by K E Osborn
I take another quick look at the bear and give it a hug, then place it on my bed and race downstairs with a churning stomach. In my gut I know I’ll be seeing Chad tonight for the first time since our almost kiss. We’ve been avoiding each other and we haven’t even messaged once. I feel like a part of me is missing, and like I’ve lost my friend. But I really want tonight to be fun, so I need to talk to Chad and check if we are, in fact, okay. But more importantly, I want to make sure we are friends again. I don’t want any more tension in the band because Annie is so angry that Amber is hanging around Aston. And having Chad mad at me as well, could make the atmosphere around the band really awkward.
I’m nervous as hell, so I figure I’ll head outside to see how everything is going. I walk out and down onto the lawn to the giant pink gazebo. Everyone is rushing around setting up food and drink stations. Sassy and Snaggy are just being cute, and Mum is standing with a decorator who’s hanging a chandelier in the center of the gazebo. Dangling from the chandelier are threaded diamantes and coloured jewels, which are fanning out and being thread across the room. It looks stunning, and when the sun goes down and the lights are on, this place will be shining bright like a diamond. It will look simply stunning. Mum directs the decorator to the left, and I stand to watch as she yells out perfect and the decorator looks relieved.
“Oh, Ella sweetheart, what do you think?” Mum asks. I look around the beautifully adorned room and smile.
“Mum it’s simply stunning, an absolute masterpiece and completely me,” I say and she smiles.
“It is, isn’t it? I knew you’d love it!” she replies clapping her hands together.
I smile feeling nervous about seeing Chad, I have no idea how tonight is going to go with him.
“You okay, sweetheart? You look a little pale? And you’re nervous twitching,” Mum says wrapping her arm around my shoulders and looking down at me.
I frown and shake my head wanting more than ever to confide in someone. I’m so sick of keeping my relationship and everything about me and Chad to myself that I decide to just spill it all out to Mum. If there’s one person who knows me well, it’s her.
“I’ve been hiding something from you Mum, and it’s killing me,” I blurt out and she looks around the room at all the workers and nods pulling me to her side. She walks with me out of the gazebo and toward the back door.
“Okay, well, you know you can always talk to me about anything, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?”
“I’m trialling a long distance relationship,” I say and she opens her eyes wide and smiles slightly.
“Okay, right! So you have a boyfriend? This is news, but okay. Do I know him?” she asks.
I exhale and nod. “It’s Danger.”
She stops walking and her head snaps around, as she looks at me and frowns. “Danger from Recoil?” she asks looks at me intently. I nod, she swallows hard and inhales sharply then wraps her arm around my shoulders and starts to walk again. “Okay, Danger from Recoil. Not who I was expecting but tell me more.”
“It’s just really hard, you know? The whole long distance thing is more difficult than I had originally thought. Chad is my friend and he tried to kiss me, and it’s confusing, and Chad is here and Danger’s all the way over in the States. I have no idea what I’m doing. Chad is this amazing guy. But then, Danger goes and sends me an amazing present like he did today, and it reminds me of why I wanted to be with him in the first place,” I ramble, not actually making a lot of sense.
Mum is tense beside me as we walk. “Ella, I don’t think your father is going to be too pleased with you dating, Danger—”
I turn to face her. “Oh, no Mum, you can’t tell Dad. Promise me you won’t tell him? Danger and I don’t want him to know, just yet. Please, Mum?” I beg and she exhales and slumps her shoulders.
“Ella, this puts me in a tight spot, you know?”
“Mum, please,” I beg again and she closes her eyes and nods.
“Okay, I’m really surprised. I had no idea this was going on. I really don’t know what to, but I can offer some advice. You always feel in your tummy what is right. But long distance, that’s hard, especially when you’re in two different countries. Do you…love, Danger?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, but I can see myself falling for him.”
Mum shakes her head and shrugs. “Well then, you need to follow your heart, not what your body is telling you. If your body wants Chad and your heart is wanting Danger, go with your heart and fight against your body. Love is always better than lust, Ella,” Mum says and I think she’s right.
