In Service

by Mima

  It’s insulting poo, is what it is.”

  He sat up on the bed. “Malla, look at me.”

  The defeat in his voice stilled her fight with her sash. She looked at him.

  His shoulders sagged. “I'm never going to be able to give you that. Because of my gift.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I'm a berzeker, remember?”

  “So?” She folded her arms, glaring at him.

  “Malla, it's not like any other gift. There's a force inside me… I call it the Fury. If I get too worked up, too worried, too angry, it rises, and I…leave.”

  “You do not. You're just in an altered state.”

  “Exactly. I'm not myself. I'm incredibly violent, and I retain no memories from when I'm in that state. Believe me, High Post has tried every drug and psychic they have, because sometimes I've been places in my berzerker state where it would be really convenient for me to remember key details. But they get nothing from me, because my brain is simply…off.”

  She gasped, her hand jumping to her throat. His own people, torturing him. Him,

  letting them. It was so unfair.

  “I will never risk you that way. Never. You don't know what you're asking for, and you're wrong to ask for it. Wrong to ask me to risk that. What if I ripped you up, and went out the door and onto the team? The only way they'd get me down is if they used their gifts on me in return. That's not a scenario I'll ever risk. Not even to satisfy your desire.”

  “I don't believe that. I'll never believe it. You go into your berzerker state all the time on missions, and you've never attacked them. You need to trust yourself.”

  “Why do you think I've never attacked them?” Now his voice was cold, closed.

  “It's in your file. How in training after training, you take out the hostiles, and you stop fighting, with your team around you. And there's not a single report of you turning on them.”

  “Have you seen the scar on Vel's face?”

  Uncertain, she swallowed. “Yes.”

  “Have you seen the scars on Kor's lower back?”

  In a smaller voice, filling with dread, she said, “Yes.”

  “Have you seen the mass of scars on Grady's right forearm?”

  She nodded, mouth dry as dust.

  “Me. I don't remember it, of course. But all of those are from me. And those were just the worst that didn't heal fully on the first service back from a mission, so they scarred. We don't put it in the reports because I'd get yanked.”

  He sat in the rumpled sheets of the dimly lit bedroom, and her heart cracked.

  “I should be yanked, and I'll yank myself as soon as the war is over. But I'll probably die before then. I'll die taking down hostiles, freeing innocents, and I'll go down proud.

  Which is more than an animal like me deserves.”

  Like a small child, she whispered, “No.” Shon did not really count himself as part of the team. Not deep down. It was so clear to her. It was him and his team together, failing to see that even a violent soul had a place with them. Either they believed he was worthy with his gift, danger and all, or they believed he was flawed and to be kept apart from them. The will to change this, for more than just her own emotional satisfaction, bloomed with bitter anguish in her belly.

  Like a grim, brutal warrior, he nodded. “Yes. They know I'm a walking bomb, and they fight by my side anyway because it's true that most times I don't go for them. And they've learned, through painful mistakes, what triggers attacks on them when I'm in the Fury.

  We're managing, but it's a gamble every time. Every time. I fight to keep it in, but my gift has saved our asses more than I can count. It's a balance. I risk them to save them, and it sucks.”

  She would change this. She would.

  “But I'm certainly not going to risk you, just because your intuition has picked up that I'm holding back. You're right. I am. And no matter how wild and pure the sex gets, I'm never going to let you near that part of me.”

  It was exactly the part she wanted. At the least, she needed him to know he was utterly free with her. She didn’t want him boxed up and controlled. She wanted the real Shon, even if she had to take damage to enjoy him. But she believed with all of herself that she’d be able to read him well enough to avoid an attack.

  “Eventually, I’ll see that part of you. It will happen during a mission at some point.

  You’ll see then, that I can handle it.” She refused to become some sort of paper doll for him that he cosseted and pretended with. Part of it was pride. She swore when she signed to be a server that no team of hers would ever be just a job. But the larger part of it was Shon, with his black, serious eyes, and his quiet walk. He was mystery, intelligence, and strength. She wanted him.

