by Abbie McAnn
Her heart stopped when she saw him, because, well, she was seeing him.
He was laying on his stomach, his head turned away from her. His arms were up by his head, resting on either side of the pillow. A blanket covered his lower body, but his naked back was bared to her. It looked exactly how she remembered it from that day in the barn, except for his skin tone. His back, arms, and bald head were not the golden tan that echoed her own. Instead, he was the same bluish-gray from the first time she saw him. At least, she thought he was. It would be easier to tell if the lights were on.
The blanket rode low, about where his hips were. It allowed her to see something about his body that she hadn’t been privy to until now. Just above the blanket, his skin changed. It was hard to tell from where she stood, but she thought that the texture of it looked different there. It was a different color too. It was much darker, almost black. The blanket obscured the rest of his body, though it made it possible for her to see the outline of it.
His lower body was huge. The bed had to be at least eight feet long, and his tentacles easily spanned the length of it. Not only that, but they spilled over the side too. The blanket wasn’t big enough to fully cover all of them. She had a full view of one of his tentacles hanging over the side of the bed closest to her.
She finally had the chance to look at one of them. Now that she did, she couldn’t stop staring.
It was a dark gray, possibly the same color as his lower back. Part of the underside of it was exposed to her, and she could see that it was covered in little circles. Were those suckers?
As she stared at them, she realized that they were moving. The suckers were opening and closing as if they were trying to stick to something.
She looked back up at Sam’s face, afraid that he had woken up. But no, his head was still facing away from her and his back was rising and falling with even breaths.
She looked back down at his tentacle, completely fascinated by it. What would it feel like? Was it slimy and scaly or soft and smooth? What would the suckers feel like on her skin?
Kate cracked the door open further, almost giving in to her temptation. It was an amazing feat of self-restraint that stopped her from going into the room. If she touched his tentacle, Sam would undoubtedly wake up.
She scanned his body again, suddenly overcome with emotion.
She had already known that Sam was beautiful. She didn’t have to see him to know that. Watching him sleep so peacefully though, she was struck by just how beautiful he truly was.
It was wrong for her to spy on him like this; he wouldn’t want this.
So she shut his door and left. If only that thought was enough to stop her from coming back night after night to watch him sleep. It was the only thing she had to look forward to in this snowy isolation.
Chapter 12
The sun shone through Kate’s window, rousing her. She blinked, squinting at the sun glaring right into her eyes. She rubbed her eyes, trying to get rid of the sunspots.
What time is it? Kate wondered as she felt around the bed for her phone. The screen read 8:06 am.
Damn. Kate hadn’t slept in that late in a long time. Of course, she hadn’t been able to fall asleep until after five, so it made sense.
She yawned and brushed the covers aside. She was surprised to find that for the first time in weeks, didn’t wake up freezing.
She walked over to the glass wall. The landscape had completely changed overnight. The snow had been slowly melting over the past few days, but it had still been a white blanket over the ground. Now, it was only in small patches.
She ran down the stairs and straight to the coat closet. She yanked so hard on her coat that the hanger fell onto the ground. In her excitement, she didn’t even bother to pick it up. She quickly threw it on as she ran to the back door.
Kate hopped into her boots, stuffing the bottom of her sweats inside of each one. She didn’t waste time tying them, she just stuffed the laces inside too.
She threw open the backdoor and ran down the steps of the porch to get away from the house’s shadow. She was greeted by the rays of the morning sun.
Kate sighed as she basked in the light of her old friend. A light breeze hit her, but it was only a whisper of the cold from the past few weeks. Kate didn’t even care.
The snow was gone!
She stood out there for a long time with her eyes closed and her head tilted toward the April sun. It felt like it was washing her, cleansing her. Its warmth filled her up, replacing the cold depression that had settled upon her over the past few weeks. It was enough to make her feel reborn.
It truly was spring now.
Kate wasn’t sure how long she stood there like that. She could have spent the whole day enjoying the sun. But as time passed, she started to get the strong sense that she wasn’t alone.
Could it be Sam?
The thought filled her with even more warmth than the sun.
She opened her eyes, searching for any sign of him. Her eyes finally landed on a wheelbarrow piled high with manure, sitting on the path leading to the barn. She had seen it before, leaned against the wall inside of the barn. Kate had always used the Gator to clean the stalls, just like John said to in the binder. But it made sense that Sam wouldn’t be able to drive it. He was way too big to fit inside of it.
She was too far away to see him. His camouflage was too good to be spotted from this distance and she couldn’t see his eyes from here.
Before she knew what she was doing, she sprinted down the path toward the wheelbarrow. She searched for Sam as she ran, desperately trying to find his eyes. When she was only a few feet away, she finally saw them. They were exactly where they would be for him to be standing behind the wheelbarrow. She scanned his camouflaged body, barely able to make out the lines of his head and torso.
“Good morning,” Kate said, slightly out of breath from her jog over.
“Good morning,” Sam replied. His voice was clouded with a confusion that echoed in his eyes.
“Do you mind if I help you with chores today?” Kate asked.
