by Diana Palmer
She was hesitant, not because she wasn’t grateful, but because she’d just realized that sooner or later she was going to have to leave Ramon.
“Think about it,” Mary encouraged. “You don’t have to decide right now.”
“I will. Thank you.”
They were still a little awkward when they left, but the atmosphere was the best it had ever been. In time, Noreen thought, they might become close.
Ramon came back when they left to see how the visit had affected his patient. He had a stethoscope in his hand and Miss Plimm was with him.
“I just want to check you,” he reassured her, motioning Miss Plimm to do the necessary uncovering.
It surprised Noreen that he had Miss Plimm stay while he examined her, but perhaps he was regretting the wild statements he’d made earlier and didn’t want Noreen to get any ideas about his intentions. Here, he had a witness who could swear that he hadn’t touched Noreen in any unprofessional way.
He lifted his head and nodded. “That valve sounds very good. Of course, we’ll need to monitor you closely for the first few weeks.”
“My aunt and uncle want to take me on a holiday down to the Caribbean,” she ventured.
His eyes darkened. “Not right away,” he said. “I’ll want you close to the hospital. Not because I expect anything to go wrong,” he added harshly when he saw her expression, “simply because it isn’t wise to leave the country only a few days after major surgery!”
“Oh. I see.”
“You could have fooled me,” he said curtly. “I’ll check on you again later. No trips. Not until you’re released, and that won’t be until three months after the date of the surgery. Maybe.”
He turned on his heel and walked out. Noreen didn’t know why he was so angry. Surely he didn’t mind that her aunt and uncle were trying to build a relationship with her.
He left and didn’t come back until almost bedtime. He’d been working, she could tell by the drawn look about him.
“Emergency surgery,” he explained, all but falling into the chair by the bed. “And not in time. He didn’t make it. I had to tell his pregnant wife.” He hit the arm of the chair with the flat of his hand. “Damn it, why don’t people think? He’d known for years that he had a bad heart, but he refused to go to the doctor, even when he started having shortness of breath and chest pain. He collapsed at the office and when they brought him in, the major part of his heart was already dead. Dead! You can’t replace dead heart tissue and it doesn’t regenerate. I couldn’t do a thing for him. Damn the luck!”
He was furious, but underneath it was a black grief that he hadn’t been able to save the man.
Noreen simply held out her arms.
At first he couldn’t believe his own eyes. Then he drew in a ragged breath and went to her, careful not to put any pressure on her chest as he buried his face in her long, soft hair and gripped the pillows beside her head. She felt a wetness on his cheek where she stroked it and smiled sadly. It was one of the many things she loved about Ramon, that he didn’t stoically hide every emotion and pretend he felt nothing. He wasn’t less a man for being able to feel compassion.
“It’s all right,” she whispered, smoothing his thick black hair. “I know you did the very best you could do. But God decides in the end who lives and who dies. Not even the best surgeon can stand against God. It’s not your fault, Ramon. It’s not your fault.”
Her voice was comforting. He loved the softness of it. He drew in a steadying breath and seemed to relax in her arms. “You were raised Catholic, weren’t you?” he asked suddenly, his voice deep and quiet.
Her hand stilled in his hair. “Yes. But later on, I went with my aunt and uncle to the Presbyterian church. I still go, when I’m not working.”
He lifted his head and searched her eyes. His were still damp, but he didn’t seem to mind her seeing them. He brushed the disheveled hair away from her cheek. “I don’t go to mass as often as I should, or to confession. But I feel my faith deeply. At times like these, it sustains me.”
Her fingertips traced his firm chin. He was so good to look at. “I know it hurts to lose a patient. You have to try to think about how many lives you’ve saved,” she said softly, “instead of dwelling on the ones that don’t live.” She smiled gently. “It hurts me to lose a patient, too, even though I’m a nurse. Despite all they tell us about keeping an emotional distance, it’s impossible not to get attached to some people.”
He drew in a long breath and toyed with her hair. “That’s true.” He smiled.
She loved touching him. Her eyes betrayed the tenderness she couldn’t hide. He saw it, and his chest rose and fell unsteadily.
“You love children, don’t you?” he asked. “I remember seeing you on the pediatric cancer ward last Christmas, playing with the toddlers and then crying in the hall afterward.”
She remembered that Ramon had spotted her there, and despite the enmity between them, he’d stopped long enough to talk to her. In fact, he’d spent several minutes with her there in the corridor, talking softly about the new treatments, the experimental drugs. He’d talked until the tears stopped, and he’d been kind. It hadn’t occurred to her at the time how odd it was to have her worst enemy offer kindness.
“They were so young,” she said. “So terribly young to have known that kind of pain and hopelessness.”
“One day research will catch up with cancer,” he promised her.
“Oh, I hope so.” She searched his eyes. “Feel better?” she asked softly.
He smiled and nodded. “Much.”
“Have you eaten?”
He shook his head. “I wasn’t hungry. But I think I could eat now. Have you had anything?”
“I had some of the cook’s potato and broccoli soup. It was delicious.”
“I think I’ll go and have a bowl of it. Can I bring you anything?”
