by Kaylee, Katy
My fingers were poised over the keyboard, and I typed in my login. When it came to the password, I just couldn’t do it. She could be online and she’d see that stupid green dot next to my name and she’d wonder if I was teasing her and had another woman or two on the line. Dating sites could be that way. You would get sort of heady with the attention and overcommit yourself. It was natural. Patients of mine confessed all sorts of sorted situations evolving from dating sites.
I pulled my hands back and use the mouse to shut down the computer. I was going to go through with it. Out of a sense of honor of nothing more. If we met and I thought she couldn’t handle a casual relationship, I would tell her goodbye then. Just not yet.
I got up the next morning and realized it was Friday. My date for the following night was the first thing that popped into my head. Again I had misgivings but I swallowed them. I had to find the courage to be normal, my normal self. I drove to work and there was an unsettled atmosphere at the prison. Apparently there’d been some sort of scuffle the night before and a guard had been hurt. That was bad news for the inmates. There was always hell to pay when a guard was hurt, or worse. They’d just come off of lockdown and now the inmates would drift out of their cells and gather in small groups in the cafeteria or outdoors, discussing their options and what they were going to do. Somewhere among those men was the attacker.
During situations like those, it was my job to keep people calm. I accomplished that by using a series of diversions. Depending on the source of unrest, it could be something as simple as watching a movie or something more lively like a game of football. It was cold and snowing in the prison yard. It was ringed by mud, the result of a thousand footsteps by the inmates as they walked their exercise route. I knew it was a risk but I hadn’t announced over the PA system that we were going to have a football game in the yard. I dressed warmly, picked up the ball and along with a few extra guards, went out into the yard to organize the teams.
There was a natural organization among gang members, but I tried to break these up. The point was to let them carry out their aggravation into non-hostile, potentially dangerous manner. It worked. We played along, very cold for quarters and then the men were escorted back inside where they headed for their cells and wrapped up in blankets to get warm. Their energy expended, many of them took a nap in the prison was calm once again. I was feeling good about my intervention skills when I got into the car and headed home for the weekend.
Saturday morning, I awakened and once again my date that evening was the first thing that came to mind. Determined to go through with it, no matter what, I showered and put on a sport coat and a pair of wool slacks. I skipped the aftershave, there was no point in making it smell like a romantic date. I showed up at the restaurant five minutes early and asked the waiter to see me, facing the door. I had started to bring a bouquet of roses to give her, but decided that sent the wrong message. Instead, I brought her the gift of a book I recently read and I thought she might be interested in. If she was and if we continue to be friends, it would provide fodder for discussions in the future. The waiter brought me a menu and I asked him to hold off until my guest joined me. He poured two glasses of water, nodded and left. Even though this wasn’t a romantic date, my nerves were still on edge. I busied myself looking at the menu, forming anagrams from the letters of the ingredients.
“Hello.”
I looked up and my heart stopped beating. It was Christina.
“Cat got your tongue?”
“I wasn’t expecting… Never mind. You’re the last person I expected to see. How are you?”
“Truthfully? I’m okay, but I’m lonely. I’ve missed you terribly.”
I breathed in slowly, but audibly. “You don’t know how often I would’ve given everything I own to hear you say those words.”
“Well, I just said them and it won’t cost you a dime.”
I looked around her, certain that my date would be showing up at any moment. What a horrible situation. I wanted to invite Christina to sit down, preferably on my lap so I could put my arms around her and hold on and never let her go again. Yet, she may not be open to that and there I was, meeting another woman. There was no way I could explain that. “Are you here for dinner?”
“That depends.”
“On…?”
“Whether you invite me to sit down.”
My thoughts were racing. Could I take her by the arm and quickly leave out the side door, avoiding the other woman entirely? Could we make it to my car and maybe even as far as my house so we could talk? Would Christina even agree? “I’d love to, but I have plans. I meeting someone.”
She flushed. “Oh, of course, I should have realized that. I’m sorry to have interrupted.”
Was it my imagination or were her words tinged with frost? “Christina, you don’t understand. It’s a woman, yes, and I met her on the dating site, yes. But it’s not what you think. We just had some good conversation and we decided to meet just as friends.”
“But that’s how it always starts, doesn’t it?”
“I know. But this is for real. Look, say the word and we will leave by the side entrance right now. I’ve never met her so she won’t be sure what I look like. She’ll feel like crap that I stood her up, but I don’t want you to go. Please, don’t go.”
“You sure you want to do that to her?”
