by K E Osborn
This is what I wanted, so why is it so hard to say yes.
“Danger, this is so much to take in,” I whisper and he smiles and pulls out the ring and places it on my finger before I have a chance to say anything.
“I know baby, and I know it’s a shock. But I wanted to see your reaction before I told you. All that stuff I said, I’ve already done it. I’ve left the band and I applied and got a visa and I’m moving to the UK to be with you, Ella. I’m leaving everything to be with you, you mean that much. I can’t let you go, so please, please say you’ll marry me,” he says and my chest tightens. I feel like I’m panicking.
He’s already left his band and moved half way across the world for me?
That makes it a lot harder to say no right now. I feel sorry he’s done all this for me, he’s trying to prove that he loves me, and I love him too I know I still do, a part of me will always love Danger.
He’s given up so much, so maybe I have to give up something for him.
I think of Chad and the time we had together last night and this morning. It was perfect in every way. My bottom lip trembles and I start to cry morning the loss of Chad.
This will break him.
I will lose him for good.
But this is what I wanted! So I have to do it, right?
“Sugar?” Danger asks looking at me wiping the tears from my face.
I sniff and look into his eyes that are so full of hope and wonder, and I know I still feel for him. Perhaps with time it will grow back to the undeniable surge of love I had for him. I need to give this a chance, he’s giving up so much for me I have to give this a shot. I have to do this for him.
“Yes,” I whisper hardly recognising my own voice.
He smiles brightly and looks into my eyes opening his completely. “Yes, as in yes you’ll marry me?” he asks and I nod and smile.
“Yes, I’ll marry you,” I say and he laughs and stands up pulling me with him and leans in pressing his lips to mine. The kiss is rushed and harsh. Nothing like the gentle, passionate kissing from Chad. But this is my life now. I have to remember that I used to love this way of kissing. I kiss Danger back and wrap my arms around his neck and into his hair. He lifts me off the ground and spins me around. I giggle into his mouth and even though I’m torn, a part of me right now is undeniably happy, while the other part of me feels like she’s dying inside. I can’t help it as the tears start to fall down my face onto his cheeks. He puts me down and looks me in the eyes wiping away my tears.
“Happy tears?” he asks smiling at me like a Cheshire cat.
I simply nod not able to speak, swallowing hard, hoping like hell these are happy tears. He pulls me into him for a hug as the back door slides open and Annie and Aston come in.
“What’s all the fuss? Why is she crying?” Annie asks and Danger pulls back from me grinning from ear to ear and looks at Annie.
“Ella’s going to marry me,” Danger says and Annie smiles and starts laughing as Aston swallows hard and jabs her in the ribs.
I can see Annie thinks it’s a joke, and Danger’s frowning obviously wondering why Annie is finding this so hilarious. So I do the only thing I can think of and hold my left hand up and show her the ring. Annie’s laugh turns to a cough like she’s choking and she races up to me. She grabs my hand and studies the huge rock that feels like a lead weight on my finger.
Annie looks at me then at Danger, and stops all reactions and just stares like she has no idea what to say.
Aston comes over and slaps Danger on the back. “Congrats guys,” he says and I smile and he smiles back.
“Did you get permission from Dad?” Annie asks looking at Danger.
“Fuck, I knew I should’ve done that first, but I got caught up in the moment,” Danger says. I wrap my arm around his waist cuddling into him to make him feel better as Annie looks at us trying to figure out how things could’ve changed so much in such a short time. I know that’s what I would be thinking.
Suddenly, Dad walks in and I tense up and so does Danger in my grip.
“What’s going on? Oh, hey Danger, I didn’t know you were here,” Dad says and then looks at me cuddling into him and raises an eyebrow.
I look up at Danger and he looks sick, he’s turning paler with every second that ticks past.
“Oh Dad, you’re gonna love this,” Annie says and she grabs my left hand and pulls it up shoving it in Dad’s face. I open my eyes wide as he sees the ring then glares at Danger flaring his nostrils.
Dad moves toward Danger with an angry posture and an intense stare. I step in between them and place my hands on Dad’s chest.
“Before you start, Danger didn’t have time to come and find you. He was so caught up in the moment of seeing me and being happy that he blurted it out before he could ask your permission. Don’t be angry, be happy for us,” I say and his tense stature softens a little as he looks at me exhaling.
“Are you happy?” Dad asks and his question throws me. I was expecting yelling or something stupid to come from his mouth, definitely not that.
“Yes,” I say and he takes a step back.
“Are you moving to America?” he asks quietly looking at Danger with a tight jaw.
“No, Danger’s moving to the UK,” I say and Dad nods and slumps his body like he’s relieved.
“You know she’s only nineteen. She’s very young, can you wait a while to get married?” Dad asks and I would actually like that myself. Danger looks at me, and I nod.
“A long engagement is fine, as long as we’re together that’s all I care about,” Danger says.
“Well, good then, just don’t knock her up, okay?”
“Dad, oh my God,” I say as the others laugh.