“No, thank you. Have you seen Mosquito?” she asked suddenly, having missed the kitten.
“She’s in the kitchen having a snack,” he said. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Have you noticed how we nurture each other?” he asked softly.
She flushed. “I would have done the same thing for…”
“For anyone?” he asked. “Yes, I know. But perhaps not in the same way.” He bent and touched his cool lips gently to her mouth. “Do you want to hear Baroja, when I’ve eaten?”
She smiled. “Yes.”
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He got up from the bed and gazed down at her hungrily. He’d never had such tender comfort in his life as she gave him. He’d lost a patient early in his marriage to Isadora, and his depression had only irritated her. She was getting ready for a dinner party and chided him for being so involved with his patients. She’d never understood, as Noreen did, his pain at being incapable of holding back the Grim Reaper.
“Are you all right now?” she asked.
He smiled at her. “Yes. I’m all right. I’ll be back when I’ve eaten.”
And he was. He read her the first chapter of Paradox, Rey by Baroja, pausing as he went along to let her translate. She understood most of it, and he helped her when she had problems with some unfamiliar verbs.
“I especially like the part, later on, with the feminist who swears that Shakespeare was a woman.” She chuckled.
He laughed along with her. “Yes. It’s a marvelous work, isn’t it? He was brilliant, despite his idiosyncrasies.”
“You read Spanish so beautifully,” she remarked. “I could listen to you all night. But you need your rest.”
He closed the book. “So do you. Is it still sore?”
She grimaced. “Yes, but it’s where the stitches were that bother me most. They’re starting to itch, and they’re uncomfortable.”
“I used staples,” he reminded her, “not stitches.”
“Whatever it is itches.”
He chuckled. “That means it’s healing,” he reassured her. “Need something
to help you sleep?”
“A couple of those pain tablets would be nice,” she admitted. “I won’t get addicted or anything?”
“As if I’d be negligent enough to let you,” he chided. He shook out the tablets from the prescription bottle into her hand and helped her with the glass of juice to swallow them.
“Sorry,” she murmured. “I know better.”
“Of course you do.” He put the glass away. “Sleep well.”
“When can I get outside again?” she asked.
“Perhaps next week, on a sunny day. We’ll talk about it later.”
“I want to see the world outside.”
“I’ll do my best to get you out there,” he promised. “But I can’t let you catch cold. You’ll have to dress warmly. Do you have a coat at your apartment?”
She grimaced. “A jacket.”
He didn’t say anything. He only murmured, and shortly thereafter he left.
A week later, on a sunny day, he helped her into a new full-length velvet coat the color of sapphires. She started to protest, but he told her that it was one he’d found on sale and it was only a trifle. She could even pay him back if she was determined to be independent. Thankfully she couldn’t get to the exclusive boutique where he’d purchased it to see the price tag.
She gave in gracefully and clung to his arm as he escorted her into the elevator and then out the front door. The apartment manager and the clerk watched their slow progress with wide grins. Everyone who knew Ramon had learned about the care he was taking of his cousin-in-law. It was nice to see her up and around after so frightening a surgery. Ramon was well liked, and so was Miss Plimm, who could be encouraged to talk about her nice young patient.
Ramon helped her slowly through the revolving door and onto the street where she was almost knocked down by an irritated-looking businessman who glared at her.
“She’s just had open-heart surgery,” Ramon told the man with a threat in his black eyes. “You might have enough consideration for other pedestrians to slow down!”
The man took a good look at Noreen and flushed a little as he saw the effort it was taking her just to walk.
“Sorry,” he murmured and with a quick glance at Ramon he darted inside.
“The eternal businessman,” Ramon muttered. “How little money compares to good health. I expect his blood pressure runs high and he fills his system with fried foods and takeout.”
“Boy, are you in a foul mood,” she chided breathlessly, clinging to him in the soft coat and fuzzy hat he’d bought her to go with it.
He held her more securely, his dark eyes still flashing with temper as he looked down at her. “He might have hurt you,” he said angrily.
She liked his protective attitude, because she was weak and fragile and vulnerable. Quick tears rose in her eyes.
“Stop that,” he said softly, wiping them away with a gloved hand. “A miss is as good as a mile.”
“That wasn’t why,” she explained, searching his eyes. “I was thinking how sweet it was to have you concerned for me, that’s all. It frightened me a little.”
His jaw went taut. “I should have knocked him down,” he gritted.
She drew two long breaths. “I’m all right, as long as I’ve got you to hold on to.” She clung to his arm, smiling, radiant. “Oh, Ramon, it’s so nice to be outside!”
The face she turned up to his was so beautiful that it hit him in the stomach like a fist. He actually caught his breath at its utter loveliness.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing at all,” he assured her. “I was thinking how lovely you look.”
She flushed. “The coat and hat are very nice.”
“The woman inside them is beautiful,” he replied. “And not only outwardly. I was also thinking,” he added, “how sweet it would be if we had a little girl with your big gray eyes and that soft, sweet smile.”
Chapter Ten
She felt the ground go out from under her, and his supporting arm was there, gently holding her up.