“Thanks, Mum, I knew I could count on you for sound advice.”
She pulls me to her and hugs me as we reach the back door of the manor. Annie walks out with her hair down covering her face. She’s dressed in a flannelette shirt and joggers and has obviously put in absolutely no effort. But she does look particularly depressed today.
“Hey, Annie,” I say and she looks up at me as Mum lets me go.
“Hey, do you know if Amber is coming to the party?” she asks and I shake my head.
“I don’t think so,” I reply and her taut frame relaxes slightly and she walks off.
Mum shakes her head and pulls me in for another hug. “My girls are all over the place right now. How the hell am I supposed to keep on top of this?”
I laugh and pull back looking at her. “Don’t worry about me, Mum. I’ll be okay.”
“Lia, can I talk to you about the cocktail station?” Someone requests and Mum looks at me and I nod.
“I’m fine Mum, really I am. Thanks for the chat and thanks for the party, it’s going to be epic.”
“Okay well you look beautiful, sweetheart,” she says and then walks off with the cocktail lady.
The party starts and I make my way to one of the many bars and order a champagne. I grab my glass and suddenly a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist surprising me. I drop my glass as the tingles shoot up my spine and the warmth engulfs me. I turn my head to see Chad as he pulls my back to his front, and he swallows hard as he pulls me flush against him. I smile and wrap my arms around his and lean my head on his shoulder, relishing his touch while my heart thuds in my chest and my tummy flutters out of control.
“I missed you. I’m sorry I stayed away for so long and didn’t contact you,” he says.
I close my eyes as my heart rate spikes at his deep masculine voice. “Chad, I…” I trail off because I have no idea what I actually want to say.
“Happy Birthday party, Ella,” he says spinning me in his grip to face him. I instantly mourn the loss of his warm body against mine, as I look into his gorgeous green eyes. And that spark, that attraction is undeniably there, as he looks at me and moves his hands to my hips holding me in front of him.
“Um…you too,” I say not making any sense.
He chuckles noticing my complete lack thought process and he brings his hand up to my cheek and caresses it.
“So are you still with Danger?” he asks and it’s like a knife in the gut. I open my eyes wide and my stomach turns violently, as I think of Danger and how horrified he’d be if he saw how awestruck I was just then. I take a deep breath and Chad notices my mood change as I take a step back, and he frowns and drops his hand from my cheek and nods.
“Okay, still out of bounds, I get it. But just think Ella, if you really wanted Danger as much as you tell yourself you do, then why does your body react to me the way it does?” he asks. Then he licks his lips and I can’t help but look at his bottom lip and wish I could be the one licking it. I shake my head slightly, trying to rid the thought from my mind.
“Chad, stop, please,” I beg.
He leans in closer and my breathing hitches as his mouth comes dangerously close to mine. I don’t think I have the willpower to stop him even if I wanted to. He smirks and looks me in the eyes as he slowly changes direction and kisses my cheek. I’m panting as he slowly pulls back and as his body moves away from mine. The energy surging b
etween us is so thick I could run my hands through it and get an electric shock. I hate that my body wants Chad so badly, and the fact that I haven’t had sex for a while now is playing on my mind. My clit starts to throb at the thought of Chad taking me upstairs and giving me a very hot and sexy birthday present. But I try and move my thoughts to Danger, and to the people around us who are watching us in plain sight.
“I’ll stop, Ella. I know you’ll always choose him and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or do anything you don’t want to do. But just know that when you realise that Danger isn’t who you’re meant to be with, I’ll be waiting,” he whispers and winks at me. Then walks off over to Aston leaving me shaking on the spot. I’m breathing rapidly and everything in me wants to run up to Chad and kiss him so hard that my lips bruise, but I can’t because I’m with Danger I remind myself.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way, right? I’m such a horrible person. I need to listen to Mum, I can’t act on the instincts of my body here. I’m just in lust with Chad. He’s smoking hot, and he seems to have some sort of magnetism pulling me toward him, but my heart belongs to Danger.
