I look up and start toward her, but she puts her hands up to stop me.
“No!” She takes a few steps backward. “I forfeited all my rights the minute I let you fuck me into a second-place spot. We’re done, Luca.”
Her arms drop to her side, and we stand staring at each other.
“We’re done when I say we’re done.”
My voice sounds pathetic to me. I’m grasping at anything to make her stay. I won’t let her go. I can’t. I’ll sink without her.
“I’m not asking permission. You don’t get a say, Luca. I’m not yours anymore.”
My jaw tenses, and I swallow the lump in my throat, rubbing my jaw roughly.
“I love you.” I take another step. “Do you hear me? I fucking love you.”
She has to hear me.
Gretchen sighs, closing and reopening her eyes.
“You love the idea of me. But a man like you doesn’t deserve love…you don’t deserve me.”
She turns to walk away and then looks back.
“Ask your wife how my pussy tastes when she blows you.”
Her eyes burn into mine, and I want to grab her, haul her into a room, and punish her. How can I hate her and love her at the same time?
“I won’t let anyone stand in my way, even you, sweetheart,” I promise as she begins to walk down the hall.
“Gretchen!” I roar, and she spins around.
I’m grabbing at threads; the moment I looked into her eyes in that room, I knew I’d already lost her.
“Do you think you can bully me? Treat me like Shelby? I’m not your whore anymore,” she bites back, wholly unafraid of me.
“Shit gets tough and you run?” I accuse, shaking my head.
“I’m not running, I’m waking the fuck up!” Her voice is filled with hate, and her words feel like knives cutting my flesh.
I hate her for saving herself from me, for leaving me. I may as well play the role given, Angel.
I take a few steady steps toward her, pushing my hands into my pockets.
“You know what? You’re right, Gretchen. You aren’t my whore, and you sure as hell aren’t the woman I thought you were.” I lean down to her ear and whisper, “You, Angel, are a legacy… Like mother, like daughter.”
Her eyes shoot to my face, glistening, as I pull back. I’ve done the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do and that’s lie to her. She’s nothing like her mother, but I want her to hurt, to make her bleed as much as she’s making me. Fuck an eye for an eye; I’m taking a heart for a heart.
Gretchen wipes one stray tear, and her face stills with a confident calm.
“You deserve her because a man this cruel could never have a heart. I hate you for stealing my heart and tearing it apart.”
She turns and runs down the hall. I should chase her, plead, beg. I should tell her everything and pray that she forgives me. But I don’t because everyone lies.
Gretchen said always, but she didn’t mean it.
Present Day
“THAT’S SO FUNNY, MICHAEL, YOU’RE hilarious,” my friend Blair laughs. “I can’t believe Gretchen has kept you hidden for so long.”
I smile politely at the meaningless joke, but I don’t want to laugh along. I should be happy. Why am I not happy? I know why.
But the voice in my head is so loud that I’m scared everyone will hear it. I’m a terrible, awful fucking person.
I’m here at a party to celebrate the pregnancy of my very best friend, Drew Matthews and her soul mate, Dominic King. But all I can think about is that night. The one that makes me unable to catch my breath with him being in the same room.
“You must be her dirty little secret.”
My spine stiffens at the sound of his voice.
“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Gretchen.” Luca’s hand moves to the small of my back as he leans in to kiss my cheek, sending heat through my body. “You remember my wife, Shelby.”
He motions to her, and she smiles coldly with narrowed eyes on me, or maybe that’s my conscience.
I nod hello, knowing all too well who she is. I hate her, and for no other reason than my own disgusting jealousy.
“It’s wonderful to see you again, Gretchen.”
The sound of Shelby’s voice makes bile rise in my throat again, bringing with it the memory of the last time I saw her. “What’s it been? Two months now?”
Luca’s eyes are fixed on me; he’s looking for my reaction. Too bad he won’t get one.
I cut my eyes to her, unwilling to play her game.
“Something like that. But I really only saw the back of your head, so I’m not sure it counts.”