  His voice was gritty with exhaustion. “They’re never going to let you near me like that.

  It’s not a matter of shame for me. It’s a matter of sanity. I’d die if I knew I left even one scratch on you.”

  Malla stood at the side of his bed, staring at his taut face, his grim eyes. “I'm so sorry. I want more for you.” I want all of you. Her hands were so cold, heavy.

  “Stardust, I'm doing all right. When I'm with you, I'm better than all right.”

  Malla crawled back up onto the bed. He lay down, pulled her against his shoulder, covering them both. And she held him tightly.

  * * * * *

  The Team sat around the kitchen table. Malla sat with them. For the first time, they were together in one place, and they were an impressive collection of testosterone. Also for the first time since her arrival, she was dressed. Between sleeping and sex, she hadn't really had the need. Her robe had been enough for Bea's good-bye meal.

  They were intently passing around various vid plates. Shon gave her a plate with some of the pertinent facts about their enemy. She read it with ice in her veins. He was a very, very powerful man. An awful, evil man.

  “How can this be? Vel, is this true? There’s proof that the Duke can coordinate with the bugs?” Malla was nauseated by the concept a human would be in league with them.

  Vel sat close to Grady, touching shoulders. His red-gold hair glowed like a natural crown, tending to wave in thick swirls. His leanness made him look smaller than Grady, but they were similar in height. “My father spent three years gathering irrefutable evidence, suffering the bastard Duke’s underhanded Council dealings as he played the war to build his own little empire. Even though the Duke’s indictment for treason, high corruption, and aiding the enemy is proceeding, he used blackmail to get the Council to allow him to keep his seat right up until the verdict.”

  “It’s unbelievable,” Kor grumbled. “I know the rat bastard is planning some last minute escape. They just let him waltz around free with nothing but a measly blood tracer. While good men are dying to fight the bugs, he’s working with them to bring our whole society down.” Kor was a bit shorter than the rest of the team, with truly impressive shoulders set off by narrow hips. His light brown hair was shaggy, down around his neck. His eyes were dark today, mostly brown, with a hint of green. His skin was paler than Shon's, who was the darkest of the group.

  Grady’s rumble picked up. “Ever since the trial started, all appearance of assistance with the Alliance vanished from several major corporations and one significantly large and talented human mercenary group. They are openly working against the High Post, and wielding a media war on the Council, calling for dissolution of the Alliance.”

  Malla laughed in disbelief. “Who believes that we’d last a month without the Alliance’s coordinated efforts?”

  “People who don’t live near one of the hundreds of bug portals and haven’t met anyone who has.” Kor’s voice was bitter. “We give them safety bought with death, and they get greedy.”

  Shon’s voice was cold. “We’ve known the Duke has been looking for every opportunity to undermine the Alliance, and the Council in particular, for the last five years. But now he’s discovered Vel’s exact location. The me
dia has known that Vel covers his political duties as the Crown Prince of Shaubia while on active duty with a Luo team. But his position was classified. The Duke has broken our security. He knows where Vel is now, and he’s not going to stop.”

  Shon had nearly black hair and black eyes that were usually squinting. He seemed to always be thinking, assessing. Malla loved the way he looked at her, so intent. He had several faint scars on his face, and despite not having Kor's shoulders or Grady's bulk, he carried a presence that made him seem huge. Vel had it too, a kind of natural leadership. But Shon's wasn't as calm, contained, practiced. Shon's seethed. She hadn't figured out yet if that was because of the situation they were in, or if he was always like that.

  “We bring the fight to him,” Grady said harshly. His large, square jaw made his face look ruthless. His pale blond hair was cut soldier short, and there were lines at his eyes. “We need something big, to make him back off. Shon’s compiled all these files. Somewhere in here is the answer to scraping that fucker’s shadow off our team.”

  Sighing, her stomach tight with dread, Malla watched her men assess and discuss. The technical lines of holdings and factions blurred before her eyes. She struggled to focus on the conversation, a driving need to contribute keeping her heavy eyes open.

