from a fire rolled and crackled above their heads.
My mind screamed, Step back and run! I shrank back into the shadow of the trees. The air finally released from my lungs, as my heart pounded in my ears, bringing with it the taste of lead to my dry mouth. My muscles tensed and shook, turning my legs to rubber. I recognized what they were doing. It was a ritual of some sort, for what I didn’t know, but what I did know was...it wasn’t a good one.
The whole group stayed in view. However, my attention was drawn to the one on their knees, in the middle, simply because, even though my mind continuously screamed at me to run, a calm came over me when I glanced at them and my heart rate slowed. With no warning, their head shot up, eyes clamped down on mine...Nathanael!
My teeth found the flesh of my tongue to stop the scream from echoing against the trees—I could see all of his features like I was standing right in front of him. The whites of his green/blue eyes were red as blood and there was no expression on his face. It was a lifeless stare. He looked dead.
Something pushed against my side. My teeth tightened down and the bitter taste of blood ran down my throat.
Saydi, run! It wasn’t my inside voice.
I gagged as Nathanael’s features started to blur from the tears building in my eyes. Still, I couldn’t move. Every muscle, cell and nerve, was a blob of nothing—I was paralyzed with fear.
Saydi, run! The voice was panicked, louder.
Another hard shove pushed me back and unlocked my focus from Nathanael. It looked like a deer was eyeball to eyeball with me and the tears let go. It wasn’t registering, only Nathanael was. My stare whipped back to him, but his head was down again.
Behind them, the color of the air was turning as a pink curtain slinked its way around the trees and landscape, past the fire, right through Nathanael and the rest. It found the swimming hole and as it cascaded across, it reflected against itself on the thin layer of ice.
My hysteria was going to let the whole world know where I was, and from the corner of my eye something else emerged... A dark silhouette stepped out from behind some trees, then ducked back in again—the pink monster rolled within itself and slowly disappeared. With no warning, I was being shoved farther down the path away from the fire.
Run!
My brain was finally able to command my legs to reattach, and without thinking, I fled down the path. Somewhere in the distance, in the farthest reaches of my mind, I heard a faint whisper, mask her footsteps.
A deer was right behind me, keeping pace... I stumbled and landed face first in the snow. It stopped and waited until I pushed myself back up. It was all I could do to keep my feet moving, because if I didn’t, they would deceive me and knock me to the ground.
The path ended and my feet hit the pavement. It felt like a split second later when I made it through the front door.
“Mom!” I screamed, running to where the only light was on...the kitchen. “Mom!”
In my panic I was only to be greeted by another jolt, stopping me in my tracks. My eyes darted around the room, taking stock of everything new standing in it.
Mom was sitting at the kitchen table and a man had his arms wrapped around her, kissing her head. He pushed back and stood up. He was tall and fit with soft features, yet rugged, like a man’s man. Dark hair sat neat on his head along with dark eyes under his long eyelashes and he stood about six foot four. I noted how handsome he was.
“Saydi!” Mom yelled, springing from her chair. We hugged each other while I scrutinized the scene.
“Mom?” I half answered, half asked. The tall guy smiled while I remained cautious, especially with the three standing behind him.
She let me go and I was finally able to look at her. There were dark circles under her puffy red eyes and her face was blotchy. She’d been crying.
“Come on, honey, I want you to meet some people.” She took my hand and pulled me further into the room.
The tall one took a step forward. “Saydi.” He smiled, and it was a very beautiful smile to boot. “I’m John.”
Okay, the mysterious John. I flipped my view from her to him, back and forth. Wavering, I said, “Hi.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said kindly.
“I’m sorry I can’t say the same.”
“Saydi!” Mom scolded.
Her tone surprised me. “Sorry! That’s not what I meant...” Looking again from him to Mom, I said, “I’m sorry, I only mean...”
He continued smiling. “Don’t concern yourself with it. I understood what you meant. How could it be nice to finally meet me, when you didn’t even know about me?”
“Yeah. Something like that.”
A very uncomfortable silence ensued. They were watching me like I was the one to start the conversation. Hello! Me kid. You adults.
John kept his distance. “Why don’t we sit down?”
Though I didn’t want to sit, something prompted me to. “Okay.”