The group falls silent, uncomfortable with the clear mutual dislike passing between me and Shelby. Her face screws into a hateful look as I smirk. Bring it, bitch.
Michael’s hand squeezes mine, and I regret having put him in this situation. I need a moment. “Ladies’ room. I’ll be back.”
He nods, leaning in to kiss the top of my head, and turns back to Blair to continue their conversation. I slice through the tension, walking through the middle of Shelby and Luca, only faltering as I pass when his fingers brush mine gently.
I walk hurriedly to the front of the house, eyeing Drew as she looks up from her conversation, and I motion my head toward the bathroom. I see her excuse herself from the group she’s chatting with and walk in my direction. I push the bathroom door open and shut it behind me, waiting. Do not cry. Do not lose your cool.
I take a few slow breaths, trying to calm myself. I’ve moved on. It’s been two months of radio silence, and I always knew the day I saw him again would be difficult, but I didn’t expect to feel flooded with the need to walk directly into his arms and beg for him to take me back. Shit.
A small knock announces her presence. The door pushes open and Drew slides herself in, closing the door behind her.
She looks at me bewildered.
“What’s up?”
“What’s up?” my voice is panicked. “I thought he wasn’t going to be here. You said he wasn’t going to be here. Was that a lie?”
So much for keeping my cool.
She wrinkles her forehead and bites her lip.
“Yes.”
“Drew!” I yell, and she shushes me.
I try and pace in the small space, but I can’t, and she slaps at my arm.
“Chill. I’m sorry, but he’s the godfather, and you’re the godmother, and this is my goddamn baby, and I wanted everyone here to be happy for me.”
She looks down at her tummy, and I stop my tirade, reaching my hand out to scratch her flat belly. Drew’s only twelve weeks along, so she hasn’t started to show yet. She laughs and takes my hand.
“Sooner or later, you were going to have to rip off the Band-Aid. This is family, G. Everyone here has your back.”
Her puppy-dog eyes kill me.
“You’re right, but seeing him…with her. Jesus, it feels just as raw and just as painful. How do I make it stop?” She sticks out her bottom lip, and I nod in agreement.
Drew takes a deep breath and shrugs.
“Honey. You’re asking me how you stop loving him.”
“Yeah.” I shrug back.
I hate that I can’t stop loving him, but what I hate more is the idea that he’s stopped loving me.
Drew starts to fidget and places her hands on the bathroom counter, leaning back.
“G, I know you didn’t want me to tell you stuff about him. But there’s something you should know. Dom said something today, and I heard him and Luca talking about it again before the party tonight.”
The look on her face makes me nervous. I wanted to forget him, and I couldn’t do that with Drew telling me his every movement, so I made a “no Luca” conversation rule. She’s honored it until now.
“Tell me?” I say like a true addict.
My nerves have sunk into the pit of my stomach.
“He’s protecting Shelby.”
Is she fucking kidding! Hormones have
really messed with her judgment.
“Are you kidding! Why are you telling me this?” I try to calm my irritation. “You want me to know he’s protecting his wife from me. Great. Thanks.”
I reach past her to get to the door to leave.
Drew’s hand lands gently on mine.
“No, honey. Luca said that if he sent her back, Gio would ‘know’—whatever that means. So, she has to stay put.”
I stare at her confused, trying to make sense of what she’s saying.
“Luca’s helping her because Gio is a monster. A real psychopath with women. But one thing has nothing to do with the other. I know what I saw.”
Why do I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack?
“Do you? You saw her with him in a room and his pants undone. You didn’t see him getting a blowjob. You heard her beg and him threaten shit, but you didn’t hear him ask for it.”
“So, his dick needed to be down her throat? Jesus, whose side are you on?” I can’t believe her.
She looks at me just as frustrated with me as I am with her.