  “It's such bullshit!” Kor threw a vid plate at the kitchen wall, shattering it into clattering pieces. “It all keeps coming back around to him and he's walking around free.”

  Malla sat still next to Kor, who was beet red with rage.

  Turning on Shon he slammed his hands on the table. “Well, you showed us all the

  evidence. We can figure it all out, so just say it already.”

  The silence stretched in the tiny, stark kitchen.

  Vel said calmly, “He's going to call us out. It will either be a suicide mission we can't refuse or an ambush with overwhelming odds.”

  “Fuck! Fucking son-of-a-bitch bug whore!” Kor exploded out of his chair, sending it crashing back against the wall. He stomped around the room, fists clenching.

  Grady never took his eyes off of Vel. “It's time for you to retire. This is it, Vel. You can't go forward in these conditions. From the minute we set foot off this station, we're a target he'll gun for with assassins and traps. Time for you to head to Shaubia.”

  Vel looked back at Grady, silver eyes narrowing. “I'll be in just as much danger there as here, with crappier security and fewer people I can trust. If I remain, we're at full strength, and my best defense is to take the Duke out. Like you said, take the fight to him.”

  Kor kicked his fallen chair at the wall. It rebounded and skittered toward Malla, making her cringe. He blurred, grabbed it before it hit her, and threw it on the floor in a temper.

  “Kor!” Shon barked. “You almost hit Malla. Sit down.”

  He didn’t. “I have enough to hire an assassin, Shon. Please, please, just let me at the public comlink in the station bar, and I'll call in a favor.”

  Vel laughed. “Don't you think I haven't already tried?”

  Kor looked at Vel, jaw slack. “No, actually it never occurred to me that ole' Prince

  ‘take-em-alive-if-we-can’ Vel would try to whack the crazy-ass traitor.”

  Vel lifted his lip in a sneer. “Pup, I've been killing people longer than you. Just because I'm civilized enough to make sure they deserve it before I go for it doesn't mean I'm weak.”

  Grady leaned in, pushing the air with his enormous spread hands. “Calm down. He

  never called you weak, Vel.”

  “Shut the fuck up, Grady,” Kor snarled. “I just discovered Vel has balls beyond what's on his crown, and I'm impressed.”

  Vel lunged for Kor, who laughed and punched him in the cheek.

  Grady roared, toppling over his chair as he stood. There was a blur of motion, and Kor was on the floor in the corner. Another blur and Vel was right back down in his chair. Shon held Grady against the wall as he cursed Kor across the room.

  Malla unfolded herself from her chair. Using all the breath in her lungs, she said,

  “Enough.”

  The room fell silent.

  Malla turned to Kor, who was wiping blood off his lip. “Are you all right?”

  “Of course I am,” he said indignantly.

  She turned to Vel, who had a red welt on one cheek and was staring at Kor with

  murder in his eyes. “And you?”

  “Fine.”

  Malla turned to Shon. “Let Grady go. All of you get in your chairs, and sit down.” She turned back to Kor, who groaned as he stood. “Without a word, if you please.”

  When they'd all picked up their chairs and the vid plates, she sat, too.

  “That was very immature, Kor. Your worry and fear made you pick a fight with your own team.”

  He folded his arms, eyes on the table, sulking. She noticed he didn't deny he was afraid.

  “Shon, is there any chance we can take the fight to him?”

  His eyes were so black they seemed bottomless. “What do you mean?”

  “Why wait for the summons? Why let him put the obstacle in place? You're not in

  rotation, and you have me. So rough justice has failed and legal justice is about to win. All you have to do is stay one step ahead him. Keep him hopping. Bring it to him.”

  “If we got caught going after a councilman, it would make all his lies about a

  conspiracy against him look true,” Vel said.

  “No, not after him, per se, but after his assets. Surely you must have an idea of some weak area. Is there any part of his foundation that we can turn to our side, or capture?”

  The men were quiet. Grady picked up a plate, thumbed through it.

  “The drug operation on Habenvor is about to go down. We could totally take it out without breaking a sweat,” Kor offered.