“I understand you read the book The Two Thousandth Year War of the Spirit Light?” he half asked, half told.
Monitoring the other people, I responded, “Yeah.”
He leaned back. “Isn’t it fascinating?”
“Yeah.” My attention still drawn to behind him.
Then the whole room elaborated in the sense that even though John was in my peripheral vision, I could see him as if I were looking directly at him. It was like miniature TV’s showing me what everyone was doing without me moving my eyes—it was starting to freak me out. But I was able to get hold of myself for Mom’s sake, in case she needed help punching someone out or something along those lines.
John stood again. “Well, let’s introduce everyone.”
The three stepped forward. Mom grabbed my hand.
John held his hand out to the first woman. “Saydi, this is Mora.”
A woman about five seven with a beautiful figure and long curly jet black hair, moved toward me with a huge smile on her face. “Hi Saydi. It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she gushed, but kept her distance. Somehow, though she was looking at me, she hid her eyes.
I pushed away from the table and got to my feet. “Hi.”
She stepped back and the next stepped forward.
“This is Pearle,” John said, patting her hand.
She was about five nine, bleached white hair, dark eyes, and her skin was almost as white as her hair...but she was still beautiful. “Hello Saydi,” she breezed, taking my hand. “You have grown so much.” She turned to the other man. “Hasn’t she, Andre’?”
The man who had yet to be introduced nodded with a huge grin on his face.
Then she continued. “We’ve all been looking forward to this for many years, not the battle, but to teach you. It was an honor to be chosen.”
I raised my eyebrows and glanced at Mom. She shrugged and smiled with wide eyes.
John cleared his throat.
Pearle quickly looked at him, then said, “Oh, don’t listen to an old woman babble. It is finally nice to meet you.”
John shook his head and went on. “This is André.”
He was a small man about my height, thin with very little meat on his bones. “Hello Saydi, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
The back door flew open and a huge man rushed in with the wind, his biceps as thick as my thighs, dark skinned and about six four. He was out of breath when he spoke in his incredibly deep voice. “He’s back!” Then he stopped and looked around the room.
John smiled at him, then turned to me. “And this is Zachariah, otherwise known as Zack.”
&nb
sp; “Miss Saydi.” He smiled, walking toward me.
There was a little apprehension with such a huge man overshadowing the whole room. Mom patted my hand. John smiled and so did the rest. Me, I wondered if running was a good idea. The man was massive! “H...hi.”
Grabbing my hand, he shook and almost dislocated my shoulder. “It’s finally nice to meet you.” He let go and got into position behind John, like the rest of them.
Scanning the bunch of them, my eyes rested on John. “I’m assuming you’re the leader of the pack?”
Everyone broke out laughing, including Mom.
When his laughter died down some, John spoke, “No, I’m not the leader of the pack...” A few chuckles could be heard. “I’m...” He looked at Mom, then back to me. “Well, we have a lot to talk about.”
Mom stood up in such a way that it demanded everyone’s attention, and she got it. “I’m just going to say it, John...”
“No, Adina, there is no need right now.”
“Yes, there is.” She turned to me. “Saydi, John is your father.”
Seventeen
Okay, why not! Just hit me over the head with a baseball bat; it would fit right in with the rest of the night. The burn was working its way behind my eyes. Mom had been lying to me my whole life.
“Why?” It was barely a whisper.
She bundled me in her arms. “Honey, it was for good reasons, honest.”
I pushed her away, but she held tight onto my hands, crying with me.
So many times through my life I wished for a dad, one that would play baseball with me, come to my basketball games, or just be there at the supper table. Father’s Day was the worst for me; I had no one to make a present for. So Mom got two Mother’s Days every year.
I remember crying myself to sleep many times, wishing he had lived, wishing I could watch his face light up when I gave him a macaroni picture, wishing he were there to read me a bedtime story and give me a kiss goodnight.
I inspected this John person, doing a comparison analysis. We had the same round dark brown eyes, the same hair, although his was very short. His chin was a little square, so I had Mom’s round chin, but he and I had the same nose, a little pointy, but small. His cheeks were low and mine were high—my whole life everyone asked how I got such dark features when Mom was so fair. The answer, for the first time, was standing right in front of me and it was exactly what I had been told—my looks came from my dad.