I could love Danger, I might already. I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know what it feels like. I wonder if I might already be in love with Danger and just not know it. I have to go with my heart. Danger is who is right for me…isn’t it?
I swallow hard and shake my head. I need to get out of here. I know this is my party and it’s only just begun, but I need some space. I walk out of the gazebo and inside the house and upstairs to my room. I look at the time it’s nine in the evening and that makes it about one in the afternoon for Danger, so I pick up my phone and dial his number. My heart is pounding and I feel sick. I wish I could see him. He answers after a few rings.
“Hey, shouldn’t you be partying?” he asks and I exhale.
“Party sucks, I’d rather talk to you.”
“That bad, huh?” he asks and I gnaw on my bottom lip thinking about Chad.
“I can’t talk for long though, sugar. We’re in the middle of rehearsals, so I’m sure the boys will be out any second telling me to get my ass back in there,” he tells me and disappointment flows through my body.
“Oh, okay, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I say somberly.
“Hey, it’s okay. Ella, are you okay? You sound flat, did something happen?”
“Hey, dickface, hurry the fuck up,” Ryan calls out.
“I’m sorry you should be rehearsing, don’t worry about me. I’m okay. I just miss you, I wish you were here.”
“I know, sugar. I will be soon.”
“Dude, c’mon,” I hear Matt call out.
“Okay, you have to go. Tell the guys, sorry for interrupting.”
“Ella, you sure you’re okay?”
“I'm okay. Have a good rehearsal, talk tomorrow. Night,” I say and hang up the phone before he has a chance to say anything else because I’m having trouble holding it together. I let out a small sob and cry into my hands. I flop onto my bed and cry into my pillow kicking off my shoes. I hear a gentle knock on my door and I don’t say anything, but the door opens and Annie pokes her head through looking at me.
“Hey, I saw you escape and come up here and I thought something was wrong. What’s going on?” she asks and I sit up on the bed and wipe under my eyes.
“This party blows,” I say and she lets out a small laugh.
“I know what it’s like to feel horrible at parties. I’m always the one feeling shit at everything, but you want to know what always makes me feel better?” she asks and I shrug and nod.
She walks over to my guitar sitting in the corner and brings it over and sits on the bed next to me. I open my eyes wide at her and sniff.
“I’m pretty sure you’re having guy trouble, just like me. And I know the only way I make myself feel better is to make up stupid songs about them,” she says and I raise an eyebrow and smirk.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’ll show you,” she says and starts to strum out a tune.
Men are stupid, that’s what I think,
They’re even more stupid than when you spill a good drink.
I laugh and she smiles.
“See, you just make up ridiculous shit and it cheers you right up. You try,” she says and she strums the guitar as I think about absurd things.
I hate when men think they’re great,
‘Cause really they ain’t.
They suck a whole lotta shit,
And really they’re all just dimwits.
I sing and Annie laughs. “See, you know exactly what to do. Sometimes, you can even make it personal, make it about the guy that’s pissing you off. Like this…”
Aston’s such a pain in the arse,
I’d like to punch Amber in the face with a glass.
“Okay, so that’s probably more about Amber than Aston,” she says and I purse my lips and nod with a giggle. “Okay you try,” she says strumming the guitar again.
Chad drives me up the wall,
I don’t know how hard I will fall.
I say, and then open my eyes wide as does Annie as I bring my hand up to my mouth. “I don’t know why I said that,” I say and Annie smiles.
“You like him?”
I shake my head. “No, I can’t,” I reply and she furrows her brows.
“That’s a weird thing to say. Shouldn’t you say…I don’t…not I can’t?” she says and I nod my head.
“That’s what I meant. I don’t like Chad, he’s just a friend.”
“Okay, well, how about we sing about something else. Let’s keep you distracted hey?” Annie asks and I nod. She strums the chords to Saving Grace and we start to sing along to Caleb’s favourite song while my party continues downstairs without me.