“Wait till I tell your mother. Both our daughters getting engaged a day apart, this is crazy,” he says throwing his hands up into the air and walking out of the kitchen, leaving me with a more relaxed Danger and an utterly shocked Annie and Aston.
“So you guys are actually getting married then?” Annie asks looking at me raising an eyebrow. I smile and nod wrapping an arm around Danger.
“Yep, sorry to steal your thunder. I know you would’ve liked to have been the engaged ones for a while,” I say and Aston chuckles and Annie rolls her eyes.
“I think Caleb and Indi stole our thunder last night with them being married and pregnant, I don’t think another engagement is going to hurt. The more, the merrier. Just as long as it is what you really want?” Annie asks and I glare at her. I know she’s only trying to help, but she doesn’t need to make me feel worse than I already do.
“Being with Danger is all I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember, now I get to be with him for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine anything better than that,” I say trying to convince not only them but also myself.
“Aww thanks, baby,” Danger says and a little thrill runs through me at him calling me baby. I like that that still happens.
“So Danger, are you prepared for all that married life will bring you?” Aston asks.
“I have no idea what I’m in for, any tips would be appreciated,” he replies.
“I’ll be back in a sec,” I say as I unravel myself from Danger, he smiles and nods then continues talking to Aston. I walk out of the kitchen and into the lounge room hoping Mum won’t still be in there. She isn’t, I’m sure she is off with Dad now discussing my three-sixty turn in men from merely half an hour ago. Speaking of which, I need to call Chad before he hears it from anyone else.
I pace the lounge room and pull out my mobile dialing his number. It rings twice and he answers quickly.
“Is he gone?” he asks without saying hello.
“No, he’s still here. Where are you?” I ask and he huffs.
“At the Oxfordshire pub. How long is he staying?” he asks sounding frustrated.
“Indefinitely...we’re getting married, Chad,” I say quietly and Chad is silent as my heart races so fast it feels like it might burst. “Are you still there?”
“Are you seriously marrying that jerk?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper and I exhale.
“He’s not a jerk, Chad,” I say and he’s quiet again. “Chad?”
“So last night and this morning meant fucking nothing to you then?” he yells.
I tense up knowing this was coming. “No, it was amazing and special and I think it needed to happen, but—”
“But I’ll always be second, right? He’ll always come first, no matter how many times he fucks around and fucks up.”
I sit down on the lounge and exhale. “I’m so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You never wanted to hurt me? Ella, you’re fucking killing me! Can’t you see I’m in love with you? I would walk over hot coals for you, I would lay down my life for you. You’re every-fucking-thing to me, Ella. If I asked you to marry me would you pick me over him?” he asks and my chest tightens and my eyes well with tears.
“Chad, you can’t say stuff like that.”
“Why? Because you’re engaged to someone else? Choose me, Ella, please. This time choose me!” he begs and my eyes are welling so fast I can hardly control them.
“I can’t Chad.”
He groans in frustration. “Can’t or won’t, Ella? There’s a difference you know. If you can’t, then that means you're only with him out of obligation or because you feel like you have to. If you won’t, then it’s because you love him and only want to be with him. You chose the word can’t and that says everything I need to know. You’re making the wrong choice, and I won’t stay around watching you be with him,” he says and then hangs up the phone.
I swallow hard and wipe my cheeks quickly from the tears that have fallen. I don’t need Danger seeing me upset. But Chad’s words ring true. Why would I say I can’t instead of I won’t. Maybe I am only doing this out of obligation because I feel awful that Danger has given everything up for me.
Danger walks into the lounge room and sits down, wrapping his arms around me pulling me to him tightly. I cling to him, I’m not sure why he isn’t saying anything, but I’m glad he’s here.
“I’m sorry, Ella. I heard a bit of your private conversation. I guess it was Chad and you told him? I know you two have a history, and I don’t know what it is. But I’m sorry that I’ve forced you to give him up. I just hope you guys can still be friends,” he says pulling back and bringing his hand up to caress my cheek.
“I hope so too, but I don’t think that’s possible now,” I say and he nods and leans in kissing my forehead.
“Well, just know I’m here for you now, always. I’ll be the rock you can turn to for everything. I’m never leaving you, never again Ella,” he says.
I smile and lean in cuddling into him. He does feel good, and even though everything seems strange right now. My gut is unsettled, but my heart feels like it’s in the right space. I’m meant to be with Danger. And he’s given up everything to be with me. That has to count for something…right?
The past year has flown by. With the tension in the band between Chad and I and also Annie’s injuries, the band has taken a break, which is good. Chad isn’t on speaking terms with me, so I haven’t seen very much of him, which hurts like hell. But Danger and I have moved into a small house not far from the manor and Annie and Aston are only five minutes from us too. It’s so weird not being at home anymore with Mum and Dad, but I guess being engaged and moving on with my life I was bound to leave home eventually.