“Yours. Which is why I’m saying you should let him explain before you decide he’s lying. What I know, G, is that you don’t like to feel as if someone has any power over you, but babe, you love him. And that gives him all the power in the world. Hear him out. It can’t get much worse than standing in a bathroom, afraid of leaving…”
She kisses my cheek and looks back at me for a moment before opening the door, leaving me alone. I stand there looking in the mirror, hoping for some kind of sign. Anything would do.
How do I trust him? Fuck, how do I trust myself?
Part of why I’m digging my heels in is because I instantly wanted to listen, wanted to believe and to trust no matter what I saw, and that made me feel weak and stupid. I can’t trust myself. But if I walked away and he was telling the truth, he’ll never forgive me. I know Luca; he won’t just hold a grudge, he’ll hold me accountable.
I take a steadying breath and walk back out of the bathroom to take my place next to Michael. Luca’s back is to me, and I notice how he and Shelby stand next to each other, not touching. Like strangers.
It’s as if he senses me the moment I’m within reach of him, because he looks over his shoulder as if he were expecting me. Our eyes meet, and his brow furrows when Michael calls my name, waving me over to where he and Blair have traveled.
Luca reaches out, taking my wrist brazenly, right in front of Shelby, but blocking Michael’s view.
“I can’t watch you with him. It’s torture.”
His voice is hushed as his fingers trace the lines in my palm.
I want to take his hand and bring it to my lips. Instead, I take my free hand and bring his chin up from where he’s watching himself draw on my palm.
I search the hazel eyes looking into my damn soul for some sort of belief that he isn’t completely mad, or that somehow in this moment, I can believe Drew, love, or my gut. But he just looks like the man I know, and I’m reminded of the hurt all over again.
“Well, I guess Michael makes us even,” I answer, looking over at Shelby, who at least has the decency to pretend not to be listening.
I don’t even care that she’s standing there. Truth is, I don’t think she’s my competition. I think Luca’s need for payback is.
He drops my wrist back to my side, his eyes becoming cold, the wall rebuilding itself. He leans in to my ear.
“If you let that asshole touch you, I’m going to make him swallow his tongue.”
Luca’s breath so close to my skin does horrible, delicious things to my pussy. Fuck, I miss him. The thought instantly makes me want to lash out.
“Before or after I let him lick me?”
I don’t know why I say it, why I push, but I do. And the worst part is I’m satisfied with the rage that plays over his face. I like that he’s angry, possessive, and envious. My misery likes his company. If he wants to play this game of lies and deceit, I’ll best him.
I push past Luca, anger reverberating off him, and join Blair and Michael. I can feel Luca’s eyes on me, watching to see if I listen and obey. Michael looks down and questions, “Everything okay? I saw you talking to Luca—seemed pretty intense.”
“Oh? No, just godparent stuff.”
The lies unfurl from my tongue with ease. Michael puts his arm around my shoulder as he chats, and I hate it. I feel like a child when he does this, and I roll my eyes internally.
I chance a look at Luca and see him lean in to say something to Shelby. She nods, not responding. I use the moment to take her in. She’s beautiful but looks nothing like Ella. Shelby is blonde and petite with dark brown eyes. Eyes that seem lost. She doesn’t look like a woman trying to do a victory lap; she seems frayed, like she’s trying to maintain.
My thoughts swirl with Drew’s words. “He’s protecting her.” I need to talk to him. My body pushes forward, and Michael pulls me back.
“Whoa, where are you going?”
I realize I started to bolt toward Luca. I shake my head, searching for another lie to tell.
“Sorry, I thought I saw something about to drop on the carpet.” Jesus, Gretchen, impulse control.
“Relax. It’s not your house, not your problem.” He laughs and others join in.
Blair gives me an eyebrow. I shake her off and go back to the conversation, hoping that tonight goes by quickly because my resolve seems to be fading.
I CAN STILL FEEL THE silk of her skin on my fingertips. I touched her fucking wrist and my head is foggy. It’s not like I haven’t seen her; I’ve kept eyes on her for the last two months. I reasoned it was because I wanted to make sure she was safe from all my bullshit, but I know it’s because I can’t stand her being gone. I just need more time.