  “But that's already about to go down. He's probably already written it off. We need him to sit up and take notice.” Shon picked up two vid plates, scanning them simultaneously.

  “I like the idea of turning a part of his power over to us. Beyond just destroying something, what could we gain ?” Vel sat back, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “We'd only need to hold it for the short term. It doesn't have to be a watertight partnership, but it has to be big.”

  Grady echoed, “We want a big, short-term gain.”

  “Radha.” Shon's word brought the other men's faces whipping around to him.

  Malla asked, “Who's Radha?”

  “One hot piece of ass, that's who,” Kor answered faintly.

  Grady snorted. “She's the daughter of Saxon, the leader of the Ion Blades.”

  Malla blinked. “The Ion Blades? They're real? Is that the mercenary group you

  mentioned in your report?” They were the bogeymen of deep space. Before, she’d heard no pirate was safe from them. Now, no merchant or scientific caravan was safe.

  “Yeah, they're real, although a lot of the stories about them aren't.” Vel still pulled at his lower lip. His eyes narrowed. “They used to work for President Khipo, one of the good guys.”

  Kor added, “Now, they work for the Duke. There were rumors swirling that he had her. There was a huge reward for information about her. I mean, huge. Then two of Saxon's captains were taken out, and the reward disappeared, even though Radha never reappeared.”

  Shon laid his plates down. “We thought then that the Duke had her. He had her, and when Saxon tried to get her back, he taught him a public lesson. And I'm very much afraid, a private one probably accompanied the hits. Otherwise, I don't see Saxon backing off from his baby girl, not even over the loss of his best men.”

  Anticipation buzzed beneath her skin.

  Shon turned to her. “You are brilliant. I won't underestimate having a second high-ranking tactics talent with us again.”

  Grady growled. “I never liked Radha, but no one deserves to be kept by the Duke. He's had her, what, six months?”

  “Eight,” Kor answered. “They took her not
a month after I tasted her. Her team lost a member in it.”

  All the men were silent, looking at the table. Grady made the sign of the Spirit. Malla remembered they'd lost a man, before Kor.

  Kor cleared his throat. “And if you hadn't interrupted us, I could have convinced her to sign on with our team. You would have learned to like her. Trust me.”

  Malla was confused. “What happened?”

  “Pretty boy, as usual, couldn't keep his dick in his pants. He seduced her at one of the few social functions I couldn't get out of. She was already assigned to another team, and it's in really, really crappy taste to seduce someone else's server. Grady stopped him.” Vel's voice could have been cold, but was more fondly amused.

  “Radha's a server?”

  “Yeah. An Elite, and between that and her father, she's real stuck up. Most Elites are,”

  Grady grumbled.

  “Am I stuck up?” Malla asked, nonplussed.

  The men all turned to stare at her for a beat of silence.

  “What?” she asked, shriveling inside. “Am I too pushy?”

  They all burst out laughing. Vel leaned his head against Grady's arm, while Grady pounded on the table. Heat crawled up her face, even as her mouth curved up at their infectious laughter.

  “So, I'm not?”

  Kor shook his head. “You drove yourself here in a fighter pod, Malla. Shit, you'd reclaimed Vel and Grady before the shift changed. Last time we had an Elite, we didn't get to see her for her formal welcoming dinner until she'd spent twelve hours primping in her room.”

  Grady leaned over to cover both her clasped hands with one of his. “You're so sweet.

  You're wild and sweet, just the way 983 needs you to be. Don't ever change, Malla. You're good.”

  Vel wiped at his eyes, sighing. “So. We have some recon to do and some research. We have a mission, my friends.”

  “Team, this is Mission Turnabout.” Shon looked each man in the eyes. Malla sat up straight when he included her. “We're going to find Radha and give her back to her father. I guarantee that once they’re free to do so, the Ion Blades will rampage against the Duke’s holdings. The Duke will be so very pissed off, but too busy to be focused on us. With the damage to his credibility rippling out from Dunru, the Ion’s no longer under his thumb and looking for blood, and Vel’s father holding the political pressure in his trial for treason, the Duke won’t be able to touch us.”