“Okay, I confess. I told her about us, and she thinks I’m still in love with you. It might sting a little when I’m not here to meet her, but I’ll leave money for her to have dinner and I’ll explain it to her later. I know she’ll understand.”
“Then, let’s go.”
We were out the side door and into my car in under 30 seconds.
22
Christina
I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. I probably had this image of Nathan being surprised and then embarrassed and maybe even walking out to avoid talking to me. I knew he’d be angry that I had masqueraded as the other girl and I wouldn’t blame him. But it was the only way I could reach out to him.
I got into his car with him. I remembered the way it smelled, of aftershave and a little pipe tobacco it smelled like him and I curled into the seat and allowed it to hug me in lieu of his arms. We arrived at the burrow and wasted no time going inside. He went to the little built-in bar next to the fireplace and brought me scotch. I hated scotch but I was too polite to remind him, so I sipped it with the tip of my tongue.
“You’ve been gone a long time,” I began the conversation.
“Yes. I saw most of the world.”
“Really? What was your favorite country?”
“The US. I got tired of running away and decided to come home.”
“What were you running from?”
“Can’t you guess? First Macon and then you disappeared, not that I blame you one bit. I did a lot of thinking while I was gone, as well as a lot more when I got home. I contracted some sort of bacterial issue on the plane and was in the hospital for quite a while. They tell me I’m lucky to still be here.”
I let my mouth form and O, but let him continue. “I’m glad everything turned out well.”
“Are you? Yes, course you are. I’m falling back into bad habits, my skepticism. You know all about that.”
I smiled gently and nodded but didn’t say a word.
“Do you know how many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you?”
“Probably the same number of times that I wished you had.”
“So, where do we stand? I’ve missed you, Christina. I’ve changed a lot. You’ll see that in me. I don’t have my own practice anymore. It was too much work to revive it so I chose something a little simpler. I’m a shrink to a bunch of convicts.”
“I could say a thousand things but I’m going to restrain myself,” I laughed.
“Yeah, I get it. So, what about my question?”
“I still love you, Nathan, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Yes, I
guess I am. Enough to try again?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
I stood up and took the drink from his hand and set it on the side table, adding my next to it. I picked up my bag and took him by the hand, snagging my coat as I walked out the door with him. “You’re coming with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“This time you’re going to trust me. Give me your keys, I’ll drive.”
To my surprise, he didn’t argue. He was right, he had changed. He had given up his insane need to control people. He sat in the passenger seat, reclining comfortably and chatting about his travels. I interjected the occasional monosyllable just to let them know I was still listening. Eventually we pulled into my driveway and I shut off the car. “Get out.”
He looked around, confused. “Where are we?”
“Just get out and come with me.”
I took them to the front porch and tapped a couple times before I unlocked the door with my key. I swung the door open and stood back, motioning him inside. He walked into the foyer and stood to one side as I closed the door and slid off my coat, hanging it on the hook of the hall tree. “Stay right here.”
I walked upstairs and found the babysitter sitting in Michael’s room, reading him a story as he was trying to go to sleep. I paid her quickly and asked her to leave. She was a little puzzled I knew, but I’d straighten it out with her later on. She left, passing Nathan on her way out the front door. I didn’t hear him ask her anything.
As soon as Michael had seen me come in, he stood, holding out his arms to be picked up. I grabbed his pacifier and wrapped a blanket around him. It was colder downstairs. The house was a craftsman style with a sturdy staircase between the floors. I took a deep breath. The next five minutes would tell me the outcome for my entire life.
One by one, I took the steps downward, holding carefully on to the railing as I held Michael in my arms. I watch Nathan’s face as I approached. At last I reached the foyer floor and I turned toward him and held Michael out. “Meet your son. His name is Michael.”
Nathan’s face snapped as he stared at me with an open mouth. “What do you mean?”
“I have a confession to make.” I could see his face sag and I knew what he was expecting to hear. “Do you remember that first time we were together?”
He nodded.
“You asked me if I was on birth control but you had me so excited, I lied. I wasn’t on birth control and Michael here is the result.”
“You’re serious? He’s really mine?”
“I should slap you for questioning me, but I suppose I deserve that. After all I was the one who lied and thank God that I did. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be holding your son today.” We both looked at one another, the double entendre not escaping us. Nathan took Michael from me and held him on one arm as he used his hand to run his fingers through the baby’s hair.
“My God, he looked so much like my baby pictures.” He was smiling and his entire body posture had straightened up.
“Well, there’s a little of me in him to. Come on, let’s go into the living room where we can sit down. I’ll join you in a second. I’m going to get Michael a bottle with orange juice.”