“Would you like me to get you a drink?” Shelby asks, standing next to me awkwardly.
I shake my head, moving my body between Gretchen’s watching eyes and Shelby.
“You aren’t my slave, Shelby. Stop being dramatic.”
She rolls her eyes.
“Sure. Is that why you forced me here, since I’m not a slave? I remember saying, ‘No, thanks.’”
I did force her, but I don’t enjoy babysitting her any more than she enjoys being with me.
“Oh, I’m sorry I brought you to a party with free food and booze,” I reply dryly, grabbing a crab cake from a passing platter and taking a bite.
“You brought me here to hurt her.”
No, but I’m not altogether disappointed with the result.
I look Shelby in the eyes.
“I didn’t know she would be here. If I did, you would be locked in your room again.”
She crosses her arms like the child she is.
I see the realization cross her face, and her face becomes amused.
“You love her. Like really love her.”
I stare at Shelby, ignoring her nonquestion, uncomfortable with how delighted she seems. She starts to laugh.
“Holy shit.”
I touch her waist, letting my fingers sink in, watching her squirm from discomfort before pulling her flush to me and looking down at her face, “This is my only warning, Shelby. If you do anything, say anything, out of line…I’ll deliver you myself, right into Giovanni’s arms.”
My smile is evil and honest. I would throw her to the wolves, take away all my fucking protection, if she tries to hurt Gretchen.
Shelby’s eyes grow dark. Is that hurt or fear? It can’t be either—she doesn’t love me, but I know she envies anyone that has what she can’t. Her words are saturated in her bitterness. “Why not me?”
I let Shelby go with a small push away from my body.
“Because you could never be her.”
I walk away, motioning to Dante to keep an eye on her, and make my way to the patio for some fresh air. Dom comes up beside me and hands me a drink but says nothing. I take a swig. The scotch slides down my throat with an easy burn as we stand together quietly, looking in at the part
y through the glass wall.
“Great party,” I offer, twirling the liquid in the glass.
“Mmm,” he responds, nodding.
My eyes land on Gretchen and the arm of that asshole slung around her back.
“However, the guest list is sketchy.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, sorry about that. Drew likes to meddle, and my girl’s very pregnant and bossy. Nothing I could do.” Dom pulls out a cigar, offering me one, and I shake my head.
“It’s ironic—Gretchen and I first spoke because we were trying to meddle in your love lives.” I chuckle and take a sip of my scotch.
“Talk to her,” he says in a serious tone.
“I’ve tried,” I answer back in the same way.
He turns to look at me.
“Talk to her, Luca. Tell her the fucking truth.”
I look back into my human mirror.
“I can’t. You of all people know that.”
Dom runs his cigar over the flame of his lighter.
“Luca, if you don’t let her in—all in, little brother—you’ll lose her. For good.” I fear that I already have.
I realize what he’s said, and laugh.
“By three minutes. Little by three minutes. Dick.”
He waves me off dismissively.
“You hearing me?”
“Yeah. I got it.” I nod and hold my hand out for a cigar, hoping to change the subject.
He hands me one, and I slap him on the back.
“Congrats, Dom. I never thought I’d see the day we were both fathers.”
The smile on his face makes me happy for him. I follow his gaze, finding it’s landed on his wife inside the house. He puffs on his cigar, exhaling a plume of smoke.
“It’s a terrible and wonderful feeling. I fucking love Drew, but this baby…”
“Or babies,” I add quickly, and he gives me an irritated look.
I return it with raised brows. There’s a strong possibility, being that we are twins.
“Fuck you. Don’t you even curse me,” he grumbles.
We both laugh, and I’m feeling more at ease as Dante walks outside.
“Hey, I sent Shelby back to the house with Matteo. She said you wouldn’t mind, and honestly it seems to be eating at Gretchen.”
Worship (Sinful Series Book 2) Page 15