Annie and I spent the rest of my party in my room making up songs and singing about men being arseholes. It made the night tolerable, and for once I saw a brighter side to my sister and it was fun. Seeing her like that made me happier, and I think it uplifted us both when we were feeling down.
It’s been a week since my over-the-top party and now I’m super excited and driving to London to spend the weekend with Danger. He landed about an hour ago and needed some time to settle in and talk to his PR people before I arrived, hence why I didn’t meet him at the airport in Heathrow. But he should be done with all the formalities by the time I drive up there, so then we can spend the majority of the weekend together before he has some more PR stuff to do at the very end when I will leave and come back home leaving him to his band matters.
I’m so excited I could burst as I drive along the freeway and sing along to the top forty music as loud as my lungs will allow. My heart is fluttering all the way and I haven’t seen him for six whole weeks, after being with him every day for six months. Not seeing him has been driving me mental. But in an hour or so, I’ll be walking into the hotel room and I honestly cannot wait.
Driving the rest of the way smiling and singing cheerily, I pull into the underground carpark of the Hyatt hotel and step out of my car letting the valet take my keys and park my car. My luggage is taken from me and I let them know I’m in the penthouse. Danger made sure that we are spending the weekend in luxury and I’m so glad that he’s going all out for us. My heart is beating fast as I skip into the hotel knowing that Danger is here, and I’m so close to seeing him again my body is aching. My stomach is in knots and the butterflies aren’t helping unravel the tightness.
Walking up to the elevator, I press the button while tapping my foot impatiently waiting for the doors to open. Quickly I pull out my phone and send a text to Danger letting him know I’m on my way up. My smile is all encompassing as I walk into the open elevator and turn around looking out at the world who are oblivious to my elation. The doors close and I jump on the spot slightly. Suddenly Chad’s face flashes through my mind and I furrow my brows and shake my head trying to rid the image. He has no place being here right now. Now, is all about Danger. So I
push Chad to the furthest recess of my mind, and when the doors open, I smile again and rush out and down to the door of the penthouse suite.
I’m excited as I retrieve the keycard and swipe the door. When I walk in, the room is quiet and there’s no sign of Danger. I thought he’d be here waiting at the door for me. I step in and close the door with a click. Then hear soft music playing and a slow smile crosses my face as I look down to see a line of rose petals making their way through the room. I follow the petals with my heart racing and my excitement building exponentially. I step into the bedroom of the penthouse and the floor is littered with petals and there are candles everywhere, the room looks beautiful. I’m completely awestruck as I walk in to see Danger sitting on the bed holding a bunch of red roses with the brightest smile on his face. The sight of him instantly sets my body on fire and my heart skips into my throat and I smile so wide feeling like my lips are going to fall off my face.
I rush forward as he stands up throwing the flowers on the bed and I lunge into his arms. He embraces me tightly, wrapping his strong arms around me, pulling me so tightly to him I can hardly breathe. Nuzzling into my hair as I cuddle him with everything that I have, I suddenly feel overly emotional. He chuckles and picks me up twirling me around then places me back to the ground, then pulls my head back making me look him in the eyes. Mine are watering as I breathe in staggered breaths and he’s smiling so bright it knocks the wind from me.
“God, I missed you, sugar,” he says and before I have time to think his lips crash to mine and he devours me completely.
My mouth opens giving him access and our tongues dance together needing the friction they’ve been missing. His piercing teasing me, giving me the satisfaction I’ve been missing out on for the last six weeks. Everything feels right again. For the last six weeks something has felt off. My scales have been tipped on an uneven measure, and I didn’t know what was weighing me down until now. Danger was missing, he was my missing piece and now I feel whole again as he kisses me so passionately it’s making my knees weak. His hand runs up under my shirt along my naked back and the warmth of his hand sets me on fire. He clenches his fingers into my skin as his other hand grips my hair pulling my face closer to his. He needs me as much as I need him right now and our bodies are aching to be together.