Life with Danger has been exactly what I thought it would. He’s a changed man. He’s been loving and caring. He dotes on me hand and foot. He gave everything up to be with me and our relationship is strong because of it. But I can’t help but feel like the intensity we had on the first tour isn’t quite there anymore. But I guess that was the honeymoon period and they say that always fades. So this is normal, I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and we’re planning the wedding and everything is running smoothly, so I have nothing to complain about. Hell, Dad’s even getting along with Danger, which is something I never thought I’d see.
Danger is working with Rob, Staked’s agent, at his company and he loves it there. I’m glad he’s still working in the music industry and it’s making him happy so that’s a good thing. Everything is running smoothly.
Except for Chad.
I heard through the grapevine that he’s off the rails, drinking a lot and partying endlessly. I’m anxious about him, but I can’t go and check on him. That wouldn’t be fair to Danger.
But today I have to put it all aside because today for the first time in months I’ll be seeing Chad.
Today is Annie and Aston’s wedding day. I’m so nervous because anytime I see Chad my stomach always twists up in knots and today is no different.
“Ella, are you okay? You look sick. Shouldn’t I be the one looking worried and nervous?” Annie asks as Indi places Annie’s veil in her hair.
Looking back at Annie and the masterpiece she is, I can’t help but smile as I bounce Aria, Indi and Caleb’s four-month-old daughter on my knee.
“Yeah sorry, I’m okay. You look beautiful, Annie,” I say and Aria gurgles.
“Doesn’t she just?” Indi says smiling wide and fussing about with Annie’s veil.
Mum walks in and stops in the doorway staring at Annie and I smile at her reaction.
“Oh Mum, don’t ruin your makeup,” Annie says as Mum’s eye begin to water.
I smile and giggle slightly as Mum walks in with her arms open taking Annie in an embrace.
“Oh my beautiful girl, you’re so grown up and you’re getting married. How did this happen?”
“Oh, Mum, stop,” Annie says as Indi and I giggle.
“Well, you look stunning sweetheart, but Aston is waiting for you. We need to go,” she says and I hold onto Aria in her cute little flower girl dress as I stand in my knee length purple off the shoulder designer dress.
“Okay, let’s get me hitched,” Annie says.
We all laugh as we walk out of her old bedroom and down the stairs. Aria coos and giggles at nothing in particular. This kid is so damn cute.
“Okay guys, I’ll see you out there. Good luck Annie, you look stunning,” Indi says and then leans in kissing Aria. “Be good for Ella, baby girl,” she says and then smiles and walks out of the foyer toward the kitchen. Even though Annie doesn’t live at the manor anymore, her getting married under the willow tree was something she and Aston felt was the right decision. It was always their spot and we all thought it was fitting. And to be honest, it’s nice for us to all be back at the manor again.
Mum fusses over Annie patting down her designer dress making sure all the wrinkles are out and that she looks beautiful. Which she does, of course. The bodice is a tight corset and extends down her waist to the top of her hips. A silver and diamond encrusted sash sits around Annie’s waist giving her dress a touch of elegance and the skirt section is ruched material all gathered up in places giving the skirt a full princess look. The dress is very rock star chic and very Annie. Aston will faint when he sees her. Dad walks in from the kitchen and when he spots Annie his mouth drops open.
“Holy shit,” he says rubbing the back of his neck.
“What?” Annie asks looking down at her dress like something’s wrong.
“No, it’s just…you’re actually doing this. You won’t be my little girl anymore,” he says and blinks back some tears. I smile as I cuddle into Aria.
“I’ll always be your little girl, Dad, just a bit more grown up.”
“You look amazing sweetheart, ready to get your man?” he asks and Annie nods and smiles.
“I’ve been ready for years,” she replies.
We all walk through to the kitchen and out of the back door down onto the grass. I can see in the distance down by the willow tree, the guests congregating and the canopy where they’ll be getting married. It really is beautiful, and there’s a real rock and roll edge to everything, just like Annie. Mum walks down ahead of us to make sure she gets there
in time to see Annie walk down the aisle. I give Annie a kiss on the cheek and tell her she looks fantastic and then walk with Aria toward the willow tree. My nerves are wreaking havoc and walking on the grass in heels carrying a four-month-old doesn’t help either.
I swallow hard, plastering on a fake smile and as I reach the guests and start to look around at them. I see Danger and smile a genuine smile. He blows me a kiss and I wink at him. I walk a little further and notice Chad. My heart jumps into my throat as I cling onto Aria a little tighter. He looks terrible, he has a full beard and his eyes are droopy and have black rings around them. His hair’s a mess and his tie isn’t even straight. I swallow hard and look away for fear of crying.
I stare straight ahead and look at Aston, who’s smiling so widely he looks like he could burst. I take my position at the front on the left and turn around to watch Dad and Annie walking up and then turn to look at Aston again. His bottom lip trembles when he sees Annie.
I hope it’s like that when Danger and I get married.
I take a deep breath and look over at Chad. He looks like he’s in a world of his own. He’s not even looking at Annie as she walks down the aisle, I feel so sorry for him. I want to go and comfort him, but I know I’m the reason he’s the way he is right now.