The question surprised Kate just as much as Sam. It was weird; she had spent the past two weeks trying so hard to avoid him and now she was running up to him like it was nothing. It’s not that the way she felt had changed; she had spent enough time over the past few weeks mulling over it to know exactly how she felt. It was something else. Something about the sun made her not care anymore. The moment she stepped into the sun, her hurt and anger were gone. It was just like they magically disappeared.
She felt like she had clarity now. She knew what she wanted from Sam. If he couldn’t give it to her, then she was okay with it. She finally felt like she could be okay on her own. She didn’t need someone else to make her happy. If Sam wanted to be more than just friends, then he would have to prove to her that he wanted her for her. If not, then she was okay with it. Kate would survive.
“You want to help?” Sam asked in shock. “I-I thought that you would leave now that the roads were clear.”
Kate was dumbfounded, “You thought I would leave?”
She had never even considered the option. Where else would she go? She might have only been here for a month, but it already felt like home.
“Well, yeah. I thought that you were just waiting for the snow to melt.”
“What, really? Why did you think I was going to leave? I never said I would.”
“You made it pretty clear how you felt after our conversation, Kate. And you’ve been avoiding me for two weeks! I think I made it pretty clear how I felt about you. I’ve been trying to give you your space, but you’ve been hiding from me. Of course I thought that you were leaving! But you don’t have to feel bad, I get it. You’re okay with being friends, but you can’t stand the thought of being anything more with a monster like me.”
Kate stared into Sam’s eyes, her heart bleeding for him. He couldn’t be more wrong about the way she felt, but could she explain it to him? She closed her eyes, trying to f
ind the right words to make him understand.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” Kate said. “You have no clue how I feel about you. I’ve spent the past two weeks cooped up in that house, thinking of nothing but you. I don’t just want to be your coworker or your friend, I want everything. I want the same things that you want, maybe even more than you do.
“But...but I don’t want you to be with me just because I’m your only option. You said it yourself, ‘I’m your only chance at this.’ How is that supposed to make me feel, Sam? If you were suddenly a human man, if you could leave this property and go out into the world, if you could be with anyone you wanted, would you still choose me? Or do you only want to keep me here because I’m your only shot at getting laid?
“I have a lot of feelings for you. Really, really strong feelings. I’ve dated enough guys to know what I want now. And I want you. But I can’t be the girl you settle for, when you are the guy that I’ve been waiting my whole life to find.”
Kate paused, struck by her own words. Until she said them, she hadn’t known her feelings for him were that strong. But she knew without a doubt that they were true.
“Kate, I-I-”
“Wait, Sam. Please let me finish,” she pleaded as she stared into his cerulean eyes. There were too many emotions in them for her to decipher. Shock, confusion, uncertainty, and something deeper too. Something she couldn’t quite describe.
“It’s okay for you to not know how you feel right now. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and I know that my feelings for you won’t change. I can be patient. All I ask is that you take the time to figure out if I’m really the one you want. It’s exactly what you said before, if you choose me then I’ll never let you go. But you must choose me and not just the idea of me. Until then, we’ll just keep doing what we were doing before. You can stay camouflaged and we can go back to our old routine. And when you know for sure that I am the one you want, you’ll stop camouflaging yourself. I’ll know that you’ve chosen me when you show yourself to me because it will happen exactly as you said: I’ll never run away from you and you’ll never let me leave. Just please don’t ever show yourself to me unless you are sure that I’m the one you want. I need you to think about this, Sam. Don’t rush into this. Do you promise?”
They stood there for a long time. Kate’s words hung in the air and she could feel something palpable between them.
She wasn’t sure how, but she knew that there was more that Sam wanted to say. She didn’t know what he held back, but she desperately hoped that he was considering her words.
She stared into his eyes, hoping, praying that he would listen to her. His eyes closed, severing her one connection to him.
When he finally opened them again, all his earlier emotions were gone. His eyes looked clear, resolved.
“I promise.”
Chapter 13
Kate snuggled into the couch, enjoying the different animals on tv. This was always her favorite part of the day. After a long day of hard work, she loved being able to spend the evening relaxing with Sam. Lately, the two of them had gotten really into nature documentaries. It wasn’t something that she would have normally chosen but listening to Sam narrate them was more fascinating than any movie or TV show that she had seen.
Sam was by far the smartest person she had ever met. No matter what the documentary was on, he seemed to have an endless well of knowledge about the subject. That wasn’t what made him so entertaining to listen to. It was his genuine passion for nature. To Kate, there was nothing more inspiring than listening to someone talk about their passion.
They were halfway through the first episode of Planet Earth. As much as she loved David Attenborough, she greatly preferred Sam’s narration. She could listen to his deep, rich voice forever.
She took another bite of the fish Sam had caught and cooked for her. It was so good that she almost moaned. After she and Sam had fallen back into their normal routine, she had finally gotten to learn more about him. He might not be able to eat most foods, but that didn’t stop him from being a surprisingly good cook. He had learned out of necessity when John’s health had started to take a turn for the worse.
