by K E Osborn
“Oh God,” I murmur.
“Come with me, sugar,” he says.
I’ve read about people coming together I just never knew that was an actual thing. He presses harder on my clit and he thrusts into me fast. My body is already shaking and it’s seconds before I’m feeling the pressure building up. I clench my toes and as I do I feel his body tense the same time as mine. My hands fist on the sheets as I clench my eyes shut and squirm. I moan out loud, as we both stiffen and then relax our bodies at the same time as the wave of ecstasy hits us both exploding like a Fourth of July fireworks display.
“Fuck,” Danger says as he pauses to unload inside the condom. I relax my body with a drawn out moan as I push back into the bed.
He pulls my legs down from his chest and lays down on top of me and as we both pant trying to catch our rapid breathing. He stares into my eyes and moves some hair from my face.
“You’re incredible, you know that?” he whispers breathlessly.
“I am?” I squeak out, equally as out of breath.
He nods and smiles. “Did I hurt you, badly?”
“You hurt me real good, Danger,” I say and he smirks and laughs.
“That’s a good thing, I hope?”
I nod and he leans in kissing me passionately.
“That’s very good. I never knew it could feel so…wonderful!”
“Oh yeah, that’s only scratching the surface of how good it can feel, sugar,” he says and I open my eyes wide.
“It gets better than that?”
“I’ll show you just how good it can be sugar, don’t you worry about that. Now we’ve broken the ‘seal’ we’ll be able to do a lot more.”
I bite my bottom lip and nod. “Sorry you couldn’t be rough with me tonight,” I say and he shakes his head and kisses my nose.
“Hey, it’s all good, this was great too.”
I smile as he pushes off of me and wince as he pulls out gasping at the loss of him from inside me.
I can’t wait to do that again.
He rolls over to the side of the bed next to me and pulls off the condom and ties it in a knot throwing it on the bedside table next to the bed. He lays on his back and I lay on my back looking up at the ceiling wondering what happens now.
“Hey come here,” he says and I look at him as he gestures for me to snuggle into his side. So I smile and roll over and cuddle him, resting my head on his tattooed chest. It’s only now that I notice both his nipples are pierced too. I smirk and bring my hand up to rest on his chest.
“So that was…” I trail off.
“Yeah, that was,” he says and I giggle.
“Thank you for being cool about the whole virgin thing,” I say and look up at him.
He looks down at me and half smiles. “Hey, we’ve all been there. Sorry, I was weird about it. I’m just glad we finally got to this part. I’ve been dying to get inside you, but it was totally worth the wait.”
I cuddle back into him and my stomach flutters with butterflies. I feel giddy. I feel happy.
“So, you were adopted, hey?” he asks.
I smile, obviously he wants to chat now which is a good sign, it means this wasn’t just all about sex.
“Yeah, when I was six-months-old. Annie was the same.”
“Do you ever think about your real parents?” he asks as his hand slowly caresses up and down my arm.
“Sometimes. But I don’t obsess over them like Annie does. Sure, I struggle with it at times. I wish I knew them, but I guess it’s better not knowing, you know?”
He moves his hand up into my hair and starts playing with it. “Yeah, I guess. It would do my head in. I’d want to know. So I think you’re really something to be so okay with it all,” he says and I shrug.
“You have to be, or you spend your whole life living in the past. That’s why Annie is so depressed right now because she’s lost in her past. I wish I could help her,” I say and he squeezes me to him.
“I know she seems entirely lost. She has to figure that out for herself or get some help, either way you can’t take it on.”
“I know, but I’ll just be there for her, that’s all I can do,” I say and he nods. “What about you? Do you have any siblings?” I ask and he chuckles.
“Yeah, one bratty older sister,” he replies and I smile.
“If she’s older, what makes her bratty?”
“She’s a princess! But unlike you, you’re a princess who does actually care about other people. Unfortunately, she only cares about herself. Well, most of the time anyway.”
“So if she’s older then how old are you?” I ask and he exhales and tenses slightly.