“It’s too soon for this,” he said at once, worried. “I shouldn’t have let you walk so far.”
“I’m all right,” she replied. She leaned against him. “It wasn’t the walking. I thought I heard you say…” She laughed self-consciously. “Never mind. I expect I’m a little disoriented.”
“I said that I’d like to have a daughter with you,” he repeated it, bringing her startled gaze up to his. “I quite realize that it’s much too soon to be speaking of such things. But we’ve spoken of rings, and babies seemed the natural end to the sequence.”
“Rings…you meant a…a wedding ring?” she exclaimed.
He scowled. “Of what were you thinking?”
“A Christmas present,” she faltered. “Perhaps a birth-stone ring.”
He sighed roughly. “I suppose I can’t expect you to trust me so completely all at once, much less expect talk of marriage?” he asked with scarcely concealed impatience.
She shook her head. She was certain that she must be losing her mind. Her wide gray eyes were fixed, unblinking, on his lean, handsome face.
His gaze went from her face down her slender body in the long coat. “A surgeon’s life is a hectic one,” he said, holding her gently just in front of him while pedestrians went around them. “But I have some time to myself, as you see, and I make more than enough to support you and a family.”
Her cheeks felt hot. “You only feel guilty and sorry for me…”
He smiled gently. “Two emotions that have no power to induce a proposal of marriage from me, Noreen,” he said. “We fit together so well, haven’t you noticed? You’re happy with me, aren’t you?”
She was worried. Her hands pressed into the cashmere of his long coat. “Yes.” There was no denying that. “But it’s too soon. I want to be back on my feet and completely well before we…” She looked up. “Can I have a baby?”
His cheeks actually flushed.
She glowered at him. “Not right now,” she muttered. “I mean, will I be able to, with an artificial valve?”
“Of course,” he said. He laughed unsteadily. “My God, what a knock you gave me.” He caught his breath. “Forgive me. I immediately thought of ways and means around your condition. Which is an utter impossibility at the moment, anyway.”
Now she blushed and looked away, understanding him all too well.
“You could answer me, though,” he prompted.
She moved closer to him. “I love babies.”
“I know. So do I.”
“And I suppose it would be best if they came in wedlock instead of outside it. But my aunt and uncle…”
“Would be delighted,” he assured her. “They love children, too. It was their greatest hope to one day have grandchildren.” He drew in a short breath. “Something they would never have known with Isadora. She disliked children.”
Her eyes lifted to his hard face. It was hard to see Ramon as a serious suitor. She couldn’t help but think that he was somewhat in the position of guardian and he liked taking care of someone. That was nice, and she enjoyed it, but it wasn’t love. She couldn’t marry without it, especially not in his faith, which didn’t really consider divorce a legitimate means of resolving differences, however great.
He touched her face gently, sensing her indecision. “Give it time. All I ask is that you think about it.”
“I will,” she promised.
“And now,” he murmured with a wry glance around them, “I think it might be a good idea if we walk a little and stop blocking traffic.”
She laughed breathlessly, clinging to his arm. “Okay.”
He walked her slowly to the corner and let her rest before they went along. She was winded and flushed, but that was natural. Instinctively his hand dropped to her wrist, counting her pulse. It was strong, and the rhythm was as regular as could be expected at this point of her recovery. He smiled. “The exercise will get easier,” he promised.
/> It did. He walked with her every day, except when he had emergencies. Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. She recovered her strength, her spirit and her chest stopped hurting. He still read to her at night, despite her improved condition, his voice soft and tender in the stillness of the apartment. He shared his worries with her. He cherished her. But he kept his distance, physically, and Noreen began to wonder if he was having second thoughts about his impulsive statement on the first day they’d walked, about wanting to marry her.
He’d had one bad marriage already. He wouldn’t want to risk a second one. And Noreen was more or less thrust upon him as a patient. She couldn’t shake the feeling, despite his protests, that he was trying to make amends for his bitter treatment of her. If that were the case, then his coolness might well be doubts seeping in about their future together.
All the same, he watched her like a hawk, making sure that she kept appointments with the cardiologist, had her blood-clotting time checked weekly, took her medicine. His partner, who saw Noreen for her office visit, and her cardiologist both agreed that she was well enough not only to drive, but to go back to work. But Ramon went through the ceiling the minute she mentioned that to him, after her preliminary checkups.
Miss Plimm had been dismissed, reluctantly, because Noreen was no longer in need of a nurse. And it was a good thing, because his angry voice carried all over the apartment. Whatever reserve he’d been showing until now went into total eclipse. He was furious, Latin temper, cursing in two languages and demanding to know what idiocy she was contemplating.
She tried to reason with him. “It isn’t that I’m not grateful for all you’ve done for me, but you’re not responsible for my upkeep. I want to earn my own living. I have an apartment that they’ve been holding for me since the surgery…”
“You don’t need to be living by yourself,” he argued. “It’s too soon.”
“I’ve been here for three months!” she exclaimed. “Everyone says I’m more than able to go back to work. My pro-time checks out like clockwork, I’m walking every day, I eat like a horse…why are you being so difficult?”