Kate felt her phone buzz in her pocket as she ate another bite. She took it out to see ‘Jessica’ flashing on the screen.
“They usually only migrate during the fall, but because of the differing-”
“Wait, sorry Sam,” Kate interrupted. “I gotta answer this.”
She looked around for the remote, before remembering that Sam had it last. She looked over at his sofa, but it looked empty as always.
His camouflage really was remarkable.
The sting was still there whenever she thought about it, but it had been such a long time now that she had come to accept that he didn’t feel the same way that she did.
The phone buzzed again in her hand.
“Do you have the remote?” Kate asked.
David Attenborough suddenly stopped talking. She looked back at the screen to see that it was paused.
“Hey, Jess,” Kate said.
“Hi, Babe! I haven’t heard from you in forever!” Jessica exclaimed. “Why don’t you ever call anymore?”
“I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy here getting ready for winter. Plus, I don’t want to bother you. I know how busy you are too.”
“Are you kidding me! You’re my baby sister, Katie. I always love hearing from you,” Jessica replied.
Kate instantly felt bad. Had it really been that long? She tried to call Jessica at least once a week, but now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember the last time they spoke.
Jessica continued, “I’m starting to get a little worried about you. You’ve been all alone in that cabin for six months. I have no clue how you’ve survived for that long by yourself. I could never do it.”
In all honesty, Kate probably couldn’t have lasted this long by herself either. She never would have signed up to live out here if it hadn’t been for her loser ex-boyfriend, Eric. And even then, she hadn’t really put any thought into how much time she would spend out here. Had she really thought that she would last years out here by herself?
Thank God for Sam. She probably wouldn’t have survived two weeks without him. And even if they were just friends, she couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t include him.
“I actually really like it out here. It’s peaceful. And you would’ve loved the lake over the summer. The jet skis are so much fun! Plus, there are some pretty interesting creatures in the lake. I’m pretty sure I saw a sea monster one time.” Kate looked over at Sam and tried to stop her giggle as he rolled his eyes.
“That’s not funny, Kate! You know how I feel about fish and other slimy things that live in the water. Yuck. Anyways, I have a surprise for you! You’re going to love it,” Jessica squealed.
Kate immediately tensed, glancing back over at Sam. He was already staring at her, his blue eyes searching her face. Kate had endured a lot of surprises from Jessica in her life. Most of them did not turn out well and very few of them were actually for Kate’s benefit.
“Should I be worried?”
“Oh my gosh, don’t be such a drama queen. Like I said, you’re going to love it. Guess where I am right now?”
Kate did not like where this was going. She was obviously easy to read because she could see the concern in Sam’s eyes.
“Uh, I don’t know. At home?”
“You’re no fun! Guess.” Jessica insisted.
“Florida? You were talking about visiting there last time we talk.”
“Katie, I said it was a surprise for you!”
“Will you just tell me already?”
“Fine.” Kate could almost hear Jessica’s eye roll. “Michael and I have been in Spokane for the past couple nights for a law conference. We were supposed to fly back home in the morning, but I just talked to Michael and we’ve decided to come visit you! We’re already so close, and I haven’t seen you in forever. Besides, I know how lon
ely you must be. Plus, it would be a good idea for Michael to check on the property and make sure everything is okay. Not that we don’t trust you, it’s just a lot of work for one person.”
“You’re coming here?” Kate squeaked. She immediately realized how rude that must have sounded. She cleared her throat and said, “I mean, that’s so sweet of you to think of me! But I wouldn’t want to put you guys out. It’s at least a two-hour drive from Spokane, and I know how you feel about driving. And doesn’t Michael need to get back to work? I know how busy he is. Really, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m doing good here Jess, much better than I have been in a long time.”
And she was. Though she sometimes missed Nevada, this life really agreed with her. A lot of that had to do with Sam. He was her best friend. She had never been this close to another person, not even Jessica. And even if she frequently wished that it was more than just friendship, she never regretted what she had told Sam. It was obvious that she had done the right thing by making him promise. If he felt at all like how she did, then he would have stopped camouflaging himself a long time ago.
“All Michael ever does is work,” Jessica said. “He could use another day away from the firm. The lake house might not be his ideal vacation, but he does have some fond memories of it. And I’ll always worry about you, that’s what big sisters do. It’ll only be for one night, so you don’t have to sound so put out about it. We’ll get up early and drive over in the morning. Michael can handle the manly work while you and I catch up and get day drunk. I can finally tell you all about my trip to Paris!”
“Yay,” Kate said, hoping she sounded more enthusiastic than she felt.
Jessica didn’t even seem to notice, she just kept on talking. “I was able to push back our flights until Wednesday afternoon. We can sleep in a little bit the next morning before having to drive back to Spokane. Doesn’t that sound like so much fun?”
“It sounds like so much fun. I can’t wait.”
The phone call ended quickly after that. Kate made up some lame excuse about a sheep in labor and hurried off the phone. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best excuse because they didn’t even have sheep. Plus, it wasn’t anywhere near lambing season (she knew that because of Sam).