“I’m twenty,” he says and I smile and nod.
“And what about your parents?” I ask and he tenses even more.
“What about them?” he asks.
“Well, where are they?”
“They live in California, they’re basically hippies and they spend a lot of time at music festivals and crap like that. They’re unique people,” he says. I smile and try to contain my laugh because Danger looks so grunge and I can’t imagine his parents sporting a peace sign with long hair and tie-dye clothing.
“Wow,” I say and he huffs.
“Yeah,” he says and exhales.
“So what’s your real name, Danger?” I ask and he tenses up completely and unwraps himself from around me and sits up on the bed.
I furrow my brows and sit up next to him sensing his uncomfortableness.
“My name is, Danger, that’s all you need to know.”
I laugh and he turns his back to me sitting on the edge of the bed and immediately I know I’ve struck a nerve.
“Okay, I think you need to leave,” he says.
My whole body tenses and I look at his back as his chest is heaving like he’s furious.
What the fuck?
“I…I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was a sore spot for you. I w…won’t ask you again. P…please, let me stay. We can t…talk about something else,” I stutter out suddenly feeling icy cold and ashamed of my nakedness.
He exhales and stands looking at the door. I open my eyes wide because he's serious. He just took my virginity and now because I asked him what his real name is he wants me to leave? Tonight was supposed to be special. I was supposed to spend the night in his bed cuddled into his arms and making love to him multiple times, and now he’s kicking me out over his name?
What the actual fuck?
I swallow hard and stand up feeling a lot sore, and I can’t help but notice the small amount of blood on the bed reminding me of what he took from me tonight. The silence in the room is deafening as I move over and pick up my dress and underwear and put them on as quickly as possible. He doesn’t look at me the entire time leaving his back to me. My eyes start to water with tears and I feel completely ashamed and used. Danger is making me feel abhorrent and I hate that he’s doing this to me. I grab my shoes and walk past him. I get to the door and turn back to look at him, but he’s turned around and is facing away from me again.
“Really?” I ask and he doesn’t react. I exhale loudly so he knows I’m pissed and I open the door and walk out without looking back. I hear the door click closed behind me and my racing heart is pounding so ferociously I feel sick. I’m breathing so fast I feel dizzy and my eyes are foggy from the unshed tears that I can’t actually see. I blink rapidly, and the tears I was fighting fall over as I start to cry, feeling completely overwhelmed by what’s just happened.
Tonight was meant to be special, and in the space of a minute it’s turned into something horrible and a disaster.
Danger used me.
Of that, I am sure.
He used me for sex.
He got what he wanted, and then when things got too serious for him he bailed and left me out in the cold completely naked and exposed. I left my shattered heart in that room with him scattered all over the floor. I opened myself up, I felt something for him and he treats me like this? I can’t bel
ieve I fell for his ‘nice guy bad boy’ act.
Everyone was right!
And as I amble down to my hotel room, my feet feel like they a weighted. I really hope Annie is not in a mess tonight so I can talk to her about my turmoil for a change. Because, honestly, I need to talk to someone. Right now, I feel completely and utterly worthless and ashamed of myself. I let him use me. I did that, no one else. It’s all my fault I feel this way and I only have myself to blame. Wiping my eyes with my free hand while I carry my shoes in my other. My eyes are so blurry that I can hardly see the room numbers as I sob all the way down the hall.
I finally find my room and I swipe the keycard. I immediately hear Annie crying and for once I wish I could be the one who would be comforted tonight. Just for once, couldn’t she be okay so I could talk with her. I can’t be the one to comfort her tonight. I walk in and close the door and head straight to my bed. I climb in fully dressed and get under the covers listening to Annie cry, and I don’t bother to hide my sobbing either. Annie probably won’t even notice, so I roll over and sob into my pillow for the rest of the night.
My alarm is ringing, but I’m too tired to turn it off. My head is pounding, my body is aching and I feel utterly horrible.
“Fuck Ella, turn it off,” Annie exclaims.