When I walked into the living room Nathan spoke up. “How did you come up with the name Michael?”
“Just to name I’ve always liked. No special significance. Don’t worry, Nathan. I swear he’s yours. In fact, will do a DNA test because I never want there to be any question about it.”
“Are you going to let me be a part of his life?” His voice was that of a young boy, insecure and questioning.
“If you want to.” I heard myself giving permission for the very thing that I’d feared for so long. I was offering him to be a part of my son’s life and I didn’t know whether I was part of the bargain, or was I the booby prize he had to take to get the deal?
“Of course, I want to. I want you both. I wanted you well, I never stopped wanting you. I just didn’t know he existed. How about you, Christina? Will you have me?”
“What are you saying?”
“Exactly what you think I’m saying. Christina, will you be my wife and bring Michael, our son?”
I was shocked at how quickly it had happened. I did finally take a chance and open my heart, holding my breath whether it would come back to bite me. It hadn’t. I smiled and nodded. “Yes, we will.”
Epilogue
We were married in the spring because I wanted it outdoors, with flowers. Michael was walking well by then and he acted as the ring bearer and cake destroyer. We laughed and snapped pictures as his chubby hands dove into the confection and smeared it down his clothes. Nathan held him and got decorated for his efforts.
We’d decided that a child shouldn’t live in a cave or an old lady’s mid-century house, so we picked a home in a suburb where Michael could go to a good school and play with other children. Nathan resigned from his prison job and went back into private practice. Within a few months, his patient bookings were back to where they’d been. He was very good at what he did.
I started my own blog. The subjects were for troubled youths and it was more about helping them than the little bit of money it earned. My name began to get around and from time to time I was asked to speak at different community functions on the topic. I loved it.
Nathan and I talked about the rabid sex he’d insisted on in the early days. I told him it made me feel subjugated and the new Nathan understood. He became my hero, my knight and my lover in a new, tender way that was all about our love for one another and had nothing to do with dominance. He’d given up the sex therapy classes. After all, he had no willing partner for demonstration.
***The End***
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Forbidden Dad (Excerpt)
Description
He’s hot.
Hard muscle, toned abs and the strongest, most irresistible arms…
But he’s 42 years old.
As if that age gap wasn’t enough…
He’s also my best friend’s dad!
I know… She’s going to kill me if she finds out.
But do I care?
Not really.
Her dad will always be my first love…
My only love.
I’ll just have to make up a story for my best friend.
Yeah, my secrets are definitely piling up.
But there’s one secret that’s going to be hard to keep
…because it’ll be out in the open in nine months!
Prologue
Paris – Friday
I walked down the concrete back hallway of The Pink Diamond, my heart thudding a million miles per minute. The distance from the dressing room to the backstage area wasn’t long, but it was long enough for me to wince as bolts of pain shot up my legs. The chunky Lucite platforms strapped to my feet felt alien to me, like I’d raided a stranger’s wardrobe, and I had a feeling that I was never going to be comfortable in just a skimpy bikini.
This is all my fault, I told myself, biting my lip and touching my hair with my hands. I hoped that I’d put in enough hairspray to keep it from going flat – the other girls had told me that being under the lights was a sweltering experience after only a few minutes.
The music boomed around me, so loud that I felt it in the cavity of my chest. As Ariana Grande sang about how much she wanted you to be
her baby and I closed my eyes, leaning against the wall and taking a deep breath.
It was so hard to believe that just two weeks ago, my whole world had come crashing down.
“Ms. Malone, I don’t know what to tell you,” the college registrar, Angela, told me. Her voice was devoid of sympathy, and I tried to give her my warmest smile in an attempt to endear myself.
“It’s Paris, really,” I told her. “And are you sure? I thought that when I got the scholarship, it meant all four years would be covered ... not just the first three.”
Angela pressed her lips together and sighed. “That’s correct,” she said. “But that was predicated on the assumption you’d maintain a 3.5 GPA.”
I blinked at her, suddenly startled.
“You didn’t perform as well this past semester, and your scholarship has been revoked,” she added, narrowing her eyes at me like I was a petulant child. “Do you understand?”
“I ...” I trailed off awkwardly. This wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go – rather, the total opposite. “I was dealing with a lot.”
“Let me see,” Angela said, clearing her throat and turning her attention back to her computer. I waited in agonizing silence as she typed and clacked away at the keyboard, eyes darting across the screen. It seemed to take forever, and I began to wonder if she was deliberately messing with me.