I huff, roll over and slide the off button on my phone. I glance over at Annie and she looks at me and frowns.
“Geez, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?” she asks as she slowly gets out of bed.
I pull the covers over my head and try to stop the tears that are forming again in my eyes already from the memory of last night.
“Ella?” she says and walks over and sits on my bed.
“I’m fine, I just had a late night. Tell Dad I’ll be at the arena an hour late, I just need another hours sleep,” I say and she lets out a small laugh.
“Right, get a little wasted last night then?” She gets up from my bed and I hear her walk away to what I’m assuming is the bathroom.
My tears don’t control themselves and under the safety of my blankets I softly cry remembering the hurt and anger I now feel toward Danger. He took my virginity and then tossed me out like a used condom. I want to talk to him and see what his excuse is, I don’t care if his real name is a sore spot for him, he didn’t need to treat me that way. Annie is walking around the hotel room getting ready while I softly cry under my blanket and I’m glad she seems a little better today. At least she’s able to get up out of bed, it seems the roles are reversed today.
“Okay, I’m out, I’ll tell the parentals you’ll be down in an hour. I’ll tell them you have a headache,” she says and I murmur in response. “You sure you're all right?”
I really want to tell her everything, but right now I don’t feel like talking. I feel like sulking so that’s what I’m going to do.
“I’m fine, I just need to sleep. Thanks for the cover, I’ll see you in an hour.”
She exhales and then I hear her walk out of our room. When I hear the door click closed, I peek out from under the blanket to make sure she’s gone and then I let my tears really fall. Seeing Danger today is going to be horrible, and then I have to spend the next five months on tour with him. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I think the only way is to stop feeling upset and to start feeling angry about it. Being sad and moping like Annie doesn’t do any good. But being angry, at least I can get up and carry on with my day, it just means I’ll be on the war path. And as I think more and more about how he turned his back on me and kicked me out after taking something so precious from me the angrier I get. My tears subside and my skin starts to prickle and my nostrils flare. I begin to get hot and I can’t help but think of what kind of arsehole would do something like that? I sit up in bed as my breathing becomes rushed and harsh.
“Fuck him!” I say and wipe my cheeks from my residual tears.
“I won’t shed another tear over you, Danger!” I say out loud even though he can’t possibly hear me. I stand up still wearing my dress from last night, unzip it and pull it off throwing it away from me. I don’t want the reminder of him. I pull off my underwear noticing some blood staining on my panties and it makes me even angrier.
“Urgh!” I moan and then make my way to the bathroom to wash away the sins of last night and any last connection I might have to Danger from Recoil!
After scrubbing my skin thoroughly, I made my way to the arena. I knew I’d have to go sooner or later, so I got my shit together and went. My anger has overtaken my depression and I want to see Danger and yell at him, but I know I can’t in front of everyone. So when I can get an opportunity or a second alone with him, I’m going to give him what for. I walk into the arena and down toward the Staked green room. My anger is surging and I really don’t have the patience for anything right now. I walk past a pile of boxes and accidentally catch my arm on the top one making the box fall to the ground.
“For fuck’s sake,” I yell as the box grazed my arm and now there’s a bruise coming up and the bloody things hurting. My temper boils over and I kick the box making it implode in on itself and flyers burst out of it scattering out all over the hallway.
“Fucking stupid piece of shit box, serves you right for being in my way,” I say and kick it again and walk off leaving the mess. I know someone will have to clean it up, but I don’t care, the box pissed me off so it can stay on the floor along with the mess it created. I storm off rubbing my now sore and bruising arm and Danger steps out of his green room and I stop on the spot. My heart starts to pounds ferociously in my chest. He spots me, we look at each other for a brief second and then he turns and walks off in the other direction.
“Danger, wait! I need to talk to you,” I call out and start to rush off after him, but he races away and my anger boils over. I figure if he wants to avoid me then I’m not going to go and chase after him especially when he walks away from me like that.
“Fucking prick,” I murmur and the threat of tears pool in my eyes again, but I fight them back, instead turning and heading to the Staked green room. No one is in here, and I take a second just to try and gather myself. I pull in some calming breaths. It doesn’t seem to be working and I have no idea what I need to do. Obviously Danger is going to avoid me from now on. He got what he wanted and now he doesn’t need me anymore. So I need to try and move forward because I have five months of being around his arse if he’s going to keep showing me his back all the time.
I decide I’ll try and find Annie to see if she’ll be willing to have that chat now. I turn and walk toward the door, I’m still raging mad as I think about Danger turning and walking away from me. Looking down at the ground, suddenly someone walks straight into me. I groan out in frustration when I look up to see Chad with a stupid goofy grin on his face.
“Watch where you’re going, arsehole,” I yell at Chad and he opens his eyes wide at me as I frown at him.
“Whoa, okay! What’s wrong with you?”
I exhale and turn back to look down the corridor to see Danger and purse my lips.
“I’ve been used and I hate it,” I murmur.
Chad walks to me and follows my line of sight down the corridor to see Danger and huffs.
“And by used, you mean?” he asks and I look at him fiercely.
“That’s none of your damn business!” I scowl.
“Right, sorry. Oh, wait, hang on, you and Danger…” he pauses and then it’s like a lightbulb goes off in his head. He frowns and all the colour drains from his face.
“Shh,” I say, I don’t want anyone to know.
“Oh, wow!” The drumsticks he was holding fall to the floor as a blank stare crosses his face and he blinks once then twice slowly. I furrow my brows at him and I think I see a look of pain in his eyes.
“Ella, why?” he whispers as his eyes lock with mine and something happens. Some intense, overwhelming feeling of guilt flows through me. A feeling that sleeping with Danger was the wrong thing. My gut turns and as I look into Chad’s eyes
, a swarm of butterflies flurry making me feel giddy.
What the fuck?
“I…umm…we…I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I say taking a step back from him noticing we were inching closer together. I break the intense gaze we had locked on each other.
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just…Ella, you’re so innocent and beautiful and perfect and Danger is, well, Danger. He’s broody, he’s obnoxious, he’s completely too arrogant and he’s a serial flirt. You can do way better than him. You deserve someone who’ll treat you right, someone who can show you how you should be loved. I don’t think Danger knows the meaning of the word love, Ella,” Chad says and I exhale and smile.
“Chad, I’ve known Danger for three weeks. I don’t think love is on the agenda for either of us right now. Plus, we both know at the end of the tour he’ll be going back to America and I’ll be going back to the UK. So even if love were involved, one of us would have to move, and I sure as hell wouldn’t leave all you guys behind.”
Chad smiles and relaxes his stance slightly. “Well, that’s good to hear at least, I don’t think I could stand the thought of you being in love with Danger from Recoil.”
I think there’s a hidden meaning behind it, but I can’t quite work out what it means.
“No, definitely not in love, in lust definitely, but—”
“Okay, okay, I don’t need to hear any of that,” he says bringing his hands up to his ears and scowling like he’s disgusted. I pull his hands down from his ears and pull him into a hug. He stiffens, but quickly eases the tension and embraces me tightly running his hand through the back of my hair and holding me to him.
“I’m always here for you, Ella.”
I nod against him and inhale his aftershave. It’s a scent I’ve known for so long, and it always makes me smile whenever I smell it. Any reminders of Chad make me smile. He’s always been such a bright spark in my life, and I’m so grateful to have him as my friend right now. And knowing he’s here for me every time I need him is what keeps me sane. Especially, seeing as he’s been so distant lately, and with Annie out of action, I can’t confide in her about anything right now. I’m sure she would listen if I went to her, but she’s so lost and drowning without Aston and nothing can pull her out of her despair. Especially now that Amber from Red Velvet is hanging around. It’s nice having another girl around, but I hate seeing Annie like this. I might try and take her out for a girl’s night, see if I can cheer her up.
